"I feel like I'm a fucking roller coaster."

As all sorts of judgment painted on her face, Evangeline can't help but laugh at the analogy. She settled beside you, arranging her belongings neatly on the table. Shaking her head, she only pays little attention to your vents. When she finally sits in peace, she takes a long.. deep breath.. and lets them out slowly.

You notice how something.. is off with her today. Even her laughter somehow came out as.. bitter laughs? Well, if that's the case.. probably bad days are a normalcy by now. After everything you've been through, bet her problem won't even get past your level anyway.

Trying to shrug all your thoughts off by letting out the same bitter laugh, you defeatedly explain, "Yeah, you see.. people line up to get what they need. To feel what they want to feel. Whether it's thrill.. laughter—or.. just a flick of a moment.. I'm just a fucking tool. A tool to help them get what they want." Pausing for a moment, you reach for a pink decorated notebook from your bag while your thoughts drift to another dimension.

"But never what they need."

Eve pauses at your declaration. Once you grab the notebook and bring it upon your table.. with a gaze hanging at the end of the room.. you say, "And once they're bored.. the last thing you'll ever see.. is them getting off—and onto the next ride of whatever's there in the theme park."

Eve's demeanor shifts, her peace energy replaced by a defeated posture as she absorbs your words. Lowering her head, seemingly resonating with the depth of your sentiment, she stays silent. Somehow.. you can feel her pain. A mirror to your own. Bouncing your eyebrows in resign you add,

"And now I'm wondering if a roller coaster is all I'll ever be."

As you both sit in silence, both girls gazing to the ends of the room with sadness. The weight of your words hangs heavy in the air, lingering between you like an unspoken truth—wondering.. how the lighthearted conversation about roller coasters could be this deep.

Finally, shaking your head as an attempt to shake off the bad vibes, you apologize, "Ok girl. Sorry for the mellow morning. Just—forget about it. How's. your poetry~" injecting some cheer into it, trying to break the somber mood.

Eyes never leaving the unknown space of the room, Eve smiles defeatedly as she mutters, "Suddenly I got very inspired,"

Alert, you touch his hand, whispering, "Evie.. are you okay..?"

At your question, her eyes suddenly turn glossy as they meet yours. The two of you gazes at each other with depth, a silent exchange of pain passing between you. Something is definitely wrong, and you can feel it in the depths of your soul.

Eve tries to speak, her mouth opening and closing—but before she can find the words, the door flings open.. and your teacher enters the room. "Good morning, class," Mrs. Ann begins, her voice breaking the heavy silence that had settled in the room. Without preamble, she strides to the teacher's table and opens the book of assessment, declaring, "Ok everyone, let's start with.."

"Evangeline Reed?"

You found yourself perched on the edge of the lake, your feet dangling over the water as if dancing with the long weeds below—your cute monster sandals looked like they're eating them. Nervously, you toyed with the ends of your shirt, glancing around as anticipation churned in your stomach.

Finally, you spotted him—a silhouette emerging from the bowing trees! Your heart leaped in your chest—without thinking, you sprang to your feet!

However you stopped in your tracks. As he drew nearer, the dim light revealed a bruise marred his face. And your joy turned to concern as you approached him cautiously. Now face to face, he remained silent, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. You made clear of the single bruise on his cheek—just one. Thank God it's just one.

Hesitatingly, you reached out to gently hover over the bruise, your eyebrows furrowing in worry—darting your eyes to meet his again. Before you utter a word, he let out a single word that explained everything.

"Dom."

Feeling a pang of guilt, you lowered your head, inhaling and exhaling in helplessness.

"I told him," he admitted with a smile. His hazel eyes showed a tinge of resignation, of tiredness.

"I'm sorry I haven't have the guts to, Ty.. every time I saw him—it always felt like it wasn't the right time to—"

"No Em, it's ok. I know," he whispered, assuring you, voice soft and soothing. With tender certainty, his hands found their way to your head, cupping it gently as he stroked your hair. Feeling flutters of butterflies in your stomach, you closed your eyes—attempting to calm them down. It had been getting crazier ever since you had the sudden pep talk with your parents. Maybe cos you already know what you want now.

"I wanted to tell him after this, though," you promised as you opened your eyes to meet his confused gaze.

"This?" he asked while squeezing your head gently, completely unaware of the effect he had on you.

"There's something I need to say—tell you!"

"Really—" he began before a sharp wince cut off his response, face contorting in pain as his back throbbed.

"Later! We need to take a look at those first! You stay here!"

A pointed hand gesturing him to stay put, you were about to leave—when he grabs your arm in a spit of urgency, pleading,

"Can you bring me something that covers your after-pimple.. thing—uh.. converter? Oreo—"

Rolling your eyes, you lazily corrected him, "You mean concealer?"

"Yeah whatever."

