"You wanna talk about what's bothering you, Darling?" hismother Annabelle appeared at his open door, startling him.

"Nothing's bothering me, Mum" Harry muttered under his breath,not looking up.

"You forget that I am your mother. I know that you tend to walkup and down your room for hours when something is bothering you andthat's what you've been doing for quite some time. Even in circles.So, you wanna tell me?" Annabelle titled her head aside.

"It's really nothing you need to worry about. It's just ..."Harry hesitated for a second because he wasn't sure how to word this."I might have agreed to something a while ago without knowing allthe details and now those details are more important to me than everbefore and I wish I could turn back time. How do you tell someone youfucked up big time without them hating you for it?".

Clearly in shock, Annabelle stared at her son and blinked a fewtimes before clearing her throat and taking his hand tenderly. "Thebest way to approach this situation is to be totally honest withwhoever you apparently hurt. Tell them what really happened and howlittle you knew and how sorry you are. I'm sure it won't be that badif you're genuinely sorry at heart".

"Thanks, Mum" Harry hugged her thankfully, kissing her cheek."Now I really have to go and fix something although they don't know yetthat something is broken. Well, bye. See you later".

"Good luck, Sweetheart".

Luck was really what Harry needed today. His guilty conscience waseating him alive but it shouldn't. He hadn't known everything beforeit happened and the blame wasn't on him but maybe a certain someonewould see that differently and they had every right to think theworst of him. Coming clean about this incident also meant sharing asecret Harry had sworn to bury deep inside his heart and never letout. Was he really ready for this?

No, he really wasn't but he had no choice here. He owed it to themand needed to man up. Clarity about the past was always a good thingand maybe he never got it but he could give it. Be better.

Nervous as hell and with shaking hands, Harry arrived at Zayn andLouis' house. There, he was met by Louis getting into his car.

"Louis, Hi" Harry blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Harry? Hey, what are you doing here?" Louis looked at him insurprise and obviously confused.

"I wanted to surprise you but looks like you're busy" Harryshuffled with his foot over the concrete.

"Yeah, I'm heading to the beach. I wanted to finish some songsfor Valentina and I write my best stuff at the beach. So ..." Louistrailed off, seemingly unsure of what to do next.

"Then I don't wanna keep you from working any longer" Harrybit his bottom lip and had no idea why he felt so rejected.

"Yeah. Um ... you could always um ... tag along?" Louisoffered him surprisingly.

"Really?" Harry's head shot up in an instant.

"Sure. We can talk in the car and the beach is beautiful"Louis smiled openly at him, taking all of his doubts away and makinghim forget what his original plan was.

Harry got in the car with Louis and they immediately drove off.During the ride, they talked a lot about Louis' work with ValentinaJulie Prince and Harry's much needed time with his family. And forthe very first time, Harry felt himself relax completely and betotally at ease. Being here with Louis felt absolutely fucking rightand he was simply happy and content. He enjoyed Louis' company andtalking to him was just so easy. He had almost forgotten how great itwas to really spend time with Louis alone.

Arriving at the beach, both of them got out of the car and walkedalong the shores for some time. Louis seemed to have a destination inmind. So, Harry just went along with it. Him.

"But it was really humiliating. Until then I thought the worstwould be facing this town again after I left and explaining to peoplewhat happened but no one ever cared. They just accepted it without aquestion. Something I couldn't. My emotions around that time were allover the place and like this, I ended up in front of my old childhoodhouse and completely broke down, crying and everything. The newowner came out and asked me what was wrong but I was unable toanswer. He was so concerned and brought me in. He was so sweet. Hisname is Paul and he is amazing. Now, I'd even say we're friends"Louis told him openly.

"That's beautiful, Lou. Paul sounds amazing" Harry repliedemotionally touched.

"He really is. That day we had a long conversation although hedidn't even know me. He let me feel whatever I was feeling and be ina place I used to live. Since then, he and his wife Maria keptchecking in on me. It became a routine to this day. They are bothwonderful people. So kind and loving. The world needs more peoplelike them" Louis headed towards some rocks close to the beach rightat the shore and sat down. "They always tell me about their weeksand how they're doing. I don't think there is a single bad bone inthem. They are unable to lie or do anything remotely bad and it'sfascinating because people nowadays are ... different".

That brought Harry back to reality and he remembered what hewanted to do. Had to do. But he could feel himself hesitate. Louiswas so open today and they haven't been this close in forever. Hecould ruin this in less than a minute. But Harry knew he had to tellhim or it would break them apart later.

"I'm the one Alec cheated on you with, Lou" Harry blurted out,shutting his eyes close and his heart was beating like crazy.

"What?" Louis looked up at him in absolute disbelief.

"I said Alec cheated on you with me, Louis" Harry worded itdifferently, still not fully looking at him.

