13th Dec 1998

Following a late lunch post the cricket match, most of the guests had retired to their rooms for a little rest.

Radhika was overseeing the preparations for the rest of the day. Aware of the older woman's irritated mood, Naina made sure to stay out of her way as much as possible. A part of her was a little anxious wondering how Radhika would react if she were to find out that Sameer had been only acting earlier in the day.

Trying to ensure that Radhika would not find anything to complain about, Naina had been committed to carrying out all her tasks with a great deal of focus and precision. For the last forty minutes, she was bent over a large table sticking some artificial flowers on posters that were to be put up for the evening function.

Guptaji walked over as she stood up stretching her back after sticking the last flower in place. After staring at the posters for a few seconds, he uttered "I don't understand this idea of violet roses! Roses can be red, pink, orange, yellow or white... but violet? God knows where Radhika gets these ideas!"

Naina smiled at him "When Rohan proposed, he had presented Sanjana with a bouquet of violet roses since they are very rare. So, Sanjana wanted them to feature in the decorations."

Still looking unconvinced Guptaji muttered "What strange ideas... violet roses..." Then looking extremely pleased with himself he added "If you ask me, sweets are a much better gift than flowers. I always give my wife a one kilo box of my favourite Kesar Malai Pedhas on our wedding anniversary!"

Trying hard to supress a smile, Naina excused herself thinking, Poor Mrs Guptaji... I am sure he must be finishing all the pedhas himself!

As she exited the washroom and headed towards the room where Vibha and some others from her team were assembled, Naina heard Sameer calling out her name. Turning back, she saw him walking briskly in her direction. He had changed back into his earlier grey t-shirt. 

On reaching her, he asked "Where have you been?" Her eyes landing on his forehead, she asked "How is your head now?" Ignoring her question, he uttered "I didn't see you after the match. I was looking for you."

Seeing a group of guests entering the corridor, Naina muttered "I will see you later." A shadow of annoyance fleeted across his face. Grabbing her arm, he pulled her into the nearest room.

The temporarily converted storeroom was filled with couple of tall wooden shelves and boxes of all sizes overflowing with decorations for various functions, table clothes, disposable plastic glasses and so on. The sunlight filtered into the dark room through a couple of slits of the wooden window-frame.

Naina sounded worried "What are you doing?! Are you okay?" Frowning slightly, he responded "If you are really worried about me, why didn't you check on me earlier?" She tried to explain "Sameer, I was busy with the preparations for the evening. And I didn't want to antagonise Radhika any further."

Taking a step closer, she lifted her hand to gently touch his forehead "The swelling seems to have gone down. It doesn't hurt, does it?" His eyes glinting with pleasure, he took a step closer too "You still care." A flush crept up her face at this assertion.

As she struggled to articulate a reply, he leaned closer. Her eyes held a shy look, the one that had possessed his heart for years. Naina almost forgot to breathe as Sameer cupped her face with his right palm, his thumb caressing the curve of her cheekbone.

The surrounding jumble ceased to exist, as his gaze slowly swept over her shapely eyes and alluring lips. She trembled a little as he traced the shape of her lips with his thumb. Her ability for rational thinking was momentarily lost as he slipped his other hand around the bare waist exposed by her saree.

A shiver ran through her. His almost forgotten yet familiar touch seared her skin, the heat swiftly spreading throughout her body. His eyes darkened seeing her instantaneous response. Sameer started leaning in, his need clearly reflecting in his eyes which kept drifting to her lips.

His voice came out a husky whisper "Naina, I really missed you. Did you miss me too?" 

He wants to know if I missed him? His question left her both stunned and silenced. Her lips quivered unable to form the words which could convey how terribly she had missed him all this time. How can I tell him how much I have missed him? Or when did I miss him the most?

Not hearing the hoped-for words, he tilted her chin upwards "Naina, say something... did you not miss me?" She nodded but stayed silent for a few moments.