To prevent his parents from going batshit crazy when they see him, you tended to the bruise on his face, carefully dabbing.. covering them with your concealer—stopping here and there whenever the big baby winced in pain.

"Stop wincing like a baby won't ya?!" you teased with annoyance as his wiggling got out of hand.

"Why—it hurts, noob!" he retorted, his tone filled with mock indignation.

"You ungrateful brat!" you shot back, slapping his shoulders—just hovering over them.

His hand flew to his shoulders as he winced in exaggerated pain, a playful glint in his eyes as he hissed, "You're a fucking devil."

You let out a guilty laugh at his theatrics—knowing he was milking the moment for all it was worth. Apologizing, you switch back your focus into covering the bruise on his face.

What you didn't know.. was that his gaze lingered on you. Thoughts raced as he watched you work—a soft smile playing at the corners of his lips. The way your lips pout when you concentrate.. the way your eyes squinted every time he faked a wince..

This close..? He couldn't help but admire you. Even since the last time—he'd been wanting it again and again. Every avoidance. Every restrain. It made him feel.. enough. Even though he still couldn't help how being this close with you will never be enough. His eyes getting hazy, daydreaming about the time the two of you—

"Done. Now turn around." you instructed, trying to maintain a serious tone despite knowing the upcoming playful banter.

With his grin widening mischievously, he teased, "What? Damn Winny you're just making reasons so you can see me naked, huh—"

"I've seen you naked then and now, Cavill. Now turn around."

And whenever you say you could silence him, you really silence him. Because he. was. stunned. His lips pursed in an attempt to hold back a laugh. Despite it all, you noticed a hint of blush colored his cheeks, and you couldn't help but quickly look away—also feeling a slight blush creeping onto your cheeks as you giggled.

He obediently turned around. Nonetheless.. midway through, he locked eyes with you, and you noticed a mischievous glint shining in his gaze. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly began to unbutton his shirt..

You wanted to retort, to emphasize how you had seen him naked countless times before—but—especially in moments like this.. after everything.. you were stunned. You know how he is. This is his naughtiness speaking, devilishly eager to tease you.

Unfortunately.. this time.. he won.

His boldness left you stunned into silence, cheeks burning with embarrassment as you watched him undress. Satisfied with your reaction, he let out a lopsided smile, enjoying his moment of glory. But to end the torture, you pushed his now-naked waist from the side, urging him to—

"Turn around—your body's not that good to look at—"

"Are you convincing yourself, Winters?" Cavill scoffed, grinning confidently.

As his back was now facing you.. your stun wasn't because of his teasing anymore. Almost all the top of his back—was a rainbow of purple and blue. Unable to contain your shock, you couldn't help but let out a whispered, "Ty.."

From the front, as he tilted his head, Tyler bounced his eyebrows before confirming resignedly, "Can't blame him. He's mad mad."

Without saying a word, you began to apply balm to his bruises, hoping to ease his pain. However, God bless how the Libra Sun in you is unable to contain your curiosity.

"So.. what happened?"

Seemingly hesitant on recalling bad memories, he ran a hand through his hair. After a moment of contemplation, he explained,

"Truth is.. we bumped into each other—you know, at our spot. Started chatting normally.. but I just couldn't hold it in anymore, so I just—blurted it all out,"

"You told him.. everything?"

"Just the gist of it."

The two of you lapsed into an awkward silence before a slight lopsided smile etched on his lips. With cheeky amusement, he continued, "Imagine giving him the deets. I'd be in the lake instead of beside it."

You couldn't help but almost burst out laughing at his remark—but you managed to hold it in. "Can you not turn this into a joke?" you retorted.

Maintaining his lopsided grin, he glanced at you and retorted, "What? I'm just stating the facts! Look at me now."

"It's not that bad," you replied nonchalantly, teasing him. A strained smile spreaded on your lips, and you enjoy having his back facing you. However.. well.. we usually just wait, though. One.. two.. and~ it worked.

Because now he turned to you, making sure you were seeing his raised eyebrow. Catching your pursed lips out of amusement, he nodded nonstop while twisting back ahead.

"What?" you asked 'innocently.'

"Nothing, just recalling how your face looked when you first saw me earlier," he teased back—before wincing as you lightly tapped the back of his head, revealing yet another bump.

"Keep being a brat so I know where else is bruised," you retorted, trying to stifle your laughter.

Shaking his head while rolling his eyes in annoyance, he groaned at your witty response—when a thought flashed through his messy mind. He let out another naughty smile, teasing, "Oh I will."

Realizing he was making a dirty joke, you lightly poked on the bruise on his back to silence him.

"Ow! I shouldn't have trusted you with this! Alright—alright! Go away!" he pretended to wiggle away, but you held his arms firmly—groaning in annoyance, knowing he was just being dramatic.

