Tamah

-----

Cold. Hungry. Thirsty. Tired.

The only things I knew.

I didn't know who I was.

I didn't know where I was.

I didn't know what I was.

All was the same.

Constant. Everlasting. A burning without beginning nor end.

A burning that didn't burn because it always did.

Sometimes the burning shifted. Became red-hot. Concentrated.

I welcomed it. It was a break. Made me feel something else.

I didn't know what caused it. Wasn't aware of my body. To me, I was just there. Only knew those four things.

Cold. Hungry. Thirsty. Tired.

I didn't actually know what they were. Didn't know what those four things meant. But at some point, I had started repeating them in my head. A mantra that I held onto. It kept me sane.

Or it was what drove me insane.

That didn't matter though, for I would never be anything else.

Cold. Hungry. Thirsty. Tired.

Something different happened. I couldn't tell what, and I didn't care. It wouldn't change anything. Even the shift in the burning was only a momentary relief. It would always disappear and leave me with my four words.

Movements were around me.

I waited for the red-hot burning.

Noise sounded.

No, not noise. Music.

It reached my ears. Traveled through them.

It was lovely.

But not enough to stir me. Not enough to penetrate my mantra.

Cold. Hungry. Thirsty. Tired.

Cold. Hungry. Thir...

Mirai

I knew that word. That meant something. Something important. Something that was more important than anything else. Important enough to stop the other words.

Mirai

I focused my eyes.

They had been open for so long, but I had stopped seeing. Now I used them again. Focused on what was before me.

Eyes.

One blue. One green. The ocean, the forest, the sky. I knew those things. They were... good. Happy.

They were the whole world.

And they were accompanied by lips that turned up at the edges. A smile.

Then came the music again.

But it wasn't music. It was a voice that belonged to the eyes and the lips.

Then the eyes disappeared.

I felt... something. I wasn't sure what. But it was a feeling that overpowered me, that made all bad things seem like blessings compared to what I felt.

It only lasted a moment.

Warmth hugged me.

When had I last felt warmth?

It sent me strength.

A loud crack sounded. Something hit my side. It was my arm. It hung along my body instead of being suspended in air.

Another crack and my other arm fell as well.

I was... I was being freed?

The eyes. The smile. The music. The warmth. That knowledge.

It all sent a wave of strength that I couldn't remember ever having felt.

I realized I leaned on something. On someone. The person all those lovely things belonged to. That person supported all of my weight and I wanted to help somehow.

I moved my legs. I hadn't moved them, hadn't used them in far too long. They were stiff, weak, trembling. But my feet landed on the ground. They couldn't support all of me, but at least a little.

Lessened the burden a little.

Two more cracks sounded and I knew my feet were free.

Some of the warmth left, but enough stayed to not cause that devastating feeling to come again.

And the eyes were back.

I could see the eyes.

I could see the face they belonged to clearer.

A soft face. Rather round in shape but with clearly defined cheekbones. Rosy lips. And the eyes had a shape that framed them in a beautiful way so the color stood out even more.

It was a woman and there was a tightness to her features that I didn't like. But then she sighed and that tightness disappeared. She leaned her forehead to mine. She closed her eyes. But the music came again. Her voice. And this time, I knew what she said. Her words weren't just sounds anymore.

"I got you. I finally got you."

She got me.

That thought felt good, felt safe.

She got me.

I hoped she would never leave me. That she would always have me.

I wanted to express that somehow. Wanted her to know that. But I had no words to use. Nothing that could contain it.

But I wanted her to know.

I needed her to know.

I reached up. Touched her cheek.

She opened her eyes again. Her lips turned up.

But it didn't feel like the touch was enough to express what I felt.

I opened my mouth without any idea of how to say what I wanted her to know.

The only word I knew, that word that felt so important, fell from my lips.

"Mirai."

The eyes that contained the whole world grew bigger and the depth of them increased. I could easily get lost in them, but that didn't seem like a bad idea.

Then they disappeared again as the warmth enclosed me. She hugged me.

She held me.

She hugged me.

When was the last time someone had shown me care?

I moved my arms and hugged her back.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that. Embracing each other in the cold and damp space, that felt neither cold nor damp anymore. I only knew I never wanted it to end.

But it did.

She let go of the hug, but still held onto me. I had grown stronger and could almost stand myself. She had tears in her eyes when she looked at me again. I moved a hand up and touched her cheek where a tear ran. She smiled and took my hand in hers. I looked down at our interlocked hands.

It felt completely right.

"How are you feeling? Do you need something?" she asked.

I wanted to tell her I only needed her. That I would be fine as long as she kept me warm. But words failed me again.

"I'll get you some water," she continued. "I'll have to let go of you for the spell, though."

She made a move away from me and the coldness that caused was worse than anything before. It ripped through my heart and I moved towards her. I burrowed my head into her shoulder and put an arm around her again.

I needed her more than air.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I felt her hand drawing circles on my back. "I won't leave, okay? I promise I'll never leave."

She continued to whisper words to me and I listened to it all without really listening to the words. I listened to the music and not the meaning of the lyrics.

"We have to leave this place," she said after some more time. "But there'll be people trying to stop us. We'll have to be quick. We'll have to run."

I lifted my head to look at her. Her eyebrows furrowed. Concern etched her features. I wanted to reassure her. To explain that with her by my side, my strength would never fail.

I hoped she saw it in my eyes. And she at least saw something because she nodded.

"Alright. Then let's get out of here," she said, and I felt her hold on my hand become firmer.

She led the way.

She took me out of my cage.

My legs shook as I took the steps, but for each one, they shook a little less.

I was out of that tiny room. Left my stone prison.

I walked towards something new. Something I knew would be good.

As long as I had her by my side.

We reached a stair. Walking up was hard.

My chest ached. My muscles screamed. My legs, that had stopped shaking, shook again.

She stopped at the top.

She let me rest for a bit while she had an arm around me.

"I love you, Tamah," she told me. "And I'll protect you no matter what."

Tamah

I knew that word too.

So this chapter probably is the hardest to write chapter I've ever written. Usually it takes me 1-2h to write the first draft for a chapter. For this one, I think I spent 8h in total on just the first draft. Then I've spent countless of hours editing it. Still not sure I've managed to bring forth all the different aspects I wanted, but I hope you all enjoyed it. 

❤️