Mr. Banerjee did his best using up all his contacts to get an appointment for Bhawani at the earliest, the next day. It would have taken at least a couple of days otherwise.

Refusing to make an appointment for himself, Prabir stated that he didn't need help. He was perfectly fine visiting hospitals and wasn't having nightmares or flashbacks anymore. Though it was frustrating and worrisome, after endless arguments both Bhargavi and Mr. Banerjee had given up.

"Never anticipating that it will be so hard to overcome... what happened in my childhood, I never thought I would be sitting here today. I never knew I'll be this damaged one day, that...that...I'll even try to push my own mother down the stairs. So why am I speaking up now? I realize that this is not okay. I am not okay. I can't suffer in silence anymore.

It's a Monday, Tuesday or a Sunday, there's no point in knowing because I am like essentially on an auto pilot. There's nothing that I look forward to.

As a kid I had been abused and to this day it haunts me. I still have nightmares and wake up sweaty and anxious. I was a kid back then, and had no strength to protect myself but even now, I guess it was the same. I was abducted and harassed...He wanted to teach me a lesson for not obeying his instructions and rather, slapping him across his face.

The oppressor,Mayank himself had saved me from his goons; who pinned me down...made me lay on my belly, and one of them had their knees on my shoulders,was sitting on my back. I couldn't do anything. I tried to scream and say NO a million times, but my voice was muffled and would only come out as a groan, because of that dirty cloth stuffed in...Mayank was aghast at my condition and himself pleaded them to leave me.
Yes! He had slapped me a couple of times, and dragged me into the basement clutching onto my hair and then...then he tried to unbutton my shirt...still I believe he wasn't or isn't even a single percent as scary as those people.

What I really hate is that though Mayank was caught, beaten up and had his share, those five people are still moving around, fearless, maybe trying to ruin someone else's life. Though I want to forget their terrible faces, I can't." Bhawani told Dr. Sarada Menon, devoid of any emotions, who was a plum lady, around fifty years old, with white hair.

She had a convincing, and extremely empathetic smile. The motherly vibes emanating from her, made Bhawani trust her and confide in her instantly.

"Do you have any role model, you look up to?" Dr. Menon enquired politely, when she observed Bhawani shaking her legs vigorously, indicating that either she was stressed or anxious.

Without making an eye contact but looking at the wall behind the doctor, Bhawani snapped,"No. I don't have a role model," and then switched back to the topic she was speaking about earlier, wanting to draw boundaries and not be questioned in between.

"I...I feel dirty and horribly ashamed of myself, for what I am and who I am.

Ishaan told me that we shouldn't be together because I am harmful.
Yes, I know what I did was wrong, I tried to smother his mother with a pillow only to end all her miseries. It's painful to see her in this state. But yeah! Prabir Bhaiya is right, just because someone is in pain, weak or is extremely vulnerable, it doesn't mean that we should take away their lives. I have turned my life into a mayhem. Maybe, I...am harmful and dangerous.

Di has always drawn upon her untapped resilience, and though we suffered the same,maybe she suffered a lot more, sometimes even on my behalf, I have never seen her cry.

She too was kidnapped by Nishwash Sinha's men, so that she could never be a witness to Dhruv Bhaiya's case, where She was starved... tortured mentally and physically, kept in a dungeon like place, almost a living hell and....had no one to help her out.

Here I...I am almost crippled, shattered to the core. I admit that I am afraid to go to school and especially return home alone. It was the exact place from where I was abducted. I don't walk but run to school and again run back all the way home.

I speak to Mayank, we go to the same coaching institute, we sit together and solve problems, but he makes me shiver from within, and honestly, I hate his presence around me."

Occupying a chair next to her, Prabir glanced at Bhawani misty-eyed,with all colour drained from his face. He couldn't blame Bhawani for not having spoken her mind earlier, and for having pretended to be all right, as he himself had done that for almost his entire life. He had never informed his father about his nightmares, the restless and sleepless nights.

The only person he had opened up to was Bhargavi, who had the capability to see through him. She never needed to perform a lie detector test to tell him that he was lying. He had accompanied Bhawani to the hospital as agreed and also to Dr. Menon's chamber because she was hysterical before meeting Dr. Menon and wanted to flee as far away from the hospital as possible.

Dr. Menon didn't ask questions at all and only listened to what Bhawani had to say. She had tears rolling down her eyes on hearing her narrative and said," I am sorry, you had to go through all this."

At the end of the session, when they thanked Dr. Menon and walked out, Prabir remarked Bhawani's face and whispered,"Princess! Will you like to meet up with Shekhar once? He's really worried about you. You haven't been receiving his calls, or replying to his texts."

"Bhaiya. You didn't tell him anything about..." She paused looking up at him.

"No! I promised you Bhawu...and perhaps it's for you to decide if you want to tell him or not.
I only informed him that you are busy with your studies, focussing on your upcoming exams and he ...doesn't believe me. Most probably, he thinks that he has hurt you or you're mad at him for some reason," Prabir stated.

"Didn't he tell you that I broke up with him way back? I have blocked his number and am avoiding him at all costs.
He will only hate me once he finds out ...how crazy I am and what I did to Maa and probably he'll hate me even more if he knows what I tried to do to Ishaan's mother," she said agitated.

"What if he doesn't?"

"Why will he not hate me?"

"See, Sarvesh used to hate himself, way more than Mrs. Chaitali as he held himself responsible for what had happened to his sister, but Paru has never hated him for this once, not even for a fraction of a second.

I guess forgiving your own self is a lot harder than being forgiven by someone else.

I know you might say that it was an accident but what you did...was not.