Talk
Tell how much fun you had yesterday
The joke that made you laugh until you cried..
Those dumb things you're too embarrassed to tell anyone else..
Talk for hours about the things you love
Because there is nothing she'd rather be doing than listening to him talk—

As he laughed, you both shared a moment of pure joy, smiles wide and genuine—reminiscent of the carefree days of your childhood. It felt when the two of you sneaked out of your house to steal candy from a store—and got caught by your dads. This aftermath is exactly the same. Just the two of you in trouble.. laughing it off wholeheartedly.

...

But why?

Why are both of you able to laugh like this—despite the weight of the problems you're facing? He had lost a friend.. and yet—here he was, laughing with you as if nothing else mattered.

As if all that matters.. is being with you.

Why does every time he was with you.. it felt like all the problems in the world melted away?

This won't do. This couldn't be happening. This is too much.

He needs to stop this.

Cavill's expression shifted from hesitant.. to steely. His eyes sharpened with determination as he prepared to reveal whatever was weighing on his mind.

"I have something to tell you, Em," he finally said, tone serious, signaling the end of the lighthearted moment.

"Oh, right! Me too—"

"Can it wait after mine?"

Sudden urgency exudes from him, leaving you feeling a bit flustered. "Oh!" shrugging off your initial surprise before—in resignation.. you hesitantly asked, "oh.. alright.. what is it?"

He fell silent, leaving you hanging in suspense. Your heart started to pound in your chest. You waited.. but all you could see from his back was the way his head lowered.. to slightly turn in hesitation. As seconds passed like hours, your anxiety grew, wondering..

Is this.. it? Is this the moment he would finally speak up—

"Lucy Burns said she likes me."

This again. You wouldn't believe that this. would be the one coming out of his mouth. You couldn't believe that you'd experience this again. After everything? After having this determination you have inside of you—you stopped tending to his bruises. But trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy, you continued to tend the middle of his back.

"Doesn't everyone?" you replied bitterly, your tone reflecting the astonishing hurt.

Closing his eyes in sensing your changed tone, he supported a hand on his forehead, massaging the temples like he had an utmost vertigo swirling inside his head.

But there is one.. question. Only one.. more.. question to define this. To define that shitty statement. So, despite the unease in your heart.. you risked it. Because you can't take it anymore. Probably because you already know the answer either..

"Do.. you like her?"

After the question left your lips, you immediately regretted it. You waited anxiously for his response. The silence felt like torture—

"I think I'm gonna give it a try."

Even when it's not about her.
Even when it's never going to be about her.

Try.

He's willing.. to try.

I never thought I'd hear worse words than 'I like her.' The fact that he's more than willing to try with her than with—

...

You know Tyler.. mine also really can't wait, you know.. I'm choosing you, Ty.. you. But you don't even give me a chance to do this, do you? Mom, turns out I was wrong.

Being with him is never easy.

And it felt like the world crashed down on your chest, shattering it into a million pieces. Your hands hovering over his back, now trembling. Covering your mouth, you tried to hold back tears. Now it started to choke, felt like your throat was drowned in a bunch of acid. You looked up to the skies—eyes squinted in pain, brows knitted as you cursed to the world.

How the fuck all of this happened?

Tyler's head lowered to the ground, teeth gritted against each other in distress. Hearing you take a shaky deep breath, he immediately inclined his head. Hesitating, he called out to you, "Winny?" but still, he couldn't bring himself to look at you—your pain too raw and overwhelming to bear.

You remained silent, still lost in your thoughts. Your gaze now fixed on the lake on your right. Your hands fisted on the ground—clenching and unclenching as you tried to gather strength. After what felt like an eternity of silence, he finally mustered the courage to turn around—but you hurriedly stopped him.

"I'm not finished."

As he felt your now trembling hands back on his back, he felt his heart crack. Is he making the wrong decision? It surely felt like it was the right thing though..

Gaining courage, you took a deep breath, attempting to show your support. "That's—that's great! She looks like a nice girl—better than Taylor, right?" you stammered with a forced chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, "she's been our friend for ages anyway,"

"I promise I would never let her bully you—"

"Come on, Ty. It wasn't bullying! She just loves to give dares to me—and please, it was elementary—"

"You never picked dare after she—"

"You know what dare it was."

Acknowledging your first kiss, Tyler fell silent. Maybe no more of this conversation? So there won't be any reminder of—he just didn't want to falter.

Attempting to change the topic, he asked, "So what was it—that you wanted to say..?"

But this one.. instead, this one reminded you of—you sighed, hands now rested on the ground. You were exhausted. So exhausted. There ain't no way you're telling him now. Finding anything as a sacrifice, Tumba is the only thing you can think of.

