It had been a little over a week since their anniversary. Naina had just finished meeting with one of the traders that Deepika had offered to introduce her to.

As they stepped out of the building, she asked "Do you have to go back to the office now?"

Deepika glanced at her watch "No, it's almost end of the day. I've been working long hours for the past few days. So, it's okay if I finish early today." Eyes twinkling, she added "Shall we get some hot chocolates? I'm really craving one from their seasonal selection!"

While walking to the coffee shop, they discussed the meeting that they had just attended. As Deepika shared her thoughts, Naina raptly listened and started making some mental adjustments to her next presentation. The business, which she had just met with, had liked the pitch for the idea of 'Timeless Decorations' and the catalogues put together. But several questions had been raised regarding the logistics and procurement lead times of various items.

A few minutes later Naina found herself relishing what looked more like an elaborate dessert than a hot chocolate! The hot drink was generously heaped with whipped cream and mini marshmallows.

Sighing in pleasure, Deepika almost purred "I love it with the gingerbread syrup... Feels like Christmas is here!"

She added after a small pause "That reminds me, I really have to get on with the gift shopping for Christmas. We always head to Ollie's parents. It tends to be a big gathering with forty odd people, at least. I've got the men and most of the women already covered. But I still need to shop for the children. They're all of different ages and have varying interests..."

For the next few minutes, Naina listened with great interest about Oliver's extended family and the traditions followed by them.

While interacting with Oliver's cousin Becky too, Naina had realized that big, close-knit families was something that the Indians and Irish had in common.

She remarked enthusiastically "Celebrating Christmas with such a big family sounds like so much fun!"

Deepika beamed "Ollie and I have decided that once we move into a bigger place, we will start hosting a Christmas meal at our home for my side of the family on boxing day." Finding the idea extremely appealing, Naina exclaimed "We can start our own traditions! You can come ours to for Diwali and will celebrate Christmas at yours!"

Both the girls giggled, when Deepika countered with a naughty glint in her eyes, "And Sanjana can host Halloween! That way she will just have to buy loads of candy!"

Taking a big sip of her chocolate, Naina mumbled in a rush "Deepu, Sameer and I have started trying for a baby." The other woman's eyes widened in glee "Really?! That's great news!! I am so exited!!!" and then she pouted "Ollie and I must wait till we move into the new place. I can't stop working before getting our mortgage sorted, it will affect our loan amount."

Then staring at Naina's tummy, she grinned "Do you think you have already got my niece or nephew in there??!" Naina giggled in response "Maybe... but we have just started trying... so, probably it's too early to start dreaming."

Deepika rolled her eyes "Well, given your and Bhai's record of getting pregnant on the first time together... I doubt it will take much time!"

Naina first blushed at her words, but then her eyes went dull remembering the outcome of that pregnancy. Reading her thoughts, Deepika quickly clasped her hand "Don't worry. Your check-up with the GP was all good, right? Everything will be all good this time." Naina nodded hoping that Deepika's predictions would prove right.

* * *

Few weeks later, it was a little before lunchtime and Sameer was comparing the estimated revenue to actuals for that quarter and making some notes to discuss the same with his team later, when the door to his cabin was pushed open.

Glancing up, he uttered "Naina?! What are you doing here?", sounding surprised. Arching a brow, she asked smiling "Can't I visit my husband whenever I wish to? Or do I need a visa or permission for that too?!" He chuckled at her reply "You are free to walk into my life any time! But mind you, only to walk in... no walking out!"

As he stood up and pecked her cheek, she excitedly shared "I have some good news! DecoMart has placed an order!" His eyes shone with joy "This is fantastic news! I knew you would get it!" She explained, "It isn't a very big one... but it's a start, right?" He responded encouragingly "Sweetheart, that's expected! Most customers will start with a small order, and then proceed with bigger orders based on the market response."

While she was sharing the details of the order, Rohan entered the cabin. Sounding pleased, he spoke "Naina! This is a lovely surprise! How are you?" Once Naina had shared the reason for her visit, he responded grinning "This calls for a celebration! Let's go out for lunch together. Unless you two already have some plans..."

Sameer spoke quickly "We would love for you to join us! You okay for some Pizza?" Rohan responded "Whatever Naina prefers is good with me. I just need to make a quick call. Shall we head out in fifteen?"

That afternoon, Naina's first victory of her new professional life was celebrated over a long lunch of extra cheesy pizza, followed by chocolate gelato. As the brothers indulged in light-hearted teasing and repartee, Naina realized that Rohan was more open and friendlier, when unaccompanied by Sanjana.

* * *

"Just start the dishwasher and leave the rest for later." Vishakha instructed the two young women. Naina nodded "It's okay Mom. We will finish up here soon. You go get some rest." Sounding crestfallen, the older woman remarked "This year my joint-pain is much worse than the past. I hope that new medication starts working soon. Thanks for coming over to help me today."

Deepika frowned "You should have told Dadi you aren't feeling well. What was the need to entertain guests right now?" Her mother tried to explain "They are her neighbours in Delhi and she turns to them for assistance... we have to show our appreciation."

As soon as the older lady left the kitchen, Deepika uttered frumpily "What is this obsession with home-cooked meals?! Dad could have easily taken them out for a meal."

Then turning her attention to Naina, she questioned "And what's up with you? Why the long face??" Scrubbing the pot in her hand, Naina shook her head "Nothing..."

As she put away some containers in the fridge, Deepika sighed "I have been watching you since I got here. Something is off. Did you have a tiff with Bhai??"

