I didn't care that Madie had yelled at me for talking to her professor. No doubt I should have let her know that I stopped by his office.

But there was one thing she'd said that was tearing me up inside.

If you really wanted to protect me, you'd be here.

If I really wanted to protect her, I'd be there.

Fuck, it made me want to say screw everything and drive to Oakland tonight. Did she know? Did she know how much I wanted to be there?

My birthday was shit after I called Madie. I left work shortly after we talked—if you could even call it talking—and I spent the rest of the afternoon sulking on the couch. Around seven, the doorbell rang at Caroline's, and my arm hairs stood on end.

But then a sly grin slipped onto Car's face, who was standing with a glass of wine in the kitchen, and I relaxed a little.

Pizza, cake, and a six-pack of craft beer awaited me on the other side of the front door, all presented by a tired-looking DoorDasher. I took it, though not without a fair bit of hesitancy, and then my phone rang.

Considering my full arms, I fumbled to swipe open the screen. But when I finally managed, it was to see Madie, Nessa, and Beau.

I should have known Beau was involved. Dude had his ways of always supplying for a party. Even, apparently, a FaceTime party.

Before I could even say a thing, they screamed happy birthday, and I shook my head with a smile. Beau lifted up his own beer as if in a toast, and Madie gave me this shy little grin that told me she wasn't mad anymore. Or she'd pushed it aside for now.

"We thought maybe we could join you for dinner," she said. Her hair fell in pretty waves over a black top. Blue eyes assessed me, and I found it hard to look away from her even though she was only a tiny dot on the screen. The three of them were squished on Madie's bed with their own pizza box open in front of them.

I glanced at Caroline, and she waved me off with a smile.

"You go on upstairs and hang with your friends. I'm just gonna read a book with my wine and pretend I don't see that six-pack. You've still got one more year until your twenty-first, Bren."

"It's probably root beer," I lied.

"It's definitely not root beer," Beau called out, and Caroline couldn't help but laugh at that. Because it was hard not to laugh at Beau.

But I still wasn't taking my chances. I zipped away from Caroline, heading up to settle on my bed. I propped my phone against a stack of textbooks, freeing my hands to pop the top off a beer.

I took a sip, slipping my tongue into the bottle opening as cool, hoppy beer washed down my throat. Lowering the drink again, I kept my eyes on Madie while I licked my lips and swallowed. A flush rose on her face.

"No," Beau said, cutting into my moment. "Not this again. No eye-fucking over FaceTime during dinner. Or I'm outta here."

Laughing, I agreed. I didn't—well, I tried—not to eye-fuck Madie while we ate pizza. I tried really fucking hard. But as much as I loved Beau and Nessa, I wanted to talk to my girlfriend alone. About earlier. About anything and everything.

Luckily, they seemed to know.

When we were done eating, Beau and Nessa split, feigning something about studying.

And then, I got my wish.

A really fucking good birthday wish.

Earlier, I sat on my bed for a long time, staring at the picture that I kept in The Awakening. Our foreheads pressed together, joy evident in my smile, Bren's hand cupping a cold cheek.

It was a moment I wouldn't forget.

And yet, even though I was happy—truly happy—in this picture, I forced myself to remember that only a few hours before Caroline snapped this, Bren sat on an exam table, getting his shoulder stapled shut. And I had cried in the hallway on the hospital floor.

Bren told me once that there was more to life than happiness. And this must be what he'd meant.

I shouldn't try to chase the high like the one I felt in this photo. Life simply wasn't blissful, even though it had bliss.

The sun doesn't always shine. But the clouds always clear. The moon isn't always full. But the shadows always fade.

As I'd waited for Beau and Nessa to come back with the pizza, I flipped the picture over and let my fingers trace what Bren wrote there. His words filled me. As if they needed my touch to come to life.

"Madie?" he ventured, sounding cautious as he brought me back to the present.

It hurt my heart.

"Hey." I tried to smile at him, but it lacked enthusiasm. "Pizza was good?"

"Yeah, definitely." He took a swig of his beer before meeting my gaze again. "Thanks for doing this. It was fun."

It was fun. It was fun to see Bren laugh with his friends, fun to try to squeeze onto my tiny bed with Beau and Nessa. But I was glad that it was only the two of us now. Because I couldn't stop thinking about this afternoon.

