____________________________________

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Fucked.

Fucked is exactly how Jade feels.

Her mind plays through the countless memories of Zoé, the girl that didn't want to let her go.

Jade remembers how sweet the fiery redhead had been when they first met at Berkshire Academy, a private school in Jade's old town. The last town she called home before moving to Kingsman Bounty.

The girl who had always rocked the fiery red scarlet locks was the captain of the soccer team at Berkshire.

It seems that Jade has a type.

While Jade was constantly bullied on a daily basis at Berkshire Academy from grade six and on, she found what she thought was the light at the end of the tunnel: Zoé Abrams. The red-headed angel with intoxicating, electric blue eyes was the only person that was decent towards her. She gave Jade the time of day when no one would bother to even glance in her direction unless they were picking on her or hurling insults her way.

With Zoé, Jade found acceptance. Something she never deemed herself worthy of.

As they spent more time together outside of school as a result of a studying program Jade was apart of, the pair grew closer, quickly. Jade was integrated into Zoé's life at an instant, almost too fast. Jade hung out with Zoé's unique, but sketchy group of friends, and also spent several nights at the girl's house when Jade's mother had said something to run the brunette into a panic attack.

Zoé gave her a shoulder to cry on. She was the first person whom Jade had believed in, enough to open up about what happened at home.

Zoé was everything Jade wanted to be: strong, independent, and cold. Her wish to no longer feel had been an antiquated yearning that Jade had carried on for many years. That persona that Zoé had, inspired Jade to further drive a wedge between her and the world... and she would be successful in doing so, certainly since she learned from the best.

Everything was enthralling about Zoé at that time. From the way, the girl loosely tied up her hair to create a cute ponytail with stray strands falling at the nape of her neck to her hooded, almond shape eyes. The button nose she possessed was the part Jade admired about her the most.

Oh, Jade had been so sprung for this girl. A little too sprung...

Unfortunately, Jade wasn't careful about what she had wished for. And that, she blamed herself for.

The thoughts of her history with Zoé squander once a bombastic, high-pitched voice invades her eardrums.

"I stand by cottage-core fashion and you can't change my mind about it," Lucia promulgates, crossing her arms and pouting.

"I won't, but it's most def not my cup of tea," Alexander elaborates, mimicking Lucia by crossing his arms as well to challenge her.

"With the amount of books you read, I'm surprised you're not into that aesthetic."

"Lucia honey, that's not how it works. Just because I read doesn't mean I have to be into certain things. It's like saying that because I'm gay I should wear rainbow print clothing all the time."

"Point taken."

Alexander lightly laughs at her clear innocence. "Although, it might be a concept, "Alexander inflects his voice in his best imitation of RuPaul. "I need to start brightening up my fashion anyway."

Lucia nods in understanding, turning over to the lone brunette sitting on the edge of her bed resembling The Thinker statue in unnerving silence.

"Jade, I get that you'd rather be hanging with your girlfriend right now, but at least participate in such an important conversation."

Jade snaps her head up from her position to glower at the strawberry blonde, straddled on the bed.

"You're gay?" Alexander half hollers, half squeals. He jolts his body around on the bed to lay on his stomach with his eyes gawking up at Jade in wonderment. His larger body causes Lucia's twin-sized bed to squeak a little.

"No!"

"Yes!"

Both girls counter, finding themselves delivering a look to one another. Jade's look containing chagrin, embarrassed at being outed by her trusted friend. Lucia's look resembling that of a kid at a candy store with bright, gleaming eyes as if she sees no wrong in what she said.

Jade has come to find patience with Lucia. The more time she spends with the girl, the more fond she becomes of her. Maybe the growing fondness could have to do with Jade's growing appreciation for Lucia being the first to embrace her in this new town. Jade didn't want to believe that anyone would embrace her without stipulation, but she can't deny how much Lucia has helped her along the way.