Without waiting for a reply, she muttered "Did he get back very late last night?? Ollie is the same! Every time he is out with the boys, he forgets he has a wife at home. And apparently, it's always his mate's fault... never his! And now they have both conveniently disappeared, claiming Rohan Bhaiya has asked them to drop-by to check on the house while he and Sanjana are away on yet another holiday." Grumbling, she remarked dramatically "God! I am dreading having to listen to her long-winded shopping report!"

When even the last comment did not elicit much of a response from her sister-in-law, Deepika turned Naina around and asked in a gentle tone "Hey, what's the matter?"

Shoulders visibly slumping, Naina replied despondently "My period started today." After wordlessly dwelling on this information for a bit, Deepika tried to bolster her spirits "Naina, it's been just two months since you started trying." When Naina just nodded, Deepika continued "Then why are you worrying?"

Still looking miserable, Naina countered "But what if something is wrong?? Deepu, I was reading some articles... what if the treatment I was given that time wasn't right? What is something is now damaged?"

Deepika continued reassuringly "Don't start fretting about all that now. The doctor said it takes many couples five to six months to get pregnant, right? Then it's too early to start focusing on the negatives. What does Bhai say?"

Naina shared "I think that he too thinks I am being silly."

The other woman held her hand "Sweetie, I am not saying you are being silly... and I am sure Bhai wouldn't be thinking that either. But you might be needlessly stressing too much about it. But if you want, just ask the GP to refer you to a specialist right now."

"It's okay... we will wait for another couple of months as advised by the GP. Thanks..." Naina mumbled in reply.

Thinking of something, Deepika spoke "One's of friend's aunt is a mid-wife. I will get her number for you." As Naina started to protest, Deepika shushed her "Just talk to her and see if she has any advice. It's can't do any harm."

When Sameer returned, he was relieved to find his wife and sister conversing in hushed tones. He hoped Deepika had been able to mollify some of Naina's misgivings. His wife had been in good spirits that morning till she had visited the bathroom and then shared the disappointing news in a small voice.

Unaware of the tension in the room, Oliver burst into the room "It's freezing out there! I am going to put the kettle on. Anyone up for a cuppa?" Deciding she could use some distraction, Naina tried to match his enthusiasm "Don't put the kettle on. I will make us some Indian style ginger tea!" Oliver winked "And I will raid Mom's pantry for some biscuits!"

Catching Deepika's eye, Sameer silently gestured her to follow him outside.

Once they were in the lounge, he asked her "Did she talk to you??" When Deepika just nodded, he prodded "So?? Is she okay?" His sister replied pensively "She is stressing out-" He interjected "It's understandable... but I think she is overthinking!" She hesitantly agreed "Maybe... I know it's early days, but it's natural for her to worry." Then she emphasized "And you need to be patient with her. Don't make her feel she is being illogical." When he started to protest "Deepu, I haven't said anything to that effect-" it was her turn to interrupt him "Bhai, all I am saying is just be extra sensitive with her right now."

Their tete-a-tete abruptly ended when Naina and Oliver joined them with the tea and biscuits.

That night, when back in their London flat, as they watched something on the television, Sameer pulled her feet into his lap and started gently messaging them "You have been up almost all day. Had Mom not requested us to come over, I wouldn't have made any plans for today." She brushed away his concerns "It's okay... In fact, it was nice to catch-up with all of them. And I don't have any meetings set for the next three days. So, I will take it easy."

After about a minute of silence, she mumbled "Sameer, Deepu is going to put me in touch with a mid-wife just so that I can talk to her if I like." Not recalling Deepika mentioning anything to him, he was slightly surprised "Oh good! Talking to professional might prove helpful."

Finding themselves at a loss of words, both turned their attention to the TV.

* * *

About two weeks later, when Sameer returned home, Naina was in the lounge. Some semi-classical music was playing on the stereo, and she was flicking through a magazine.

Knowing she usually played this genre of music when her nerves sought to be soothed, he rightly guessed of her restlessness. Having stayed out for much longer than he had planned, he felt he knew the reason for her perturbed state.

Glancing at the watch as he entered the lounge he muttered "You are still up? Sorry... I didn't plan to stay for more than a couple of drinks, but then one thing led to another. Adam was in a mood to celebrate his recent promotion and just wasn't ready to stop. Kabir too wanted to go home but- "

Standing up, she pointed at the calendar "I have even marked the dates in red! Go freshen up. I will be waiting for you in the bedroom." Suddenly realizing the real reason for her irritation, he muttered "Sorry! It slipped my mind... I will join you in a jiffy."

As he showered, Sameer was internally grumbling – Feels like I am about to appear for some interview or exam! In fact, I have never felt under so much pressure to perform even when I was appearing for actual exams! And at least with exams there are so many levels between an A and F. But here, that stick shows either one or two pink lines... an absolute failure or pass, nothing in between. And then there is the timetable too for when one is supposed to appear for the exam!

After her chat with the mid-wife, Naina had very carefully studied her menstrual cycle and identified her most fertile days. Very carefully marking the dates on the calendar, she had announced "On those date neither of us can use fatigue, work, lack of mood or time as an excuse! Doing the deed is compulsory!"

As he stepped into the bedroom, he looked towards the ceiling in silent plea – Dear God, please make sure that today's attempt is successful, and the result comes positive.

For the next few days, Sameer ensured that he was home in time for them to unwind and enjoy a meal together. After watching some light-hearted romcoms, candles were lit in the bedroom to make the ambience less reminiscent of an exam hall!

Naina tried to do her bit by cooking nutritious and apparently performance enhancing meals as recommended by the mid-wife. And of course, the diya and incense sticks in her mandir were lit twice a day!

