The sky was filled with dark grey clouds since afternoon when Prabir and Bhargavi returned from college.

The day went by casually, with Prabir picking up Bhawani from school before it started to rain. Feeling sorry for Mayank, Prabir had to inform him that he would have to go alone to the coaching institute henceforth, as Shekhar would be accompanying Bhawani.

In the evening, when Parul and Bhargavi were having their tea and some snacks, after Bhawani had left for the institute with Shekhar, running downstairs, Prabir held a monaco blue diary in his hands.

"Paru, can you please go upstairs and stay with Maa for sometime. The nurse is about to leave now. We need to discuss something urgent," Prabir stated, wiping his face with his sleeve as sweat stung his eyes. It was extremely hot and humid.
The few droplets of rain during the afternoon, dried up even before they could land up on the scorched surface of the Earth.

"I wondered, if Bhawani had started journaling as suggested by Dr Menon and I found this under her pillow," he said inhaling a deep breath.

20th Sept,

Trying to anchor my spinning thoughts as I write down today, how I feel or rather felt,
my mind was in the gutters, brimming with mud and shit the instant I saw Prabir Bhaiya and Di...so happy with each other. My eyes were burning with envy. It has become hard these days...to see happy couples together,as loneliness haunts me within.

I felt like a pathetic looser, useless, worthless...nothing. I shall never be good enough. I don't deserve anything. How dare I feel that Ishaan needed me?

He is capable enough to take care of his mother, he has been taking care of her way before he even knew me.

I didn't do him any favours by taking care of the poor woman, nursing her at times.

Why do I feel like I have been used like a curry leaf and thrown away? It was always me...who wanted to help him, he never asked for it.

Why did I always feel...that he is obsessed with his mother and I have no place in his life?

Why did it always hurt me when he said...his mother is sick and is his only priority?

I accepted the fact gladly that he never had time for me, he was always busy. But was that for real? We always make time for the people we care don't we? He fu***** always had time for his Maa.

Did he even love me? Or was it all just a hoax? Just a fling?

Maybe Di is right. Our fates are already written and mine is doomed.

Like a house of cards, the entire world that I had build up of us , secure and sturdy it all just collapsed in seconds, with a gust of wind. He never had questions or felt the need to even ask why I did, what I did. He just dusted himself up clean, and walked away forgetting all about me, leaving me to go insane with this torment,this void, this hollow ache.

I just want to curl up in a dark corner, where no one finds me.

"Ah! So this suggests that she's most probably sad, depressed, frustrated, has no hopes, I mean...she's in despair, anguished, heartbroken as well as envious," Bhargavi sighed after a thorough look and careful analysis.

"Should I speak to Ishaan?" Prabir carefully propped the question.

"No. I don't think that's a good idea.

To him she's a ruthless monster, a person who tried to kill his mother - a person so weak, fragile and vulnerable.

Ishaan's behavior suggests that he lacks empathy and honesty.
Had he really cared about Bhawani, he should have approached us...at least informed us about what had happened.
Instead he chose to misbehave with you, every time you tried to get in touch with him.

I always had a premonition that he isn't the right person for Bhawani.

What I think is...Bhawani went a little overboard...I mean maybe she made up all of this in her own mind, like you never thought of Keya as anything more than a friend but she...," she paused looking up at him closely.

"On numerous occasions, he left his mother in her care when she changed her clothes, fed her, and nursed her tenderly. So why did Bhawani do all this?

Well, because she was screwed up and was trying to please an unkind, uncaring and emotionally unavailable person and win his love.

It will be hard, but Bhawani will... have to admit that though she desperately craves for his love, and attention, he never loved her or even thought that she was worthy of his attention.

She has to leave this ugly past behind. She deserves much better, a lot better as I have tried to tell her a couple of times before."

"What if she's unable to move on and gets horribly depressed with every passing day?" Prabir asked concerned.

"Clinging to a person hoping that he will maybe...some day love her, can't get her out of depressive thoughts Prabir.