In little ways, Lucia has helped Jade not be afraid of opening up again. The always bright spirit that surrounded Lucia forced Jade out of her comfort zone. For fuck's sake, Lucia even convinced Jade to come along with her to feed her neighbor's baby pigs. Jade, being an avid city girl, had never considered feeding pigs to be as fulfilling as it was.

The strawberry blonde opened her arms to the new girl without hesitation and that was, of course, scary for Jade at first, but looking back, she has come to appreciate Lucia's support.

Lucia interrupts the staring match, reading Jade's expression and dropping her head like a dog that was just reprimanded. The confidence in her round eyes wavers as the emerald orbs quiver beneath Jade's intense, eye-lined glare.

Jade huffs, preparing to say something.

"Kinsey is her girlfriend," the strawberry blonde blurts, expelling a breath of air as if she couldn't hold the last bit of information in.

Jade drops her head, giving up. "She's not my girlfriend, but I'll admit... w-we're kinda friends."

"Close friends," Lucia clarifies, crossing her fingers tightly to physically demonstrate for Alexander, who is completely at a loss for words at the moment. His mouth hangs open with his forehead scrunching as he tries to make sense of it all.

"Fine. I like her, okay?" Jade confesses, having known this for a while now but having been too afraid to admit it to herself. "But, I think I fucked everything up with her so I don't think it matters anymore." Jade's tone falters and she resorts to timidly stroking her bicep with her other hand.

Lucia's teasing smile falters as well, surveying Jade's grave expression. No matter how much Lucia liked to be bright and optimistic, especially around Jade, she knows when it is time to tone it down.

"Why? What happened?" Lucia leans in, while in her straddled position, slipping a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"Okay, cut the cameras! I'm gonna need y'all to give me a second to process this shit," Alexander declares, sticking his pointer finger up in the air to halt the continuation of the conversation. The girls obey the command, eyeing the dramatics of their best-friend Alexander Matthews as he lies there for a few seconds with his eyes closed shut as if meditating.

The three respect Alexander's commanded moment of silence, allowing the air conditioner running in Lucia's house to be the only noise present.

He finally breathes out, "Okay, continue my new gay best friend," he emphasizes, motioning his hand towards Jade with unwavering eyes and a wide, cheesy grin.

Now all the eyes turn to Jade and she feels even more nervous about admitting to this shit out loud. The intimidation is slightly unnerving but Jade finds that being under such pressure makes it easier for her to become more vulnerable, seeing as there is no way to get out of this without the strong possibility that Alexander and Lucia will badger her about it for the next two weeks.

"She told me she liked me, like really liked me and I just-" Jade frustratedly shakes her head.

"You gave her the look didn't you?" Alexander partially gasps.

Jade inquires, "What look?"

"The 'why did you even ask, now shit is going to be awkward between us' look," Alexander clarifies, tilting his head.

Jade slightly frowns, "I-I don't know if I looked like that, but she looked at me as if I had killed her cat or something."

"I would usually make a gay joke about that but now isn't the moment, continue," Alexander directs casually as Lucia knits her brows in confusion and Jade drops her head back to stifle the childish grin threatening to show.

"You're disgusting," Jade whines, revealing a smirk playing at the corners of her lips. Some would think that this isn't the time for such jokes but Jade appreciates how Alexander can lighten up the situation with humor. It makes her feel more comfortable with opening up about something she would never have expected to hear herself say out loud.

To say that Jade found Alexander funnier than Lucia would be an intense understatement.

Alexander winks at the brunette, sending her an encouraging smile and nod before sitting his head in the palms of his hands.

"Anyways, since then, shit has been awkward between us. I haven't seen her since she asked, but we've been texting and she feels distant. I thought this is what I wanted. I thought I wanted to keep her at a distance so that I couldn't disappoint her like I do with everyone else, but it all backfired and now I'm here in Lucia's bedroom whining about it," Jade partially self-reflects, knowing that it wasn't in her plans to be here today.

Jade purposely leaves out the integral part of the story where her past fling sent her an unsolicited nude of her passed out on a bed. That is something that she is not quite ready to talk about yet with anyone for that matter.