It would be hard to decide whose efforts made the biggest difference, but one morning, three weeks later, Naina shook Sameer out of deep sleep and thrust something in front of his barely open eyes. After staring uncomprehendingly at the strip in her hand for a few seconds, he blinked his eyes rapidly and whispered in awe "It's positive, right?" She squealed "Yes! We are expecting! Sameer, I am so excited!"

Scrambling to sit up, he made space for her sit down next to him. Reading the fine print on the pregnancy test box, he remarked "These tests aren't 100% accurate. We should wait for the doctor's confirmation."

She muttered "I will call the GP and make an appointment." Trying hard to rope in her anxiety, she looked at him hopefully "But it does look positive, right?" He pressed his lips to her cheeks "Yes Mumma!"

Two days later Sameer and Naina stood wrapped in their coats, scarfs, and beanies outside the doctor's clinic. Despite the bitter cold, their cheeks were awash with a rosy glow and eyes sparkling with deep joy. The doctor had just confirmed the pregnancy. The new life in her womb had already transformed their identities and both stood eagerly poised to embark on the journey of parenthood.

Her countless smiles and blushes before that day had whispered many things to him, but that day her smiles seemed to scream that she carried a secret that the world was still oblivious of. A secret, a promise, a hope, a dream... Naina couldn't decide if the new life was a messenger or a manifestation of all these.

Later as they sat cuddled up sipping on hot chocolates, Sameer asked with a smile in his voice "So, happy now?" She sighed contentedly "Very..."

Few silent moments later she added "Sameer, I know the doctor said it's early days yet. But I want to share the news with Deepu and our mothers." He beamed "And I can't wait to tell Kabir that Armaan is going to get a playmate!" and then added thoughtfully "We have to tell Rohan too. I don't want him to feel excluded."

Nodding, she confessed "I want to share this news with our closest well-wishers to make sure this baby to be protected with as many prayers as possible."

Gazing deep into her eyes, he reassuringly laid a palm protectively on her tummy "Don't worry, we will take good care of the little tadpole." She smiled at the reference that they had come across in the book that now sat on the side table in their bedroom - What to Expect when you are expecting.

Covering his hand on her belly with her own, she confessed in a shaky whisper "These last couple of months I have been so scared that maybe the baby didn't think me worthy of returning." "Sweetheart..." he started protesting, but she quickly cut him off "Sameer, last time, I didn't welcome him with my heart or smile lovingly at the thought of that tiny pulse beating within me even once."

Realizing that she needed to voice these thoughts and unburden her heart of the misplaced guilt that had been weighing it down for so very long now, he held her close and let her speak.

All her fears and regrets spilled out "How could I even complain to God for not answering my prayers this time?! He... he knows everything in our hearts, right? So, he knows that last time I did not thank him once when I realized that I was going to be a mother. I have been scared... when I was so ungrateful for the blessing sent my way back then, what right do I have to expect the universe to give me another chance?"

"Maybe what happened last time was the universe... or God deciding it wasn't the right time for our baby to be with us." He tried to put the trauma of the past to rest and hoist the hopes of the future. "But it's coming back, and we shall welcome it now with abundant joy! Let's start focusing on the future." She nodded hoping that letting go of her regrets would be as easy as he tried to make it sound.

Maybe it wasn't that easy, but slowly the joy of the impending arrival pushed away old sorrows.

* * *

Rama and Vishakha were ecstatic at the thought of becoming grandmothers! Naniji's eyes overflowed with tears and heart was filled with endless prayers for the health of the mother-to-be and of course the tiny life growing within her.

Noting that Deepika's reactions, though happy, were a little restrained, Vishakha thought it might have something to do with the memories of her daughter's own loss. But Naina completely understood that Deepika was only reflecting the anxieties that stem from the memories of the past, ones which were looming in a dark corner of Naina's heart.

In the weeks that followed, Naina browsed through stacks of pregnancy related books that she had borrowed from the library and imagined her baby growing from the size of a pea to that of a plum.

* * *

One day during the fifteenth week of her pregnancy, while at work, Sameer received a call from his frightened wife "Sameer... I think it's happening again..." His hand holding the telephone trembled "What... is happening?"

"I am bleeding..." she sounded broken.

"Where are you? Have you reached home?" Knowing she had been due to meet a prospective client that afternoon, he tried to focus on the plan of action.

"I am still at the client's office. The meeting was delayed. I just finished and went to use the restroom... and realized." She replied in a dull tone. "Are you in pain?" Sameer asked as he mentally calculated how long he would take to reach her.

To his relief, she answered "No... it's not hurting... but there is some blood."

Quickly making up his mind, he asked her to take a cab to the closest hospital and told her he would meet her there directly.

Twenty minutes later as Naina disembarked from the cab, Deepika rushed to her "Bhai called me since I am closer. He will be here shortly, but let's get you to a doctor now." Seeing Deepika, Naina's control gave way, and she broke into sobs.

Deepika's efforts to calm her proved futile, till the doctor in the Emergency, after a quick examination, assured them that Naina was not experiencing a miscarriage.

After enduring the most stressful journey of his entire life, Sameer arrived when the doctor was explaining that, though not very common, some spotting during pregnancy wasn't that uncommon either. But considering Naina's medical history and her present agitated state, an ultrasound was ordered.

That day, the couple witnessed the first glimpse of their baby and heard its galloping heartbeats. The technician reassured them that the baby was growing well and pointed out the tiny limbs and the seemingly large head.

Tears flowed out of Naina's eyes once again, but this time of joy.

As Sameer watched the movements of his child in awe, fatherhood become a reality. All these months he had listened to Naina speak of the changes that her body was experiencing, be it the morning sickness or the tenderness in her breasts. But with her belly still rather flat, it had been hard to comprehend what was happening. Now for the first time he could see the tangible evidence of the person in her womb.