Somehow, she couldn't endure Ishaan's behavior anymore and ended up trying to smother his mother predicting that...with his mother's demise,she would gain all of his time and attention," she explained frustrated.

Raising his eyebrows, Prabir sank slowly in a chair gazing at her. "You maybe right Bhargu. But if...what you're saying is true, she isn't insane, it...it was a planned cold blooded murder? She had a motive.
Why do you think she pushed Maa down the stairs?"

"I don't know Prabir, according to what she has written here, that's my guess, a suspicion you can say.
She has mentioned that Ishaan had no time for her but always was available for his mother.
Even if she had motive, she's still insane. Don't you see how desperate she is?

And we'll have to wait for her... to write more to understand why she pushed Maa. Umm...I think maybe something might have happened during my stay here, when I had decided never to go back home.

Why are you so upset Prabir?

You will love and pamper your princess to an extent where she's not going to be just okay but fine, even her therapy sessions might not be necessary anymore," she added squeezing his hand.

Whatever you do Prabir, just bear one thing in mind, please be careful. Bhawani isn't outrageous or violent but dreadful. She might try to harm you. Please trust me. I only see - hatred and repulsion in her eyes. She thought to herself but couldn't say it aloud.

"I don't understand what you're talking about Bhargu.
When you were here, I visited them frequently. Baba spent almost all of his working hours, sitting there beside Maa planning for our wedding.

What could have happened? And even if something happened during a night after we left, how did they both behave so normal...the next day?"

"Let's find out. Come with me," Bhargavi said and raced upstairs.

"Paru you may leave," she said softly.

When Paru had left, sitting beside her mother, Bhargavi asked," Maa what exactly happened between you and Bhawani after I left home that day?"

Silence.

"So you want me to ask Bhawani instead? Better, I'll ask her."

"Nothing happened. What will happen?" She said annoyed.

"Ah! I see." When she actually didn't see. "So you two were having a nice... happy time without me?"

Again an eerie silence followed.

"After you left, that day, Bhawani never spoke to me again when we were alone.

The first night...I remember, after Mr. Banerjee left, I called her for dinner. She grabbed her plate and walked away to her room. Every night she would lock herself up in her room and also turn off the lights, which was strange as...you know how scared she gets.
In the morning too, she would get ready for school and just walk away earlier, sometimes even without having breakfast. Intentionally, she would leave behind her packed tiffin.

One day, when I saw her take out her tiffin from her bag and place it on the table, I requested her not to...and she emptied the contents into a bin, before returning it on the table," Ms. Nalini said sobbing.

"Why didn't you tell me about this Maa?" Prabir asked sadly.

"Would you believe me? Would anyone believe me, with all the care and concern she showered on me before you all?
The instant you and your Baba left, she turned into a complete stranger, I had never known. Her behavior drastically changed, she was always so cold towards me.

I called you up so many times, Bhargavi. I knew you would believe me...when no one else would, but you were so mad at me. I deserved this," she sighed.

"When all I am left with...is you and Bhawani, my actions turned one of my daughters' hostile against me and forced the other to leave.
Now, that you have Prabir to look after you, you don't need me anymore.
Only if Bhawani finds someone who will look after her...I can die peacefully," she added in a trembling voice.

"Maa?!" Prabir screamed annoyed. "Don't you dare say that again," he warned her. Observing, tears rolling down his face, Ms. Nalini tried to wipe off the tears gently with shaky fingers.

"You're really stupid Maa. You should have told me about Bhawani's behavior," he said smiling, stroking her hair and pressed his lips on her forehead. "I love you Maa," he repeated a couple of times, with the innocence of a child, making her smile.

Silently, listening to the conversation, Bhargavi said, her tone cold," He's overly emotional and it's pretty easy for you to fool him isn't it? Tell me exactly what happened, if you don't want me to lock up Bhawani in a mental asylum before she actually kills someone."