Anger, hostility, throwing or breaking objects, impulsive angry verbal outbursts and violent behavior he showcases all.
Guilt, anger,sadness, frustration, anxiousness,loneliness, grief, pain...we all go through full swings of these emotions and sometimes a bunch of these emotions all at a time. We experience uncomfortable emotions but we can always reframe our thoughts and address these emotions properly. 

That's the reason why we paint, dance,sing...to express ourselves and these emotions...which are difficult to explain.

Have you seen the paintings in Paru's room? They help me keep myself distracted from negative thoughts, as well as express myself, even if they aren't enough...for me to totally get rid of those feelings.

You have suffered from severe mental trauma Princess.
Be kind to yourself." Prabir's words had more effect than Dr. Menon's, for it left her reduced to tears.

Dr. Menon had no predetermined sense of urgency, she was trying to slowly build up a picture listening to Bhawani's story,untill it was enough for her to make accurate interpretations.

On their return at home, they found Shekhar waiting for them along with Bhargavi.

"How did it go?" Shekhar inquired cheerfully, making Bhawani throw a stony glance at Bhargavi.

"I mean the movie? I was planning to watch it with my friends. It's a thriller isn't it?" Shekhar asked excited.

"What are you doing here?" Bhawani's sharp reply cut off all his curiosity about the movie.

"Please excuse us for a while. I'll be making some tea for both of you," Bhargavi said and swiftly vanished into the kitchen dragging Prabir along.

They could hear Bhawani's loud voice as she said heatedly, "I told you it's over. Why are you here? What do you want?"

"She doesn't want him to know about her mental health condition, assuming that he'll start to hate her the instant he finds out about all of her past deeds. Is it?" Bhargavi quizzed looking up at Prabir.

"Yes! You're right," Prabir replied back sadly.

"Ironically, Shekhar already knows what he needs to know," Bhargavi said regarding Prabir's face.

"Why did you tell him?"

"Because I know her. She will never tell him. She just broke up with him, providing him no apparent reason at all.
Is this all a child's play? She's inclined to play with a toy for some time and then, she decides to discard it...throw it away according to her whims.
Will he hate her any less for having played with his emotions and feelings, than if he learns the truth?"

Unable to hear either Bhawani's or Shekhar's voice, Bhargavi peeked through the kitchen door and saw Bhawani perched on the sofa beside Shekhar, both giggling.

A little later when Bhargavi placed two cups of tea for Shekhar and Bhawani on the table, she saw Bhawani run towards the kitchen screaming," Bhaiya! Give me the rolling pin, today I'll break all of his bones." She chased Shekhar around the house, with the rolling pin in her hand till she felt tired and exhausted.

Before Shekhar left,they walked up to a distance where their voices would be inaudible to Bhawani. Prabir handed him the job of dropping Bhawani at her coaching institute and bringing her back home, plus helping her with her studies whenever possible.

Hesitating and fidgeting, Bhawani stood at the door silently, bidding him goodbye,unwilling to let him know that she was happy to see him,untill he raced back, unmounting his bike to embrace her.
It was the greatest pleasure, to be held in his arms, she had to admit internally, though, he didn't squeeze her or hold her firmly. It was only a casual hug; she wished it would last long. He let her go with a smile whispering," See you soon. Goodnight! " and walked away.
Smiling, she whispered back, "Goodnight!"

Both Bhargavi and Prabir waited for him near his bike, they had questions for him, but without being asked, he answered briefly understanding their concern.

"Bhawani didn't tell me anything about today's hospital visit or about what happened earlier. The reason she gave me for breaking up with me was that...it's not easy for her to again trust someone. She has had her heart broken once.
I asked her if it is okay with me being just a friend and she's okay with it for now."

Shekhar knew where Bhawani had been, formerly informed by Bhargavi.  He cautiously chose to not confront her mentioning that she smelled like bleach or antiseptic.

When Shekhar had left, Bhargavi asked in whispers," So Mayank's the problem? "

"Yes! Bhargu. She still gets shivers when he's around and hates his presence," Prabir informed.

"Yet, he is her sole companion when she needs to smoke," Bhargavi added morosely.

"I might be busy in the kitchen in the morning, will you be able to accompany her to school Bhargu?" Prabir quizzed as they walked back to the house.

"Yeah! Sure," Bhargavi agreed.

Later after everyone was asleep, Bhargavi, Prabir and Mr. Banerjee discussed the session held earlier with Dr. Menon.

"She has been suggested to keep a mood journal and put her feelings onto paper, to help her reflect on them more deeply. Dr. Menon also suggested her to do some deep breathing exercises and meditation," Prabir informed them after he had briefed them all about the session.

"I was glad with her response to be honest. Had she kept quiet, matters could have been worse," Mr. Banerjee remarked. "I have arranged for a nurse, to stay with your Maa from tomorrow. She'll come at 8 in the morning and leave at 4 in the evening. You both can attend your classes or study for your exams." He added.

While Mr. Banerjee was ascending the stairs, he saw Bhawani come downstairs with books and notes in her hands.

Bhargavi had decided to take a short nap, setting an alarm. She slept with her head resting on her arms on the dinner table while Prabir watched a YouTube video.

Taking a seat opposite Prabir, Bhawani stared at her biology books for a while tossing pages, looking at the diagrams and images.

With the alarm ringing, Bhargavi woke up, completely charged after a short nap of fifteen minutes and the dinner table was then turned into a fierce battleground by the three warriors armoured with pens, text books, highlighters, laptops, and notepads.

Author's Note:

Sorry for the delay. I couldn't present my thoughts the way I wanted and it took a while.

Hope you enjoy reading this update.

Happy Reading!!