Saida

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A year had gone by since we had first moved to the wolf pack and during that year it had become our home. I had grown close with the others vampires there as well as with some of the wolves. Everything was amazing with Stuart as well, and I could say without a doubt that I was deeply in love with him.

Generally he would act very strictly and in control among others, but that was such a contrast to how he would be with me. At times it almost seemed like he had two different personalities, but the truth was rather that he saved all of his sweetness and gentleness and emotions for me.

He would spend a big part of his time training with the vampires and wolves and, at some points, it almost seemed like he lost track of all things else when he did so. But as soon as I would show up, he would take a break to check on me and no matter how lost he was in training, he would always be there when I fell asleep and woke up.

Meanwhile, I had kept my days busy by helping out at their pack hospital. Mainly providing potions which helped far more effectively with different types of ailments than medicine tended to, such as headaches, fever, and nausea. I had also gotten to learn a little about modern medicine to the point that I often got to assist mainly in smaller matters, but recently even in a birth which tended to be the more complex things that needed attending to considering the wolves' heal abilities.

All in all, life was amazing.

Except for one very big thing.

Before we had left for the pack, me and Stuart had discussed the aspect of completing the mating and with that, me turning to a vampire. He had argued it was better to not do it while we stayed with the wolves as newly turned vampires had a much harder time controlling their thirst and we wouldn't want me to accidentally harm any of them. It had made sense, and I had agreed to it. But what I hadn't expected was the fact that it meant we still, one year later, hadn't had sex.

It wasn't that sex was something overly important to me. I wasn't one to constantly crave it. But a year with the man I loved and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and that I also were extremely attracted to... It was getting frustrating. What was more, I couldn't help but wondered what was stopping him, if he actually didn't want me.

For it was clear he was the one to always halt it when we got close. We would, for instance, be in bed and make out and then he would stop it by claiming I needed to sleep, or that he had to go and work, or any other reason that sounded like bad excuses.

I had hoped it was because he was worried he would accidentally turn me, but we had now, after a year, returned to the clan house to stay there for about a month. It was, without a doubt, the perfect opportunity to turn me, unless we wanted to wait even longer. But we had been back for a week and it had been the same thing.

I knew I had to bring it up for it to be solved. But it felt awkward, and I was worried about what he might say. That it might end with him telling me he had changed his mind about me, that he didn't want me.

But it was just to do it. Better now than wait even longer and still be disappointed.

We were in the room that was his bedroom. I had just taken a shower to get ready for bed and decided to adorn a black, short, and sexy nightgown. I had worn it before and it hadn't helped, but it at least gave me an extra confidence boost.

I stepped into the bedroom again. He was on the couch reading a book, but looked up the second I came in.

"Ready to sleep?" he asked, keeping his eyes locked on mine, which did bruise my confidence slightly. Wasn't I even sexy enough to make his eyes wander just a little?

I swallowed hard and spoke. "There's just something I want to talk to you about first."

"Is there something wrong?" he asked and his eyes left mine to roam over my body, but it was with a gaze I knew all too well. He wasn't looking over my body in lust, but to check for any signs of injury.

"There is," I said and walked over to sit down on the couch.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" His eyes kept searching.

"Yes," I answered, knowing fully well what effect that would have on him.

"Where?" he asked and his voice had gotten an urgent worry to it. He put an arm around me to pull me closer, to be able to look for wounds more easily.

"It's not in a place you can see," I added and looked down. My nerves were coming in strong, but because of how anxious I had made him, I knew there was no going back.

"Saida, please tell me what's wrong so I can make it right," he said and cupped my cheek with his hand.

"Do you... Do you really love me?" I asked and looked back up. He frowned and startled slightly.

"Of course, I do. Why are you asking me that?"

"And you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

He looked apprehensive, and I took a deep breath, finally asking the question I really wanted to know the answer to.

"Do you find me attractive? Like in a sexual way? Like in a way that you actually want to have sex with me?"

I observed him and saw a faint blush as his eyes finally looked down my body to see it and take it in the way I wanted him to.

"I do," he said in a low and shaky voice. "Very much so."

"Then why... Why haven't we? Why do you always stop it before it gets anywhere?"

He looked away, and the blush wasn't that faint anymore, but seemed to contain all the blood within him. Though by looking down his body, I knew that not all blood was working on creating the blush.

"I... It's just that... I've never... And I'm worried. What if... If I disappoint you? Or... I might hurt you. And I... I just..."

I had never seen him so flustered before, but what I focused the most on was one of the things he had said.

He had never.

Of all the things I had imagined could be stopping him, that hadn't been even close to on the list. He was hundreds of years old, after all. How was it possible that he had never during that time had sex? He had told me he had never felt anything like what he felt for me towards anyone else. But I had taken it in part as a romantic exaggeration, not as the big truth it actually was.

But with that, all of my confidence returned to me. I moved closer, straddling him. I leaned in and kissed him, like I had done so many times, but it felt very different. More heated and with the absolute knowledge of more to come.

"Have you ever fantasied about it?" I asked and kissed him over his jaw.

"Yes," he answered, and his voice was breathless.

"Thought about what I'll look like naked? And fantasied about touching my naked body? Kissing it?"

"Y-yes."

"Fantasied about how it would feel to be inside of me? Thought about what it would be like to make love to me and together reach the peak of pleasure?"

I whispered right by his ear and could clearly hear how his heart beat fast and his breathing shook as he answered another stuttering yes.

Goddess, this man. He was always so cool and collected in front of others. It seemed like he was in control of everything around him. But there with me, he was a mess. Completely lost and in my control. I couldn't help but feel powerful and confident in a way I hadn't ever before.