All her sentiments lay scattered, till she finally gathered some and spoke unsteadily "Sameer... I have to... tell you something." He nodded encouragingly "Go on, I am listening." She almost whispered "Not now and not here." His forehead creased "Why not now?" She licked her lower lip nervously "Its... I think it will be better to have some real privacy."

He asked in a teasing tone "Oh... you want privacy?" Realising that his assumptions for privacy were way off the mark, Naina took a step back and muttered "I mean, if we can meet outside without any disruptions. Maybe a restaurant or a park..."

His eyes narrowed noting her serious appearance "When? Today??" She shook her head "I can't leave for the rest of the day today. But I can try to slip away for some time tomorrow morning. Can you?"

"As far as I am aware there is just a small Haldi related ceremony tomorrow morning and the wedding related rituals will start from evening onwards. The actual wedding ceremony is at night... So, I suppose, I could leave for a bit around lunch time." he replied with a thinking expression.

As Naina listened to him talk about the wedding taking place the next day, she started thinking that it wouldn't be the right time to share the news of the miscarriage. It was after all meant to be a happy occasion for him.

She exclaimed "Actually, I just remembered! I am supposed to be here tomorrow. Radhika had mentioned something... Let's talk the day after the wedding." He sounded a little hesitant "Are you sure?" She nodded in acceptance.

Sameer asked her "When are you leaving for Ahmedabad?" Her insides clinching in dread, Naina replied "Day after tomorrow after lunch. And you?" He shrugged "Not sure. Most of the guests will start leaving after breakfast. Some of the family are heading back to Ahmedabad later that day, and some the following morning after everything here is wrapped up. Mom and Dad are still finalising the details."

She asked weakly "And when do you leave for London?" Unable to meet her eyes, he replied ruffling his hair "We will be in Ahmedabad for five days." As she nodded dully, he added "I hope we can meet while I am there. Can you take a couple of days off from work?" She muttered "I will try."

The incomplete past and the uncertain future seemed to weigh down their present moment of togetherness. She stepped away from him and left the room saying, "I need to get back to my team. I will see you later?"

Sameer stayed in the room for a minute wondering about what had caused her demeanour to change so drastically. One moment she had been trembling in his arms with desire and the next moment all she wanted to do was run away from him.

But he was glad that they had at least broached the topic of his time in Ahmedabad after the wedding. Being surrounded by so many family members during the wedding functions, spending any alone time with her was proving almost next to impossible.

At the same time, he was a little unclear on what could or should happen next. Just like the last trip, he was here for a few days only. And they had already wasted the first couple of days being angry at each other!

One thing he was clear on was, that he was not ready to say goodbye. But the logistics of a long-distance relationship still confounded him.

A small part of him nagged – Just because you did not fall for anyone after her, doesn't mean she didn't either! What do you really know about her present other than just some facts about her job? Just because she is unmarried does not mean she is completely unattached. I should ask her clearly...

A restlessness consumed him, even though he found it hard to believe, that she would be melting in his arms if she were involved with someone else.

* * *

Close to four in the afternoon, a group of henna artists had arrived and setup their base in a lounge which had been decorated for the occasion with abundant strings of marigolds. Traditional songs meant for the occasion and some Bollywood hits boomed from the speakers.

Sanjana sat holding her hands and feet out for the two girls who were deemed experts in bridal henna. Other women from the two families based on their importance in the wedding hierarchy were getting their hands decorated too.

Deepika, Ishita and some of the younger women were sitting close to her and teasing her about Rohan's name on her hand, and how it was mandatory that he find it on their first night together after the wedding. Some of the older aunties bashfully shared some memories of their own wedding nights and how their husbands had been too eager to move on to other activities rather than the henna treasure hunt! Hearing the forbidden gossip, the adolescent girls were sneaking glances at each other and giggling.