"No, I got that the first time you said it. I just don'tunderstand. How? Why? I thought ... How is that even possible, Haz?"Louis was totally out of it but Harry was simply relieved he stillcalled him Haz. Maybe they would survive this, in the end.

"I met Alec at a party somewhere. I think it was in L.A. It wasafter some stupid event and I was on my way to getting pissed drunk,like always lately. Something about the way I was dancing must havegiven him the impression he could take his chances and dance up to me,I guess. We danced for quite some time and had meaningless littleconversations in between where he told me his name and profession andsaid he knew Jake and heard some mumbling behind closed doors aboutme or whatever. He also said he was single, recently broke up withsomeone who wasn't good for him and now he only wanted some fun. I ...I swear I didn't know he had a boyfriend. I would have never ...Please, Louis. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this"Harry revealed to him in sheer panic, hoping there was a way to fixthis.

Something told Harry there was no way they could ever fix this. Hehad had sex with Louis' former boyfriend while they've still been athing. He had let Alec fuck him while Louis was sitting at home,thinking his boyfriend was faithful. How could they possibly get pastthis and ever become actual friends? Would Louis ever be able to lookat Harry the same way again and not think about him with Alec nakedsomewhere in America on ...

"You're not the one who hurt me, Haz" Louis' voice tore himout of his thoughts.

Thinking this had to be a dream, Harry pinched himself but Louisstill didn't look pissed. "Wh ... Why are you not mad at me?".

"Why should I be mad at you, Darling? I mean, this is a lot totake in and purely cruel irony but none of this is your fault. Youdidn't know. He told you he was single and I believe you. I know howgood his lies can be and I'm not even surprised he said I wasn't goodfor him. He is such an asshole" Louis reasoned his reaction calmly,soothing Harry's nerves.

"He really is. He talked so badly about you and now that I knowit was you he meant I just can't see it. You deserve better thanthat. Better than someone acting like it's all about sex and nothingelse" Harry angrily remembered Alec's words from that time.

"Let me guess? He complained about him always bottoming?"Louis snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised. In my presence, he alwaysacted like he wanted that but I knew something was off. I told youbefore that our dynamic never worked out anywhere, including this. Butinstead of talking about it, he decided to cheat. We could have sharedbut no, he decided to be a dick. Good for him, I guess".

"I'm really sorry, Louis. I wish I would have known he was withyou" Harry apologised again, feeling horrible.

"He would have cheated anyway. Maybe not with you but some otherguy. It really doesn't matter, Haz. We weren't friends around thattime and you didn't know. You did nothing wrong" Louis assured himsympathetically. Harry smiled relieved at him. "Even though I haveto admit I'm a bit confused, Haz. I thought you're ... I didn't knowyou're also into guys, somehow".

That was exactly the conversation Harry never wanted to have,especially not with Louis, but he knew it was coming the moment hehad admitted he had slept with Alec. Now he needed to find the rightwords to explain his situation.

"It's complicated and not easy to explain" Harry sighed out.

"I'm all ears if you wanna talk. Sometimes it's good to getthings off your chest, Haz" Louis offered him with a reassuringsmile.

Harry took a deep breath and fixed his gaze on the sand beneathhis feet before he started talking. "Almost two years ago, I met aguy named Jake at a club. A gay club because for some time I've beencurious, to say the least. All the PR stunts with all those womenwere getting exhausting and I never really cared for any of them,which confused me. I wanted to find out if it was a general thing orjust because of the fakeness of our interactions. Stunting with everysingle one of them was hard, is hard and not what I imagined life asa singer to be but apparently, it's needed to stay relevant and sellmy music? What do I know?! Anyway, I'm getting off track here. I metJake at a club and we ended up at my place. He was my first 'gayexperience' and I didn't hate it. Still, I wasn't sure if I was ...That's how I met Alec and ... It's nice but I don't know. Maybe I'mjust fed up with the faking".

"And I understand that. It must be hard to act like a totalwomanizer when you're really not. Megan, Miranda, Tiffany, Ceciliaand now Beverly Stewart and God knows who else. That's a lot and manyproblematic people. You deserve better than that, Haz. You don't needa woman to stay relevant. Your fans love you either way. For who youare, really are. Who you love or are with doesn't change that andnever will" Louis stood up now, took a hold of both of Harry'shands and looked him deep in the eyes.

Something in that familiar and warm blue of Louis' eyes scaredHarry shitless. There was so much understanding and compassion andhope ... Why was there hope? For what? There was nothing to hope for.He was doing okay. Stunting was hard sometimes but it was necessary.A necessary evil to have the life he wanted. Someday he would meet the right woman through all of this shit. He was sure of it.Maybe he already did.