"Ay," Alexander starts, lifting himself off of his stomach to a more comfortable sitting position before patting Jade's shoulder. "It'll be alright. You guys just need to talk about it again and clarify things. When are you guys gonna meet again?"

"I asked if she wanted to hang today but she threw me off, saying practice was gonna be longer today."

"Lies! Today's Thursday, Jade. Practice is usually shorter on Thursdays," Lucia chimes in, using her expertise on the going-ons of the football team to be of resource to her best friend. If there is one thing Lucia is an expert on, it is what goes on with the football team.

Jade feels stupid. Of course, she lied to me. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, Jade thinks to herself.

"Guys, I think she might be done with me."

_________

Jade twists the key and draws it out once a familiar click resounds. A fatigued breathe wisps past her drying lips as she mentally prepares herself to enter the lion's den. Just don't make eye contact. She mentally notes her simple strategy, pushing her tiny body against the large door that leads to the foyer of her home.

Upon seeing a congregation of suitcases littering the welcome mat, her game-plan goes right out the window.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Six full suitcases huddle together at the front of the house. Some small cabin-sized cases and some extra-large sized suitcases congregate together to block Jade's way into the home.

The natural darkness of the house creates an additional eeriness. The unusual sight sets Jade's senses haywire. She slowly creeps in as much as she can, shutting the door behind her.

She stalks up the stout, coffee brown suitcase that looks like it will explode in any second. Her fingers delicately graze the top of the suitcase before poking at its side to sense the true weight. The pressure pushing back against her finger truly exhibits how loaded the suitcase is.

Yup, there's shit in there.

But what that shit may be is still a mystery to Jade.

Is someone leaving?

The brunette sits in her thoughts for a couple of seconds before her heart stills and her blood runs cold.

Melanie?

The burning questions lead her to shuffle past the array of suitcases to bolt across the living room, ignoring all of her mother's rules. Her sneakers patter against the hardwood floor at a disorganized pace. Internally she cringes at each pat, knowing that what she is doing is wrong but she continues running anyway.

She has never sprinted faster in her life, cursing the vastness of the home that makes her progress feel like nothing. Her unkempt hair runs free, a sliver of it gets caught in her mouth but she doesn't give any mind to it. For a second, she triggers her inner Kinsey, imagining the countless times she has seen the blonde run down the football field.

Fuck, now is not the time to think about her!

Despite ridiculing herself for thinking about Kinsey right now, the imagination most definitely works in her favor as she maintains her sprinting pace until reaching Mel's bedroom. The brunette quickly thrusts the door open after twisting the knob. Her breathing is shaky as her eyes flicker all around the bedroom to see...

Everything in its rightful place.

Jade's heart rate tones down, viewing all of her older sister's belongings still intact and in place. The rubber baby Yoda figurine is still visible atop the dresser in its light beige cloak, staring at Jade in all its undeniable cuteness. She can't even allow herself to melt at the sight.

Her nostrils flare as she tries to gather air for her lungs. The silliness of staring directly at baby Yoda helps her slow down in her thoughts and breathing.

But the question remains in the back of her mind: If Mel isn't the one leaving, then who is?

The brunette suddenly shifts her focus to her bedroom door down the hall as she takes control of her senses again. The door is wide open and she can't believe that she missed that while on her tirade, sprinting down the hallway. Jade's room is the first room in the hallway, yet she missed that her door was wide open.

The overall aura of the home mimicked that of a haunted house. The dark grey tones of the hallway walls seem like they are closing in on Jade with their contrast from the rest of the house. A harsh light only coming in from one window, which resides in Jade's room, creates a natural shine highlighting her doorway like a video game with a secret door to be unlocked.

Jade slowly creeps towards the door, sensing energy on the other side of it before being able to look into it.

Needless to say, she isn't wrong in her intuition. Once the brunette peaks into her room, she observes her mother sitting with one leg professionally crossed over the other at her desk, reading through her brown leather journal.

The brown leather journal that holds the secrets of her soul.

