I slid off my horse and sat in the field of blooming dandelions. Mimi would have these cooked up for dinner.  I internally giggled at the memory. 

Mimi was like a mother to me.  She was beautiful inside and out.  I often wondered if she ever knew the touch of a loving man.  She never spoke of her life as a slave.  She never spoke period, unless it was completely necessary.  I don't think she ever truly believed she was free.  Morgan's men proved her fear in the end.  No piece of paper signed by any president could have freed Mimi.  She had too much trauma in her past.  Not even the equal pay she received convinced her of such a fact. 

Bub, is another story.  He loved his freedom and welcomed it.  I'll never forget the day he called Oliver sir. 

"Bub, you are my closest friend and confidant.  Please do not address me as sir, for you are my friend, I request you address me as Oliver."

Bub was so intellegent.  He ran this farm like no other, and loved so deeply.  Oliver once told me Bub had family in Georgia.  A wife and son, but they were sold, and Bub never found them.  These are the true forgotten ones.  The ones that suffered through slavery and war, but few have as much as a carved headstone to memorialize their lives or death.

They existed, they suffered, and they sacrificed.  I would take a thousand more beating and rapes if it meant freedom for those who need it the most. 

The forgotten ones come in every size, shape, and color.  My Rose was only a few pounds, but someday when I'm gone, she will be forgotten.  My living children will reproduce, and their names will be marked down in someone's ancestral history, but not my Rose. 

My husband will have quite the ancestral history if he has fathered more children during his 27 years on this earth.  How dare he ask me to name our lost daughter Rose if he already had a child by his grandmother's full name?  Why would he ask me to do such a terrible thing?

I am perfectly aware men are quite different than women.  They have experiences starting in their youth, where we are reared to believe we will burn in hell if we have less than our virtue to offer our husbands.  We are reared to believe our main duty is to produce offspring to carry on our husband's name. 

I have, and continue to do exactly that, no matter the hardship it causes my body.  I've carried five children within my womb.  I love my children with everything within me, and welcome every single gift God has chosen to give me with open arms, but he did not choose for me a child that is almost a decade old. 

God did not choose for me to lay with Armstrong either, but that is a burdon I will regret for the rest of my days.  This child of Oliver's, and his former lover, are both my punishment for my own indiscretion.  I will not respect or acknowledge either of the two.  Evelyn came her with hopes of damaging the happy marriage Oliver and I were building. Armstrong put his life for me on display to rub it in my husband's face.  I will never forgive Armstrong for breaking my trust. 

I heard hooves come up behind me.  I know I should not be alarmed, but I can sense my husbands presence without looking at him.  The man I was supposed to defy and break after being forced to marry him.  The man I never grew to love. The man I instantly loved upon first sight. 

"You shouldn't be riding horseback."  Oliver said as he took a seat next to me. 

"You shouldn't presume your past would never haunt you."  I replied.

"A past I shared with you.  If I thought details were necessary, I would have shared them.  I did not know of that child's existance until their arrival today."  He said.

"She is yours?"  I asked.

"Yes, I do believe so."  He replied. 

"You told me you only loved once before me."  I said.

"I have only ever loved you."

"You loved her if you gave her a child." 

"I was a child myself.  Evelyn was my first experience, but I didn't love her, hell once I learned how she treated Bub and Mimi, I never spoke to her again."

"What?"

"My father and I went to Virginia to buy the freedom of many slaves.  Bub was sold to Evelyn's father the same day his family was sold.  Mimi was born on their plantation, and my father purchased their freedom."  He said.

"He gave money to their cause is what he did, Oliver.  You call it purchasing their freedom, but we both know what it actually was, so don't try to fool me."  I snapped.  "I never knew you owned them, no wonder Mimi never believed in her freedom."  I said.

"No, we gave them freedom the moment they left with us.  Did you know my father gave Bub his own farm just before he left for Boston?  Bub refused to leave because he liked his life with us."  He said.

"What about Mimi?  She didn't deserve the same treatment because she is a female?" 

"She did, but the law wouldn't allow.  Mimi was never free because she was female.  The same as you and Mae." 

"I guess you like it that way?  Women being dependent on you?  You bedded Evelyn, then just left her like it was nothing."  I said.

"I didn't say it was nothing.  I cared for her, but her treatment of Mimi was much less than desirable.  Evelyn is a true southern woman reared to believe in slavery."

"Then why did you bed her?" 

"I was young, and young men of that age have curiosities."  He said.

"Was she a whore, or were you her first love?"  She asked.

"She claims I was her only love." 

"What do we do now?"  I asked.

"I plan to honor my agreement with Armstrong.  We agreed if he would be betrothed to you and marry you upon my death, he would get everything.  If I survived, he gets half of my estate here in Mauckport.  Although he broke the terms of our agreement when he bedded you, I will honor it for the child's sake, but I will not claim that child publicly.  Unless, either of them ever speak again about your infidelity.  Not to you or anyone else, and if they do, they will never see that child again."

"A child is NOT a bargaining tool!"  I snapped.

"I agree, that's why I will not allow them to use her existance or your infidelity in an attempt to destroy us.  I didn't care for that woman when I left Virginia, and I don't care for her now."  He said.

"You cared for Claudine, and look where that got me.  What are you going to do when she shows up someday?"  I asked.  "What about other lovers from your past?  How many children have you created?"   

He chuckled, and I don't find any of this amusing. 

"Norman himself, I believe, is up there trying to figure out if his past is about to haunt him.  I'll teach our sons' to do better than me, Naomi.  It has never occurred to me that my youth had such consequences.  I regret that child, although every child should be celebrated."  He said.

"Is Norman nervous."  I laughed a little. 

"I believe so, the same thing could happen to Armstrong.  Just so you know, he is also upset with his wife.  She used him to get her here, and he was unaware of my past with that woman until their marriage and journey started.  They made peace, but it seems he has found himself in a marriage without love."  He said.

"The two of you have to stop blaming each other for what happened.  I will speak to Armstrong about this, and somehow we will have to learn to put the war behind us, along with everything that happened during the war."  I said.

"I requested he not be alone with you, and that's a request I have to make of you also."  He said.

"You don't trust me." 

"I didn't say that, Naomi.  It makes me uncomfortable, and I'll give you the same respect as far as Evelyn is concerned."  He said.

"So you're not going to force that child upon me?" 

"The fact remains, that she is my daughter.  It depends on her I guess.  I don't even know if the child is aware, but I do need you to know that I love our Rose even without meeting her or knowing her, and it may be an impossible request if you're asking me to turn my back on another daughter.  Maybe with time you'll grow to enjoy her companionship.  I know you, Naomi. You may be angry now, but it's not like you to hold such grudges against the innocent."  He said.

"I thought when I gave you our children, I was the only one to ever give you such a gift.  Your virtue was given to that woman, and she gave you the one thing I thought was only shared with me."  I stood and cried.  "I'm no more special than Claudine."  I climbed back on my horse. 

"Naomi, you are the only one that has ever given me..." 

"Stop, Oliver.  I've heard enough." 

"Get off that horse, Naomi."  He said. 

"You, my sir, have no right to demand anything from me at this moment."  I left him standing there and will sleep by myself tonight.  Maybe Evelyn can keep him warm through the night.