Hours had passed since Gwen left Harry at the beach and the sun was now setting. Evening was quickly approaching, and with the loss of light the mood around camp seemed to have dampen even more. The lost boys were quiet and somber over the death of one of their own. You could just feel their grief walking through camp and it was why Gwen chose to hole herself up in Tristan's hut with him. She'd barely left his side once she got him cleaned up and he was currently laying in his bed, curled up in a ball with his head resting in Gwen's lap. Her fingers were brushing his hair in comfort while they sat in silence, her heart too heavy with grief and guilt for her to even attempt talking.

What was she supposed to say to a six year old boy who saw the dead body of their friend? Especially when you were the reason for their death in the first place? She was never taught how to handle a situation like this and the longer she sat there in silence with the occasional sniffles that would leave Tristan, the more she hated herself.

She fought off the urge to cry when she heard Tristan whimper, then seconds later felt the wetness of his tears falling onto her bare thigh. "It's all my fault." 

She froze at his words then immediately shifted him until she was forcing him to sit up. Her hands were on his shoulders as she steadied him and looked him straight in the eye. "Why would you think that?"

"B-because I cut off Hook's h-hand and then," he stopped, his lip quivering as he brought his small fist up to rub his wet eyes. "They attacked. I shouldn't of h-hurt him!"

"Oh Tris," she sighed and shook her head, bringing his head to her chest as she hugged him. "It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong."

"I did," he cried again and clung to her for support. "I just didn't want them to t-take you away." He confessed and she felt more guilt fill her gut. She didn't respond to him but hugged him harder, murmuring comforting words to him as she rubbed his back. She knew if it were anyone's fault, it was hers. Harry had specifically told her to stay hidden and she defied his orders because she was afraid of Tristan getting hurt. Peter's words might have influenced her decision as well and that was the worse part of it. Were her actions done out of good intentions or to simply prove a point? It was a little of both.

Gwen did not like herself very much in that moment but hid her emotions well, focusing on comforting Tristan first. His cries had softened and she noticed his eyes fluttering closed. She'd been trying to get him to bed for hours now and she was relieved to see he was finally going to get some rest. The boy had been on one huge emotional turmoil and he needed rest.

When his breaths evened out, Gwen carefully shifted him until his head was resting on his bed. He stirred at the movement and Gwen sat there for a little longer, rubbing the top of his back to soothe him. The door opened while she was and she turned to see Jake walk in. He looked drained and he barely spared Gwen a glance before collapsing in his bed. Minutes later, she heard him crying and her heart chipped a little more.

Ridden with guilt, her throat constricted and she carefully pulled away from Tristan. She didn't know Jake very well but he was hurting just like Tristan and he wasn't that much older either. Maybe a year or two, still too young to be faced with something as heavy as this. So she stood to her feet and walked the short distance to his bed before sitting at the edge and rubbing his back as well. At first, he stiffened at her touch but then he relented and turned around to curl his body into Gwen's side. He accepted her comfort and just like Tristan, minutes later his cries stopped and he'd fallen asleep.

She sat there for a little while longer, staring at the side of Jake's sleeping face as she carefully brushed his hair back. Her eyes were stinging again with unshed tears but she knew she couldn't hold them back anymore. Before she could start sobbing and possibly wake the two boys, she carefully stood up and hurried towards the door. She slipped outside just before a strangled sob broke from her lips and her hands flew up to her mouth to contain it. She moved to the side of the hut where there was more privacy and allowed herself to weep. Flashes of Will's lifeless eyes kept flickering in her head and she couldn't help but think how right her mother had been when she told her someday her inability to listen to orders would come back to bite her. And it did, yet it wasn't her that paid for her mistake. It was Will.

It's my fault, she declared and squeezed her eyes shut. She was positive Peter and the lost boys thought so too, and for once she couldn't deny it. All she could see was the way Peter looked at her before she'd left the beach and she wondered how Harry would react towards her the next time she saw him. He was cold earlier and though it killed her inside, she was aware just how much she deserved it. He had every right to be angry with her.

But Gwen wasn't one to ignore her problems. She didn't fear confrontation and though her father constantly told her in the past how admirable that quality was, her mother also pointed out how it was not always a good thing. Yet in this case, Gwen decided it was right so she wiped her wet eyes and took a deep breath. Standing straighter, she lifted her chin and took a deep breath before walking out from where she hid. The camp was quieter than usual and as she looked around, she saw most of the lost boys were no where to be seen. The ones that were though were quiet, sitting near the fire with their heads bowed and eyes set on the dirt. She swallowed when she caught Oscar's eye as she passed to see him looking at her with indifference. He was usually one to show his dislike towards her so it left her with discomfort that she didn't know what he was feeling towards her.

