December 2023

Between the falling first snow of December, you sat by the frozen lake. The world around you was hushed, the snow blanketing everything in a soft.. cold silence. Tyler lay in your lap, his head resting on your thigh, still deep in slumber. Stroking his head softly, you took in the way his calm demeanor soothed you, even as tears began to well in your eyes.

"I'll just keep watching you from the sidelines.. happy.. because you're happy.."

A tear escaped, falling onto his forehead. Closing your eyes shut, you held your sob as you felt the clenching hurt in your chest. Lifting your head to the sky, you watched as the pure white snow fell graciously around the bowing trees. And you wondered how the world could be so cruel sometimes, displaying such beauty.. amidst such heartache.

"Rule #10 is our best rule for sure," you chuckled through your tears, sounding almost manic. The sound of your own laugh surprised you—and you quickly stifled it, not wanting to wake your bestfriend. You noticed him adjusting his position slightly and you held your breath—body shaking with silent sobs as you covered your face with your hands.

"I miss you dad—mom—where are you mom?! Why won't you ever tell me where you are—?" your mumbled words were muffled by your hands, but they hung heavy in the cold. Almost too consumed by your grief, you didn't notice how Tyler had turned, facing away from you.

And he opened his eyes.

His eyebrows were already knitting as he stared at the frozen lake with sorrow. His mind raced, eyes wandering everywhere as he debated whether to reveal that he was awake.. or to keep pretending he was asleep. Your trembling hand rested on his shoulder, the touch was light, careful not to wake him. Still.. he could feel the depth of your sadness in every stroke. So he decided to stay still, not wanting to put any more pressure on you.

"I think I never loved anyone like this before, and Dom—" you whimpered, your voice breaking in suppressed wails. Tyler's body went rigid, his eyes immediately went shut. He struggled to keep his silence—forehead creasing with the effort. Despite his turmoil, your fingers continued to caress his hair, sniffling. You stared at how the lines of his jet black hair getting damp from the snowflakes.. as the realization dawns on you..

"I.. I don't think.. I don't think I ever loved anyone else but you."

His eyes snapped open. He stared blankly, gaze far reaching the white spruce trees lining at the edges of the lake. He thought..

He had always thought you loved his bestfriend too—

But this..

If he knew sooner—

"It's not that I'm a coward but I just—what matters is you'll still be my bestfriend—" you choked on your words, "forever—and nothing will ever change—" you pause as the thought of watching Tyler with someone else for your whole life played like a broken record.. of never being the one he actually loved—

"Fuck." you wailed, trying to hold back your sobs, but you couldn't. The tears fell freely now, mingling with the snowflakes that kissed your face. "It's ok—it's ok—" you comfort yourself, gently stroking your chest with your trembled hands. Noticing his almost damp hair despite your already damp hair, you still tried to shield Tyler's head from the snow, but your hands were trembling too much. You felt cold. So cold—but nevermind, you thought.

At least the snow is embracing you.

"Especially at times like this—when you're always there for me—always reminds me again—how—" you choked, the burning feeling in your throat stopped you from your speech. Darting your eyes to the skies above, you cursed inwardly at fate. Until by the time you looked down at him.. a sense of serenity washed over you. With your fingers still stroking his hair, a sad smile formed on your lips as you whispered,

"I love you, Tyler Cavill."

And his heart broke.

Beneath his coat, his knuckles clenched till he almost trembled. The anguish in your voice.. the hiccup that followed.. your shaky sigh.. Thank God he couldn't see your face right now.

He couldn't have handled it.

And so you accept your fate. Caring for him like this.. staring at him from afar when he's not looking.. stroking his hair when he's asleep.. you can take it. You can take anything. As long as you're always with him—even if it's standing still in the shadows. And as the notion of acceptance washed over you.. the snow continued to fall, each flake a silent witness to your whisper..

"Bestfriends forever though, right?"

You gasp, clutching onto the wide collar of his coat tightly. Your eyes wide as you stare at him, feeling like you've been struck by lightning. In that moment, the breeze whispers through the trees, the world fading away around you.

"Y—you were snoring—"

"Guess the Oscars goes to me."

Tyler's face filled with sadness as he grazes his fingers on your cheeks, eyes locked onto yours as your eyes dart around in a panic. Everything.. every.. single confession you had poured out.. he fucking heard it.

All of it.

"Back then.. I was still afraid," Tyler begins, his voice filled with regret, "I was scared too. You see—we felt the same things, Em." His words hang in the cold, crisp air, mingling with the falling snowflakes as he says,

"I didn't want to lose you too—"

Without thinking, you stand up and sprint away from him, heart pounding in your chest. Tyler, caught off guard by your sudden move, stumbles as you escape from his grasp—left laying on his side with arms hanging in the air, his expression weary as he sighs. Stopping not far from where he is, you pause at the nearby tree—the big majestic tree which was covered in snow—the one where you made your confession. You stand there, frozen, unable to process the revelation.

Sighing deeply, Tyler stands up and begins to speak again, "But now," his tone shifting, "I'm not afraid anymore." Shooting his sharp.. determined eyes to you.. he sighs before looking down, and looks at you again to declare,

"I want to have you, Em. More than I ever did before."

You gasp, your whole body warming despite the cold and the thin coat wrapped around you. Looking like you've just run a marathon—well, close—you run a hand through your hair and lock them, wanting to put pressure on your pounding head.

Wanting to make sure.. that everything is real.

