Louis didn't know what he has been expecting this day to be likebut being on the phone with Àmber, holding back his tears has notbeen the original plan. He has not seen this one coming. They've beentalking for something about twenty minutes by now and she hadcarefully avoided the tricky subject on hand but Louis could feel theunderlying question coming before it was there. He knew she would askhim any second. He could even tell you how she would word thequestion but with everything he knew, he couldn't say how he'd react.He couldn't possibly predict that.

"Louis" he heard Àmber steady her voice on the other side ofthe line just like he predicted it. "How are you holding up?".

"Good" Louis answered before he even registered what he hadsaid. Was he actually good? Not really.

"You don't have to lie to me. I can hear you practically holdingback your tears. It's okay to cry, especially today" Àmberencouraged him to let his emotions run free in a soft voice.

"I really appreciate your concern, Am. But I'm good. Yes, todayisn't easy for me but I'm not h-holding anything back" Louisswallowed down the lump in his throat.

"You lie even worse than Zayn and I thought that wasn'tpossible. Why can none of you admit how you really feel? All we wannado is be there for you but you have to let someone in" Àmbersounded a bit frustrated but still gentle and Louis understood why.

"I really love you. You're amazing and always have my back.Thank you for that, Am" Louis thanked her touched but then he felthis voice getting shaky again. "I'm holding up quite okay".

"I love you, too. And I'm right here if you need me, Lew"Àmber let him know emotionally.

"I know but all I really need is to be alone and drown in mymemories and cry my heart out until Joey and I meet up and do exactlythe same together. We can handle this day" Louis assured herhonestly.

"Okay. I trust you on this one. But if you need anything ...".

"I'll call you" Louis cut her off with a little laugh. "Ipromise".

"Good. Well, then ..." Àmber trailed off unsure of what tosay.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Am" Louis felt himself smile.

"Till tomorrow, Lew. Take care".

"I will".

And with that, the line went dead. Silence. Only his breathing washeard in the room. Being left all alone as he wanted it pushed theheavy weight of the day down on his chest and he had a hard timegetting enough air into his lungs. The more he struggled the more hecould feel his eyes stinging, so he blinked up at the ceiling, tryingto keep the tears in but it was in vain. His throat closed up and hecould feel the first tears running down his cheeks.

"I miss you so much, Mum" Louis choked out before the tearstook over him. "Happy birthday".

Now all of his emotions and bottle up feelings came crashing downon him followed by bittersweet memories of his childhood. He hasnever been able to get through his Mum's birthday without having anemotional breakdown but somehow this year feels different from theformer ones and he couldn't say why. Maybe because he has beenemotionally stressed and exhausted more than ever before this year?With his ex-bandmates coming back into his life and everything thathappened between Harry and him and all the worries that were stillconnected to him it made sense to Louis to be emotionally drained.

A particularly happy memory made him cry the hardest, leading himto lie down on his bed curled up in on himself with his legs huggedto his chest. He was getting a bit dizzy from all the crying andcould feel himself falling more and more into his memories, floatingaway with his mind, which wasn't the best idea but he couldn't helpit. Thinking about his mother always made him feel too much at once.Happy, longing, empty, warm. Pure pain.

Suddenly he felt a careful hand on his shoulder, startling him andmaking him turn around to the intruder. His tear-filled eyes needed amoment to adjust to the new person in the room but when they focusedall they could see was Harry sitting on his bed with a sympatheticlook on his beautiful face. His heart jumped in his chest upon seeinghim but his mind was confused.

"Haz? What are you doing here?" Louis blinked bewildered. "Howdid you even get in here? Why didn't I hear you coming?".

"I'm here because I had the feeling you need me and so ...".

"I really do need you" Louis had no problem with admittingthat today. "But how did you ...?".

"Zayn let me in" Harry was now the one cutting Louis off,which only earned him a puzzled look. "He texted me to come overright this second but I was already on the way. He let me in beforehe left. Is that normal for him to just leave? Where is he going?".

