I've fucked up and don't even know how to fix it, I can't lose Oak she's the only person that makes my life make sense.

Tonight when we made out in the car it drove me crazy.

Now she just broke up with me over Lexi I don't even love her with her fake ass boobs...

She's an okay lay but not worth losing Oak over...

My mind was racing I was losing my shit...

I CANNOT LOSE HER...

Jax drove us to his place and we went to chill in his house...

"I love her man"

"I know you're whipped how're you going to fix this "

"Any advice?"

"I'm not a relationship expert but don't give up on her.

I nodded then we played ps5...

I took out my phone and texted her.

I threw my phone away when she didn't respond the more she ignored me the more it hurt.

"Give her space then talk to her tomorrow okay bud, make yourself at home I'm going to sleep okay "

I nodded the pills were wearing off and I needed something to calm me I know Jax won't forgive me when he sees me using but this was an emergency, I quickly ran to the bathroom and took the last pill Lex gave me.

I went straight to bed and fell asleep it was the weekend and I have a feeling it was going to be the longest weekend of my life...

It flew by and Oak was still ignoring me...

It was a Monday and ill try again to talk to her.

I waited in her parking spot and she came but ignored me and got out of her car she looked so good her ass in those pants I wanted to...

"Baby" she walked away and I pulled her by her hand and she harshly snatched it away...

"Oak"

I grabbed her again and pulled her into the janitor's room and locked it...

"You are going to listen okay"

She just looked at me...

"I've never had a girlfriend you saw my dad how could I? But I want to try with you, I used to have meaningless sex with girls but you gave me a reason to love"

She just looked at me...

"Lexi went to the same school a few years back and we became fuckbuddies I don't love her"

Again she just kept quiet at this point her screaming or swearing at me would be better than the silence...

I got frustrated...

"Damnit Oak" I punched the wall and saw her flinch...

Then I opened the door and left maybe I wasn't meant to find love my dad was fucken right love never existed or whatever im done I walked outside angry and got on my bike and left.

Fuck school...(dont try this at home kids)

I got to my house and my dad was passed out on the couch I cleaned the house and waited for him, after screaming at me I told him I wanted to fight...

He smiled because it meant money for his sorry ass...

After a while, we left and went around town to the shadiest place.

We got in a building that looked like it would collapse any minute...

He spoke to his people and I waited behind...

I needed this fight to get my mind off Oak though it won't be easy...

After a few hours of torture, we went inside and got ready.

The fight began and I enjoyed it because every punch made me feel better.

After an excruciating hour, I won and left him unconscious.

My dad got the money and I left and went back to my apartment, made food, and decided to rest I have no idea how I'm going to deal with the anger and pain from being rejected by Oak.

I checked my phone and had 6 missed calls from her my heart did backflips.

I showered without answering and slept I will deal with her at school.

💫 💫

The following day I showered and went to school found her waiting for me and I went to her.

"Jamie I'm sorry I overreacted Lexi slept with my ex-boyfriend I thought it wouldn't hurt but it does "

I just held her and we went to our classes.

"Yo jay wait up" I looked back it was Lex fuck!

"Look Lex I know we were great sex buddies but I'm done okay I love Oakleigh"

"wow you have a heart after all"

"yeah see you around "

After school, we decided to go to a place that gave me comfort.

We left on my bike every time she holds on to me I just don't want her to let go.

We stopped at some. spot Jax showed me he loves smoking because he's clean from drugs so nicotine seems to be better for him.

"Look at that " I pointed out and she just looked at it then took out her sketchbook and started drawing we were quiet for a while she likes the silence when busy she says she doesn't like distractions.

I looked at her and she was perfect how am I going to love her? She's perfect what does she gain from loving me I feel like I'm empty so it's weird that she loves me.

"Can I see it"

"I'm not done yet babe but ill show you "

"How was the rest of your weekend "

"Fine I guess, I was in bed with Jess and her passionflower tea, it wasn't bad "

"Sorry I made you cry"

"It's okay just don't make it a habit "

"Promise"

"I love you, Jamie," she said smiling.

"I love you Oak"

"Let me go show you our new apartment "

"Our" she gave me that look.

"Yes every time you need an escape here are your keys "

"And why the hell is there M in the keyholder"

"So you never forget that you're MINE"

That turned her on because her cheeks were red we got on my bike and drove to the apartment.

"Welcome home baby"

We set our stuff down and I cooked for her my favorite meal One-pot of creamy cajun chicken pasta.

"smells amazing babe"

"let's eat," I told her

We sat and enjoyed our food.

I gently touched her kitty and said.

"No better dessert than this"

So I carried her upstairs...we will m wash the dishes in the morning.

I kissed her on the lips then her neck...

"Fuck I missed this"

"It was 2 days babe" she chuckled

"Are you sure it wasn't a year "

Slowly taking off all our clothes...

"Do you think we are addicts "

"what"

"Sex addicts babe "

I started caressing her nipples with my tongue ring and that kept her quiet I was happy because I knew I was more addicted to her than I was to drugs.

We laid next to each other breathless...

"Come here baby" she was on my chest while I  played with her hair"

"I know I'm unstable and a drug addict it kinda sucks saying it out loud but ill always do my best to give you what you deserve"

"I know "

"Baby are you sleeping"

"Can you blame me?"

"No sweet dreams I love you "

Heard her light snores I smiled because she's so cute....kissed her forehead and soon fell asleep too.

After 50 years of not updating sorry guys 😩🤦🏽‍♀️