Mrs. Hill maintains her position, sitting in the seat, carefully taking in each and every one of the words left on the page she had already started to read. Her slightly slouching position tells that she has been sitting there for a while, reading. The glasses hanging on the tip of her pointed nose threaten to slip off as her softening brown hazel eyes glaze over her daughter's writings. Her expression is stolid but unbeknownst to Jade, the woman is hurting on the inside as she reads Jade's truth.

The woman deliberately ignores her daughter, sitting there in her informal dress made up of an ivory silk cami top tucked into her dim grey dress pants as she just continues to read.

Jade experiences something in her innards drop. Nausea develops once her mother ceases to ignore her and instead, apathetically leers up at her with her deep, cold eyes. Jade's mind replays how she got herself here in the first place, with reality not seeming to have set in yet. Jade's not sure if she wants it to, hoping this could all be a dream.

How one's gaze can be so indifferent but so terrifying at the same time is still an ongoing question in Jade's mind as her mind refuses to wake itself from this dream. Her mind fails her as she is left to falter beneath her mother's gaze alone.

She doesn't know what to say. Her lips feel chapped and her mouth goes dry.

She knows who I am now.

As the mother and daughter gaze back and forth at one another, they share a realization. A realization that they have only just met one another now. The formalities and facades that they have put up in front of one another become irrelevant as they both know who Jade Hill really is.

The journal not only holds poetry, but Jade's experiences, feelings, and inner turmoil. All the times that the child genuinely wanted to give up and end the game of life.

But the journal also holds a stone-cold fact that she has come to accept: she is indeed, queer.

Now that her mother knows that her perfect little scholar isn't perfect, it kills Jade. Instead of experiencing an ethereal moment of relief, she... she feels even more weight on her chest. Every second she stands there bathing in her mother's concentrated gaze, she feels pricks spread across her feet threatening to paralyze her in this very spot.

Jade's vision becomes cloudy as her eyes start alternating between her mother's inexpressive eyes to the intimidatingly tall bedpost behind her.

She opens but closes, and then opens her mouth again, hoping that something, anything, will emit. The silence of the house is at an all-time low with the most prevalent sound being the infrequent beeping of the standby smoke detector.

However, before she can say anything, the older woman shuffles in the swivel chair, breaking the intense silence. Her gaze drops as she gently places the journal down, gently flipping the cover over to seal the book. Her manicured fingers spread out over the book before removing themselves.

Her actions are slow but steady. There is no rush to them, almost as if she weren't caught red-handed reading her daughter's journal. Jacquline Hill functions as if no one is there.

The older woman steadies her hands onto her knees, using them as leverage to lift herself from the smaller seat that didn't accompany her height too well. Her short, basic chocolate brown strands stay in place as she transitions from a sitting to a standing position. She then stuffs her hands into the pockets of her perfectly ironed out dim grey dress pants, keeping her head down with her shoulders dropped. The body language is more telling of her emotions than anything else. Her face stays down as she strolls across the room, right in Jade's direction by the door.

The younger brunette stiffens as the woman comes at her, but the fear becomes baseless once the older woman shifts past Jade, slipping her way through the doorway without a word.

Jade catches a whiff of her mother's scent, which is simply Chanel No. 5. The exact perfume has remained the same for years and Jade can still recognize it as her mother's scent. She realizes how long it's been since she's been in such proximity to her mother. The smell was memorable but distant, simultaneously.

The irritating clack of Mrs. Hill's flat sandals fades out against the hardwood floor, emphasizing the growing distance between the mother and daughter.

Jade slumps her body, drawing her eyes down. What did I do to be so fucking worthless?

She hates me now. I can guarantee that.

My mommy actually hates me.

Mommy.

What she used to call her mother when she had no resentment towards the woman and a little innocence left in her soul. She was so naive when she was younger, embracing whatever love she could get from the woman that she called, mommy.

Jade's face warms, leading her nose and cheeks to redden as the collusion of thoughts, hell-bent on taking her down and leaving her with no sense of self-esteem, take over her psyche. It is like she is self-destructing right before everyone's eyes and she doesn't know how to help herself. Jade knows that no one can fix her, but it hurts even more knowing that she can't even fix herself.