At one end of the lounge couple Radhika's staff were offering to do the henna for the children. Considering that most of the kids will not have the patience to sit still and let the colour develop for hours, or were likely to close their hands and destroy pattern while the henna was still wet, Radhika had decided to save on the cost and allocate that task to her staff.

Poor Vibha had been stumped when she received requests for spooky tattoos of skulls and spiderwebs from some of the young overseas male guests!

Every now and then, some men would drop by to look at the progress. They would praise the artists skills, the patience of their clients and then head back to the other rooms where the rest of the male population was sprawled.

The older men happily sipped their hot drinks, munched on snacks, and debated world politics and international finance policies. Meanwhile, the younger one's occasionally reminded them in a teasing tone that they did not have any control over even their home budgets!

After spending some time with Dinesh and few other business associates, Sameer headed to the Ladies lounge. He loitered there for close to half-an-hour making some small talk with his cousin sisters and aunts.

When Naina didn't appear, he approached the side where Vibha was seated. He first complimented his young nieces on their pretty patterns and then he addressed Vibha "Wow, you all are doing such a great job with these kids!"

As Vibha beamed at him, incredibly pleased with the compliment, he asked trying to appear casual "Is Naina not around?" Seeing the puzzled look on her face, he added "She was going to get back to me with some information." Vibha smiled and replied "Oh... she is outside with Guptaji and Mihir. She is helping them with some games that they are conducting, to keep the kids occupied while their mothers are in here." Sameer chatted with Vibha for another minute or so and then left the lounge.

He headed towards the part of the garden from which some shrill screams were originating. Standing at a distance he observed the proceedings.

To one side lay a board which had been discarded after many attempts at pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.

Currently a lemon-and-spoon race was in progress. Naina was helping maintain the scorecard, Mihir was cheering the participants, while Guptaji supervised and acted as the referee.

Noting that she didn't seem particularly enthusiastic or engaged with the event, Sameer wondered why she had chosen the volunteer for this event instead of being inside and enjoying the Mehndi function. Vibha's remarks from earlier just did not add up.

The next game was a Tug-of-War. Seeing that most of the kids were too young to hold the rope tightly enough, Guptaji declared "For the next game, you will have an adult on your teams too! Naina aunty and Mihir uncle will join in as well."

Naina protested "Guptaji, how can I play in this saree? You should lead the team against Mihir." It was Mihir's turn to protest now "No! With Guptaji the other team will gain an unfair advantage! Come on be a sport Naina." Guptaji beamed "Mihir is right! I used to win all the sports competitions while in school. It wouldn't be fair to the other team. And being an impartial referee is not everyone's cup of tea... I cannot pass on this responsibility to you Naina."

Impartial referee for a Tug-of-War?? Guptaji will use any reason to just stand and do nothing! Naina grudgingly tucked her saree a little higher and then took her position as the leader of her team. Guptaji counted to three and then blew a whistle signalling the commencement of the battle! Both the sides pulled and screamed with all their might, though probably a bit more energy was invested in their bellowing than tugging.

Sameer watched the battle grinning broadly. This was a new avatar of his Harinakshi! His warrior princess, huffing and puffing till her cheeks turned red. She was determined to put up a tough fight!

The battle waged for a couple of minutes till Mihir managed to lead his army of tiny soldiers to victory. Naina and her troopers tumbled over the line into the enemy's arms. Naina landing almost in Mihir's lap brought a huge smile to his face, but completely wiped out the one on Sameer's face.

Isn't he the same guy she was dancing with the other night after leaving me stranded on the floor? And since when has sitting in a colleague's lap become a norm?! They seemed awfully close for his comfort. Sameer impatiently waited for Naina to untangle herself from Mihir. But Mihir was understandably reluctant to relinquish the spoils of the war and did nothing to rectify the situation. As the kids erupted into giggles, Naina ended up joining in the laughter too.

This scene of simple light-hearted fun and joy brought an unexpected heaviness to Sameer's heart. Her laughter which he had craved so much, in that moment, as she besotted some other guy with her smiles, filled him with a forlorn feeling.