Unable to withstand the empty look in his eye, she turned away and continued on, only to stop short when she saw Peter and Earl sitting a few feet away. Earl was staring at the fire with his face grim while Peter, was already looking at Gwen.

Her stomach turned but she forced herself to move towards them despite the unease she was feeling. She stopped once she was close enough, her hands nervously fiddling together. "Hey..." she sounded pathetic but she didn't know what to say to them. She cleared her throat and dropped her hands to her side when she saw the hard look Peter was giving her. "I-I'm sorry about Will."

"You should be." Peter's tone was another stab to her chest. "That kill was meant for you."

"Peter," Earl whispered softly beside him and shook his head ever so slightly. "Let it go."

"Let it go?" He echoed in disbelief and shot to his feet in an instant. "It's her fault he's dead! If she hadn't been so stupid and stayed behind like Harry told her to, none of this would of happened!" He shouted and though Gwen flinched, she let him go on. Knowing every single word he spoke was the truth. "I told him her being here would only bring us trouble and look! I was right!"

"I'm sorry." She repeated in a whisper, a lump appearing at the back of her throat.

"Shut up," he ground out and shook his head in frustration. "Sorry won't bring him back." Gwen fell silent but before she could think of anything else to say, Peter suddenly pivoted on his foot and stormed away. She watched his back retreat through camp, her chest feeling even heavier than before.

"Don't listen to him," she heard Earl say and she turned around to see him staring at her. He didn't look angry though like she expected. "He's just upset."

"He's right though. It is my fault." She mumbled sadly and Earl looked down. He knew it was too, he was just too nice to say it to her face. "I'm sorry, Earl. I didn't mean for this to happen to him."

"I know. I saw you talking to Tristan," he looked up again. "That's why you were there, isn't it? To retrieve him?" She nodded and he smiled slightly. "It's nice how much you care for him."

"He's so little. He shouldn't be here." Earl didn't respond and she looked down at her hands that she could still see blood on even if she'd already washed it all off.

"I'm going to head to my hut," Earl suddenly spoke, standing up from where he sat. "Harry's at the lake, by the way."

"He is?"

"Yes." He grabbed his make shift sword that was on the ground and slid it into the belt loop of his trousers. "I'd be careful if I were you. He seemed angry."

She gulped at the thought, blinking repeatedly and nodding before Earl left with out another word. She stood there for a moment, wondering if she should just go to her hut and let Harry come to her when he was ready. But that was the coward way and she was no coward. She owned up to her mistakes and if that meant facing Harry, then so be it. She'd let him unleash whatever anger he had on her and she wouldn't object.

Pushing her fear away, she turned and walked through camp before disappearing through the trees. Her anticipation for what she would find grew the closer she got and she was so nervous that her hands shook slightly. She hoped he wouldn't scream at her or-, god forbid, put his hands on her. Yelling she could take but she didn't think she could ever allow Harry to strike her. No matter what she'd done, she would not tolerate any form of abuse.

When she reached the edge of the trees that would lead into the lake, she cautiously stepped through them and her eyes immediately landed on him. He sat at the edge of the lake, his bare back facing her while he kept his legs hung in the water. She knew he was aware of her presence when his back tensed but she continued forward. Moving across the rocketed floor until she was standing right next to where he was sitting. He didn't look up though and kept his green eyes on the surface of the water, staring at it with an expression she couldn't decipher.

She moved to sit beside him, leaving enough space between them so their thighs weren't touching. Slipping her own legs into the water, she suppressed a sigh when the warmth instantly soothed the muscles in her calves. Threading her fingers nervously together in her lap, she glanced at Harry's face. He had droplets of water running down his chin and dripping from his wet hair. "I know it's my fault." She confessed and though he didn't even look at her, she knew he had heard her when his mouth twitched. "I should've listened to you."

"Why didn't you?" She was shocked to hear him ask, even more when his voice came out firm and strong. A complete contrast to his slumped shoulders and blank expression. "Why didn't you listen to me, Gwen?"

"I realized Tristan had gone with you all. I was afraid of him getting hurt so I ran back to come get him." She swallowed as she confessed the next part. "At first I didn't care about the pirates possibly seeing me but then I saw how calmly you were speaking so I tried to sneak him away. I guess we weren't as quiet as much as I had thought."

"It was a foolish thing to do," he shook his head and finally, his face twisted with suppressed anger. "If you'd just stayed behind like I told you then-,"

"Then Will would still be alive," she finished for him and her shoulders slumped, eyes stinging again. "I know."