What the fuck am I good for then?

Jade fights back the incessant tears by harshly biting the inside of her cheek to subdue the pain she feels in her chest. Her teeth grind and grind at the flesh inside her mouth until the taste of iron consumes her taste buds. The pain of the exposed flesh is enough to make anyone flinch, but Jade doesn't even wince.

Her legs mindlessly meander toward her desk with the little brown journal sitting there all alone. She drops her body into the seat, moving like a zombie. Her movements are careless. Her nail-bitten fingers graze the leather texture of the journal the same way her mother had done, before pulling the cover open.

She reunites with her very first entry.

Feb. 20, 2016

Hey journal,

     I don't really know how to start one of these but I guess we all have to start somewhere. Today was pretty horrible, again. Some of the other girls at school thought it would be a good idea to see how long I could last in a gym locker. I wasn't surprised but I wish they could know how much it hurt. My back hurts and it was kinda scary being stuck in something so small. I wish I could laugh like everyone else did but I couldn't, considering the fact that I was shoved into a locker against my will.

I really wished I could laugh too.

"God," Jade breathlessly mutters at her younger self, stopping herself from reading any more of the wretched daily summary. Her eyes shut briefly as she turns the pages, one pathetic daily summary after the other until...

October 23, 2019

Hey journal,

I haven't written in here for a while. Good news, I'm not here to write something depressing tonight. I'm here to confess. I like someone. Someone named, Kinsey Scott. Who would have thought that I could fall for the arrogant jock type?

There is something so different about her that it irks me. She doesn't completely fit the description of the arrogant jock. In the way she smiles at me I find my heart stopping. That could either mean that I need to see a doctor or that I could possibly be crushing on her. I think I'd like to accept the latter for now. I mean the way her eyes always pierce into mine like I'm the most important thing she's ever laid eyes on. Of course, I could be stupid and confused since I've never been looked at in such a way before, but I think that's what that look is. I hope I'm not wrong in this but I think she likes me back. I hope she likes me back.

Jade bites down on her bottom lip as her body relives how she felt that day. Her heart thumps more and her chest feels less heavy. She wouldn't equate the feeling to happiness because she didn't believe in such a thing, but she could remember how a smile never left her face that entire day because her day was filled with Kinsey Scott. Gosh, the way Kinsey made her laugh and smile that day is something she could never forget because she felt like her appendix had burst from how hard they had laughed.

The faint, brief memories bring a smile to Jade's face alongside the dried tear stains running down from the corners of her eyes.

Jade wonders how Kinsey can bring a smile to her face even when she's not here. Jade reflects on how she has allowed the girl of her dreams to slip right through her fingers. She's what I want.

Kinsey meant so much more to Jade in the past couple of months than anyone has in most of her life. Even though their friendship is relatively new, Kinsey's influence has been enough to make Jade believe that another day was worth living and experiencing.

Before Kinsey, all the days of the week felt the same to Jade. Go to school, begrudgingly participate in school clubs that would most likely look good on her college application, come home, avoid her mother, not see her father, do her homework and go to sleep. The same cycle, day in and out, until the arrogant blonde made her stagnant heart beat a little more erratic. Kinsey's presence made her feel alive.

Kinsey was always worried about what Jade was up to and for the brunette not to notice, she would have to have been blind. She knew Kinsey cared at least a little bit but she was scared to accept that. With believing that no one cared for so long, it was hard to believe that anyone could care.

Jade's river of thoughts comes to a screeching halt when she feels a presence. Her eyes dart over to her wide-open door, where her mother is standing, shoulder leaning against the doorframe in a more casual stance. Mrs. Hill's eyes that resembled her daughter's own, hesitantly dance from the floor to the dresser to the bedpost before catching Jade's eyes. In her daughter's eyes, she could see herself, little Jacky, who was so vulnerable and misunderstood.

