"My Dearest Oliver,

I haven't heard any word from you for months. Only the word sent with the Union Soldier that delivered the tragic news of my father's death.

I've stopped mailing letters only because several have been returned. I've heard soldiers have not been receiving correspondence.

Today I must write. Not only is it Christmas day, but our children have celebrated their first birthday. Ollie is very coordinated and eats like a horse. He walked, and even says words like Mama and Mae.

Our Elizabeth is petite and quiet. Shy like I once knew her father to be, and very beautiful. She speaks, but only when being spoken to, and they're both intelligent, healthy, growing children. You are not aware yet, but I am with child. In late summer you will again be a father to our third child.

Luis and Jeremiah have arrived at their respective homes. Mother writes weekly, and she is morning my father and Asa. There is no reason to ever speak of the atrocities they seen, or the sins they committed. All has been forgiven.

I hope the lack of word from me doesn't leave you unsettled. I am, and always will be, faithful to my one love. You are my light, Oliver Westgate. You will again hold me in our marriage bed.

I do promise not to ride astride or side saddle on any other man of course. I did get your small attempt at humor.

Today we decided not to have a large celebration. Not when so many are suffering, and our funds are starting to run low, so we have to be very careful and keep our provisions as only the necessities. Bub did bring us a fine bird, and we are warm in this large home.

I love you dearly my sweet husband, and I long for your arrival. Please give my remaining family my love, and tell them they are always in my prayers just as you are my darling.

Love always,
Naomi Westgate

Armstrong is growing agitated, especially after the death of my father. He spends more time at home, and near me and the children. The man needs a sexual release, from what Claire and Mimi say. I wouldn't have understood such things, if I wouldn't have had that last encounter with Oliver. I also believe he is angry about my pregnancy.

We walk together, as this is the only time he will allow me outdoors. There are plenty of rumors of an pending raid that will move north from Kentucky. Armstrong and Patrick fear I will encounter rebel scouts. Patrick heard many things while in the Confederacy about this area being targeted for crossing into the north, and none of us feel we have enough forces in our area to stop them.

We haven't seen much, other than Thomas Vest. We have been luckier than Maryland and many other places.

"Naomi, can I ask you a question?" Armstrong says.

"If you can catch me." Now that my sickness has faded, I feel too much pinned up energy. I ran and he followed, yelling at me because I'm with child. I'm fine, I am healthy and well nourished.

"Naomi, Dammit!" I paused and turned around. A smile crept up on my face. "What did you just say?"

He smiled back. "Got you to stop, didn't I?"

I took off running again, and finally, arms wrapped around me. "I caught you!"

I laughed. "I still won." He held me in place so I wouldn't run again.

"You did not, I caught you."

"I crossed the line before you caught me." I teased.

"What line?" He looked down, and I pushed away and ran, laughing at his naivety.

"You!" He took off after me, and I was laughing too hard to run. "Caught you." We were both out of breath. "What's your question?"

The warm air of our breathes created stem as we breathed hard. He shook his head. "Nevermind."

"Last one to the barn is a rotten egg." I took off and heard it again. "Dammit."

I pulled open the door and ran inside before he reached me. Our horses were inside, and it was much warmer.

He shut the door behind him. "We must do something about that dirty mouth of yours." I laughed.

He just stood there and smiled. "You are one incredible woman."

He walked up to his horse and ran his hand down the side of his neck.

"Armstrong, maybe we can talk?" I asked, and sat down in the hay.

"What about?" He asked, and sat down next to me.

"Well, you've been here for almost two years, and I know you made a promise to my husband, but that does not mean you have to give up all aspects of your life. I believe you should take a trip into the city."

He gave me a look of confusion. "Why?"

"You've neglected yourself these years, and its things I cannot help you with at this time or ever."

He just stared at me completely clueless. I sighed. "I've never claimed to be a lady, so I'm just going to say it bluntly. I think you need a womans touch. Oliver said theres brothels in the city."

Armstrong stood and placed. "This has to be a joke."

"What?"

"You are betrothed to me in the event of my cousins death. Why tell me to take a whore, when all they do is spread disease?"

"What?"