"Oh—it was.. Tumba—"

Confused, Tyler let out a 'huh?' before you immediately cut him off with a story,

"You know how he has trouble deciding which one's he's allowed to eat, right? We brought him to the ER because—I don't know what happened—he came to us suddenly bringing an apple—but turned out that he's allergic to apple—he should've known there's his usual food already waiting for him in his bowl but he didn't know—he didn't know—he was so happy—everything was alright but then—he didn't even got the chance to—"

You couldn't hold back anymore, tears started to flow uncontrollably. Tyler immediately turned around, to find you had already covered your face—not wanting him to see you while you were breaking apart.

He embraced you straightaway, frowning while holding you close, swaying your body side to side. Once you felt his arms embrace you, funnily—your crying stopped—maybe because of the embarrassment. He pulls away.. to find you already wiping your tears in a quick motion. Cupping your frowning face like you were a delicate flower, with expression filled with sadness—

"I—I'm sorry Em—I mean—" Tyler began, choking up before he muttered, "to.. hear that. Is he—is he going to be okay..?"

Avoiding his gaze, hoping it'd hide all your busted lies, you whimpered through your sobs, "I think—he—will be—" however tears continued to stream down your cheeks as you attempted to lighten the heavy atmosphere, "forget about it! Let's talk about—besides—rule #10, right—?"

Tyler recoiled slightly, a pained expression crossed his face as you shut yourself down.

A wall has been built. And maybe it's for the best.

"So you think my decision is shit?"

"Petition for a—new—amendment then. Always—be happy if they're happy."

Except that I don't know if I'm happy, Winters.

But he kept it buried deep, offering a weak smile instead. Wrapping up the conversation by returning his smile, you reached out and extended your pinkie. You don't even know why this has been such an automatic gesture every time shit happens—

Nope. That's because I refuse to make this friendship chant a burden. It will never will be—

...

Oh.

Stupid Emilia.

We will never will be.

Tyler is right. Again. That logical. piece of shit. Ok then, time to end this never-ending bullshit.

I, Emilia Winters. Deciding that—from now on.. No more questions. No more dilemmas. Because we'll always be—

"Bestfriends?"

Strangely, Tyler's reaction was abrupt, recoiling at the suggestion. It felt as though he instead, were the one allergic to the chant, withdrawing his hand instinctively away from you.

Or.. is he allergic to me? Lol. Yes, I can laugh now. And you know what? Fuck never hiding any rule from each other from now on. I'll create my own secret rule.

He stayed silent, ever the confused one—wondering why saying those words felt so much of a burden for him. Now.. it felt different. It feels.. foreign. But it's for you, so.. everything for you. Extending his own pinkie and wrapped it around yours, he completed the gesture with a forced smile.

"Forever."

Inhaling the promise through your lungs, you felt lighter. A smile formed on your lips as you cupped his hands over yours. "And maybe we can finally put an end to Wyatt's bet—and truly get the love of our lives, right?! We really should listen to him alright~" you remarked optimistically—when for Tyler.. it strangely felt like a death sentence.

"So you love him?"

His voice quivered, heavy with sadness. His expression an indescribable mess. His grip on your hands tightened, a silent plea for..

The question caught you off guard, sending a wave of bitterness crashing over you. It's your boyfriend though. You like him very much. With all honesty in you, you give him the answer.

Him?

"I don't know,"

You?

"I think so."

Tyler winced. His hazel eyes can't hide the immense pain—but you brushed it off, attempting to shield yourself from any more of this evanescent pain.

Now understanding that this.. is for the best.. you're letting this all go. For the last time.

"But then again, love is for losers"

"So you're a loser then?"

Scoffing softly, his beautifully carved hazel eyes bore into yours, searching for answers. Looking down, you squeezed his hands between yours before letting out a bitter smile.. and replied,

"We're all losers."

Heh—funny,
Because it was when she realize,
She was no longer a girl in love with love
She was a girl in love with a boy

Winny's Rule: If you start to fall in love with your bestfriend, you keep it a secret.

But nevermind,
She thought—

The whole room is silent. All eyes bore into her when she stops. But there's one.. that's been boring into hers in a different way. That one.. dark brown eyes. Because this one.. this one's full of longing—of familiarity..

Full of pain.

With a flicker of guilt flashing through her eyes, Eve gazes at your glassy eyes, gripping at her piece of paper with slight trembled hands. Your knitted eyebrows grow closer the same time you lower your head.. to rest them between your eyebrows over your middle finger. Closing your eyes.. you feel a single drop of tear fall on your table. Your lips start to tremble as you make sense of everything. Being mad is not a wise option.

Because everything is true.

Everything she said is true.

Sometimes cupid runs out of arrows and picks a side
Guess she'll just admire him from a safe distance,

We always fall in love with the people we know we can't have anyway

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Cecylia Costania @rcpcswrites

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The song that matches this Chapter's vibe:

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