⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
This chapter includes mentions about mental ilness, depression, psychological abusive partner/relationship, gaslighting, and mentions of death. Please beware.

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Hwan now knew what to do. It had been weeks since he first discovered the door, and thankfully, it didn't disappear as he feared.

He slowly opened the door to reveal a room full of old boxes. The boxes were covered with dust and had spider webs all over them. Hwan quickly opened and looked at the items in the boxes. Even though he came into the room every time he had these dreams, he nearly always forgot what he saw in the boxes. They had his baby clothes, toys, and such stuff. He had many of them, which confused him cause he knew his parents were not the best to him growing up.

Then, under the clothes, he touched something. Something that was not there the previous times he went through his stuff.

With his slightly shaking hands, he took out the thing. It was thin, paperlike, and one side of was plasticky. It was a photo.

The second he looked at the picture, he heard screams and yelling. He winced in pain and even though his parents' faces were blurry and all that, he just knew the yells belong to him, his father. Some of them were very hard to understand, they were like mumbles. But few he could understand, and it was not pleasant at all. He was calling him names and things no one was supposed to say to let alone their own child, own blood, any kid at all.

Hwan dropped himself to the ground and pushed himself back with his legs. When his back met the wall, he closed his ears and shut his eyes, as if it was going to help. He knew his parents, especially his father, were bad people. He didn't need to remember every single detail of his life to figure it out. But hearing his voice and the things he used to say hit him differently, like it was making everything more... real.

After a solid minute, he sighed in relief when the voices quiet downed. He took a couple deep breaths before looking at the picture again.

It was a family picture. His mother and father placed their hands on a kid in front of them, who was smiling from ear to ear. It was a smile so genuine that Hwan forgot he could smile like that. Hwan knew it was his younger self because, one, he looked very similar to his current self, and two, his parents' faces were blurry, like his mind was forbidding him from seeing them. But he didn't know whether to believe it or not, it was strange for him to see himself being that happy around his family.

Then, something else happened.

Slowly, another person appeared in the picture. It was a baby his mother was holding and also was the only one whose face was not blurry. other than himself. He didn't remember who the baby was, but something about it was making Hwan deeply overwhelmed and sad. The kid version of Hwan was resting his cheek on the baby's leg who was laughing during the picture was taken. A tiny smile appeared on Hwan's face for a split second as he looked at the toothless smile of the adorable baby.

Then finally, Hwan suddenly had a light-bulb moment. It was his younger brother.

17.10

Those last weeks, Joo-Won's life had been all about the hospital. Whenever he had time, he found himself there, spending as much time as possible with Hwan. Every day, he would try his best to make Hwan feel slightly better and even help him smile from time to time.

Joo-Won had no complaints about it, just afraid of getting too close to him.

Opening up about Yukio led him to think about everything that happened between the two.

After Yukio's death, Joo-Won was devastated. He never thought he would heal from it. Even though it had been three years, Joo-Won still cannot fully get over him. It was not only his death that pained him, but also the way they parted ways.

In the final year of their relationship, Yukio fell into depression. He would never have the energy to do something, and it made Joo-Won worry constantly. He would struggle with basic needs, like cleaning, cooking, or sometimes even eating. Then, during the last month of his life, Yukio's depression slowly started to turn to anger and sudden mood swings. Whenever they talked or something, they would always fight. If Joo-Won would ask him how his day went, Yukio would accuse him of trying to meddle with his life and the day would end with him screaming at Joo-Won at the top of his lungs while Joo-Won trying to reason. If Joo-Won would offer to cook something for him, Yukio would get frustrated and accuse him of thinking little of him, and it would usually result in Yukio having a meltdown and Joo-Won cleaning the house in silent tears. And if Joo-Won would stay silent to avoid any conflict, Yukio would accuse him of not loving him anymore, and we probably know how the day would end.

Their last month together went like that every single day. Yukio never tried to use violence, he didn't even raise his hand at Joo-Won. But his accusations drained Joo-Won. He was tired of being treated the way Yukio was treating him, but he felt like he had no choice.