"Syphillis for one. Those women are unclean and spread disease. I would never take a whore, especially when someday I want to be a husband and father."

My stomach turned.

"Naomi?" He knelt down beside me.

"Do husbands give these diseases to their wives?" I asked.

"They can." He answered.

"How will you know? If you have a disease, and does Oliver know this?"

"What aren't you telling me, Naomi?"

"Oliver bedded a whore before he came home last." I cried.

"He what? How do you know this?" Armstrong asked.

"He told me."

"You're not sick Naomi. If I knew, I wouldn't have said what I did. Not all whores have diseases." He pulled me into him. "You would be Ill by now, and you asked me to forgive him and it's getting very difficult."

"Don't Armstrong. You haven't been through, and seen the horrible things. I just don't want to be sick. My baby deserves a healthy mother." I wiped my tear away.

He cupped my face and made me look at him. "You're not sick, I promise." He stared into my eyes. "I promise."

My heart raced, and he looked at me so lovingly. "Armstrong, we can't, I'll always be faithful to Oliver."

He looked at my lips, then into my eyes. "You're so beutiful." He wiped my tears away. "You don't deserve this, Naomi. I haven't had a woman in two years now. He could have waited."

I shook my head. "I forgave him." I said. He leaned his head against mine. "You're all I think about Naomi. "You won't have me, and I feel like I'm going to die."

"Armstrong." Is all I breathed out. "If I let you touch me, I'm no better than him. I love him."

"But you want me as much as I want you." He brushed his lips against mine.

I am such a horrible wife, because it's so true.

"I can't."

"Nobody will ever know." He whispered.

"I'll know."

"Please, Naomi."

I breathed out and didn't say a word. I'm melting into him, and I don't know how to stop.

"What if I'm sick?"

"You're not sick." He said as he kissed the edge of my mouth.

I layed back and he crawled on top of me. He caressed my face and just stares at me. I feel so vulnerable, so lost.

His lips came down on mine, and he gently opened my lips. I'm lost in him. His hands roamed my body. No corset, no petticoat, but many layers.

His hand reached down under my skirt, and he gasped when his hand made its way up my leg. "Where's?" He just shook his head and smiled. He knows me.

His finger slipped inside me and I gasped. "Oh my god." I breathed out.

His eyes smiled as he kissed me, and I moaned into his mouth. He withdrew his hand and released himself from his pants. When he sunk inside me, I felt as if I would tear.

He slowly made love to me, on a mountain of hay in my barn. I didn't know how much I needed him. I needed a gentle touch.

My legs wrapped around him as he worked above me. My hands cupped his face and I cried out. "Oliver."

He paused and looked at me. His eyes softened, and he started moving once again. I'm unsure what was running through his mind, but at this moment I feel as if my husband is making love to me.

"I want you to come with me." He said.

"You what?" I breathed out, and he gave a slight chuckle.

"I want you to have pleasure with me." He moved faster and harder but I cant, he's not Oliver. He stiffened and spilled inside of me, and when he relaxed, I pushed him off me only to once again vomit in front of him.

"Dammit!" He stood, and slammed his fist into the wall.

"What are you doing?" I wiped my mouth as the first of many tears fell.

"You're vulnerable, Dammit!"

"Stop, I wanted to be touched.

"Yes, by your husband. I've fucked up everything!"

I gasped.

He tucked himself away better, then walked over and knelt next to me.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm just...I don't know." I wiped my tears away. "I hope I'm forgiven." He pulled me into him.

"He won't know, Naomi, and if he does, it'll be me he will kill, not you."

"I have to forgive myself, Armstrong. I...I wanted you."

He placed his hand on my stomach. "He already gave you this, and I cannot at this time. It's okay to have desires. I've had them for you...for so long. You are the kind of woman that's so easy to love. I don't regret making love to you. I regret the pain you are feeling. Just remember he also acted on his desires."

"This's different." I said.

"It's no different." He shook his head.

"He paid for a woman's touch, and it meant nothing. This meant something."

He looked at me and his eyes changed. They showed me something new I've never seen before.

"Because I'm his cousin?"

I shook my head. "Because I feel things I shouldnt." I cried harder.