"He does that every year. Disappears for a few hours before hecomes home and cries into my chest until there are no more tears lefton both sides. He needs that. Clears his head and his heart. I neverasked him what he is actually doing but I have my theories. I know heprocesses things differently" Louis let him know.

"And you do what while he is gone? Just cry all alone?" Harryfrowned and looked way too cute doing so.

"That's pretty accurate. Crying helps me. Crying feels likepurifying my soul, cleaning my mind and cleansing my heart. Like I'mgetting rid of all the dirty and broken bits. Washing them away"Louis unbosomed to him, feeling more and more stupid with each word.

"That's beautiful, Lou" Harry blurted out before he could stophimself, looking comically panicked afterwards. "I mean, of course, it's not beautiful. It's sad and ... I just meant it's amazing howyou can handle your emotions and how in touch you are with yourfeelings and how you can handle a day like this and ...".

"It's okay, Haz. I get what you mean. Don't hurt your prettyhead over this" Louis had to bite back a huge smile. He was in lovewith an idiot. A cute idiot.

"But I am! I can be so stupid when it comes to words. All Iwanna do is be there for you today but I can't seem to find the rightthings to say and I don't want you to feel even worse because of me"Harry groaned frustrated.

Rolling his eyes at his overdramatic boyfriend, Louis closed thedistance between them and pecked Harry's lips, silencing himsuccessfully. "You being here is enough to make me feel better".

"Really?" Harry bit the inside of his cheek.

"Really" Louis smiled genuinely at him.

"Good" Harry sighed out, pulling Louis into his arms. "WhenI saw you crying my heart clenched at the sight and I really wantedto make you feel better. I just didn't know how. All I know is thatI'm here for you if you need a shoulder or a chest to cry on. I'm notgoing anywhere, Lou".

This was enough to cause another flood of tears to spill out ofLouis' eyes and roll down his cheeks. Somehow knowing that Harrywanted to be here and telling him he wouldn't leave made him cry again.He wasn't used to any of his boyfriends being there for him on thisday. It has always been just Zayn and him.

"Maybe I shouldn't say this because this is weird but you're theonly guy I dated that ever showed up today only to comfort me. I just... Thank you, Haz. This really means a lot to me" Louis decided onletting Harry know how important this was for him.

Due to being wrapped up in Harry's arms and cuddling up to hischest Louis could feel the way Harry reacted to his words. He could hear his heartbeat picking up even more and his arms going tensearound Louis for only a split of a second before tightening his gripon him and pulling him impossibly closer to his heart. "I wouldn'twanna be anywhere else than here, Lou".

"I love you" Louis mumbled into Harry's chest, feeling himreact again. He didn't say it to get a reply this time. No, he onlywanted Harry to know it was still true. This was how he was feeling.

Softly, Harry pressed a light kiss to Louis' head and caressed hisback gently. "Tell me about her".

And so Louis did. "You would have loved her, Haz. She was anamazing woman. So kind and gentle and understanding and supportiveand fun to be around. She always tried to give me everything I neededand wanted and keep me happy but all I really needed and wanted washer. And Zayn and his mother Zoey, of course. We were such a cutelittle family together with my Granny. One day all five of us went tothe park together and ended up by the playground. Zayn and I werepretty reckless as kids. Even more than nowadays. I can stillremember how we dared each other to climb that huge tree and ofcourse, we didn't chicken out. We should have but we didn't. It endedin broken bones and mad but worried parents. This was exactly oneyear before the accident. I was nine when I fell off that tree. Istill have a scar on my arm near my elbow".

With his fingers, Harry traced over the skin by Louis' right elbowand stopped at the mentioned scar. Louis only smiled tearfully. "Iremember how upset my Mum was when I couldn't sit still even with abroken arm. I was still up and about everywhere almost breaking myleg along the way. God, I was unstoppable".

"You are still pretty unstoppable, Lou" Harry whispered as ifhe was afraid to destroy their tender moment.