"I need to be with you. Not as a bestfriend—" he pauses, frustration seeping into his voice as he shouts, "I'm right here, now. Fuck—I'm right. here! Since the very beginning!" His face twisted with frustration, hands flying in the air at his never-ending conviction to convince you.

Gently, crystal snow falls upon your head despite the roller coaster of thoughts—racing in your head. Almost going blank, you stare at him, not knowing what to say. "Ty," you whisper, your voice trembling. "I—Ty, I have loved you selflessly—from afar, through tears—in loneliness—I'm fine by it—!"

"Then let me be the selfish one!"

You gasp, staring at his serious gaze—causing you to look away as tears blur your vision. You fall silent, still unsure of how to respond. Both of you are too stubborn. Both too exhausted by everything. The worst part is.. you recognize each other's frustrations. You understand your desires. You know.

"So tell me Emilia. Give me one more fucking reason—"

"Because no one can replace you, Ty!"

He stops, scoffing as helplessness seeps into his skin. Closing his eyes, he growls while running his hands through his hair and throws them in frustration—knuckles form into fists beside him as he glares at you.

"Fuck a thousand boyfriends—fuck breaking up! But if we mess this up—what we always have—" you pause mid-sentence, stepping back—overwhelmed by the thought. The trauma of almost losing him several times haunts you once more. The thought of messing this up—and losing him for good.. Like how you lost everything—

"I don't think I can take it," you say firmly, a tear beginning to fall on your cheeks. Taking a deep, shaky breath, you gaze at him—eyes filled with sadness. You place a hand on your forehead, then lower it, voice quivering as you plead, "You're my bestfriend, Ty.. I just—I can't lose you."

Reluctantly but determinedly, Tyler tries to push away his irritation and steps closer. He gently strokes your head, his eyes never leaving yours as he assures, "You won't lose me, Em. Tell me what I should do to convince you that I'll always stay—"

"Can we go back to where we were?"

His hand freezes—until hesitatingly, he pulls his hand, looking away. His expression hardens as he turns back to you and steps away, giving a good amount of distance. Lifting his chin, he shifts his gaze to the bowing branches of the tree—before muttering under his breath,

"No. I can't."

You feel your frustration boiling over as you plead, "Ty.. please!" desperation seeping into your voice as you look up to him. "The rules—have you noticed?! We broke almost all of them!"

Cavill's eyes staring into the horizon behind you, still avoiding your gaze, remaining silent as disappointment and exhaustion sits still on his face. With urgency, you shake him—demanding to get a response, "Bestfriends forever, right? Ty! Answer me!" He turns to you with a piercing gaze, but still, he wouldn't budge.

The memories of every laugh.. every secret—rushing through your mind. Scenes of you and Tyler chanting your 'Bestfriends Forever' with your pinkies wrapped around each other—dangling black and blue bracelets wrapped around you.. The first time his tooth fell out.. the first time you learned to ride a bicycle—the first time you skipped class together..

When he apologized after bullying you at school.. the first time he fell while playing baseball—wrapping your pinkie around his when you successfully memorized a song on the piano for the first time.. When he helped you from a guy and you cheered with the top of your lungs on Wyatt's rooftop.. when you made up after a fight and erased a rule for the first time.. When you slow danced between the prop mountains on your first date.. sitting under this large tree—when he promised you're bestfriends forever—

"No. We're not."

Until his voice, cold as the death sentence, cut through the breeze. And it feels like he brought the whole blizzard into you. You freeze—stunned, trying to absorb his words. Panic floods you as you grab his arms. "Say the chant, Tyler! Bestfriends—"

"I'm not a hypocrite anymore," he exclaims, voice weary as he asks, "you said you'd rather break your heart than our friendship?" With hurt visible in his eyes, he releases your hands from his arms slowly before stepping away further. He stops, and for a second everything stops with him.

"I'd rather we lost it than see you with someone else, knowing what we could've been."

And your whole world died with him.

He starts to back away. You gasp, eyes frantically searching his face as breath hitches at your throat. "You didn't mean that," you whine, disbelief washing over you. Without a word, Tyler turns and walks away—and you're left staring after his back in bewilderment.

"Ty! After 17 years?! You just gonna break it because—because we have feelings for each other?!"

He keeps walking, the distance between you growing as you scoff. But he doesn't care. He keeps walking away. You start to panic, your expression shifting from shock to irritation—to dread, searching for something to stop him.

"Turn your back right now or I won't buy you your favorite burgers again!" you shout, hoping to stop him.

He stops. For a moment, he hesitates—cocking his head. Letting out a slight smirk of victory, you start walking towards him—but then he starts walking again, making you stop in your tracks. In brisk strides, you quickly jog after him, desperate to stop him.

"Oh no fucking way! Come back here, you asshole!"

You start walking faster—but he's already too far ahead. You see him turn the corner.. until he disappears from your sight.

"Are.. are you really leaving me, Tyler Cavill—don't you dare—!"

But he's gone.

You stand there, stunned by what just happened. You can't believe.. he would leave you like this—all this time.. all his demands with never leaving a fight.. all this time.. his promises—but this.. If after this.. if after graduation you can't see him again—what if he hates you after this?

What if you really lose him for good?

You sink to the ground, staring into the emptiness before you. Wrapping your arms around yourself.. you start to cry.

"You promised you'd stay, Ty.."

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Cecylia Costania @rcpcswrites

You can elevate your experience by also listening to songs I added to this story's playlist! Full Playlist on bio💖

The song that matches this Chapter's vibe:

https://youtu.be/qAJr0bzOe6A