"You make it sound like I'm gay and scared to come out.Newsflash, I'm not. I'm just tired of 'dating' people I'm notinterested in, way older women. I'm not that pathetic and I'm alsonot gay. I'm dating Sabrina, remember?" Harry tore his hands awayfrom Louis harsher than anticipated.

"I know that but why does it matter? You said yourself it wasnice with Jake and Alec. That doesn't sound straight. You could be...".

"I'm telling you I'm straight, Louis" Harry cut him offrudely. "Don't make assumptions about me based on things I saidthat you have no clue about. You have no right to question me likethis. I'm not gay like you".

"You slept with Alec, Harry! And he wasn't the only one" Louispointed out, obviously trying to stay collected.

"Your point?" Harry crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're unbelievable. So, you only have sex with guys but you'restraight? You play with gay people just to marry your perfect girlanyway, mh?" Louis finally lost his cool.

"I don't play with anyone. They don't care and know it'smeaningless. It's just sex, Louis. It means nothing. I'm not gay oranything other than straight, no matter what you think. Accept it"Harry justified himself defensively.

By now, Louis really looked angry and Harry couldn't exactly saywhy. He had just stated the truth and Louis needed to accept this. Hewasn't allowed to judge him. Definitely not him.

"Good to know fucking my boyfriend and ruining my relationshipmeans nothing to you. Just because you were bored in your perfectlittle popstar life you destroyed someone else's life. Being curiousisn't an excuse to fuck up. Curiosity killed the cat, Harry!" Louiswas in his face by now, raging with anger.

"You said you weren't mad at me. That it wasn't my fault andAlec would have cheated anyway" Harry looked incredulously at him.

"Well, now I am," Louis said simply.

"You have no right to suddenly be mad at me for this when youweren't mad at me before you knew Alec wasn't the only one. Justbecause I'm straight it suddenly matters? Not everyone can be gay,Louis. Why would it make a difference?" Harry was so fuckingconfused about why Louis was pissed at him.

"Because you don't fucking care about anything or anyone otherthan yourself!" Louis exclaimed fed up. "You let Alec fuck you,Harry. You let him cheat on me with you and now you say it nevermattered to you! My broken heart never mattered because you nevercared about your actions! And maybe he would have cheated anyway butthat's beside the point. This is about you and you're unwillingnessto accept who you are!".

"You don't know who I am, Louis!" Harry shouted loudly,earning some confused looks from people close by.

"No, I really don't and right now, I don't wanna know you"Louis shook his head, took his notebook and walked away from him.

"Why in the world are you leaving now? Is facing the truth worthall this drama?" Harry called after him in despair.

"You told me to accept it, Harry. And that's what I'm doing"Louis turned back around to him with some distance between them. "Iaccept that Alec is a cheating asshole but you're an asshole as well.Maybe even worse in your own way and I don't wanna be near someonelike you right now. I need space to clear my head and get my workdone. Without you".

"You're being overdramatic, Louis" Harry wailed childishly.

"Maybe I am. I definitely am but I don't care. You should knowhow that feels, Harry" Louis shrugged and continued to walk away.

"You can't just leave me here. I came with you. How am Isupposed to get back home?" Harry ran after him.

"You're a big famous popstar, Harry. You will find someone totake you home or call a cab. I really don't care. I need to get mywork done without distractions. Bye, Harry".

And with that, Louis left him standing there. Harry looked afterhim for quite some time until he couldn't see him anymore. With a bigsigh, Harry walked back down to the shore and sat down by the rockLouis has been sitting at.

A part of him kinda knew why Louis was mad and what he had beentrying to do. Louis only wanted to be supportive of Harry's strugglesbut Harry pushed him away and made it look like sleeping with Alecnever meant anything and like this, the cheating was worthless. Thisissue was worthless. But he wasn't struggling with his sexuality, soLouis didn't need to be supportive. He really liked Sabrina anddidn't want to be with a guy like this.

But sitting here right now made him question everything again. Heremembered how it has been with Jake and Alec. How it had felt tohave someone taking care of you in a way a woman never could, which wasn't herfault but still. Being intimate with Sabrina had felt so differentfrom being intimate with Jake or Alec. Maybe he wasn't fully straightand liked to get it up the ass once in a while but it really didn'tmatter because he could never live that out while being a famous boy bander or future soloist. Jackson had made it obvious how he hadfelt about Zayn being gay. As long as he was with him he could neverbe anything other than straight.

Leaving Jackson behind crossed his mind for a second but he shookthe thought off. This wasn't an option if he wanted to stay relevantand not get destroyed. Harry knew he really didn't have the choice ora realistic chance without Jackson in this business. He had made him,he had created him and he could destroy him. Harry wasn't ready togive up his dream, especially not for some curiosity and a dick inhis ass every now and then. Not even for the guy that might actuallystill had a hold on his heart in some weird and messed up way.

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Harry's past is out in the open, unlike himself. Thoughts?