"And still reckless but in completely different ways now"Louis chuckled with a sniffle. "Did I ever tell you that my Mum wasthe one who brought the music in my life? Her and I tended to singtogether since I was three years old, all off-key and squeaky but itwas so much fun. But she must have seen some kind of potential orpassion or whatever. She made sure I considered actually singing andsigned me up for piano lessons. I really don't know where I would bewithout her. I just know without her endless support I would havenever gotten into the music the way I did and then we would havenever met. So, it's kinda her fault you're stuck with me now".

"And I'm really thankful for that. I wish I could thank her forbringing you to me. For being your mum because you're wonderful and Ican't picture my life without you anymore. I love ... the way youtalk about her, Lou. She sounds absolutely amazing and I'm glad youtrust me enough to tell me all of this" Harry locked eyes with himintensively.

"I trust you with my life. I love you, Haz".

An emotion Louis couldn't place rushed through Harry's eyes before hecupped Louis' face with his hand and connected their lips again.Immediately, Louis' arms wrapped around Harry's neck and pulled himcloser, deepening the kiss. He licked over Harry's bottom lip foronly a second and was granted entrance. Both of them moaned into thekiss and heat started to pool in Louis' stomach. He wasn't sure ifthis was even a good idea right now but with Harry's lips on his ownand Harry's hand on his face and his back he was unable to thinkclearly. Maybe they should talk more instead of burying the grief andsadness in lust but the moment Harry broke away from the kiss only toattach his lips to Louis' neck, sucking on it as if his life dependedon it, any clear thought left Louis' brain and all he could feel wasHarry.

"Haz" Louis moaned out and grinded down on Harry, earning awhine from his boyfriend in return.

With red cheeks, Harry finished his masterpiece on Louis' neck andlooked at him, lips red and swollen. He looked so sinful only fromgiving Louis a Hickey that Louis didn't dare to even picture how hewould look if they would take this any further.

In awe, Louis trailed with his fingers from Harry's cheekbonesover his jawline down to his exposed collarbones back up to his plumpbottom lip. Feeling hot and sweaty in his t-shirt, Louis took it offwithout really thinking about it or what would follow this motion.Harry's eyes were now glued to Louis' naked chest while his handsshakily fumbled with the hem of his own t-shirt. Louis was onlyfocused on Harry's red lips. For a short moment his vision wasblocked by Harry pulling his shirt off but then he had a clear viewagain. Now he even looked more beautiful and sinful and straight outlike a wet fantasy. His hair was a bit messy now from dragging his t-shirt over it. His cheeks were red-tinted, he was biting down onhis already swollen bottom lip and his naked chest looked so invitingand at the same time way too perfect to leave any marks but Louisreally wanted to leave marks all over him. Claim him as his. All ofthese thoughts caught Louis off guard. He didn't know himself likethat and for a moment, his doubts came back. Was this really the bestday to do this for the first time?

"Lou?".

Harry's small voice tore him out of his doubting thoughts and helooked back into Harry's eyes, which were already so dark andlust-filled but at the same worry was clearly written in them. Harryshouldn't be allowed to look like this right now and make Louis feelall of these things at the same. And he wouldn't stop biting hisbottom lip but now in a nervous habit. It was all too much.

"Fuck it".

Before he could overthink this again, Louis threw himself at Harryagain, reconnecting their lips and dragging Harry down with him.Louis' legs wrapped around Harry's waist when he felt his backcolliding with the sheets of his bed. Harry caught himself with bothhands now right next to Louis' head, who had his hands tangled inHarry's hair, tugging him even closer. Their chests were now touchingeach other just as their clothed dicks through their pants. Being totally overwhelmed by all of this, Louis rocked his hips against Harry's,luring sexy moans out of Harry. He was so hard in his pants that itwas painful and he could feel Hayde wasn't doing any better. If theywould keep on humping each other like this Louis thought he couldcome like this, as embarrassing as this was.

"Lou. Lou, wait" Harry panted against his mouth, causing themto break apart. "Shit, I ... Can I suck you off?".

Hearing those words coming from these sinful lips, Louis couldn'thelp but groan in pure arousal and rock his hips back into Harry'swithout control. "Fuck, of course. If you want to, Haz".

