December 2018

On a cozy winter evening, two little kids were outside—bundled up in layers of warm clothing. The crisp air was filled with their joyful shouts as they chased each other around the big old oak tree, their cheeks flushed from the cold.

"Gotcha!" the little boy exclaimed triumphantly, tagging the little girl on the shoulder.

Spinning around to face him, the little girl protested, "No fair! You cheated!" sticking her tongue out at him.

"Nuh-uh! You're just too slow! You just don't want that sugarcane, do you?!" the boy with black haired bob cut teased back, a wide grin on his face.

The revenge determination in the girl's eyes signals the continuation of their game—until a single drop of snow begins to fall from the sky. The boy was the first to notice, his eyes widening in wonder as the delicate snowflake drifted down and landed on his nose. He blinked in surprise, then looked up—watching more snowflakes slowly descend.

"Emily—look!" he called out, pointing to the sky.

Little you stopped in your tracks, tilting your head back to watch the snowflakes dance in the air. "It's snowing!" you exclaimed, voice filled with awe.

But as the snow started to fall more steadily, he saw you shiver slightly—your coat not quite warm enough for the unexpected chill. You shake your head, but suddenly.. you feel the rain stop. And when you look above.. you find a little hand above your head, shielding you from the snowflakes.

"There," he said with a grin, his voice softening as he gently rested his hands on your little head, covering you with his own warmth.

"I don't want you to get too cold."

"Ty, wanna join me outside?"

Tyler stirs from his sleep as your soft voice pulls him from his dreams. After finally coaxing you to eat the porridge he brought, both of you had fallen into an exhausted sleep. But still, you couldn't find peace. And waking up in the middle of the night, makes you feel an inexplicable need to breathe the cold night air.

Blinking sleepily, Tyler checks his phone—squinting at the screen to see that it's two o'clock in the morning. Despite the odd hour, he moans softly as he stretches his body, shaking off the remnants of sleep. "Okay," he smiles.

"We should gear up, really cold out there now," you suggest eagerly, a hint of sudden excitement in your voice. Probably just a sign how you've descended into madness.

Tyler nods—still half-asleep, and sits on the edge of the bed facing the window. "I'll be back in a moment. Need to take them from my room," he announces, preparing to get up. But you're not responding, rubbing his eyes, he turns to look at you—to see you stand there, eyes brimming with tears—his eyes automatically widen.

"You can wear my dad's.."

You offer, your voice breaking slightly. There's a moment of silence as the weight of your words sink in. Tyler's expression softens with sadness, but he manages a gentle smile as he softly agrees, "Okay."

Retrieving your dad's coat and handing it to Tyler, he accepts it with a nod of gratitude, slipping it on as if it were a sacred garment. You grab your own coat—and together, you make your way to the front door. Stepping outside, the crisp night air hits you—and you shiver slightly. Tyler wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to share warmth. The world was still and silent, the only sound being the crunch of snow beneath your boots.

"Remember how we used to play in the snow when we were kids?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Tyler nods, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, you always insisted on making the biggest snowman—" but then a big yawn escapes his round mouth before he apologizes, "damn, sorry if I dozed off. Still sleepy."

"Typical," you laugh.

Finally arriving at your usual spot, he immediately rests his head in your lap. Chuckling in amusement at his sleepiness, you reminisce, "Remember when I used to slap you every time you yawn—" but instead, he playfully slaps you—making you jump slightly. "Ohmygod?! You brat! How are you so violent?!"

Ruffling your hair, even as his eyes start to doze off to the subconsciousness, he apologizes, "Sorryyyy~" as his fingers slowly trails down to your cheek, tucking away strands of hair behind your ear. In a sudden moment, the two of you exchange a meaningful gaze, only to cause his sleepy hazel eyes to awaken.

"You know we're not kids anymore, right?" you remark, now causing him to look bewildered, fingers still lingering on your cheek.

"What do you mean?"

Rolling your eyes, you laugh, "Like—we should stop doing things we used to do when we were kids."

Suddenly, while still lying down, he retreats a little—then sits up straight, causing your faces to get very close—too close. You can feel your heart thumping loudly as he rubs your cheek, teasingly saying, "I forgot, did we do this when we were kids?"