Kissing her fingers, Sameer whispered "Tadpole is fine... I told you it's going to be all good, right?"

Not wanting to intrude on the couple's special moments, Deepika had chosen to wait outside. But few minutes into the ultrasound Naina asked Sameer to call her in.

Struggling to contain her excitement, the aunt-to-be shrieked "That's my niece or nephew! I am going to absolutely spoil that child!" Then hugging Naina, she asked softly "You alright Sweetie? See everything is okay!"

Seeing the affection between the two young woman, the sonographer addressed Deepika "Are you her sister?" Deepika smiled "I am his sister by blood. But she is my soul sister!"

After the sonographer had recorded all the measurements, she spoke with the thoughtful look "I think it would be a good idea to meet with your specialist soon. I will send the in-depth reports to your doctor in a day or two."

When Sameer questioned her, all she shared was "Sir, I am not authorized to share more. My superior will first review my findings and then share the report with your doctor. Don't worry the baby is fine but your wife should take it easy for the next few days."

Though assured that the baby was doing fine, Sameer and Naina spent the next three days wondering about the cause of concern. Following the sonographer's advice, Sameer made sure that Naina stayed off her feet for the most part.

When they met the obstetrician, he carried out some more test and informed them that Naina had a condition called Cervical Insufficiency. When this occurs, the weak cervical tissue can result in a premature birth or the loss of an otherwise healthy pregnancy especially during the second trimester.

He explained to the stunned couple that though this made her pregnancy high risk, it could be managed with the proper treatment. Frequent check-ups and some medications were prescribed. He advised them of the symptoms to look out for and what to do if she suffered from any discomfort. Naina was told to avoid any intense activities for the duration of her pregnancy.

Suddenly her first miscarriage made sense.

That night a distraught Naina sobbed against Sameer's chest wondering when life would stop sending new challenges her way. For once Sameer was too overwhelmed to offer her any words of comfort.

The support of his family and friends that week proved indispensable. Vivek and Rohan made sure that they took over Sameer's work, so that he could spend time at home looking after Naina. Vishakha, Deepika and Farhana brought over food and assisted with chores around the house. For once, Sanjana too stepped up and helped with grocery and essentials shopping.

A couple of weeks trudged by. But despite all the rest, Naina had to be rushed to the hospital once again after experiencing some more bleeding. This time her doctor decided to admit her for a couple of days and carried out a procedure that closed the cervix with strong sutures. It was hoped that this procedure, along with bed rest, would ensure that the pregnancy reached full-term.

This new development was obviously extremely stressful for the parents-to-be and their families.

The night Naina was in the hospital, Kabir came over to stay with Sameer. Sipping on beers, they sat silently watching a football game playing on the TV.

About halfway into the game, Sameer swore bitterly "This is so fucked up man!" Knowing that Sameer would talk about the real problem on his mind only when he was ready, Kabir had patiently waited till that point. Sameer continued "Watching her lie on that hospital bed... looking so lost... I feel useless! What has she done to deserve all this pain?!"

"Sammy, of course neither Naina nor you deserve this. Nobody does! But life is full of shit." Patting his shoulder, Kabir continued "I know there is not point in me telling you to not worry... My mom was saying her friend's daughter had a similar problem, but she gave birth to a healthy girl. So, stay strong and positive. Cause Naina needs it now, more than ever!"

Sameer nodded and then asked, "The baby was born full-term?" Kabir's brow creased "I am not sure... I think, she was a little premature... but she is fine now. I will get more details from mom if you like."

Biting on his lip nervously, Sameer muttered "I know, I don't really need to say this... but it will be great if Farhana can drop-by more frequently. It will help Naina especially considering she is going to be mostly housebound for the rest of the pregnancy." Kabir was quick to agree "Of course mate!"

Back in India, Rama and Malati felt so helpless! All that they could do was worry and pray.

Rama felt torn; on one hand she regretted the moment when she had pushed Naina to move to London and yet on the other side she tried to draw satisfaction that being in London Naina would have access to the best healthcare possible.

Vishakha insisted that after Naina returned home, she would come stay with the couple during the week, which would allow Sameer to go into work. It was decided that Sameer would work from home on Fridays which would allow Vishakha to return to her husband and home for three days a week.

Naina watched all these proceedings with a slightly numb heart. For once she had the luxury to leave others to deal with the practical problems while she wallowed in the uncertainly clouding her thoughts and feelings. When Sameer proposed that she should put her plan for work on hold for the time being, she readily agreed. Safeguarding the child inside was the only endeavour she wanted to commit herself to. All her career aspirations or need for financial independence seemed to fade away into insignificance. At least for the time being.

It was the first week back home and Naina was napping. His mother was in the kitchen, when Sameer walked in and plopped into one of the chairs.

Vishakha walked over to him and patted his back. Eyeing the dark shadows around his eyes, she tried to rally his spirits "Don't worry so much. Both she and the baby will be fine. Naina is a strong girl."

But to her shock, despondently shaking his head Sameer hugged her tightly. He muttered gruffly against her stomach "No Mom, she isn't that strong. She won't be able to deal with this loss again. It will break her."

Her voice was a mere whisper "Again?? What do you mean??"

Chest heaving as dread clawed on his insides, Sameer shared the details of Naina's first miscarriage. By the time he finished he was in tears, and Vishakha was sniffling too as she stroked his head.

In that moment Sameer felt like a five-year-old who desperately needed his mother to tell him that all his wounds would stop stinging by the time he finished counting to hundred. Sadly, she couldn't tell him that. But her tender caresses said that he could still come to her if he needed a respite from being the strong man his wife and child needed him to be.