He knew Yukio was not a person like that, and that he was sick. But he was not the type of person that thought they could change someone by themselves. He actually prayed that it would be a situation where he could help him change without any additional help. He wished Yukio's condition wouldn't get worse, but it did anyway. When he saw the sudden change in him, Joo-Won immediately made an appointment with a therapist. The day Yukio passed away was actually the day he was going to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, because he started to show violent behaviors.

Joo-Won tried really hard to leave those memories in the past after Yukio's death, but after finally saying his name out loud after months, he was feeling like the wound he tried so hard to patch up was open and bleeding once again.

Joo-Won knew Yukio would always have a special place in his heart. Despite how their last year went, he was never going to love someone as much as he loved Yukio. But at the same time, he was healed enough to know that having feelings for another person was not a betrayal towards Yukio. He knew Yukio would like to see him happy.

He smiled sadly when he remembered the first time they met. Yukio was having lunch by himself under a tree, which Joo-Won later found out he loved that place from the bottom of his heart. Yukio used to tell him how he felt like he was connected to that tree and it brought him so much in life. Yukio even once told him that the best thing the tree brought to him was Joo-Won himself, which he was extremely thankful for.

Even though Joo-Won was just trying to get the answers for a homework, he ended up tripping on his shoelace and fell right beside Yukio. His nose bled so much that he nearly fainted while Yukio was trying to help him to go to the nurse, panicking so bad. And that was how they met!

Joo-Won sighed and looked around the waiting area, where he forgot he was in the first place. Thinking thoroughly about his past drained him, and suddenly he felt very weak and tired. The waiting area was not full, but not empty either. A couple was sitting and chatting, next to an anxious-looking woman. She was probably waiting for her kid because she was holding a school backpack on her lap. Next to Joo-Won, a young man was sitting, looking at his phone and taking notes on the notebook that was on his leg.

"Hwan you should focus more the next time, you were about to fall!" Min's worried voice made the couple turn to her while Joo-Won quickly shake off his tiredness, trying to look positive.

On contrary to Joo-Won, Hwan was not doing very well. Joo-Won was not the only one that was remembering the past, and the sudden memories were scaring and confusing Hwan. One of the first things he remembered was that he had a younger brother. He could remember their memories scarcely, he did have a few flashes of moments together in his dreams, but Hwan didn't fully remember those moments. The second thing was that his father used to yell at him, a lot. But it was not just regular scolding or yelling. Like, it was far too much than a child his age was supposed to hear. He wanted to believe that it was just his dreams deceiving him, but deep down, he knew it would only be denying the obvious truth.

Joo-Won frowned and got up. "Did she just say he was about to fall?"

When they came in, both Hwan and Min, looked different than usual. Min looked worried while Hwan was just... himself? He looked exactly like how he used to. Cold, tired, and newly, kind of scared. It was clear that he was trying to hide it but his occasionally wandering eyes were giving him away. Joo-Won thought he was starting to get better because recently he was paying more effort to his health, but now, Hwan looked like the day they met, maybe even worse.

"Ah Joo-Won, I'm glad you are here. Can we talk about something?" Min's voice that slowly turned to whisper as she was pointing at Hwan with her eyes, who was looking at his phone, made Joo-Won feel even more stressed. He simply nodded and followed her to a place where Hwan couldn't hear them.

"Min, what's going on?"

Min turned her worried eyes at Joo-Won, then looked at Hwan over his shoulder. "Look... I don't know how to say this without looking like a meddler but... I know you two have something going on..." She sighed and looked around her. She really didn't want to come off rude and annoy him by poking her nıose to their relationship, but it was for Hwan. "Did... did something happen between you two recently? Like a fight? You know I wouldn't ask anything about your personal lives if it was not effecting my patient."

Min was a very kind and respectful person, Joo-Won knew her since he was a child. She was like his older sister and he could understand her concern, but Joo-Won was not even aware that he was somehow effecting Hwan, especially in a bad way. He thought he was helpful. "There is... nothing going on between us but... We do talk from time to time. But can you please tell me what has changed in him?"

"Well... At first, it was a good change. He started to focus more and helped us to understand him better. But these past few days he is even worse than he was before meeting you. He doesn't even try to run away now. He just... surrendered?"

