Everything was orange.

The familiar smell of burning flesh mixed with the intense smoke burned my nose. Everyone's screams rang in my ears, making me want to cover them. I tried to speak, but the smoke had my throat in a chokehold.

I was back there, once again. The hell I tried to escape but couldn't.

My watery eyes shifted to a black figure lying motionless on the ground. The moment my brain recognized the face, I tried to run towards him, but I couldn't.

Something or someone was pulling me back. I thrashed, trying to break free, but it wouldn't let go.

I screamed, my futile efforts to get closer to him making me slump in defeat. In that moment, his head turned towards me. Slowly, as if it took the last amount effort he had.

He looked at my slumped figure and gave me a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Sera. Let me go."

"No!" My tears fell as sobs choked my words.

"I love you."

He smiled, a lone tear dragging along his bloody cheek. He closed his eyes as if accepting his fate before flames engulfed him.

"NO!"

I jolted from my bed, my eyes fluttering as they tried to adjust to the surroundings. My breathing was heavy and uneven, confusion and fear lingering. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I was drenched in cold sweat, making my shirt cling to my skin.

How long had it been since I'd had this nightmare?

I took a few deep breaths, trying to ground myself.

Every time my life started to feel somewhat normal, the nightmare came back, as if to remind me that I didn't deserve to be happy. In a cruel, masochistic sense, that was the reason I preferred getting beaten up by Marissa. At least it offered an escape from the constant reminder that I was never going to be the same person again.

Now that I wasn't sedated anymore and the course of my medicines had ended, I didn't have any way to avoid the nightmares again. I had to constantly see his face and his motionless body in my sleep.

It should have been me.

I shook my head, trying to keep myself from venturing into the darkest corners of my mind.

Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I decided that I needed the best thing to calm me right now. Warm milk.

That's how I found myself tiptoeing to the kitchen in the middle of the night. I had to be up in a few hours, anyway. It was my first time in the kitchen, so I didn't know where anything was.

I started with the easiest thing first and grabbed the milk from the fridge. Now all I needed was some honey and cinnamon to make my favorite concoction. I hunted through the cabinets above the kitchen shelf, which were slightly higher than I hoped they would be. I had to stand on my toes to scour for the ingredients.

I felt the presence in the room, an electricity in the air, before I saw him.

"What are you doing?"

My heart leapt out of my chest at the sudden interruption. I caught myself before I lost balance, using the shelf for support as I turned around.

A part of me wished I hadn't.

There, leaning against the entrance of the doorway with his arms crossed, was none other than Alpha Ashford. He looked gorgeous, even in low light.

Did this man ever look ugly?

My eyes involuntarily scanned him, and that's when I had a realization. If Alpha Ashford was beautiful in regular clothing, he was astronomically hotter in low hanging sweatpants and a t-shirt that hugged his muscles in all the right places. Combine that with his disheveled hair... I might've just discovered my new weakness.

"Uh, I-I just wanted to have warm milk with honey." I nodded to the honey on the top shelf as if offering a silent explanation to him.

When I glanced back at him, Alpha Ashford was no longer standing at the entrance but instead walking slowly towards me. "I'll help you."

I wanted to protest and tell him I could do it on my own, but for some odd reason, I couldn't find the strength to move. My eyes were glued to him, watching as he neared me, his familiar, intoxicating scent taking over my senses as he invaded my personal bubble.

I gripped the shelf tightly as he leaned forward, his body inches away from mine. I could practically feel the heat his body was generating. If he dipped his head while I lifted mine... I shook my head.

Those thoughts were dangerous.

You need to remember that you are not here to be his mate. That responsibility will lie with his Luna.

That was right. That was logical. That was the best way I could survive.

So why did the thought leave a sour aftertaste?

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until Alpha Ashford finally put some distance between us, offering me the jar of honey. I quickly grabbed it before he saw how shaky my hands were.

"T-Thank you."

Get a hold of yourself, Sera!

I watched him as he walked towards the fridge to grab a bottle of water, appearing absolutely unaffected. I searched his face to catch a hint of what he was feeling, but he had a very strong poker face. He barely looked bothered, which annoyed me a tad bit.

"What are you doing here so late?" I asked, trying to appear as nonchalant as he was. I doubted it was working, but I had to try. It would be mortifying otherwise.