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to really suck you off,Lou" Harry replied cheekily but with blushed cheeks.

"Getting cheeky now, huh? Let's see how cheeky you're stillgonna be with my dick in your mouth, Princess" Louis found himselfsaying before he could stop himself but Harry's answering whimper wasall he needed to take his worries away.

Louis brought him back into another kiss before he let Harry dowhat he wanted to do. Tenderly, Harry kissed all over Louis' neck,licking over the Hickey and making Louis shudder, until he reachedLouis' chest and started to leave open-mouthed kisses everywhere,licking both of his nipples experimentally here and there before hestopped at Louis' pants and pulled them down in one swift motion, hisboxers following right after leaving him naked underneath Harry, whowas only staring at him in pure fascination.

"God, you're so beautiful" Harry gushed fondly, making Louisblush crimson. "Can't wait to taste you".

"What are you waiting for?" Louis brought out affectedly.

"Permission" Harry grinned cockily, not convincing at all.

"You fucking tease. If you don't suck my cock right the fuck nowI'm gonna do it myself" Louis wasn't having any of this. He wasfreaking impatient. "Or wait until Zayn gets home and ...".

"No, you won't" Harry growled lowly, kissing him harshly.

At the same time, Harry finally wrapped his hand around Louis'crotch and he moaned into the kiss at the simple contact. Harrytrying to tease him has been so funny but he liked the way this hadturned out. He was really getting into this.

"I'm gonna blow your world now, Lou" Harry rasped out, tryingto sound sexy and seductive but he only sounded adorable.

"You're so weird" Louis rolled his eyes fondly.

Instead of saying anything else, Harry shuffled down and directlytook Louis into his mouth without a warning, causing Louis to buckleup his hips in pure pleasure without his permission. His firstinstinct was to say sorry but Harry moaned so loud it took him bysurprise and made him freeze for a second. He couldn't have liked itthat much, right? Wrong, apparently. Harry went right back down untilLouis' tip hit the back of his throat.

"You like this? Want me to fuck your mouth, Darling?" Louishad to test out his theory.

A mix of a whimper and a moan left Harry's mouth and pulled off alittle bit to look up at Louis. "Yes, please".

A new wave of arousal washed over Louis. He couldn't believe thisguy was real. "Fuck, this is so hot. You're really sure about this,Haz? I don't wanna hurt you".

"I'm sure, Lou. Now, please, fuck my mouth. Wreck my throat.Wanna feel you for the next few days" Harry asked of him way tooinnocently.

Locking eyes with him, Harry went back down and wrapped his lipsaround Louis' cock sinfully. Louis had a hard time grasping thesituation, which lead to him only slowly thrusting up into Harry'smouth at first. Seemingly a bit impatient himself, Harry pinchedLouis' ass to signal him it was okay to go faster. Fisting his handsin the sheets, Louis started to thrust his hips faster. Like this,his tip hit the back of Harry's throat with every thrust. He couldsee Harry's eyes tearing up but he didn't look away. He didn't seemto mind the pain or the feeling of suffocating on Louis' dick. Hekept looking at him, meeting Louis' thrusts perfectly and swirlinghis tongue around the tip every chance he got. It was so much at oncethat Louis could feel his climax coming way too soon.

"Haz, fuck. I'm so close" Louis threw his head back, breakingthe eye contact.

As soon as the words were out, Harry's mouth was gone from hisdick and he thrusted a few times into nothing. A bit confused, Louispropped himself up on his elbows and looked at Harry, who camecrawling over to him up on his bed. His eyes were so dark and full oflust that it made Louis swallow.

"Haz, what ...?".

"Lou, please, fuck me. I want you so bad" Harry pleadeddesperately, hovering over him.

This was not what he has been expecting to come out of Harry'smouth. "You want ... Really?".