He didn't say anything for a long time and Gwen sat there, her self hatred growing the more time passed. She wished she could bring him back, trade places with him, or just rewind time. The last thought actually angered her, because how unfair it was that it were possible for time to stop them from aging but not allow her to go back and change her mistake.

"I'm so angry with you," Harry whispered out of nowhere and she looked at him in surprise and fear. "I shouldn't even be sitting here beside you. I should push you away, distance myself at the least." She looked away, unable to take how much his words were tearing her apart inside. "But I can't do that. I'm angry at you, but how can I put the blame on you when Will jumped in front of you himself?"

"You saw?" She asked in a whisper and he nodded.

"I had my eye on you the entire time. I saw what that pirate was trying to do but I couldn't help you myself, I was too busy trying to fight off two pirates. But I saw Will. He pulled him off of you and then just before he could kill you, I saw Will jump in front of you." He swallowed and his eyebrows pinched together. "I should of been the one protecting you, not him. So yes, I'm angry at you for not listening but I don't blame you. If he hadn't done what he did, then you-, it would of been you I was burying."

"Maybe that would of been better."

"It wouldn't," he whispered and Gwen felt her breath hitch when he finally turned to look at her, green eyes shining with unshed tears. "Because even though Will is dead I'm still alive and breathing. Had it been you, I'm sure I would of died along with you."

His words had Gwen's heart coming to life again but before she had time to say anything in response, Harry's body was suddenly shaking. She reached out to him, putting a hand to his shoulder as she stared at him in worry. "Harry-," her words were cut off when a choked sound escaped his mouth and he turned his head away from her. But she saw. The way his lip quivered as he closed his eyes just as a lone tear fell down his cheek. Who knew, that it would hurt her more than anything to see Harry fall apart.

"Harry," she whispered and pulled him close until his shoulder was pressing into her chest. She held the back of his neck while her hand went to his cheek as she tried to turn him to face her. He protested and shook his head. "Harry, look at me. It's alright. You can cry."

"I-," he breathed out and turned his head to look down at Gwen with a broken expression. He swallowed and searched her eyes. "Do you know what I wish more than anything right now?"

"What?"

"That I had my mum." He sucked in a breath and blinked repeatedly, tears escaping his eyes in fast streaks. "I miss my mum."

Gwen was well aware that Harry had never said this aloud before and that much was enough to confirm how much he truly meant what he said. It killed her inside, because despite how tough Harry seemed to act at times or how much he tried to portray that he never regretted leaving home, she knew it wasn't true. Mentally he was twenty-two years old but in a way, he was still just a boy that needed his mother in this time of grief. Gwen wished she had the power to bring her here but she didn't. It wasn't something she could give him and that broke her a little more inside.

"Harry." She spoke his name sadly and then, he choked and covered his face just before she could see his face twist in pain. Seeing him this way was making her emotional and she fought the urge to cry when his shoulders continued to shake. Without further thought, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Holding him and hoping it was enough to keep him together. "I'm here."

Seconds later, Harry gave in and leaned his body into Gwen. Putting his head on her chest and wrapping his arms around her waist. He cried loudly and uncontrollably for the first time in over five years. His body was shaking so hard that it was causing Gwen's to shake as well. Though she didn't mind; she could literally feel every ounce of Harry's pain and she'd never ask him to hold it in. Crying was healthy and sure there were different ways people grieved but she believed once you cried it all out, the easier it was to move on. Suppressing it only made everything so much harder.

She didn't know how long they sat there but eventually the lake was so dark she could barely see through the water. Harry still hadn't stopped crying but he'd calmed down immensely. Gwen was afraid to move him but she felt him drifting off so she nudged him awake and stood to her feet. He looked exhausted, eyes swollen and red while his nose was pink at the tip.

"Let's get you to bed." She whispered as she helped him to his feet. Just as she was pulling her hand back he held onto it tighter.

"Stay with me tonight, please." His red eyes were pleading. "I need you."

She sucked in her lips and nodded, wrapping an arm around his waist as she led him away from the lake. She wondered if eventually he'd lash out at her but either way, she decided she'd still stick by him if he woke up tomorrow screaming at her. He needed her, just like she needed him and though she still hadn't found out what exactly happened with the pirates, she'd wait for Harry to tell her when he was ready. There was no rush. After all, in Neverland, time was all they had.

* * * * * * * * *

I'm on a roll with these updates :) love you goodbye is next though!

Questions:

Theories on what happened with the pirates?

Is Harry going to react differently in next chapters?

Vote + comment! Thank you for the constant support of this book!! I'll update again soon :)