The older woman exhales while her daughter's doe eyes meekly watch for her mother's next move.

Her mother's eyes blink rapidly as she looks off to the side, gripping her mouth with her forefingers in visible distress.

Jade scrunches her brows, confused by this sort of emotion coming from her mother. The only emotions that Jade's ever seen her mother express were feelings of disappointment and annoyance.

Yet, with all that had transpired between them, Jade can't find it in herself to even hate her mother now. She is more concerned than anything at how shaky her mother appears before her.

Damn it, why can't I hate this woman?

Jacquline composes herself almost in an instant, upon seeing Jade's somber, pitiful expression. Her shoulders snap back and her arms cross defensively over her chest, forcing her head up in the process.

"Your father is being removed from this house."

How many times is Jade's heart going to sink in a lifetime? The brunette can't even bother with losing it mentally anymore. Her mind is over it all but her body always reacts. Her limbs go numb and her chest constricts.

This is good, right?

Right?

Damien Hill wasn't much of a father but he is still Jade's father. He was Jade's safe space at times when she couldn't bring herself to talk to her mother and now he is being pulled right of her life just like that.

"Oh," is the only breath Jade can mutter, drawing her eyes away from her mother and picking at her fingers. She wishes that she could act as though nothing bothered her. If she had three wishes that could be granted to her by a genie, one of them would be to no longer feel so that she couldn't be affected by anything. So that pain couldn't eat at her soul anymore because, to be quite honest, that shit is excruciatingly agonizing.

Jacqueline Hill surveys her daughter's features closely. Observing the way the light in her eyes have dimmed, how lethargic her thin arms have become, how her lips have come together into a pout, and how her beautiful eyes won't even spare her a glance.

Jacqueline Hill sees too much of herself in her daughter. "I-I'm s-sorry," the words slip out of her mouth in broken pieces.

Jade's eyes her mother cautiously, never having heard such words come out of her mouth before. What does she say to that? Her mother has never admitted to being wrong, ever.

"I'm," the woman pauses, catching herself mid-choke, "so sorry." The woman looks down before looking up with tears brimming her eyes, ready to spill out of her eyelids. She tries to blink rapidly to clear her vision of the tears threatening to blind her. "Jade, I'm s-so sorry for letting you down."

Now Jade is a crying mess. Everything stills around the two of them as they share a solid stare of despair. It is like looking into a mirror. Two broken people stare at each other in unadulterated vulnerability and distress.

"I've been," Jacqueline bites down her bottom lip harshly to stop choking up, "I've been an h-horrible mother." She nods, accepting the fact. "I don't know how to fix this, I don't know how to-," she loses the words, shrugging her shoulders. "I want to fix everything." Her eyes plead with a desperation Jade has never seen before. The hood of her eyes overlaps her eyelids, relaying the anguish in them.

Her words are brief and vague since she doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know what she can say to effectively convey all the jumble of thoughts of regret and sorrow going on in her mind. She doesn't know how to fix what she has done to her own children. What she has put them through.

She thought that this parenting thing would be easy. She thought she could handle it if her mother had done so. Once she found out she was pregnant, she can't say she was ecstatic, but she knew that there was no turning back. Her husband was happy and she thought that making him happy would result in happiness of her own.

Oh, how wrong that assumption was.

She knew that she had to raise them but she didn't know how, so she just did what her mother did.

She did what her mother did.

And look where that has gotten her.

"You don't have t-" Jade intervenes, finding this all way too strange. She is going through a lot of emotions already and she doesn't feel like she'll be physically able to handle any more pain.

"No, I'm going to apologize and take accountability for everything that I've put you and Melanie through. Even your father... th-that's why I'm letting him go." She shuts her eyes as she reveals the last bit.

She continues, "I thought that if I controlled everything, everything would be alright. My mother had always taught me that power was influence. If I had control and power then I could influence whatever I wanted, whether it be my kids, my husband, my career. That was my formula and I thought that would help you and Melanie grow into women much stronger than me. A woman like my mother, because all I had was a false sense of confidence that I hid behind so that people would believe I was strong. And, and when I read your journal and looked at you today... I realized that I had done the complete opposite. I realized that my approach hadn't been working and when it wasn't working and I felt I had lost control, I would take it out on all of the most important people in my life."