"I'm sorry, Bren," I blurted. "For earlier. I jumped to conclusions, and..."

I shook my head, not knowing how to explain myself even after I'd sat and thought about it all evening. So I picked up the picture of us instead, flipping it over.

"I'm proud of you," I read, suddenly needing to hear the words aloud. "I will never not be proud of you, Madeline."

I paused to take a breath, and there was silence from the other end of the phone. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bren's hand hovering mid-air, holding the beer bottle on its way to his lips. His other hand was tossed behind his head, propping him up slightly.

I continued.

"You fought against everything you knew. You untied an impossible knot. You awakened. You became my awakening, Madie. Do you know what I was thinking about when that gun was—"

A lump in my throat formed. I pushed it down.

"Madie—" Bren tried to cut in, his voice hoarse.

"—when that gun was in my face?"

Chancing a look at Bren, I saw him watching me steadily.

"You," I whispered.

Bren nodded. "You," he repeated. "I was thinking about you. Only you."

"You brightened a world that I thought was worthless," I continued to read after swallowing hard. "But at that moment, I realized that it was actually worth everything. Because it had you in it."

I blinked away a tear before it could escape.

"I will never not fight for you. And for us. I love you," I finished, and Bren murmured those three little words at the same time, causing me to choke up.

There was a heavy silence before Bren said, "I wrote that."

Glancing up from the note, I found his brown gaze. Could feel its intensity through the screen.

"I know. And I love it," I whispered. "But I was just wondering...did you realize when you wrote it that you were leaving me?"

Bren sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "I knew I wasn't coming back to college. But I didn't know that we'd have to stay so far apart."

I nodded. Somehow, I'd known. And yet, it hurt a little. He could have mentioned it sooner, lessened the shock to my system at losing him so suddenly.

But when I thought back...

A flip switched in him after our date in Fresno. He'd gone from withdrawn and moody to attentive and loving overnight.

Bren had known, had made the decision. He'd known that nothing was going to be the same. He was making the most of the time we had together.

I should have realized.

"Madie..." Bren began.

He thought that I was mad. But that wasn't it.

"I'm so lucky to have you," I said, interrupting him. Did I wish he was here? Sure. But he had never stopped being in my corner, regardless of distance. "You've done so much for me. And I shouldn't have said what I did earlier."

Bren's lips parted. Eyes widened. Only slightly.

"I don't care what you say." I glanced back at the photograph and the note in my hands. "I might have fought against everything I knew, but I didn't see that there was more until I met you. I didn't realize that there was something else worth fighting for."

He sucked in a little breath, and I found myself wishing that I could feel it. Him.

"Thank you for fighting for me, Bren."

He exhaled shakily. "Always, Madie."

I lied. I could feel him. His energy, his love. It coursed through my veins in the silence that followed his promise. And then Bren broke it with a smile.

"Nice necklace," he said.

My hand flew up, fingers playing with the stone. "I keep it with the book and the picture you gave me. When I'm not wearing it, that is."

Bren nodded, and I shifted on the bed, preparing to hedge into new territory. "Do you ever look at the picture of me? The one with this necklace?"

He snorted.

"What?"

"That's a dumb question."

A glare, sent in Bren's direction.

He shook his head, laughing. "Do I look at the naked picture of you? Of course, I do. All the fucking time."

"Yeah?" I giggled, and he laughed harder before those brown eyes softened.

"Yeah, baby."

The laughter in his gaze faded, and where it vanished, a smolder appeared.

"You know I'm fucking obsessed with you," he murmured.

"But in a good way."

It was easy to hear his sigh through the phone. "I'm glad you think so. I'm not trying to be an overprotective or jealous boyfriend. I just...fuck, Madie. I care about you."

"I know. I know, Bren. You're not either of those things. I was stressed and projecting, I guess. Professor Evan's wife stopped by The Grounds, and you came up. She said she'd met you, and I jumped to conclusions that I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

He shook his head, which was still propped up by his hand. I wished I was there in his bed with him.

"It's alright, Madie," he assured me.

Silence stretched between us again while I stared at our photograph, fiddling with the fraying edges. I needed to be more careful with it. "So..."

Bren's light chuckle warmed my insides. "So..."

