It's not even light yet when I was woken by Oliver.  "Its time to go."  He said in a cold tone.

"I told you I'm not going anywhere."  I groaned. 

"The children and Miss. Arn are already dressed and ready to go, and your belongings are packed. Unless you're willing to stay here without them, I suggest you get up and get ready for a long day of travel." 

"You wouldn't!" I felt the anger building.

"Just watch me."  He said.

I gaped at him and the moonlight highlighted that face I do love, but sends fear throughout my body.

"How dare you come home and order me around like I'm one of your paid slaves." 

If looks could kill, I'd be with my Rose now.

"I'll meet you downstairs and do try to look presentable.  We are upper class and will be traveling as such." 

"You thought the battlefield was hell?  Wait and see the hell you will know if you force me against my will."  I warned him, but he leaned in to where our noses barely touched. 

"Oh, I know hell darling, and I'm not afraid of the likes of you." 

He left the room and slammed my door.  Ever since yesterday morning, he wont as much as look at me.

I huffed as I got out of bed.  He wants me to dress high class, but he has another thing coming.  I don't even own a corset that fits.

Claire came in and assisted me at dressing.  Upon my darling husbands command no doubt.

Patrick took us as far as town, and Oliver arranged transport to Canada.  I haven't spoken a word to him since he so rudely spoke to me this morning.  Claire helped with the children who were completely out of sorts.  Traveling such far distances with toddlers?  I do not recommend it. 

We traveled by coach, steam engine, and finally ship once we made it to Quebec. 

I've never left Indiana, and travel was always my dream.  I won't allow my husband to know, but I did become a little excited about the trip.  Except, I always dreamed Mae and I would travel the world together.

The one thing I do not quite understand, is how my husband has afforded such high class passage.  All of our money now is in Europe, safely hidden from the rebels or the collapse of the Union. 

Our "cabin" if you will, consisted of a parlor, indoor plumbing, dining area, and one bedroom.  There were two cradles provided, and Claire had her own small cabin connected to ours. 

While we stayed two days in Quebec, my husband had more formal clothing arranged for me, and yes, the dreaded corsets and petticoats.  He wants this first class passage, and first class wife.  He cannot get both after forcing me away from our loved ones.

"Where might you be going?"  Oliver stood questioning me.  "I'm going to explore.  Claire will stay with the children."  I walked out and he followed.  "If you do so, it will be in the company of your husband."

We are still docked and the weather outside was freezing, but I paid no mind.  I just wanted to see my home for the next several week's.

"Why do you find it necessary to follow me when I've been without you for over two years?"  I asked.

"You dear, are my wife, and I do not plan to leave your side."  He said, and it's the first time we have been truly alone.  Our accommodations in Quebec consisted of one room and we slept with our children.

"What if that's not what I want, Mr. Westlake?" 

"You will, eventually."  He answered.

He has been so cold toward me, but I haven't been much better.  We dicovered the dining hall, the outside dining, and that was about it.  There were only a few first class passengers, and from what I understand, second and third class was undesirable.  The ship is is not full of passengers.  This very well may be a very boring trip across the Atlantic. 

"Let's go back to the room."  He said.

We did as he suggested and the children were sleeping, so we excused Claire.  We had dinner before boarding, and will depart before morning.  Most likely before we wake.  I sat in the parlor and read, while my husband sat at a desk writing. 

"What could you possibly have to write about for so long?"  I asked.

"I'm thanking my cousin for taking such superb care of my wife during my absence, and also letting him know I've taken you to safety.  It will be quite the long letter. Would you like me to send your regards?"  He tone is hateful.

"Why have you so suddenly turned cold?  Is it because I didn't want this trip?" 

"Tell me about your time with Armstrong."  He said.

He knows.  How does he know?

"There's nothing I would like to discuss."  I said.

"Then talk to me, Naomi.  Tell me about what happened.  We have to fix us, because we have a lifetime together, and right now, your hatred is growing very old and tiresome."  He leaned back in his chair, and I know he is right.

"What do you want to know?  Do you want to know about the torturous day and night I was beaten and raped?"  I stood.  "Do you want to know about our daughter, or about the day I made love to Armstrong?  The day I learned you may have poisoned me because of your own infidelity?" 

He stood and approached me. I stepped back.  "Don't touch me."  I warned him.

"I need you to let it out, Naomi."  He said.

"Fine!  I reached into my dress and pulled out the image of our dead daughter.  "That's Rose and she is dead in that image!  I never heard her cry.  She layed limp in my arms while I begged God to bring her back.  She lived once, and I'm the only one to ever know her presence!"  He stared at the photo and his eyes watered.

"You chose war over us, Oliver.  You weren't drafted like Armstrong.  You wanted to leave us, so don't sit there and demand pity from me.  You left us, had your fun with your wore, and risked my health and well being."  I cried.  "That child is a causality of war, just as Mimi and Bub are, but do you think they'll be remembered like the brave soldiers that gave their lives?  Our daughter is one of the forgotten ones.  Nobody even speaks her name although she existed.  Bub and Mimi are buried with her, and they are too the forgotten ones.  Nobody will remember them.  Nobody will think of those precious beings when we celebrate our freedoms." 

"She was perfect."  He said, while his voice cracked and he stared at our dead child.  "She was mine, I can see it in her little face."  I approached him and smacked him across the face. 

"Don't you ever question our children!  How dare you?"  I said. 

"I know you were unfaithful, Naomi, so don't act innocent."  He said.

I laughed.  "Unfaithful?  You paid for a whore!" 

"I never made love to a whore!  I did not enter her, but please tell me how well my cousin made love to you.  How many times, Naomi?" 

"What do you mean you never entered her?"  I slowly backed away.  "She did things to me, but I did not have sexual intercourse.  I ask again, how many times." 

"You let her touch you, and you say that's not being unfaithful?"  I asked.

"I didn't say that, I said I didn't make love to her.  You keep talking about Armstrong. You fell in love with him, and that is a far worse crime than my own."  He said.

I just stared at him. 

His fist met the desk.  "How many times, and do you love him?"  His voice is loud and harsh.

"Once and no, I never loved him!  He told me the risk you put me in, Oliver.  I felt so betrayed, and you'll never guess why I did it."  I sneered at him.

"Why?  You promised!" 

"I did it to hurt you!  I did it because while he thrusted into me, I imagined it was you and even called your name.  I did it to both hurt you and to feel you!"  I fell to the ground and cried.  "All I did was hurt myself." 

He sighed.  "You wanted an even score."

"I don't know, but I do know I needed the pain to stop."

"It caused you more pain."  He said, and I nodded.

"But there's no pain greater than losing Rose.  I'll take the beatings and rapes all over again if it will give me back my baby.  You didn't see her, or feel how cold she was, or what it was like to have her pried away to be buried.  You didn't see bub and Mimi hanging from that tree.  Armstrong was tied up and forced to watch those men rape me.  He was beaten and tortured, then he had to deliver my dead baby."  I cried, and he sat down next to me.  "It was your past love that cost me our child."  I sobbed, and he pulled me into his rock hard chest and held me.

"In a time of war, people remember the great hero's that sacrificed on the front, but my darling, you are my hero.  You are also one of the forgotten ones."