Unable to watch anymore, he turned and headed back inside.

* * *

It was about half-eight in the evening. The lawn was decorated with posters and other decorations made by the staff earlier in the day. An abundance of artificial violet roses featured everywhere as per Sanjana's wishes.

Considering that most of the women would still have their hands covered with the henna, which would limit their movements that evening, a 'Ghazal Night' had been planned.

A raised stage was setup at one end which was occupied by some musicians. The guests were occupying the tables and chairs that were scattered around the lawn. The earthen diya's painted by the children the day before, along with many others had been used as part of the evening's décor. A profusion of rose perfume had been spayed in the area, to create the perfect ambience for a relaxing musical evening.

At that moment, a male singer was belting old classical Bollywood numbers which the older population was thoroughly enjoying. Talat Mehmood's popular heart-touching melody was enchanting the listeners.

shaam-e-gam ki qasam aaj gamagi hai hum
aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa, aaj mere sanam
shaam-e-gam ki qasam

dil pareshaan hai raat viraan hai
dekh jaa kis tarah aaj tanahaa hai hum
shaam-e-gam ki qasam...

Chain kaisaa jo pahaluu men tuu hi nahin
Maar daale na dard e judaai kahin
Rut hansin hain to kyaa, chaandani hai to kyaa
Chaandani zulm hai aur judaai sitam

Shaam e gam ki kasam aaj gamagiin hain hum
Aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa, aaj mere sanam
Shaam e gam ki kasam...

Dressed in a maroon kurta, Sameer was seated at a table occupied by many ladies with henna-adorned hands, offering his help as required.

The fragrance of the henna was invoking many memories for him. The moments when his fingers were entwined with her henna clad hands during his last trip occupied his mind.

Seeing the faraway look on his face, an aunt teased "Vishakha, look at Sameer! He is already dreaming about his bride." Before Sameer could object, she continued "Now it's high time you find him a bride too. Both his younger siblings are settled now. For how long do you want him to live a lonely bachelor's life?!"

Vishakha muttered "Believe me, it's not that I haven't been trying to convince him. But you know, he has hardly been in London these last few years! Anyway, I have told him that I won't put up with any excuses now."

The aunt offered Sameer some unsolicited advice "Beta, there is a right time for everything. This is a good age to settle down. And if you like someone, tell your mother before she starts hunting for a bride!"

Turning to Vishakha, she continued "Did I tell you about my sister-in-law's sister's son? She spent two years trying to find him a match. He would find something wrong with every proposal... and then it turned out that he was already involved with their neighbour's daughter! His mother was so heartbroken..."

Sameer tuned out the story being narrated by his aunt. Instead he smiled slightly, recalling the instance when the women in the fields had mistaken them to be newlyweds and teased her.

His eyes started searching for her again wondering why she wasn't here. He could see her colleagues at a table towards the back, but she wasn't there.

His mind went back to his earlier conversation with Vibha. When he enquired why Naina was outside with Guptaji instead of helping with the henna, Vibha had explained that apparently Naina was severely allergic to henna and hence had requested to be assigned to another task. This information from Vibha had left him extremely confused. Can an adult suddenly develop severe allergies? That did not seem to make much sense.

Deepika nudged him "Bhai, where are you?? I have been asking you for a pakoda for the last five minutes!" He rolled his eyes at her exaggeration and stabbing a pakoda with a toothpick fed it to her. Oliver soon walked over with a few drinks and sat down in the chair next to his wife. 

Naina stood in the shadows, not able to enter the lawn. Her eyes were fixed on Sameer sitting with his family and friends.

Ollie was feeding Deepika something, while Sameer was holding the cold drink bottle for a cousin sitting next to him.

Naina remembered him feeding her the last bite of his kulfi when she had got her hand decorated with henna during the visit to the model village themed restaurant.