"Yes, please. Oh God. I want you so bad. My hole is longing foryou. I can practically feel it clenching around nothing but I'dprefer it clenching around your dick, making you come inside of me,Lou. I'm so empty. Fill me up. Fuck me. Wreck me. Wanna feel it in mybones for days" Harry whispered in a low and seductive voice.

"Fuck" Louis crashed their lips back together. His head wasempty but he could feel his dick hardening and twitching in interest."Get naked for me, Haz".

Detaching themselves from each other for a moment gave Louis thechance to fetch lube and a condom while Harry got rid of his pantsand boxer. When Louis turned back around to him with the items theyneeded in hand he was hit with a forbidden view. An image out of wetdreams. A completely naked beautiful and perfect Harry, who wasfingering himself open while moaning Louis' name repeatedly. Louisalmost dropped the lube because he felt his hands wanting to touchand claim and mark and pry open and fill up and simply feel Harryunderneath his fingertips.

"What do you think you're doing, Baby?" Louis crawled backover to Harry as slow as he could manage. "Too impatient to waitfor me? Who gave you permission to touch yourself?".

"I want you inside of me so bad. I couldn't wait. Wanted to beready and open for you, D ... Lou. Wanted you to watch me ... Ah,shit. Please, please, please. Fuck me" Harry rambled out too turnedon to really think his words through.

Louis only watched two of Harry's fingers disappearing inside ofhis own ass in pure fascination. For a moment, he was frozen in placeand couldn't say why. He has seen other guys fingering themselves acouple of times, never like this but still. He had no idea why thisnow was such a huge deal to him. Maybe because Harry could have beenhis first if life had been different.

When Harry inserted a third finger and seemed to struggle a bitLouis snapped out of it. Harry's pleas only grew more desperate bythe second and Louis' head was so empty but so full of pleasure andHarry and disbelief. It only needed Harry begging him one more timeto fuck him for Louis to spring into action. He couldn't help it.Watching Harry fucking himself on his fingers did something to himthat he couldn't explain.

"You want my cock now, Baby?" Louis asked while putting thecondom on, slicking himself up with a lot of lube.

"Yes, Lou. Please, need you. Fuck me" Harry choked out withteary eyes, completely fucked out already.

"As you wish, Haz. How do you want it, Love?" Louis tried hishardest to not already slam right into Harry.

"From behind, please. Can feel you so deep then and ...".

"Alright. Hands and knees then, Baby" Louis had to cut him offor he would lose control over himself. Harry had such a weird powerover him. He had never felt this before. All the begging had gotteninto his head.

Quickly, Harry repositioned himself and presented his ass toLouis. His prepared loose hole waiting for him and fluttering whenthe cool air hit it. Louis placed his hands firmly on Harry's waistand nudged with his tip Harry's tight hole, being able to see himclenching around nothing in anticipation. Deciding he tortured himenough, Louis finally breached the rim and pushed his dick inside ofHarry for the very first time. Both of them moaned out at the new andamazing feeling. Louis couldn't believe this was actually happening.It has been unexpected but he wasn't complaining.

"Deeper. I can take it. Please" Harry pushed his ass moretowards Louis, causing his dick to slide deeper into him.

Feeling too much, Louis pushed all the way in until he bottomedout. He gave Harry a moment to adjust to his size and get used to thefeeling, remembering that he has only been with two guys in his wholelife and as far as he knew, with each of them only once. He didn'twant to overwhelm him and at the same time, he wanted to savour everysecond of this moment.

"You can move, Lou. Fuck me now, please" Harry spoke up in ashaky voice, which send a shiver down Louis' spine.

Starting off a bit slow, Louis pulled out of Harry only to slamright back in, earning a wonderful moan in return. With each newmoan, Louis picked up his pace and rocked his hips against Harry'sbum. Pretty quick, Louis found Harry's prostate and Harry couldn'tstop moaning loudly from that moment on. But Louis still had thefeeling Harry was holding something back. He had had that suspicionbefore but now he was sure and he also knew what it could be. Theyshould have talked about that before doing this but here they werenow. All Louis could do now was trying out if he could like it and makeHarry feel safe enough, to be honest and live it out with him.