Later, when Naina woke up, she found her mother-in-law seated next to the bed, staring into nothing with puffy eyes.

When she asked "Mom, is everything okay?" the older woman answered by pulling her into an embrace and kissing her forehead. Still confounded, Naina asked "Did something happen??" Vishakha attempted a comforting smile "Nothing... don't worry. Would you like to eat something? I have made some Poha." Naina shook her head "No Mom, I don't feel like eating anything right now. Maybe later..."

Something dark, heavy, and yet invisible seemed to be swirling around them. Their fears or sorrow? Maybe both.

In the past two years Naina had seen many shades of her strong and at times intimidating mother-in-law. But the one in front of her resembled a fractured shadow of that woman.

What has brought this change? As the worst scenario played in her mind, Naina clasped Vishakha's hand tightly "Did the doctor call? Are the results of the latest test not good??"

Shushing her Vishakha muttered "Everything is okay. I have been praying. God only knows who has cast an evil eye on my children and... grandchildren." Wiping away some tears, she tried to assure both herself and Naina "I have promised that when we bring you and the baby back home safely, we will do a big pooja. And I will start fasting on Mondays! Don't worry Beta, this time everything will be fine."

Naina stilled. This time... that means she knows? Unthinkingly the words slipped from her lips "Sameer told you? Everything??"

Drawing back Vishakha gazed at her with a myriad of emotions. But the ones that Naina was most scared of were missing. There was no judgement. No accusation. No censure.

Though not sure why she felt the need to apologize or for what, Naina mumbled "Sorry Mom..."

Once again, Vishakha pulled Naina into a hug "I said we will bring the baby home this time, right? Everything will be okay. Don't fret. Now, we have to focus on your health." Straightening herself, she muttered "I will bring you some warm milk. At least have that."

As Vishakha heated the milk and added some turmeric to it, she silently lamented the loss of two grandkids. She had not felt the need to ask Sameer if Deepika was aware of the past. It was suddenly evident that the two young women had bonded over their shared loss and grief.

After losing her first husband at a young age, Vishakha understood the vacuum that an untimely loss of a beloved created in one's life. Also, in Naina's case there had been the invisible cloak of secrecy to contend with too. And after getting married off to Vivek following her brief bereavement, she also understood how the unexpressed grief keeps corroding one on the inside. The sobs that one cannot let escape keep resonating in the depths of their soul.

A wave of shame swept through her as she recalled her early distrust of Naina. The girl she had been so quick to presume as a gold-digger, had already buried one of her grandchildren.

As tears slithered down her jaded cheeks, she begged God's forgiveness for her failings. And in the same breath thanked him for stopping her from ever acting on her follies and not leaving her with regrets.

For what use are regrets? They may act as a salve for the soul of the tormentor but do nothing for the wounded.

* * *

"You told Mom." the way she said it, Sameer wasn't sure if she was just stating a fact or accusing him of failing her. Head hung low, limply holding her hand, he mumbled "Sorry... it just... I needed to talk to her." 

To his surprise, she squeezed back his hand "It's okay. Actually, I feel relieved. She knows and yet she is not angry or disillusioned. She spoke to me so kindly... I feel like I don't have to hide from her anymore."

"No, you don't." he pulled her closer, feeling greatly reassured by her response.

A part of her had been scared that she would have to control her reactions if something happened... if she lost... again.

Hiding her fears, wearing a mask, things that she had been used to in the past, they felt more daunting now. Maybe because he had taught her that she could be all of herself in her new home and life? And she wanted to continue feeling free.

Now, she could do that even with her mother-in-law. The elder woman's warm embrace had implied a total acceptance of all of her: her follies too. And it would be impossible to tell her love and follies apart.

As she tried to fall asleep that night, Naina felt like she was breathing easier.

The next day she woke up resolved to tackle this new challenge the way she had faced all the previous trials. With the determination to persevere and triumph. And now she didn't have to do it alone.

* * *

Weeks and months ticked by. And with each passing day, Naina's belly grew. When scan after scan proved that the baby was developing well, everyone slowly started savouring the present and preparing for the future.

While staying in London, after her morning pooja Vishakha would sit next to her daughter-in-law and read loudly from the Gita. During the afternoons she would knit little mittens, booties or cardigans for the baby and share many memories of Sameer's childhood. Naina's attempt at learning to knit resulted in a rather mismatched pair of booties which led to much teasing from her husband!

Some evenings Deepika would arrive after work. She had a knack for lightening the atmosphere and would entertain them with gossip about her colleagues. Most of the times Oliver would join them too and then the ensuing banter would bring a smile to the residents and dispel the listlessness from the house.

At times, Farhana or Becky would drop by during the day for a chat. They would bring her maternity and parenting books and advise Naina on things like diaper bags, changing tables and prams. Focusing on these preparations helped Naina to stay upbeat.

Couple of days into her twenty-fifth week, Naina called out from the bed "Sameer come quickly!" Dropping the laundry that he was about to put into the washer, he rushed to her, his heart beating erratically in dread.

But his wife's eyes were sparkling "Give me your hand." Grabbing his hand, she placed it on her stomach "Can you feel it?" He was confounded "What? Are you okay??" She tsked at him "Aare baba... just focus and feel..." His eyes grew wide as he felt some movement "It that the baby??" She giggled "Of course Buddhu! I told you I can feel it moving a lot in the evenings these days, right?"

Pushing her t-shirt back, he intently gazed at her belly for a while. Every time he felt the movement, he kissed that spot and then told the baby how much it was loved.

After reading in the pregnancy book that the foetus can start recognizing voices even while it's in the womb, Sameer bought a couple of children's story books. At bedtime he would read loudly from the book. Sometimes Naina would drift off to sleep hearing about the adventures of Winnie the Pooh or Daisy Duck.