She watched with growing misgivings as Ishita sashayed over to his table and asked Raja to pull an empty chair next to Sameer. Leaning closer, Ishita said something to Sameer pointing at another table and he burst out laughing.

Elated by Sameer's actions during the cricket match and taking heart from the conversation in the storeroom, she had dressed up in her new favourite dress green dress. It was made from a crepe saree material and embroidered in gold thread. It had felt so special when she had got it stitched. Madhu had helped her choose the embroidery pattern from a catalogue after sitting outside the shop for close to an hour.

But now looking at Ishita and all the other young women in their glamourous designer outfits, hers suddenly felt very dull and outdated. She felt dull... and inadequate.

Her feet wouldn't budge in the direction of the table at the back occupied by her colleagues. After studying in Mt Carmel, she was used to not sitting at the table occupied by the 'In-crowd'. She had taken it all in her stride, the social differences and resulting subtle segregation, not caring about it one bit.

But today it mattered. She longed to sit at his table, to have him fussing over her, to bring her drink to her lips. But there was no space for her there next to him.

The divide between them was glaring at her. Why had she not seen this before?? No, that wasn't true. She had been acutely aware of it since meeting him again and seeing his family around him.

Their dynamics had been completely different during the trip with Nanaji. Just between the three of them, the disparity in their situations had not been as pronounced as it was now. Maybe she had been too young and too naïve. But she was under no illusions now. And yet she couldn't control the yearning of her heart!

Suddenly Naina found herself wondering, that considering there had been no baby to bind them to each other, what could have possibly happened even if they had managed to keep in touch for a bit? 

Eventually his fascination for her would have worn off. One day he would have realised that she had been nothing but his exotic flavour of the week or the month... she couldn't have become his all-time favourite or a staple. His tastes were far too refined for that.

Just a few minutes back, she had stopped behind a pillar to adjust the strap of her bra and had accidentally heard a conversation between Ishita's mother and some other lady.

The lady had been scolding Ishita's mother "Sneha, I am telling you again! This unnecessary delay is not good. What are you and Bhaisaheb waiting for? This wedding was such a good occasion to announce Sameer and Ishita's engagement. Both the families are already here, so why wait? You should have clearly asked Vivek and Vishakha."

Sneha had replied dispiritedly "Sonal didi, we had spoken to Neeta Bhabhi and Nilesh bhai, but they asked us to wait till this wedding was done."

Sonal snorted "Do you not understand why they advised you against talking to the Somani's about the engagement? It just means that they are not sure what the Somani's reply will be and did not want to risk an awkwardness during Sanjana's wedding."

Sneha had tried to brush away the doubts "Sonal didi, its not like that. Ishita and Sameer have been spending a lot of time together these days. In fact, she even travelled here with his family. Ishita was telling me that she has already told him where she would like to head for their honeymoon!"

Sonal had exclaimed sounding incredibly pleased "They are making plans for their honeymoon?! That's excellent news. In that case, I suppose things are much better than I expected. But still, get it all formalised as soon as possible. If not during the wedding, do a simple Roka during the pooja in Ahmedabad."

From what Naina recalled Deepika sharing with her, there was no commitment between Sameer and Ishita. But if they were discussing honeymoon destinations then perhaps Deepika had assumed wrongly or was just oblivious to the latest developments.

But then what was he doing showing up in her room in the middle of the night?! And what had he meant when he had asked her earlier that day if she could take a couple of days off from work and spend time with him? Her mind imprudently questioned, Am I supposed to be a last fling before he settles down with Ishita as per his family's wishes? Her heart contracted in horror, No! He can't think so lowly of me. Naina, get a grip on your reckless, unruly thoughts!

The barrage of conflicting thoughts and emotions left Naina rooted to the spot.

A female singer now took her place on the dais. Her announcement that she would be attempting Iqbal Bano's famous ghazal 'Ulfat Ki Nai Manzil Ko Chala' was greeted with much gusto by all the ghazal lovers in the audience.