Joo-Won's frown grew. "What does it mean?"

"I don't know how to explain but, he just looks so tired and sad every second. He doesn't react to his electrotherapy anymore. It used to be painful for him, so at first, I just thought he was getting used to the pain and even felt happy that he was not in pain. But then I realized that he is just not reacting to anything anymore. He just sits there for hours. I know it might not seem like a problem but this is not who Hwan is." Min looked at the floor and tried to hold back her sadness. "I know him for years, Joo-Won. He was not the most outgoing person, but at least we would talk in the meantime of his therapy. But now, he doesn't even look me in the eye. It had been weeks since we had a real conversation... I don't want to lose Hwan." Min couldn't help her voice getting weaker.

Joo-Won looked down at his feet. Of course he did realize that something was off between them for a few weeks now, and of course he knew that was unlikely for Hwan to act like this out of nowhere...

Joo-Won just nodded and sighed before lifting his head again. "Okay. I will talk to him."

Min smiled softly before they head back. When they reached back, Joo-Won forced a small smile and got in front of the wheelchair. "Hwan?"

Hwan lifted his head and looked at Joo-Won. Joo-Won smiled lightly at Min, signaling her that he was going to handle it. She smiled back and bowed before going to her other patients.

Joo-Won squatted and looked at Hwan, slightly worried about what he just heard from Min. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Nothing." Hwan turned his head away from the younger and looked at the floor. "Can we just go?"

Joo-Won got up and nodded in silence before pushing the wheelchair to the elevator. But instead of pressing the second floor, he pressed the first one.

After they got out, Hwan lifted his head and looked at Joo-Won, confused when he saw they were going to the door. "Joo-Won?"

Joo-Won stayed silent as he took him to the garden of the hospital. They passed the bushes decorated with colorful flowers and continued to walk to where Kyong and Xander were waiting for the two.

Joo-Won checked how Hwan was doing, only to find him touching the flowers and leaves of the bushes that were next to the wheelchair. His hand was extended so that he could feel the texture of the leaves. Joo-Won could see he was smiling, which made him smile as well. He slowed down a little so that Hwan could touch more flowers.

The two finally saw Xander and Kyong, who were sitting on a picnic bench. When he saw them, Hwan turned his head to Joo-Won again. "What's going on?"

"You will see."

Kyong got up and waved happily when he saw them, while Xander just slightly smiled. Just then, Joo-Won thought how Xander and Hwan were similar in many ways. He couldn't believe they still haven't met properly.

Joo-Won locked the brakes of Hwan's wheelchair and sat beside him. "So. I know you don't go outside too much. That's why I thought it might be good if we have a picnic type of thing here."

"That's really... nice of you. Thanks." Hwan realized after thanking him the frequency of a situation like that one. Joo-Won was good and kind to him, and nearly always made Hwan a special thing. It made him feel appreciated in a way no one made him feel. And while Joo-Won was that good to him, Hwan did things that only harmed and saddened him. He hated himself for it.

Hwan's eyes were wandering around the big garden, which made the younger realize that he might have not seen this part of the garden and this was actually his first time.

When he realized how Hwan couldn't hide his surprise, which looked kind of weird in his opinion, Xander weirdly looked at Hwan. "Did you ever come here? You look like you saw a UFO."

Both Joo-Won and Kyong widened their eyes as a signal for him to shut up.

But what they were not waiting for was Hwan to chuckle lightly. "Actually yes. Min always takes me to walk but only in that circle path over there." He showed the circle path in front of the hospital doors with his hand. It was just an asphalt path with no grass near it, so it was understandable why he looked so mesmerized. "I didn't even know we had benches here... And grass. And plants."

"Mostly the visitors or the staff use here, but there is no rule that restricts patients coming here too." Joo-Won smiled at Hwan, which made him show his cute smile that lasted just for a second. When he continued to look around, Joo-Won took the bag that was beside him and put it on the table. "Anyone hungry?"

Kyong immediately nodded.

As Xander was laughing at Kyong, Joo-Won turned his head towards Hwan to see what he was doing, finding him watching the ladybug he found on a flower he picked on the road on his finger, totally mesmerized and out of words.