Waiting for a response, then she added," Don't give me that look Maa, you heard it right. Bhawani tried to smother Ishaan's mother with a pillow and then, she pushed you down the stairs intentionally. You have only two options, either speak up and help us fix this or let Bhawani rot in a mental asylum."
Prabir eyed her scornfully, not knowing where she was going.

"Why don't you tell me? It sounds as if you know it all," Ms. Nalini said agitated.

"Provoking and intimidating me...would only be harmful don't you understand Maa?" Bhargavi retorted.

Before Prabir could intervene, Ms. Nalini blurted out,
"You are a melancholic, monstrous woman, who always feels happy about abusing her own children in different ways.
You have never once,encouraged either of us, on our accomplishments.
What kind of a mother does that to her own child? How could you hurt Di like this?...Was what she told me and I slapped her hard.
Why don't you just kill us both? She had screamed and locked herself up in her room, shortly after Prabir left,  returning the container ...you had taken rice pudding for them, informing us that...he had no clues to where you could be, the exact evening, you left the house."

Mulling over, taking a few paces back, as she stood up while her mother spoke, Bhargavi bumped into the wall behind. Reaching for her head in the back, she mumbled," Ah! I feel... my head is spinning like a wheel."

"Come here. Sit!" Prabir said. "I'll get some ice," as she sat quietly holding the back of her hand. "Maybe lie down for a while."
Without a word she gestured him to sit down and placed her head on his lap. "Why were you walking backwards?" He asked looking into her eyes.

"I was thinking about your adopted notorious kid," Bhargavi stated, mischievously smiling.

"Adopted kid?" Ms. Nalini almost jumped from the bed feeling anxious.

"She's talking about Mayank, Maa," he replied back smiling. "I assure you Bhargu, he won't feel neglected, lonely or upset. How are you feeling now?"

"I am okay!" She sighed sitting up straight. "Let's get back to work."

Having no more worries, doubts or conflicts regarding Bhawani, Bhargavi was highly relieved from the heavy burden heaving on her chest.
The hatred and repulsion she had seen in Bhawani's eyes, was for Ms. Nalini, or for someone else or something else but not for her, which meant Bhawani wouldn't try to harm Prabir.

"How did you know that Maa was hiding something...that she was telling the truth but partially? I had almost given into the trap," Prabir asked once they were downstairs, for the dinner preparations and Bhawani had still not returned home.

 "I am fu***** tired of their bullshit lies and fake stories. I knew she was lying, the way she was looking in my direction but evading my eyes.

Honesty they believe is the worst policy and neither Maa nor Bhawani have ever been honest with me in their lifetime.

Once I remember, Bhawani needed some money as her tuition fees. While leaving in a hurry, I had given the money to Maa and asked her to hand it over to Bhawani.
Returning home, when I enquired, Bhawani told me that Maa had given her no money and on questioning Maa, I was informed that she had given the money to Bhawani.
They quarrelled among themselves for a while and each one asked me to join their team...trust and believe them, as only one of them could be telling the truth.

Considering the most practical thing, I assumed that Maa might have forgotten. It wasn't that she was intentionally lying, I searched her room thoroughly but the money could be found nowhere.

I knew to be honest that Maa had given the money to Bhawani and she was lying to my face.

Similarly, Maa misleads, omits or lies about huge aspects of her life. She has an impoverished and distorted sense of self. Her lying is an act of desperation I believe. Like for example, she'll tell you anything she wants and then when you ask her... why did you say this? She'll deny having said anything at all... That's not what I said.

In my own house, I need to stay vigilant and tread carefully, keeping firm boundaries. As I have said earlier Prabir, we were just three strangers living together under one roof," she said smiling sadly.

Author's Note:

Huh! Finally updated one more chapter.
I am hoping that I am doing justice to the characters and the plot is intriguing.

I know this might feel like reading more of a character sketch and less of a story... I am really sorry!

It felt like I would be taking forever 😔

Anyways, enough of my ramblings. Hope you enjoy reading.

Thank you 😊