Jacqueline's bottom lip quivers as more tears pool her eyes, intensifying the red that had already overtaken her eyes since starting this confession.

Jade is past simply crying, she is bawling with her small face scrunched tightly with a closed fist covering her mouth.

"Babygirl, I'm so fucking sorry," her mother apologetically emphasizes, shaking her head sorrowfully at her daughter basically drowning in her tears.

Jacqueline Hill scrambles towards her daughter and kneels down to embrace the child bawling her entire soul out. Her arms clutch onto the smaller body, so eagerly wanting to hug all the sadness and pain out of her. The feeling of her arms around her daughter feels so right. For the first time, she's felt as though her motherly instincts have kicked in.

Jade's body recoils in her mother's embrace as the tears feel like they'll never stop at this point. "D-Do you h-hate me?" Jade stutters in between sobs.

Jacquline Hill swallows a huge lump in her throat. She thinks I hate her?

"No, no absolutely not," she sniffles, pulling Jade in tighter as her fingers intertwine in Jade's hair, "I-I love you. I love you so much you don't even know." She assures, actively trying to subdue her tears. God, I've fucked up.

The mother loosens her embrace, pulling herself back, to delicately lift Jade's chin on a hooked finger. She meets the same gorgeous eyes that she has always been in love with, "I know I should have told you this a long time ago, but... I've always thought you were an incredibly beautiful person both inside and out and it's truly unfortunate that I was blinded by my own insecurities to express that to you. It always surprised me how willing you were to listen to me, t-to continue to give me a chance even when I treated you unfairly. I let you down so many times." Her eyes squint seriously at Jade, "I'm sorry that I couldn't muster the courage to make you aware of the beauty that you possess. You've always given me a chance. You've always loved me when I couldn't love you back."

Jade holds her mother's fond gaze as the corner of her lips tentatively turn up. She doesn't want to express how she feels but she can't help it. Something in her chest sparks from the words she didn't know she needed to hear from her mother.

"Thank you," Jade whispers, taking in her mother's beauty. With her age, she manages to maintain a natural glow. A glow that only becomes present on a woman who has found love in their life.

Jacqueline brings her thumb to her mouth, licking it before lifting it up towards the younger's face to wipe the smudged mascara from under Jade's eyes. The brunette childishly flinches at the action but allows her mother to rid her face of the messy product.

Jacquline lightly chuckles at the way the corners of Jade's lips wrinkle as she flinches away. The characteristic reminds Jacqueline of Jade's childhood habit. She wasn't aware that the habit had followed Jade through to her teenage years.

"Can I tell you a story?" Jacqueline inquires randomly.

Jade's eyes flash open, innocently. "Yeah, sure." Her strangled voice comes out unsure.

Jacqueline rises from her kneeled position to stalk over to the edge of Jade's bed. She diligently sits atop the bed, pressing her side against the tall bedpost. "It's a dumb little story really, but I have a feeling it might mean something to you," she cast a soft look at her daughter sitting across from her.

"Well, it all starts on the second day of third grade. I was um... eight or nine at the time. I was so excited to go to school that day."

Jade nods, trying to be highly receptive to her mother opening up but she can't help but wonder where this is going.

"I got to make many new friends but one particular friend stood out to me. She was really nice to me on the first day of school and even gave me the last bit in her pack of gummy candy. I was initially entranced by her kinky curly black hair. She had the cutest puffed out pigtails with her tight curly hair running every which way. Her smile was bright and always cheerful. I liked her presence because she was the opposite of what I was. You could never catch her without a smile on her face. Her name was Justine. Justine had become my first friend at my new school."

Jade smiled at the image of her mother as a literal child. One never really takes a moment to realize that their parents had once been children themselves.