Along with many others ghazals Naina had heard that ghazal countless times too, as she nursed her broken heart. She felt the air woosh out of her, not sure if this was another sign from the universe.

It felt like the lyrics had been written just for her, just for this very moment!

Ulfat ki nayi manzil ko chala, tu banhen dal ke banhon mein
Dil todne wale dekh ke chal, hum bhi to pade hain rahon mein

Kya kya na jafayen dil pe sahin, par tum se koi shikwa na kiya
Is jurm ko bhi shamil kar lo, mere masum gunahon mein

Jab chandni raton mein tu ne khud hamse kiya iqarar-e-wafa
Phir aj hain kyon hum begane, teri beraham nigahon mein

Hum bhi hain wohi, tum bhi ho wohi, ye apni-apni qismat hai
Tum khel rahe ho khushiyon se, hum dub gaye hain ahon mein

Dil todne wale dekh ke chal, hum bhi to pade hain rahon mein...

As the ghazal played out, her eyes glistening, Naina stood wondering - What will happen if I just spin and sway around him and start my declaration of love, heart break here and now?  Can I entreat him to look at me, consider me once before embarking on his future journey with someone else, just like the heroines in Hindi movies always did in a room full of people? How do they do it? I can't find the courage to tell him even in private! How do they make a spectacle of themselves? Has my love not reached those heights of madness yet?

It would be nice to go insane... her sanity at times seemed like her downfall. The freedom that would come with insanity, to say and do as she pleased, would be priceless!

She was so tired of smiling for the world around her when all she wanted to do was weep inconsolably. She was tired of being the responsible one all the time!

When she decided to stay back for this assignment after running into him, it wasn't like she had any expectations of him to come rushing back into her arms with proclamations of love.

She had hoped for some sort of closure. And she should have been satisfied with Sameer's revelation about the letter he had left for her. That was much more than what she could have wished for, and yet it suddenly didn't feel enough. There was still an undeniably strong pull between them, something very potent. Now, she wanted more. She wanted him.

Naina's eyes drifted to her colourless palms. After losing him, she had never been able to apply henna again. Even the smell bothered her. It inevitably reminded her of their night together and him kissing her palms and inhaling the fragrance. Henna was just another thing she now avoided in order to prevent any panic attacks.

Naina lost track of the time and place as she stood half hidden behind a pillar gazing at him. She did not realise when her few tears turned to many and then into despondent sobs.

"Are you alright?" the words uttered worriedly startled her. Kabir stood close looking by her anxiously. He switched to Hindi "Naina, kya hua? Tum theek ho?" She rushed to wipe her tears nodding "Ha... main theek hu."

He cast a look in the direction where she had been looking when he came across her. Not convinced by her reply in the least, he probed "You look like an absolute mess! What happened? Can I help with something?"

Naina shook her head in negation and muttered "It's nothing. I mean, it's personal." Kabir smiled at her kindly "Wo toh main samajh gaya." When she looked up surprised, he explained "I mean, lawn ki decorations to leke toh koi itna upset hone se raha... Please, you can talk to me. If I can be of any assistance at all?"

She smiled weakly "Thank you so much, aap itna dil se pooch rahe hai. I appreciate it. But as I said it's personal. And I wouldn't want to spoil your evening with my troubles." She added with a faraway look "Someone taught me a long time back that one should never allow their personal problems to overshadow with their professional duties. It's a mantra that has served me well all these years."

She started to head back to her room, but paused and implored him "Can you please not share this with anyone? I am already mortified that you found me in this state." As he nodded, she added "Kabir, I am sorry if I was rude to you earlier today during the match. I know I shouldn't have snapped at you, but I was just worried for him."

He replied reassuringly "No need to apologise. It was clear that you were anxious." And then added chuckling softly "Don't worry Sammy and I have a very thick skin! Neither a cricket ball nor a few words can hurt us easily."