Everyone's spirits lifted a great deal when she crossed the twenty-eight-week mark, as the risks of long-term complications in pre-mature babies drastically reduce from this point onwards.

Finally, Naina started indulging in her cravings and a series of demands ensued. Vishakha was delighted to pamper her and cooked everything that her daughter-in-law wished for. To Sameer's annoyance his wife constantly craved potatoes! Vishakha whipped up every potato recipe from her repertoire. And then some more!

Once Sameer teased her "Considering the number of potatoes that you are eating, I won't be surprised if Tadpole turns out to be a potato!" His wife of course did not find his sense of humour palatable and only glowered at him in reply.

Some of her cravings were rather mundane, like pickles or tangy Indian street food like chaat, but some rather bizarre. The first time Sameer caught her reaching for some tomato ketchup to drizzle it her on chocolate ice-cream, saying that he was shocked would be an understatement!

Looking a little abashed, she muttered "The baby wants it..."

Not only did Sameer immediately hand her the ketchup bottle, but on noticing that it was about to finish replenished it the same evening with a bigger one. That day Naina released the power of those words, and it soon became her favourite catchphrase!

One weekend evening as they were watching TV, she uttered "Sameer...." Having come to recognize the tone extremely well, he raised his eyebrows "What do you feel like eating now??"

But he sat staring at her in disbelief when she shared what her taste buds were hankering for. Not sure if he had heard her right, he asked incredulously "You want to eat fried chicken??!" She replied adamantly "Not me! The baby wants it!

"Chicken?? Seriously?!" he still wasn't sure if he had heard her right. Eyes crinkling just at the thought of it, she elaborated "I want the spicy one that you get for yourself from KFC. It always smells so good..." and then added impatiently "I want it now!"

As Sameer was about to leave the flat, she called out "And please buy a whole bucket!"

About forty minutes later, Sameer watched as she carefully peeled the batter covering yet another piece and relished it. When the chicken itself was put into another pile, he asked uncertainly "Aren't you going to eat the chicken??" She shook her head, looking satisfied "I just wanted to enjoy the crispy batter. You can eat the chicken."

After all the torment and uncertainly of the last few months, Sameer contentedly savoured the moment.

His rosy cheeked, chubby wife with a huge belly devouring food as he rubbed her feet.

These were the moments he had dreamt about when he had envisioned their future. Not the dreadful ambiguity that had come their way.

But then, no one deliberately daydreams nightmares, right?

Smirking cockily, he teased her "So, do I still have to brush before kissing you today??" Frowning, she pondered on his question for a bit and then responded by pulling him to her only to plaster her lips to his.

One Saturday afternoon after she had completed thirty-two weeks, looking rather forlorn as she was settling down for her afternoon nap, Naina mumbled "Sameer I am really missing Maa-" He interrupted "I understand sweetheart, but it's just a matter of few weeks now. Had it not been for that construction issue with Maa's aunts house she would have travelled earlier..."

It had been decided that Malati would be staying with her sister for a few months when Rama travelled to London for Naina's delivery. But Malati's nephew was making some renovations to his house and hence she couldn't move in with them for a few more weeks.

Naina nodded and then spoke, colouring a fair deal "Actually, I was saying... I am really missing Maa's crispy onion pakoras." He scowled "But didn't you ask Mom to make them three times this week?!" She mumbled "Yes... but they didn't taste like Maa's... something was missing..."

Sameer fondly kissed her forehead "You are completely mad!" And then raised his hand in mock surrender "I know, I know... it's the baby!"

Standing up, he said "Get some rest. I will be in the living room taking care of some work." As he was leaving the room, she called out "But, I do miss Maa! And of course, Nani too!"

As he settled on the sofa to browse through some of this work papers, Sameer contemplated on her recent obsession with food. Before the pregnancy, she had enjoyed food, but it had never been a fixation. Sometimes he doubted whether focusing her thoughts on food was part of her subconscious strategy to divert her attention from the fears plaguing her. So be it. He was okay with supporting whatever coping mechanisms she chose.

When she woke up couple of hours later, Naina waddled to the kitchen pulled by the aroma drifting throughout the flat. Sameer was standing her the stove. Looking over his shoulder, he remarked "Perfect timing!" Moving closer, she exclaimed "You are making pakoras?!"

He smirked "And not just any pakoras! I had called Maa to ask for her recipe. She said you like them with extra Ajwaan. Of course, I can't guarantee how closely these resemble hers!" Bringing one to her lips, he continued "She said something about the secret ingredient being 'Maa ka pyar', which I obviously couldn't conjure! Try this and tell me if they are at least alright."

Naina discovered that the pakoras which had been abundantly seasoned with the Ajwaan weren't as crispy and looked more yellow than her mother's, but there was no dearth of the secret ingredient. The pregnancy hormones provoked an unexpected emotional response and she started sniffling.

He uttered shocked "Are they that bad??" She hugged him and smiled through her tears "No... they are very good! Not only can I taste my mother's love, but I can taste my husband's and Tadpole's father's love too!"

Hastily placing his hand on her tummy, she beamed "Tadpole liked them too! He is kicking!"

Though not new now, Sameer felt he would never tire of feeling the baby's movements or seeing the shape of her belly shift as the little one inside got into a playful mood. He grinned back and started talking to her tummy in the tome reserved for young kids "Someone liked Dada's cooking?? I am going to make you so many tasty treats! Apple sauce, pumpkin puree, mashed sweet potatoes..."