"With our newly established friendship of one day, I was so excited to go back to school on the second day. We had such a great time at school, chatting about whatever kids do and getting constantly scolded by our teacher for it. We eventually ended our day of mischief at recess. We were running around, playing tag with the rest of our classmates until Justine pulled me aside to the hiding spot behind the large purple tube slide. Our small bodies hid, scrunched beneath the slide giggling away until I noticed a striking purple lilac flower hanging from behind her ear. The light purple of the rounded petals contrasted beautifully against her darker complexion. The sight compelled me to say, "The flower looks really pretty on you."

Jade's eyes squint conservatively as she releases a smirk. She would have never thought her mother to say such a thing, ever. She forgot that her mother once had an innocence too.

Jacquline smiles at her daughter, shyly looking away. "Yep, that's what I said. And then she said, "Here, take it. I want you to be pretty too" before taking the flower from behind her ear and placing it right in my hair on the side of my head. I accepted with a giddy smile. I could feel how big my smile was when I had gotten home and my cheeks ached. I could not find it in me to even remove the flower when I got home because I was proud of the fact that Justine thought it would make me pretty. Everything seemed great that day until my mother came home."

Jade tenses at the mention of her late grandmother who she only had one perception of. Despite the older woman being very straight forward and brooding, Jade had always seen her grandmother in a more positive light.

"She came in from work, obviously tired, and asked me about the flower barely hanging in my unkempt hair. I simply told her, "My friend Justine put in my hair. She said it would make me pretty too." My mother grunted and didn't follow up, walking away from the living room I was sat in, coloring away at the small desk I had. Then, with my naivety, I asked, "Mommy, I think I want Justine to be my girlfriend."

Jade unexpectedly gasps at this, slightly tensing. Of course, she knows... but wait, is she?

Jacqueline smiles knowingly at Jade with more comforting eyes, assuring her.

"Are you-"

"Let me finish," Jacqueline asserts with a small smile still on her face. She didn't expect to ever tell this story but she is glad she has the opportunity to do so. "Right after the careless words fell out of my mouth, there was a loud thud against the small table I was coloring on. I was startled, looking to see that it was my mother that had smacked the table. My heart was pounding in my chest, confused by what had made her react in such a way, so suddenly. Then she harshly gripped my chin and glowered at me, keeping my small face aligned with hers."

Jade's expression softens into compassion as she didn't know her mother went through such abuse.

"A-And," Jacqueline chokes up, "And she simply said, "Don't you dare speak of such nonsense ever again. That is purely the devil's work and if you ever speak or imagine of such again, you will be sure to burn in hell." The harshness of her tone and the grit that her voice held, scarred me forever."

"I'm sorry," Jade breathes.

Jacqueline smiles through the apparent distress in her hooded eyes. "You don't have to be sorry for anything. I tell you this story to extend my apologies for ever making you feel horrible for being you. I'm sorry I've cornered you so badly, leaving you with no one to turn to. I'm proud of you Jade and I'm extremely regretful that I've never told you that before. I'm proud of who you are," she raises her brow at her daughter, "in every which way."

Jade catches the hint. She most definitely knows. But I need to make sure?

"D-Do you accept me?" Jade hesitantly asks, biting the inside of her cheek again as anxiety builds. She grips the back of the chair with her tense fingers.

"Yes. And I wish I had accepted you much earlier," she pauses, "Gosh, I love you." Her reddened eyes bore into the younger girl before her.

"I... I l-love you too, mom." Jade pushes out, strained a bit. She never thought those words would ever come out of her mouth.

_________<~>________

I promise it won't stay this depressing lol, but I hope this chapter did answer some questions. What are you guys thinking about the character development? 👀 Jade's mom?
That was the most emotionally draining scene to write in this entire book so far, and I've written some sad-ass shit.

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Also, Jade's growing as well. Are you surprised by her confessions in this chapter?

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Okay, I need to take a nap after writing this chapter for nearly two weeks. Don't forget to vote, comment, and give me a follow if you feel like it. Bye, babes. I love you lots! ❤️