"It can't be."

Germany is grey. The streets are grey. The houses are grey. People are grey. Even the sky, light blue with bright sunshine in my memory of home, is grey here. Thick clouds cover the sky and don't allow a single ray of light to pass through. The only thing that hits the people here on the ground from above are the little raindrops that pour over the grey land and make me tremble.

I had been standing in the drizzle for hours, staring up into the sky. Although the tombstone in front of me had the same color, I preferred to look at the clouds. The wind whistled around me, sometimes so strong that it almost pulled me off my feet, sometimes as light as if it wanted to hug me gently. My coat fluttered around me, even my coat was no longer bright red, but matte brown, for me nothing more than another grey spot in this grey world.

When I finally turned my head from the sky to the earth, I saw my reflection in a nearby puddle in the corner of my eyes. The wet, honey-blond hair looked more dreary and brown, while I desperately looked for the lost light in my golden eyes. I almost didn't recognize myself anymore. Neither my clothes nor my face seemed to be as I knew it from my world. As if I had become a completely different person.

"That can't be true," I whispered to myself. "That can't be."

I took a deep breath and turned my gaze from the puddle back to the tombstone in front of me. "Eduard Elrick" I read the name quietly. One stone of many in the large cemetery, but the only stone to which I had a bond. I came more often, read the inscription. The dull feeling that my heart was squeezing has been in me for a longer time recently after leaving the cemetery. I just didn't want to let go of the guilt I had for the dead.

Hohenheim had advised me not to come to the cemetery if it burdened me too much. That I should stop hurting myself by doing so. That I wasn't responsible for his death.

I laughed. "Of course. It's not my fault at all. How could it be. I WAS ONLY IN HIS BODY WHEN HE DIED! I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM WHEN THE ZEPPELIN CRASHED! I COULD HAVE PREVENTED IT, I COULD HAVE SAVE HIS LIFE, INSTEAD OF ABUSING IT AS ENERGY FOR ME TO-" My voice broke and the sudden volume disappeared, instead made space for the dead silence of the cemetery, which got me again and took my breath away. Struggling for air, I stopped, desperately trying to regain control of the situation.

My hand put itself over my chest, directly above my pounding heart. For several minutes I stood there in silence, while the rain sticked my hair and clothes to me.

Eventually a trembling went through my body and I quickly turned away to leave the cemetery with quick steps.

"It can't be," I mumbled to myself. "It can't be."

I got even faster before I finally started running, running faster and faster without even thinking about where to go, without paying attention to the way and the direction I was heading. My body moved by itself as I rushed through the streets of Munich and barely managed not to collide with anyone, while tears that were coming out of my eyes blocked my view. My sense of time and space got lost as the only thing I could hear was my wheezing breath, while I felt my heart cracking in my chest. However, just before it could get this far, I finally reached our apartment.

With the last force I had in me I threw myself against the door, remembering that I had looked it when I left and therefore got the keys out of my pocket with trembling fingers to open it quickly. As soon as I stumbled into the hallway and ran up the staircase, almost tripping and falling, I opened the apartment door as well and let myself fall to my knees as soon as I was inside.

My father looked up worried before he came to me from his office and pulled me on my feet. "Edward, you're completely soaked and out of breath. Come, let's get you in the living room." He briefly closed the door before leading me into the living room and helping me sit on the sofa.

I felt his strict, analytical gaze on me, and when I still didn't speak or move after several seconds, he crouched down and looked up to me. His hand stretched out towards me, I saw that he wanted to touch my cheek, but before he could even brush my hair to the side, I had slapped his hand away.

"D-Don't touch me!" I hissed at him, unintentionally angrier than intended.

He just made a sad grimace and got up again. "I was waiting for you. The food is in the kitchen. I'm going to the university now. Are you alright being alone here, Edward?"

"Of course! I'm not a little kid!" My hands clawed at my knees in a desperate attempt to suppress the trembling. I felt my Automail clacking, a problem that hadn't been fixed yet despite the skin-like plastic coat my father put on it.

After another stare from Hohenheim, he finally turned away and left the apartment within the next few minutes, which I spent trembling and sitting silently on the sofa. When the door finally closed, I lifted my head and took a deep breath.

"It can't be." I touched my lips, almost as if I wanted to check that the words really came out of my mouth. "It can't be," I repeated, louder this time. My voice sounded strange to me, as if it belonged to someone else who I didn't know.

"I have to go back."

Determination appeared in my eyes as I stood up from the sofa and got rid of my wet clothes. After a warm shower I ate the meal that was prepared by my father, even if his cooking skills still didn't convince me. Tomorrow I should cook if I wanted something delicious. Although my abilities in the kitchen only moderately were better than Hohenheim's.

"Oh, what am I even thinking, that won't work after all. I won't be here tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm back home." I had become accustomed to self-talk, which, if I had a clear mind, should have worried me, but unfortunately it did not. With Hohenheim as my only social contact, it was difficult to find good interlocutors.

I laughed slightly. "That's why I said goodbye to him today. Tomorrow I'm home." I closed my eyes and smiled. Today would be the last day I would have to spend in this terrible world. Tomorrow I would be back in Amestris, home, with Winry, with Alphonse, with Mustang...

My eyes opened again and I jumped up as if something had stung me.

"Home... Everyone is doing well there. Yes? All good?" My nervous laughter interrupted my thoughts. "Of course, everyone is doing well, I made sure of that. I'm here to make Al live again. He's definitely with Winry and they're eating apple pie right now. Certainly." Looking for help, I clawed myself to the edge of the table, my gaze fixed on my empty grey plate. "They're doing well. It can't be any other way." I laughed again before I threw the plate with the cutlery and my glass off the table with a sweeping movement.

"It has to...!" To fight down the despair, I got up and walked through the apartment. "And Mustang... Mustang did it too. As if he loses to Bradley. He had the lieutenant with him. If he has failed- No, impossible. That would be stupid! He must have done it. He has to, exactly. He has to."

I stepped to the window, let my gaze wander across the street, the street that was actually familiar to me, but seemed strange every day. Simply because it was not my street, not my city, my country, my universe. I didn't belong here. And this feeling of being a stranger in this place intensified agonizingly with each day, while at the same time I got painfully accustomed to this world. It was an unpleasant feeling that I would be only too happy to escape.

"I have to go back. They are waiting for me. I cannot stay here. It can't be that Hohenheim is right. I've been here before. Although in the body of my alter ego from this world, but I was here. And I got it back. I'll do it again. I just have to find a way to use alchemy. Then I can transmute myself and go back through the gate. Then I'm back, then I'm home."

My gaze slowly went from the world outside to fix itself on the window glass of the apartment, which had tarnished slightly through my fast breathing. I raised my hand, the right one, which was actually an automail and tried to imitate skin with fabric. I wiped over the glass and looked into my reflection.

Surprised, I realized a difference to the puddle of the cemetery. A smile crept on my lips as tears dripped down my cheeks.

"It's not acceptable for me to stay here forever. There is a way back. It can't be any other way!"

I clenched my hand to a fist.

"It can't be."