You blush as his gaze smolders with a strange intensity. In a panic, you slump against his shoulder, blurting out your ritual, "Bestfriends?"

And you feel his shoulders slumped slightly. His hands now behind your head, ranting, "Nah, why you always blurt that out on strange occasions these days—"

"Just say the ritual, please—"

"I'll say it when you stop acting super weird—"

"Bestfriends..?"

He sighs defeatedly before finally giving in,

"Forever—now you gotta tell me what's wrong—"

"Because I could catch feelings!"

Pushing him away as you make your confession—and you find Tyler frozen in his seat. The teasing look fades as he chuckles nervously, trying to hide the awkwardness.

"I think you should stop touching my cheeks—or my hair—and oh! We should stop being so close to each other—!" you rant sarcastically.

His cheeks flush—and he grins sheepishly before he retorts, "Oh, shut up," pulling you closer until you both tumble to the cold grass.

"What are you doing, Ty?!" you exclaim in panic as he hugs you tightly, your head automatically resting on his chest.

"You practically confessed two times and you're saying you haven't caught feelings for me?" he jokes, making your heart flutter.

"What?! You call that a confession—I'd be embarrassed—it was definitely not! And about earlier—I meant love—I love you as a bestfriend!" you stammer, scooting even closer to him, burying your face into his chest. He smirks as he rests his chin upon your head. For a moment he doesn't say anything, until—for the love of God—he teases,

"I can hear your heartbeat, you know."

You playfully hit him, "There—there ain't no way! Your head is nowhere near my heart points! You think I can't hear yours too—"

That's when you realize.. his heartbeat's beating so fast too.

In bewilderment, you automatically eager to stand up as you blurt out, "Ty, you—" but he stops you from standing, holding you close.

Whilst adjusting his arms around you, he says, "You said friends definitely like each other—if we don't we wouldn't be friends, right?" Your heart skips a beat, and you find yourself clutching the edges of his coat.. bracing yourself how he's going to turn your words into a boomerang.

"Well since we're bestfriends, ours might've been between like.. and love."

You wake up first, slowly blinking away the remains of sleep. And as you open your eyes.. you're met with the gentle rise and fall of his chest—his breath created small clouds in the cold air. After the heart-pounding conversation, he had annoyingly fallen asleep almost instantly—you too though in the end.

"Ty?"

You whisper as you lift your head, checking on him—but he's still snoring softly. Chuckling, you carefully detach yourself from his embrace—not wanting to wake him. However, as you finally sit beside him—he instinctively grasps your hand, not wanting you to go.

"Even in your sleep, you don't want me away from you, huh?" you chuckle, stroking his hand gently as a tender smile forms on your lips. He lets out another soft snore, causing you to laugh quietly, "You're so silly, Tyty." Giving in, you put his head on your lap. "This is your favorite scene, right? Sleeping in the cold.. with a single warmest coat to embrace you?" you speak softly, almost only to yourself. Your fingers stop at his cheeks as you stare at him lovingly—when a single snowflake falls and lands on your hand! Giving a little gasp, you look up to see snowflakes begin to drift down. In a reflex, you extend your hand above his face to shield him from the snow.

"It's snowing, Tyty.." you whisper, watching as the delicate flakes land on your hand instead of his face. Scooting closer, you position yourself to shelter him from the snow, murmuring, "Don't worry, Tyty~ I'll shelter you from the snow raid~ Just like how you used to do to me~" You scrooch down, your body creating a protective canopy over his sleeping form, keeping the snow from waking him. In a sense of nostalgia, you can't help but whisper,

"Heh—first snow.. always with you, huh?"

Your fingers begin to trace his beautiful face, outlining his brows.. gently skimming the contours of his eyes.. and down to his nose.. You smile, but an unexpected feeling weighs you down—making the night seem colder. You stare at him long and hard.. until realization hits you like a blizzard.

"I think I.. have completely fallen for you—"

The snow continues to fall gently around you as your breath catches in your throat. It's not like you haven't already known but—now.. after everything you've been through.. after every hurt he caused—and after every fix he made..