She smiled slightly and mumbled "You have known each other for a long time, right?" Kabir smiled back "We met when we were about seven or eight and have been friends since! We have a no secrets and no filters kind of friendship, you know..."

Naina looked at him a little flustered as she wondered, Then, does he know about me? But Kabir did not show any signs of recognition and asked again "Are you sure you will be alright on your own? Should I fetch one of your friends?"

He has never mentioned me to his closest friend... She shook her head "No, they are just my colleagues. But thanks for asking. I think I will head in for an early night. Enjoy your evening."

She cast one last glance towards the guests on the lawn and headed inside.

Kabir stood watching her retreating back. The poor woman looked absolutely heartbroken. Is she upset because of something someone out there did or said? Maybe there had been some trouble with her colleagues or her manager. Recalling her earlier reaction to Sameer's injury, he concluded that she was an oversensitive girl. But then hadn't she said that it was personal?

He looked at the wedding guests enjoying themselves. Maybe, it is more about the occasion... it probably brings back some sad memories for her. Yes, it has to be that! Hoping that she would feel better soon, he headed towards the bar to grab a drink.

* * *

Sameer stoically sat through part of the evening suffering Ishita's repeated attempts at conversation and coy looks. Not being able to make sense of most of lyrics, he focussed his attention on the people surrounding him for some time.

When the only girl who he wanted to look at did not make any appearance, he slipped away to the games room with Kabir and few of his cousins for a round of pool and beers.

Seeing Sameer looking fairly distracted, when on their own, Kabir enquired "What's wrong with you? You have been out of sorts all evening." He then added teasingly "Did Ishita not give you enough attention?? If that's the case, I will go fetch her right away!"

Sameer threw him an exasperated glance "Kabir, please man. Don't start about her! Mom is already driving me crazy. She cornered me earlier today and gave me a big lecture! I have been issued a deadline now to make up my mind and share my decision. Of course, the clear expectation is that I agree to the engagement! So, what's the point of asking for my decision??"

Not sure what to say, Kabir went quite for a few moments. Then he started tentatively "Sameer, agreed she is slightly immature, but she is not that bad either..."

Sameer huffed "Not that bad... is that really supposed to be a good reason for marrying someone?!" He sounded angry "Is that why you are marrying Farhana? How can you even say this?! I have always been so supportive of your choice and decisions. Even when you were not sure if you would be able to convince your family, I stood by you mate. Did I not help you get your head straight when you came to Indonesia last year about to give up on your relationship with Farhana? Did I advice you back then, that the girls your mother was suggesting are 'not bad'?!"

Kabir tried to explain "That's not what I meant. But have you really tried to give Ishita a chance? Aunty is not entirely wrong you know... this is the right time to settle down."

Sameer sounded irritated "Right time? I am just twenty-eight man, why is everyone talking like I am about to hit forty?? And Ishita is much more than 'slightly immature'! Kabir, I seriously don't think she understands what she wants out of her life! On the flight, she was telling me that her dream destination for a honeymoon used to be New Zealand, then it was Norway, and now since she saw some photos of a trip taken by her best friend, it is Peru!"

Shrugging his shoulders, Kabir said "People change their minds about holiday destinations. What's the big deal in that?"

Sameer scoffed "She had started her degree in drama, then switched to fashion design and now she wants to open a Cake shop specializing in Wedding cakes! These are not small changes. I don't change my mind or choices that easily and I can never live with someone who is so fickle minded. I seriously doubt that she wants to really marry me. Kabir, she doesn't understand me at all! It's just a matter of convenience."

Kabir weakly mumbled "People change Sameer... not everyone is always so clear on what they want out of their life.

Sameer wanted to scream, She hasn't changed! She is still pursuing the job she was always passionate about. And her dream destination is still Egypt!  Instead, turning to his friend with an accusatory look, he spoke "And why are you even pleading Ishita's case?! Seems like you have changed your loyalties."

