School was boring...

After my last class Jess was waiting for me.

"Oak look what I have " she showed me a packet filled with blue jelly beans .

"Thanks Jessy I'm sorry about the wedding you really deserve to be happy"

"I know bestie , they have been hurting you for too long"

She hugged me...

"I don't want to talk about them anymore"

She nodded and smiled .

"What Jess"

"So did he really....."

"Yes Jess and it was so good "

"Can I be honest"

"No Jess please not today"

"Fine be careful you and Jamie are both hurting but....

"Yes Jess please let's not talk about me or Jamie I have to go somewhere see you around okay love you"I kissed her cheek.

She nodded and handed me the sweets so I  left.

I went to my grandmothers grave....it was quite I needed the peace.

"Nana I feel so lost "

I cried while eating my jelly beans....

And just sat there hoping no one feels like I'm feeling visiting their loved ones at their graves.

"What are you doing here"

I was asleep and opened one eye...

The devil is truly everywhere....

"Samantha what do you want"

"You are an embarrassment you know that"

"Thanks for letting me know now shoo"

What ?she wanted me to beg for her love it has to come from my mom so she never loved me why should I care that she doesn't.

"I don't hate you I just didn't want a little sister"

"You hate me for being alive?

"Yeah"

"Wow.....anyway I'm not moving back home and your mom officially disowned me so "

"I heard"

"If you don't mind I'd like to think and not talk can you do that for me big sis" then gave her a fake smile she kept quiet....bitch...

After staying there in silence she left I was happy to be alone .

I went to our apartment and found Jamie sleeping .

I gave him kisses all over his body...

"I need to shower baby"

Before he could respond I stripped and got in the shower...

I felt a strong presence behind me and I knew he was behind me..

I felt his member poke my ass...

He took the loofah and poured my strawberry shower gel on it he was still behind me..

He gently lifted my arms up placing them on the shower wall...sending shivers down my spine.....

Then he washed my arms with his one hand while the other played with my boob.....he played with my nipple using his fingers...

I couldn't help but moan.... when he was done he washed the soap off me.

When I thought he was done he took the loofah again, he rubbed my pussy playing with her..

"Babe I.....I....I can't stand for long"

"That's what my hands are for"

He turned me and kissed me then placed my other leg on the shower seat and went down on me.

His tongue on my bud....the moans were filed in the shower...

He stopped and sat down....

Then made me sit on top of him...

......And gently opened  my legs...then put his member in, he pumped in and out......i can't believe he has this much power over my body....

☀️ ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

The next day at school I was tired I got a lot done and Jamie had to leave early because of work.

Jess was with Jax so I was alone bored...

"Oak"

The voice made my blood cold and I felt weak I wanted to run but didn't know where to.

"What Vance"without looking at him...

"Can I please talk to you"

"I'm busy"

I tried to pass him but he grabbed me...

"Can we talk please Oak"

"Don't touch me like that"

"I'm sorry can we sit down"

I guess I won't lose anything so I sat down at the bench that wasn't far from us .

"I'm so sorry for breaking your heart I want to fix things"

"Wait why aren't you wearing anything under that? Just put something on dammit..."

"I was at gym sorry are my abs distracting you?" he said smirking....

I rolled my eyes and he continued....

"I want you back but if you can't we can be friends"

"Wow you must be really drunk"

"I'm serious Oak"

He held my hand and I thought I'd feel something but felt nothing ....talk about bad timing Jamie was boiling with anger when he found his hand on my thigh and I'm wearing a short dress fuck....

He looked at me fuming....shit

"Baby it's not what it looks like"I said removing his hand from my thigh.

He grabbed Vance and threw him on the floor punching him ....great!!!!John Cena is in the building.....

"Jamiieeee" I screamed and he stopped poor Vance was bleeding on the floor.

"You will kill him please baby"

"Who is he Oak? are you fucking him?"

"Wait ....what"

"Are you fucking this asshole Oakleigh?"

I slapped him and walked away....leaving them both there ...how fucken dare he...

I was crying and angry how dare he accuse me of sleeping with Vance he embarrassed me infront of Fucken Vance.

I ran fast so he doesn't catch me and requested an Uber as soon as he came I left for a cheap motel.

Switched my phone off and lied on th smelly bed.

These creepy smelly motels are the worst...do they even change or wash their bedding?

The towels had stains, I took them to the reception and demanded clean ones which I got.

I don't know why I'm angry but I am, I guess I reacted the same with Lexi but still he practically called me a whore? But he didn't my inner voice scolded me.

I miss him...but he doesn't get to talk to me like that not in front of Vance.

I couldn't sleep without him next to me so I went in my bag but I didn't have pills I had nothing I was angry ....

I emptied my bag and found nothing but saw the bank card...Bingo....

I walked away and went to the street looking for anyone dodgy ...I saw an atm and withdrew money atleast my mom didn't cancel my card YET....

I found someone and he sold me coke...I've done or seen Jamie do this so I knew what I was doing...

I ran to the motel took out my cards and did a few lines ....

I had to lie down because the room started spinning ......and I felt good suddenly I felt Nothing .....no pain, no anger absolutely Nothing.....

💫💫

I got woken up by a knock on the door and it was the manager reminding me to check out .

I took my phone out to check the time and it took time to go on because I had switched it off, it was 6 am who the fuck checks out around 6am...?

I went to shower repeated the clothes I wore and left...

I had to go to our place because I couldn't go to school looking like that, i would get a lecture from Jess I didn't want .

So I waited for my uber and got to our place and unlocked it Jamie wasn't home, my phone was vibrating none stop messages from Jamie and Jess and an unknown number I knew was Vance.

I went to change and looked decent waited for an Uber again and got to school .

You know why I hate about temporary fixes they are that temporary I felt like shit...

I went to my classes and got detention for getting late.

So I didn't eat anything for break...

After that long day Jess found me and bombarded me with questions .

"I fought with Jamie and needed time out so I went to a motel to avoid him"

"Wht about me? I care too and he annoyed me and Jax the whole fucken night"

"Sorry for ruining your sex life"

"Oak don't be a bitch you know you're wrong"

"Im sorry Jess meeting Vance and having Jamie walk in on us talking he accused me of fuxking him and I lost it"

"Jamie was probably high"

"Funny Jess" I gave her a blank look...

"Sorry,,but please talk to him okay"

After talking to her I didn't feel better I felt worse after seeing Jamie.

He went fighting last night when I didn't go back home and he was in a bad mood.

He didn't say anything to me just next to me,

"Im sorry Jamie that's Lnce I didn't fucck him, he wanted to apologize never confuse me for Lexi again"

"Where were you Oak I went to Jess and didn't find you"

"At some cheap motel"

"I know"

"What the fuck Jamie"

"After you left me and Jax followed him he went to your house and your parents paid him to win you back"

"What"

"Maybe you should get back with him"

Then he turned around and left, that feeling of helplessness came back and I rushed to the retrooms me Ted the last coke I had .

I sat on the floor not caring if it was clean or not...

Why is my life so fucked up? Can't I just be happy just this once?

Don't I deserve the peace not the temporary one I get from drugs but the one that stays?

"Oaak" someone was calling me Jess

I need to to flush this and make sure I'm clean.

"Please open for me Oak"

"I will I just need a moment please"

"Ill be outside"

I got up and cleaned myself and went to her...

💫💫💫

This chapter is dedicated to my person TheEnigmaticJesse thank you for helping me and pushing me not to give up on this book yoh🤦🏽‍♀️