"I was just catching up on some paperwork to finalize your instatement into the Silver Crescent pack. You won't be able to start training until we've officialized you as a member of the pack," Alpha Ashford explained.

I stared at him, surprised. "You're making me a part of Silver Crescent?"

I'd thought that Alpha Ashford wouldn't make me a member of the pack until I proved my worth. Wasn't that a prerequisite for staying in the pack?

"Why are you surprised? Do you not want to become a part of the pack?" Alpha Ashford asked, crossing his arms. I could tell the thought didn't sit well with him.

"T-That's not what I meant. I just thought you would only do that if I won the matches," I said, hoping I hadn't offended him.

His gaze darkened, his eyes shifting to my lips, and I realized that I was biting them. He went still, and suddenly, the cool air in the kitchen started to feel heavier. I involuntarily licked my lips and immediately regretted it, because the look in his eyes was sending foreign sensations across my body.

He took a step forward, and I panicked, accidentally dropping the bottle of honey he had just handed to me. That snapped both of us out of our trance.

Alpha Ashford blinked before shaking his head, as if to get rid of his thoughts. Then he looked at me, his intense stare making me want to squirm.

"Whether you win the matches or not, you are still my mate. And hell could take over before I'll let anyone send you back to that shithole."

I forgot how to breathe for a moment. His words brought back a familiar feeling I thought I'd never feel again in my life. It resurfaced the pieces of my heart's puzzle that I had long abandoned. And I didn't know what to do about it.

"Why?"

Alpha Ashford looked at me in slight confusion. He clearly had no idea what his words were doing to me. Something in his eyes made me let my mouth loose.

Words poured out before I could stop them. "Why is me being your mate so important to you? Why does it matter if I lose the matches? Isn't it better for you to have the best fighter in the pack leading with you?"

Alpha Ashford's gaze became more piercing with every question that left my mouth, and I took that as a hint to shut my mouth before he decided to cancel my instatement into the pack. I needed to stay here. I couldn't go back to Red Moon.

The lack of an immediate answer made me nervous. The nervousness increased as he came closer to me again. This time, his gait was languid. My heart rate picked up as he rounded the island towards where I stood.

My body was stuck, my stomach digging into the marble island as I stood extremely still. He picked up the honey from the floor, and I gulped when I felt him near me. He stepped closer, his strong arms caging me to the island. This time, he didn't hold back.

I felt him press his body to mine, and immediately, it felt like I was on fire. My breathing lost its rhythm and my heartbeat seemed to go out of control. I felt sensations in my body that I had never imagined were possible.

I didn't know how to react because I felt utterly unprepared.

"You answer my questions first. How do you feel picturing another female standing with me as my Luna while you watch from the sidelines?" His voice was low, which made me unable to think properly.

He didn't wait for me to reply, as if he knew I wouldn't be able to. "How does it make you feel when you think about me marking her, right here." He dipped his head, letting his nose skim over the sensitive area where a mate's mark would go.

His words did the trick. I suddenly pictured someone else smiling lovingly up at Alpha Ashford, and it without a drop of doubt, I knew I hated that picture. When I pictured his mark on her neck, a primal instinct in me awoke. A sudden need to claw her face out crept into my mind.

Alpha Ashford trailed his nose against my neck, breathing me in as he moved up. "Fucking delicious."

His hands were braced on the island on either side of me, and I could see his grip tightening, making the veins in his forearm pop.

"A-Alpha A-Ashford?" My voice trembled as it came out. I had to stop us. My body and my brain were disconnecting, and I needed him to stop before I did something I knew I would regret.

A low growl escaped his throat, the sound traveling down my body, making me shiver. He lifted his head a little, his lips extremely close to my ears. I could feel the warmth of his breath on the side of my head.

"Call me Kayden," he whispered, making me swallow harshly.

I nodded because I didn't think I could speak.

He must have sensed that my brain had started to malfunction, because he slowly started to back away, putting space between our bodies.

I immediately felt the loss of warmth, and for a split second, I almost wanted to lean back into him just so that I could enjoy the sensation of our bodies together once more.

"Let me know if you need me to answer any more questions." There was a slight smirk in his voice as he turned around to leave.

I didn't know how long I stood there, but I certainly didn't need the warm milk anymore.