Kabir retorted "Come on Sammy! That's unfair. I will always be on your side. But I seriously don't understand why you are so unwilling to move on. It's been a far too long bro. I feel the need to say any of this, only because you haven't even tried dating anyone all these years."

Sameer muttered "It's complicated... let's get this wedding over with. I am trying to figure out something. Let see how things pan out..."

A new game was being started, someone called out for them. Kabir conceded "Fine, but we have to talk about this later." Nodding in agreement Sameer moved towards the rest of the group. Kabir shook his head thinking, She must have been a hell of a girl...

* * *

Back in her room, Naina stood by the window in her sleeping clothes. The green shalwar kameez lay shabbily dumped on the chair.

She was still struggling to calm her distraught heart. Just another day and half to go. Every second ticking on the clock was taking her closer to the moment of separation. And this time, it would surely be forever.

Suddenly she started questioning the need behind sharing the news of the miscarriage with him. What is the point? He is about to start his new life with Ishita. Why should I burden him with this knowledge? Won't he be happier not knowing? This way, nothing will twist in his heart as Ishita shares the news of her pregnancy. He will love his kids wholeheartedly, without ever wondering about, how the one that had been lost would have looked like.

She wondered if the idea to tell him about the child was more about her own pain than his right to know. Why did she want to pull him into her own discontented life? What if he resents her for sharing something that cannot possibly bring any joy or solace to either of them?

Was this all her heart's ploy to selfishly bind him to her forever, even if it was in a bond of pain and loss?

Even after she retired to her bed, she tossed and turned for a long time.

Fresh tears made their way, as Naina recalled something that had happened about a year and half back.

She had returned from work a little early. Her grandmother had been out to attend a bhajans evening at the local temple. Their door had been open as it often was, and Rama had not noticed her daughter's arrival.

Naina had been shocked to find her mother sitting with some old wedding sarees in her lap. Rama had been crying softly as she caressed a faded black and white photo. It had been clicked in a photo studio, a few months after her wedding. Rakesh stood with his arm around her shoulder, as both posed in front a screen displaying the scene of Taj Mahal in the background. Her pregnant belly had just started showing.

Never before had Naina dwelt on her mother's pain at losing her husband. Maybe, Rama had tried to hide her own sorrow to protect Naina. But that day for some reason she had not been able hold in the storm in her heart. Even after Naina hugged her, Rama continued weeping.

Naina thought bewildered – If after four days with him I feel like I have lost everything, how hard must it have been for Maa? And if she is in so much pain even after so many years, then how can I hope that it will stop hurting any time soon?

As new sense of hopelessness ceased her heart, Naina broke into tears too. When Rama tried to hush her, Naina confessed "Maa, I miss him so much. It gets so hard at times..."

Rama assumed that Naina was referring to her father and pulled her closer. That day both the women silently grieved together for the men they had loved and lost.

Through her tears, Naina asked her mother "How have you managed all these years? How did you find the will to go on?" Rama stroked her head lovingly and replied "Because I have you. You are the reason I wake up each day and get ready to face the world! Naina, beta you are truly the light of my life. Losing your father has been very hard, but you have been my strength."

In that moment, something changed for Naina. She found her purpose in life - bringing joy and comfort in her mother's life.

Without either realising it, the roles subtly switched that day. Naina had always been a hardworking girl, but after that day she bore the yoke of responsibilities with a renewed commitment.

Naina's thoughts returned to the present. Yes, she still had her duties and obligations to go back to. Life would have to go on, but she felt her zeal for life further slipping away.

Bidding him adieu seemed inevitable, but at the same time inconceivable. The only thing she was sure about, as she slipped into a troubled sleep, was that she wouldn't tell him about the miscarriage.

At least one of us should be free to enjoy a carefree, contented life.

* * *

(Hi Everyone,

Hope you are doing well and liked this part. I look forward to your feedback as always 😊And I promise the next part will be very special!

Take care all of you and stay safe.

Lots of love, May)