How you still love him even after everything—

"I'm sorry—" you whimper, brushing a few snowflakes from his hair as your hands tremble, "between like and love? Fuck there're no in between I guess." Frustration kicks in as you continue to stroke his hair, gently pushing it away from his face. Taking a sharp inhale, you try to hold back your tears as you whisper,

"Bestfriends forever, right?"

Hopelessness kicks in—and carefully, you peel his hand off yours. You stand up, moving further away from him. "Why did it have to be like this? Why now?!" you pause, panting. Burying your face on your hands, you look down—until you throw your hands through your hair and shout, "Why does it have to be this complicated?! Why does loving him have to feel like the sweetest blessing and the cruelest curse at the same time, God?!" your voice filled with frustration and sorrow as you rant to the skies.

Closing your eyes, you whisper, "Please God—stop this feeling. Please.." heart feels heavy as you look back at Tyler. A flake lands on his face, causing him to flinch slightly—

"Not my bestfriend.. please—he's my bestfriend.. Why—"

Tyler stirs slightly, mumbling something in his sleep. You briskly shuffle behind him and turn away—holding your breath. But seconds pass—and you put up the courage to turn.. to find him just shifting his position, now facing away from you—still snoring softly. Releasing a shaking sigh of relief, your knees almost give in as you cry, "Oh, thank God."

Carefully, you return to his side, sitting beside him again—your eyes tracing his fluffy hair that's been raided with crystal snows. "Sorry, Tyty.. the snow must've disturbed your hibernation, huh?" you whisper, sheltering his face from the falling snow again. As you stroke his hair—pushing it back away from his face—tears start to stream down your cheeks. "You know what? Since you're not—and never going to listen to this, and since it's already killing me inside—"

Struggling to hold back a sniffle, you manage a small smile as you confess, "I stopped this before, you know?" you pause, waiting—as if expecting an answer from sleeping Cavill. "Every time I was so eager to test your girlfriends.. is because I just—didn't want to see someone who doesn't know you—treat you wrong." For a moment, you pause. Disagreeing with your own confession, you shut your eyes while shaking your head, correcting, "No. Not that—the truth is—" gazing at the back of his head for a long moment—before taking a shaky inhale.. confessing,

"I can't bear the thought of you with someone else."

Your voice cracks as you whisper, "Fuck, I know I'm so selfish—" trying to hold back your tears—but fails as the hiccuping start to interrupt. Calming yourself for a moment, you take a deep breath.. forcing a smile so gentle the snow cries along with you. "But I'm not selfish now, right?" you sniffle, tenderly brushing his hair.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done—and as my apology, I'll keep this feeling of mine till the universe is doomed—heck, I know my life's already doomed but well, you know,"

Trying to stop your tears from falling, you look up—voice breaking as you say, "And I'll be happy.. because you'll always be happy—" you choke, "even though it's not with me—"

Your hand trembles as you shelter him from the snow, heart shattering. The snow keeps falling, covering both of you in a gentle white blanket as you sit there—when a memory surfaces.

"Remember that poetry assignment? I.. ended up writing two, you know," you whisper, "I felt like this one was really for you—for us. I wrote it for us, Ty. For all the things I can't say when you're awake." Taking a deep breath, your heavy heart feels lighter for having finally voiced the truth, even if only to yourself. Your eyes glisten with unshed tears as you begin to recite,

In the quiet whispers of the night,
Where shadows dance in pale moonlight,
There lies a love so deeply hidden,
In a heart where dreams are written.

Through the laughter, through the pain,
In each memory we remain,
Two souls bound by fate's design,
Yet in the shadows, love is confined.

The snow falls softly, a silent grace,
Like the tears upon my face,
For in this cold, this quiet spell,
Lies a love I cannot tell.

They say to love someone is nothing.
To be loved by someone is something,
and to be loved by the one you love is everything.

We were just bestfriends that spoke like lovers.
And that seemed to be enough,
For two teenagers who were scared to love one another.

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Cecylia Costania @rcpcswrites

You can elevate your experience by also listening to songs I added to this story's playlist! Full Playlist on bio💖

The song that matches this Chapter's vibe:

https://youtu.be/LGSClSL4WG4

https://youtu.be/t80Iw11jJaY