Seeing Naina roll her eyes, he sounded indignant "What?! The book says these are the foods that are good for the children when they start eating solids. And I am not going to let you feed my baby tasteless mashed potatoes for every meal!" 

As Naina gobbled the pakoras, they bantered about what the baby would like and who was mostly likely to feed it.

* * *

It was coming to the end of her thirty-fifth week, when Rama arrived.

Though Sameer had posted her some photos during the pregnancy, she was very taken aback to see her very pregnant daughter! Rama apprehensively watched Naina's every move. Recalling all the challenges her daughter had faced these last few months, her eyes would moisten every few minutes.

And it was not just the physical changes in her daughter that overwhelmed her. London, her daughter's new home and lifestyle, the people around her... everything awed her.

The day after Rama's arrival, it being a weekend, a baby-shower had been arranged. Deepika and Oliver arrived with many decorations and soon the lounge was filled with pink and blue balloon and paper cut-outs of baby-products like dummies, feeding bottles and toys.

Knowing that none of Naina's earlier ethnic clothes fitted her anymore, Rama had brought along a new deep green Shalwar-Kameez with a smattering of colourful embroidery, especially for this occasion. As she stared at the outfit, Naina muttered "Maa, this kurti resembles a tent! Have I have grown so fat?!"

Rama immediately brushed away her doubts "It's not you... it's the baby. Don't worry once the baby is born you will go back to your old weight." Glancing at the clock, Rama muttered "I will send Sameer in to help you. I should help Vishakha didi in the kitchen."

Other than their immediate family which included Kabir and Farhana, Becky had been invited to the baby shower.

First Vishakha and Rama carried out the traditional 'Godh Bharai' ritual. Post which many western baby-shower games were played like; taste and guess the baby food while you are blindfolded, guess the pregnant mother's belly's circumference, baby bingo, list the most lullabies in a minute and so on.

And finally, the parents-to-be were handed the gifts for the baby. Sameer and Naina were deeply touched seeing the thoughtful gestures.

Deepika and Oliver had got them a baby bouncer along with some toys, while Rohan and Sanjana gifted them a portable change mat and a nappy bag that Sanjana's cousin had sung high praises of. Farhana and Kabir had got them a bedding set for the baby's cot and musical mobile to hang over the cot. Becky had got a set of muslin for wrapping the baby and a bath time book.

Naina shared with everyone that Vishakha and Vivek had insisted on buying the pram.

Rama had brought with her stacks of baby clothes that she had got stitched from a tailor near their house in Khed and a small silver bowl and spoon. She handed over a rubber monkey which made a squeaky sound when pressed, which had been specially selected and sent by Munni. Champa had sent a box of homemade ladoos which Naina used to relish while in the Ahmedabad house. There was an assortment of baby blankets, clothes and other knick-knacks sent by their neighbours from Khed.

Both the grandmothers repeatedly thanked God for the merry atmosphere in the house that day.

After all the guests left, tired from the day's exertions Naina had immediately settled on the bed.

Rama was massaging her daughter's swollen feet, while Vishakha and Sameer were putting away the gifts. As usually happens on occasions like these, the gifts were once again discussed and praised.

"Mom, did you tell Farhana that I had liked the mobile with the sea-animals?" Naina asked Vishakha. The elder woman smiled "She kept pestering me for what you really wanted! Finally, I told her. But the bedding is of her choice."

After glancing at the clock, Vishakha addressed her son "Just put the small stuff away for now. Dad will help you assemble the pram and cot tomorrow before he goes back. It's time for Naina's medicines, so I will warm up her dinner." "Mom, I am really not hungry... there was so much food today..." Naina started protesting, but Vishakha responded "I have already made you some potatoes and leeks soup. Have some."

Seeing Naina's eyes light up at the mention of potatoes, she addressed the other older woman, "Rama, all she eats happily is potatoes! I hope you have better luck getting her to eat more nutritious food now."

Naina pouted "Mom... have I really troubled you so much? Are you going to complain to Maa now?!" Vishakha exclaimed in mock horror "Complain about you and risk being denied access to my grandchild?! No way!!" Naina teased her mother-in-law back "Oh yes! I forgot I hold the Ace of Spades now!" Chuckling, Vishakha pointed at her son and said, "Two Aces of Spades!"

Though it was good to see that her daughter had gelled well with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law, Rama found it a little unnerving to see the close bond between Naina and Vishakha. Suddenly she felt like an outsider peeping into Naina's new home and family.

She knew her fears were illogical, for this was exactly what she had hoped and prayed for. For her daughter to be make a permanent place in the hearts of her new family. And had she not reassured Naina that moving to a new place and committing herself to the new relationship would not mean that she was abandoning her mother and grandmother?

But our emotions are irrational. And that's what makes us human.

* * *

Two days later, after successfully completing the change of guard, Vishakha left for her home.

Rama now felt more in her element and started running the household based on her daughter's input. Her motherly instinct pushed to the fore and she started cooking copious amounts of food. One of the first things she cooked for Naina was the onion pakoras that her daughter had been longing for!

The mother and daughter duo chatted for hours, sharing all the news that had not been deemed important enough to be shared during the international phone calls. Rama conveyed endless instructions sent by Malati for her granddaughter. At times, Naina grew forlorn, wishing her grandmother had been part of her new journey. Though Malati had ruled out the idea when first proposed using her age and health as an excuse, Naina suspected that it was the idea of travelling to a strange land that had overwhelmed her.

Once or twice Naina considered sharing the past with her mother, but the fear of how it might change Rama's love for her and respect for Sameer held her back.

Rama occasionally accompanied Sameer to the local shops. While walking around the neighbourhood, she asked him the medical details that she did not want to bring up in front of Naina.

