(march 21st, 2004)

(TW from xB// Jev, or anyone else who's maybe reading, this entry contains bullying, so proceed only if you're comfortable)

Now. This is my third real 'entry' in this notebook/diary… thing. It's because I only write about important stuff. But this.. THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE CRISIS MAN.

JEVIN IS SAD. AND THAT SIMPLY WON'T DO.

Okay, let me start from the start. It started at lunch one day. Hypno and I were already eating our lunches, just waiting for xB and Jev to arrive. But Jevin was off when he showed up. He seemed… sad.

He sat down across from me, setting down his sketchbook and his bag. He had just come from art, so both Hypno and I expected him to gush about what they had done in the class, or whatever project he was working on but… he stayed silent.

"..Hey Jev-" Hypno started. He had obviously also noticed Jevins mood, and seemed thrown off. "What'd you do in art today?" They prompted.

"We drew n' stuff." He responded flatly, shrugging. He tried changing the subject. "What about you two?"

Hypno and I exchanged glances and I was about to say something, but Hypno shook their head. And he was right, I shouldn't push.

He was probably just having one of those days.

…

But it keeps happening. And always after art, which is really strange, as art is Jev's favourite class.

"How was art?" I'll ask, and he's started responding with just, "The usual. Nothing big."

Now, maybe I'm just reading too much into this. Maybe art is just becoming less enjoyable for Jevin. But I've noticed other things too.

Jevin isn't just low-energy after art, but he just seems sadder in general. It's not obvious. I probably only noticed because I have this stupid crush on the guy. (which I have finally come to terms with. And no, I haven't done shit about it.)

And maybe it's nothing, maybe it's just stress. Second semester exams are creeping up on us, maybe that's it.

But it can't be- I just have a feeling.

Something is off with Jevin, and it's making him sad, and I want to know what.

…

So, I kinda skipped class. Well, not really! I just left early, so I could catch Jevin coming out of his class. I just had Science, while Jev was in Art, and I wanted to meet him, y'know, to walk to the cafeteria with him.

I leaned on the wall next to the art room and checked my watch, which read 12:14. The bell should ring any second now…

*bRInGGg*
(ᴬ ⁿᵒᵗᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ˣᴮ: ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵒᵘⁿᵈ ᵉᶠᶠᵉᶜᵗˢ, ᵂᵉˡˢ. ᴬ⁺.)

Students started filing out of their classrooms, no doubt excited to be out of there. The halls began packing up with teenagers. I took account of every kid that came out of the art room, but Jevin wasn't showing. I pushed past some people and managed to sneak into the class, looking for him. Was he skipping? That wasn't like Jevin at all…

But then I saw him.

He was silently cleaning up his art supplies with a tight expression. There were two boys hovering around him, shoving him from time to time and laughing.

I stood in the doorway, frozen in horror, as the two boys -- who look maybe a year older than Jevin and I -- called Jevin names. They called him a nerd, queer boy, a fashion freak, ugly, and some things I don't even want to repeat, but shoved eachother and laughed as if the three of them were the best of friends.

Just as Jevin was about to look up and leave, I ducked around the corner and leaned back onto the wall.

What can I do? This must be why Jevin is sad… does this happen every day? My mind was whirring, and I didn't even notice Jevin leave class and stop next to me. How can I help him? I have to help him-

"Wels?" Jevin snapped me out of my thoughts, "What are you doing h.. didn't you just have science? That's like, across the school how are you here-"

Jevin had a small, confused smile as he spoke, as if nothing had just happened.

"Oh- hi Jev- funny seeing you he- I mean.." I laughed nervously, "..Hey. Sorry."

"No, don't apologize, you're fine." Jevin and I started towards our lockers, "How'd you get here on time to see me?"

"I... was let out of Science early." I lied. "...So, what'd you do in art?"

Jevin shrugged, closing up. "The usual."

The usual. So, being called ugly. I sighed, I wish he'd talk to me about it. I wish I didn't have to snoop to learn the truth.

There was an awkward lull of silence, the both of us tense. Then stupidly, I blurted. "Y-you're really pretty."

"Wha-" Jevin blinked. He was silent for a moment, before chuckling. "Thanks? You're pretty too."

"Th… thank you-" I tried very, very hard to ignore the blush rushing to my face, "I just wanted to remind you."

Jevin laughed again as we turned into the next hall. "And I appreciate that."

I just nodded, and the rest of our walk to the lockers was silent. Once we got there, we got what we needed and continued to the cafeteria, where Hypno and xB were bound to be waiting.

Then out of the blue, Jevin said, "We're doing Zentangles."

"Huh?"

"In art. Right now, we're doing Zentangles." Jevin shrugged, his lips pursed. "You asked earlier."

"Oh." I was, to say the least, surprised. Jevin hadn't talked about art since like, two weeks ago. What compelled him to open up just then? "That's cool! Uh- what are Zentaggles?" I prompted, trying to keep him talking.

"Zentangles, dumbass." Jevin corrected, and his lips turned up into a smile. "They're a kind of meditative drawing using structured patterns."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, "Keep talking."

Jevin raised a baby blue eyebrow at me, and I could tell he was stifling a laugh. "Okay..? I really like them. It's easy to zone out while doodling them and still do well. It's kinda like drawing architecture for me..."

While he was talking, just before we walked into the cafeteria, Jevin's hand brushed mine. I didn't dare look down as he slowly laced our fingers together, loosely gripping my hand as we walked toward our friends.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit--

We sat next to eachother on the bench, neither of us letting go.

"It's just like, shapes, and patterns and -- hi Hypno, hey xB -- and you can really just make them without any plans. They're like mandalas in a way--"

xB leaned forward from across the table, stage-whispering, "What the hell is he on about?"

I laughed as I attempted to unpack my lunch with only one hand. "He's talking about Zetangles or something. Let him ramble."

"That an Art thing?" Hypno's eyes lit up when I nodded, "He hasn't... y'know- for like, weeks!"

I grinned and nodded again. But then reality hit me and I remembered why Jevin wasn't enjoying art.

I have to do something, I realized, I can't not do something.

I looked at Jevin, who was now going off on a tangent about mandalas. I squeezed his hand, causing him to glance over at me.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, nothing." I mumbled, picking my sandwich. (which I had successfully extracted from my lunchbag) "You keep talking. Sorry"

Jevin gave a confused smile, before he started talking again. About art. Because he loves art.

But those two bitches are ruining art for Jev.
And I'm gonna do something about it.

(A/N: sorry this took so long to get out. I had a bitta difficulty with writing this one.)