"C'mon, Haz. Don't hold yourself back. I can feel it" Louisencouraged him while thrusting even harder.

"Ah, faster. Fuck me faster, L-Lou" Harry begged wrecked.

"It's okay, Haz. I know you want it. Say it" Louis leaned allover Harry to reach his ear, slamming faster into him.

He could see the moment Harry understood what Louis was asking ofhim. In pure disbelief, Harry looked up at him with wonder in hislust-filled eyes but Louis could also see the hesitation. He wouldn'thave that. He wanted Harry to fully be able to enjoy all of this andbe himself completely. So, he pulled all the way out again, waited asecond to tease a confused Harry and slammed mercilessly right intohim again with his one hand gripping Harry's waist firmly, hittinghis prostate dead on while wrapping his other hand around Harry'sdick.

This caused Harry to drop his head and moan as loud as neverbefore and he finally lost himself so much that he said it. "Daddy!".

That has been his guess the whole time and it felt good to makeHarry feel good and safe enough to let it out. Surprisingly, it alsohad an unexpected effect on Louis himself that he didn't expect andnever knew about. He has never been into this, also never against it.But hearing Harry moan Daddy caused him to snap his hips even harderand fuck into him as if this was the last thing he would ever do. Hecould hear Harry crying broken sobs into his shameless moans andLouis lost it right there.

"Come for Daddy, Princess" Louis growled into Harry's ear.

Only a second later, Harry came with a loud cry of Louis' name,clenching around Louis' dick. Seeing and feeling Harry come madeLouis come as well. He fucked them through their orgasms beforecarefully pulling out of Harry, who directly collapsed down on thebed. Louis got rid of the condom and fell down on the bed next toHarry, pulling him into his arms. Immediately, Harry curled againsthim in all his naked glory. Maybe Louis should clean them up firstbut he was so exhausted that he couldn't move.

"Wow" Louis breathed out. "This was unexpected".

"Yeah ..." Harry sounded insecure out of the sudden.

"Good unexpected, Haz. I just didn't see this one coming today.This was absolutely mind-blowing. Damn" Louis tightened his grip onhis boyfriend.

"It really was" Harry sighed dreamily. "I'm sorry about...".

"No need to be sorry, Haz" Louis interrupted him directly."Yes, it would have been good to know this beforehand but it wasreally okay. I wouldn't have asked you to ... I actually quite likedit".

"You did?" Harry stared up at him. "So, you're into this aswell? I would've never guessed that".

"Me neither, to be honest. I didn't know that until today. I'venever like it before. Never hated it but was also never my thing.Today though ... I don't have words for this. This was ... I love youso much, Haz" Louis was wrestling for the right words.

"Thank you for making me feel safe. God, I've never been sodesperate before. It's embarrassing" Harry hid his face in Louis'chest.

"You mean you asking me to wreck you so you could feel it fordays?" Louis teased him lovingly, only hearing Harry gruntembarrassed. "I must say I'm not entirely used to that but itaffected me as much as you, Haz. It also was a nice distraction from...".

"I never meant to do this as a distraction, you know that, rightLou?" Harry suddenly panicked and brought some space between themto get a better look at him. "I didn't ask you to do this as a way to show you ... to distract you from ...".

"I know, Love. But it still distracted me from all of thissadness for a moment and that's a good thing. I would have stopped itotherwise. You did nothing wrong" Louis caressed Harry's facegently, pulling him back into his arms. "And I also know thiswasn't your way of showing me how you feel. Don't worry".

"Good. I wouldn't want you think I can only express that throughsex. This between us is more than sex for me, okay?" Harry madesure in a wobbly voice.

"Okay" Louis simply said because there was nothing left tosay. "We should probably get decent before Zayn gets back home".

"But not right now. I'm too exhausted to move. I feel wrecked"Harry snuggled closer to Louis if that was possible.

"Wrecked enough to feel it for days?" Louis couldn't help butask.

Harry only slapped his naked chest with a whine. "Louis!".

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So, what do you think?