About ten days after Rama's arrival, Naina woke up one morning with pain in the lower back which soon escalated to contractions. Though it was still two and half weeks to her due date, her obstetrician had warned them of the likelihood of premature labour. Also, considering she had crossed thirty-seven-week mark, the likelihood of a complication was very low.

Phone calls to close relatives were made and Naina was rushed to the hospital. As soon as she was admitted, the doctors quickly removed the stiches that had been put in place in the early stages of her pregnancy.

Very surprised, Rama observed Sameer actively supporting Naina in the birthing suite. Be it wiping her brow, offering her sips of juice, or timing her contractions, he was constantly by her side. This was a rather alien experience for Rama. In her time and where she came from, neither the husband nor any other family was allowed in the delivery room. She vaguely recalled labouring all by herself in a dimly lit room with dark green curtains as the mid-wife told her off for screaming so much and reminding her that females had been dealing with this pain since the dawn of existence.

Her astonishment grew as Sameer opened the bag that had been packed especially for this hospital visit and pulled a few things. He then lit some sandalwood incense around the room and popped a cassette into the cassette player sitting on a side table. Soft semi-classical Indian music that Naina usually found soothing filled the room.

It wasn't clear if this personal touch made any difference to the young woman who was screaming with an increasing frequency. Though expected, seeing Naina in so much pain was rather painful for her husband and mother.

Luckily her labour lasted only a few hours.

The moment the doctor revealed it was a boy and the little babe let out a loud cry, Sameer and Naina both started laughing and crying at the same time!

As he cut the umbilical cord, Sameer felt like he was being tied into a strong everlasting bond with the tiny infant.

The nurse cleaned the baby and loosely swaddling it handed it to Sameer, who then presented him to his wife. The moment she saw the baby, Naina announced through her tears "Sameer, he looks just like you!" And then added in a reverential whisper "Chintu has really come back to us." Hugging her tight, Sameer whispered gazing at his son in awe "Didn't I always say that he would?!"

The little one blinked at the hazy new world around him in confusion. Everything seemed far too bright! But then relaxed finding himself still enveloped by his mother's familiar scent.

Rama who had been standing in the back of the room to stay out of the way of the medical team, now stepped forward and gazed her grandson with pure adoration. It seemed unreal that her little girl had now become a mother! She whispered some prayers and blessings to the baby, and kissing her daughter and son-in-law congratulated them.

The baby was soon whisked for some preliminary tests, while Naina was cleaned and advised to gather her strength.

* * *

Later that evening, the immediate family was assembled in Naina's hospital room to meet the first of their next generation. The new parents basked in the congratulations. And of course, the compliments to their son! Sameer and Naina were convinced that their son was the cutest baby that was ever born!

When his wife whispered something to him, Sameer cleared his throat and spoke "Naina and I would like to thank you all for your invaluable support over the last year. This journey would have been extremely hard had it not been for all of you." After a small pause as he looked at his mother, he added "Mom, especially you!"

Putting his one arm around Naina while he held the little bundle of joy in his other, he continued sounding very proud "And now, we would like to present Jai Maheshwari to all of you."

Vishakha uttered in a very emotional voice "You are naming him after Papa?!" Naina smiled "Mom, hope it's okay with you." Her mother-in-law grinned "Okay?? Beta I am overjoyed!" Everyone assembled unanimously agreed that naming Jai after his great-grandfather was a lovely gesture.

While everyone gathered around Jai's bassinet, Naina called Deepika over and said something to her in hushed tones. Deepika asked her "Are you sure?? I don't want to steal your thunder... we can wait for a few days." Naina smiled reassuringly "Please Deepu... this is the perfect time!"

Walking over to Oliver's side, Deepika murmured something to his ear and then beaming widely spoke aloud "Well, Ollie and I have some good news too!" As the people in the room started connecting the dots, she squealed "In about six-and-half months, someone will be arriving who will be calling Jai 'Bhai'!"

As many congratulations followed, Oliver added cheekily "Well, we thought now that Mom had already found her grandma-groove, we might as well jump on the bandwagon!" Everyone around broke into laughter.

After witnessing Naina's angst, first while trying to conceive and then with the pregnancy itself, Deepika had decided to not wait till they bought their house. She and Oliver had decided that they would make everything else work even if it meant raising the child in a cramped flat for the first couple of years. Their need to be assured of being blessed with a child was greater.

Sameer and Deepika started teasing Rohan that it was now his turn to contribute to the new generation.

As Sanjana blushed at their comments, Rohan muttered "Sanju, I think it's time we put our gallivanting across the globe on hold and indulged in some domestic pleasures too!" When his wife did not immediately object, Rohan's eyes twinkled at the thought of starting his own family.

Over time Sanjana's behaviour towards Naina had mellowed. Especially after Ishita had got married into an extremely well-off family based in Los Angles.

All the grandparents had a look of deep contentment on their faces. The children were all grown up with families of their own. Of course, every phase of life comes with new challenges. But what would life be without the occasional surge of adrenaline?!

And what would our lives be, devoid of all our follies? Especially the ones committed by our pure, naïve hearts!

* * *

(My dearest Readers,

First, a huge thanks for all the love and support for this story! I know, I have not been able to share very timely updates in the last few months, and yet most of you have stuck around till the end. I greatly appreciate it.

Had this not been a Samaina fanfic, I would have probably wrapped it up much sooner. But instead tried to give the ardent fans scenes of Samaina's happy domesticity. I hope in this endeavour I have not dragged the story unnecessarily. All genuine feedback is very welcome in this regard.

Credits for the idea to name the baby Jai go to my sweet editor-cum-daughter!

An epilogue will be posted in a couple of weeks.

Lots of love and big hug,

May)