━━ CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE / die for you

Ronny stood at Layla's door, her hands hesitating over it. She knew that she should knock and Layla wouldn't mind talking to her. They would just talk and Ronny would hopefully avoid crying in front of the brunette again - but ultimately fail because she always did. But part of her didn't want to go to Layla again. Not because she didn't trust her or completely adore the woman but because it was terrifying.

Most of her life, she had only herself to rely on and even though her family were supportive, there had always been bigger issues. Olive was hit with so much flack from the moment she came out. Even her parents had to deal with people constantly questioning their parenting skills because both of their daughters were part of a community that many deemed unusual. It made Ronny's problems seem so trivial so she stayed quiet. Especially when her parents weren't big on feelings as it was. It was easier to say nothing.

So, now, it had never been so hard to just ask for help. She was nearly 35 and she couldn't even ask for someone's help. It felt so trivial but she knew she had to get over it eventually. But just as she was about to knock, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Her eyebrows furrowed and she fished it out, clicking it on.

A message from Marc's number, 'Where are you.'. The fact there wasn't even a question mark showed that it was Marc and he wasn't impressed. He mustn't have a clue what happened, did he not remember? Was that not him? He had told her to leave, 'Are you alright? Did something happen?'. Those texts were much more like Steven. It was worrying. She pushed her fingers through her hair and took two steps back from the door.

She then headed towards the stairs and began to walk down, 'I went out for a coffee run? I was about to text, what did you want?'. Ronny hated how flawlessly she was able to lie about things. It felt like she was with Steven again, the start of their relationship and lying about everything. But they had to talk about it later. She didn't want to distress him.

The coffee shop was only a street or two away so she got their coffees (or hot chocolate for Ronny who had hated the smell and taste of coffee since she was a teenager) and went straight back to the apartment. The door was unlocked so she walked in with the two cups in hand. Marc was fiddling with a Rubik's cube when Ronny walked back in with his order. She sent him a smile and closed the door with her hip before she put his coffee on the side.

"Why is the knife out?" Marc asked, his voice calm and even but Ronny knew that he was annoyed or confused. She couldn't tell which. She should have just gone home.

"I don't know. It wasn't out when I left." Ronny shrugged and took a sip of her hot chocolate, hoping that whereever she'd been attacked it hadn't left a mark. It was quickly becoming clear to her now that there was something else going on that she didn't know about.

"Where have you been the past few weeks? Why did you ignore our messages?" Marc asked, though his tone was far from accusatory. Ronny sighed and put her hot chocolate down on the side. It had been easy to briefly forget about her issues in favour of the confusion Marc and Steven had sent her way but it would be unavoidable.

"I've just been sleeping a lot. I wasn't trying to ignore your messages. I just," Ronny wasn't sure how to finish so just shrugged and mumbled "was tired." It wasn't the perfect explanation but it was hard enough to face him right now. Less than twenty minutes ago he had a knife to her throat and now it was like he didn't even remember.

"Was Thoth sending you out?" He suddenly seemed protective and Ronny felt like she was getting whiplash.

"No." She shook her head to emphasise her point and grabbed her hot chocolate, sipping on it as Marc continued to mess with the Rubik's cube. He then placed it down and stood up to grab his coffee from the side before sitting back down on the sofa.

"Have you seen him?" He asked.

"Not since Cairo." Ronny hadn't heard a thing from Thoth though she wasn't surprised. The fight likely left him exhausted. She wouldn't have wanted to see him either.
"Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?" Everything else hadn't felt as real as those words. Marc - for once - seemed genuinely worried, concerned and Ronny couldn't tell if that terrified her or made her happy. She had never had the chance to be completely honest with him.

"Because it's not that easy especially when a large part of the reason I was so sad was because of you and you don't exactly talk about your feelings," She responded though it felt a little too harsh. Marc had his own issues and she had always accepted him.

But he seemed to gloss over her last comment in favour of asking, "What the hell did I do?" with some confusion but also slight annoyance. She winced at the way his voice raised in volume slightly even if it was unintentional.

"You died, Marc, and I let you," She mumbled in response. Marc shook his head and placed down his coffee, facing her properly.

"You had no control over that," He asserted. His voice had gone back to normal volume as he looked up at her.

"I said I would die for you and I meant it."

"I would never have forgiven myself if you died."

"And I'm never going to forgive myself for letting you."

"Can you just," Marc seemed exasperated. His coffee on the coffee table as he turned his body to look at her. She had been standing by the counter this entire time while he sat on the sofa, hoping that she would come over. She didn't so he finished with a soft, "come here?"

"Why?" She asked as she placed her hot chocolate down on the side. He could see her hesitation and it annoyed him but also confused him.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to be near you." Ronny looked at him, tilting her head slightly. The knife wasn't on the coffee table so she wouldn't get hurt by that but this was Marc. If he wanted to kill her, he'd find a way. If he wanted to hurt her more, he would have told her to leave.

"I need to go home at some point." He didn't know why she was avoiding this so much but he'd be damned if he let her go home. Steven agreed.

"No, stay here. I'll cook us dinner." He had been meaning to cook for her for weeks. She had to run out last time he had cooked so she never even got to taste it.
"I'm tired." It was getting pathetic now. Weak excuses but she couldn't bring herself to leave of her own accord. She missed him.

"I have a bed" He retorted and she nodded her head. There was silence for a few beats as she tried to think of another excuse.

"I abandoned you."

"You're the reason I'm alive." His response was much quicker than she had expected. Marc must have at least heard what she said but she didn't keep him alive. It was Khonshu who manipulated and kept him alive. She abandoned him to try and keep Abdullah alive. But either way, all those years ago hadn't even been what she was talking about.

"I abandoned you these past few weeks. I just left you without a word." Marc's face fell at her words and although he tried to hide his hurt and annoyance, it was easy to see beneath the surface now.

"Do you want to go home?" Ronny shook her head. "Okay, so come here." His voice was assertive, leaving no room for any more questions. So, Ronny gave in and pulled her jacket off finally. She dropped it onto the side and then walked over to sit with him on the sofa. But Marc didn't let her stay just next to him.

He adjusted them both so her head was rested on his chest and they were both lying across the couch. The pillow supported his head as she curled up on his chest, listening to the thump of his heart as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Is Steven mad at me?" She asked softly.

"No. He admires you."

"I wanted to text you back or come and see you but I didn't have the energy." The confession was quiet but she felt so stupid for feeling so down. She knew it was natural and completely normal. She had been diagnosed with depression shortly after her late husband's death but the depressive episodes had always been there from when she was a child. She had just thought that she had kept it away for so long that it wouldn't come back. But it came back, it always did. And she wished it didn't.

"Don't feel guilty. I wanted to give you space." His words brought her out of her spiral and she turned her face down. Her nose was buried in his shirt and she smiled to herself.

"Thank you." It had been so hard finding people who understood. Her late husband tried but he never really got it when she went through weeks of barely wanting to get up and having to be dragged out of bed. Steven and Marc understood, no questions asked and for a brief moment she could forget the fact that someone in their system had threatened her life half an hour prior.

"If you ever get like that again, tell me and I'll come see you," His final promise and Ronny nodded. She rested her head back against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as she let her eyes close. His arms rested comfortably behind her back.

She let out a soft, "mhm," in response but the sleepiness came back all over again. And soon enough, she was asleep on his chest and he felt at peace for the first time in weeks.

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NOTE; a short chapter this time but i felt like this deserved it's own little bit and i wanted more focus on her mental health journey because it's important!! i hope you enjoyed <3