deep breaths... deep breaths!

It's gonna be fine, Oliver!

I felt the icky sweat-moistened leather under my hands. The car rattled and bumped as it cruised on the uneven street, and I could feel my breaths deepening, quickening... achening...

Deep breaths... Deep Breaths!

Then I felt reality jolt as a touch registered on my right shoulder. I faced to see a smiling pair of Len and Rin... But she... she didn't look quite happy.

"Are you okay?" Rin asked first, voicing her concern a little loudly. I nodded in response, but her expression didn't change, like a static image, a static hologram with empty blue eyes piercing coldly into my soul.

I didn't know what I'd felt then, but I shivered lightly at her gaze.

Then I looked to Len. He didn't say anything, but his face showed it: concern, sympathy... empathy. Care! His blue eyes, livid, powerful... yet so... suppressed.

I'd melt on the spot had nobody been there. But people were there. ... Then it struck me: Why do they hate Len so much?

Does this mean I don't dislike him anymore?

Do I...

still like him?

...

No,

No way...

Right?

But this feeling...

This feeling of longing that I had felt only once before.

Just then, the car made an abrupt stop and for a moment, I flew out of my seat, hitting my head on the chair infront of me.

"Oww..." I rubbed my head.

Then loud clicks came and the car doors all swung open in unison. I shifted twice from my seat – to the left – and finally got off, beholding the sight of the concert building once more... just as it was two years ago... before...

A little tear trailed down my right.

No!

I can't... remember that... now!

Rin's shout broke my trance. "Come on!" She beckoned right before the glass-door entrance, "Let's get prepared."

Everyone nodded and rushed in, I followed behind them, taking my time to look around. Posters of the Vocaloids were everywhere! Most were of Miku, but I had seen some on me for my debut that day.

Don't mess it up!

Then I felt it again, the loud thump-thump and tightened chest, the heavy breathing and heightened senses... no, don't panic... Don't Panic!

DON'T PANIC, OLIVER!

I looked around, shaking, my head jolting from one way to the other, my eyes whizzing around everywhere and I couldn't stop it. I made stuttered noises as I panted, huffed for breath.

What should I do? What do I do?

Then I heard voices, echoing harshly, cacophonously, fizzing in the background like streams of hard water shooting through broken metal pipes...

"Are you okay?"

"Oliver!"

"What do we do?"

"Do you need anything?"

But one stood out the most. It was a gentle whisper.

"Oliver, come on, you'll be okay."

His soft voice... kind... understanding.

"You'll do great! I'll be cheering for you, okay?"

I closed my eyes and felt myself return. I leaned on him and took a final deep breath, clearing out my previous worries. Then I opened my eyes. Everyone glared weirdly, unpleased. It was then I realised I had been leaning on Len.

I pushed myself back up, and kept my head down to hide the light blush that had formed, bowing lightly in apology, "I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay," they all replied, "we were all like that on our first concerts too."

We all smiled and made our way backstage. Large, spacious, filled with equipments and props... in fact, we could even have a play in here!

I scanned the room once more and saw that everyone had sat down on a large sofa, papers in their hands. Curious, I neared in and peeked behind Luka.

It was when I grazed her shoulder that she noticed. Then she smiled and handed it to me to read, "here, it's the schedule for today's concert."

＊＊＊

The spotlights appeared.

I silently cursed myself as I stared into the raging sea of navy glowsticks, bopping to the first few notes of the song.

Don't mess this up... Don't mess this up!

I held the mic close to me... then took a deep breath in...

It won't be that bad... right? He's cheering for me... right?

"🎶Ro-bo-tic ex-pe-ri-ments in the land of de-cep-tions—🎶"

＊＊＊

I cursed myself again as I cried myself into a ball in the corner of the room. I could hear Len and Rin singing... one of my favourite of their duets, Electric Angel.

They had hit all their notes perfectly, the right pitch, the right time, everything.

Why can't I sing as great as them?

I felt a nudge from my left shoulder, I looked up and it was Kaito, with a concerned expression.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

"I can't... I can't sing well enough."

"You can. Your singing was great."

"No it wasn't. I missed a few notes."

"Oh, nobody's gonna hurt you for that." He bit his lip.

"But I—"

"Listen. Don't worry about it. It was just your first concert. You were probably just nervous."

I nodded. Yeah, I was... but it was because I wasn't good enough. "thanks."

"No problem."

I looked back to the telly screen from afar,

"🎵anata to irareru sore dake de, denshi no kokoro furueru no.🎵"

Their smiles for the crowd... their hate of each other had disappeared completely... That's why you never found out about it before you became a Vocaloid.

Then it clicked. It wasn't that they weren't nervous at all. They just never showed it to the crowd, nor anyone else for that matter.

How do they do that? How would I go about on doing that?

Then my attention shot back to the screen when Len stumbled on a note, singing the final "の(no)" a little too high. I felt myself giggle a little. My worries loosened. If someone like Len can mess up, maybe I don't need to be too harsh on myself.

I could hear the audience cheer, then as they faded away from the stage, Rin's voice blasted through the room, "LEN!"

"I told you you needed more practice! More rehearsals!" She flamed, "That was unacceptable. It was ten cents off for god's sake!"

Yikes... I was off by almost fifteen at one point.

"It won't happen again, Rin. Calm down, it was just an accident."

"Accident? Accident!? You know, accidents can cost you your life. You should be more careful!"

"This one won't."

"It sure can!"

Len rolled his eyes and sat himself on a couch, his palm on his forehead as Rin continued to nag.

"Well, you obviously don't care about yours. But what about mine? Aren't you thinking about me?!"

"Len! Listen to me!" She continued while Len stood there with his eyes closed, still.

Then Miku butted in, "Listen to your sister!"

And why should he listen to you?

...

Did I just subconsciously defend him in my head?

I bit my lip. I thought about him... the things he'd done. He's always... always been so nice to me...

But he betrayed you.

Well, I can give him another chance... right?

What if he's just going to play with your feelings again?

Him?

Yes.

No... no way.

So you're going to trust him now?

No, not yet... but I will talk to him.

Suddenly, "Oliver!" Rin's voice rang, anger still heavily laced in her tone. I shot up and pushed myself astand in response. Then I saw, she was smiling, her anger completely hidden under her... her public mask... "It's time to go. Good job on your first concert."

I stuttered a "thanks," before following them out, stealing glances at Len whenever the situation allowed me to. He didn't seem to be bothered by it... In fact, it looked like he was quite used to it...

It felt then like a spotlight had just been shone through the fog... The Fog of Fame. A figure formed, wandering, lost within... Len...

I took a step to him, the shroud slowly thickening around me,

Len... tell me what you've really been through.