After setting the picture aside, I looked back at him and cocked my head to the side. "So you're saying my picture was a good present then?"

He seemed amused by that. "That picture of you wearing the necklace was one of the best presents, Madie."

Peace settled on Bren's face as he took me in. I stared back at him; the only thing I could see was his brown hair, brown eyes, soft smile. His shoulders, covered by a black shirt. The v-neck as it lowered to his chest, which wasn't in view. I couldn't see much.

And yet, I saw everything.

There was peace there. But the longer Bren gazed at me, the more his expression shifted.

A light tremor. A deep fervor. Peace, interrupted.

We didn't know peace. Not really, not yet. But we knew this—this fire.

"Bren." His name was a breathy, gasping sound. I didn't know what else to say, though.

"Madie."

"I have a birthday present of sorts."

Bren's brows furrowed, gaze narrowed. Perplexed.

"It's a little similar to your Christmas present," I explained. "But...different."

His eyes widened again. "You definitely have my attention."

Propping my phone against the bedpost, I repositioned myself, sitting on my knees. I ignored the beating in my chest, the inconsistent fluttering in my heart. Only Bren could make me feel like I had a heart arrhythmia.

A comfortable cotton shift fell halfway down my thighs—black with thin white stripes and pockets. "I wanted to look nice for our little dinner date," I said as I reached for the hem of my dress.

"You always look ni—"

Bren's words died. I didn't get to see his face because my dress blocked my view as I whipped it over my head. But I heard him curse and imagined his expression.

Flinging the dress to the floor, I leveled my gaze with Bren's again. His bedroom was dark around him, as dark as his eyes. But the light from the phone illuminated how his jaw tensed, how he bit his lower lip.

"Nice?" I finished for him.

He swallowed and shook his head, his eyes wandering over the lingerie I had on beneath my dress. It was red. I never wore red.

"This is more than nice, Madie."

That gravel in his throat, something about it spurred me on. I ran my hands down over lace and skin. And then back up again.

"Too nice to take off?"

The bra clasped in the front, and I fiddled with it, waiting for his reaction.

"I didn't say that," Bren breathed, smirking.

Mimicking his expression, I undid my bra and let it fall to the floor next to my dress.

"Fuck," Bren swore, eyes burning a hole through the screen. "What I wouldn't give to be there right now. God, the things I would do."

My dorm room was warm, but Bren's look sent a shiver through me. My skin tightened. Bren seemed to notice, groaning.

"What things?" I asked breathily.

"Madeline...goddamn, you drive me crazy."

A smile broke free. "I know. But you didn't answer my question."

He shifted, and his face swam in and out of the frame on the phone for a second. After settling again, he asked quietly, "Are you a little drunk, baby?"

I shook my head. "Just on this feeling. Just on you, Bren."

His face was so similar. So similar to that night when we'd been in this room together. When he'd wanted to touch me but couldn't. It was just like that. But more.

"Shit, you're beautiful," he muttered.

"Tell me, Bren," I breathed, cupping my breasts and using my thumb to brush against hardened nipples. I needed him to tell me. I needed to hear it. It had only been a few days, but I missed this intimacy so much. Was it normal to want for someone so much? "Tell me what you would do."

Bren swore again before a humorless laugh slipped through his lips. "Well," he said, his voice dropping as he flicked his eyes down. "I'd tell you to take off your fucking panties."

A moan of approval made its way back to him. I did as he said before positioning myself back on the bed, propped on my knees, legs spread.

Naked.

Bren licked his lips. "Good, girl."

"Better?"

"God, yes."

It shouldn't surprise me that I could get off on his words and gaze alone. As much as I ached for his touch, the deep longing of his voice and the heat in his eyes were what set me aflame more than anything else. It had always been like that.

"Bren," I started, trailing my fingers down the plane of my stomach to slip between my legs.

He didn't say anything at first, too transfixed.

"Bren." His name fell off the tip of my tongue again. I couldn't help it; pleasure worked its way through my limbs. And pleasure and Bren were synonymous.

"Yeah, baby?" He was nearing breathlessness.

"I need to know something."

"Anything."

"Are you as hard as I am wet?" I asked, flipping around the question he always seemed to ask me.

Bren smirked and mumbled. I heard goddamnit and fucking hot before he said more clearly, "You tell me."

He switched the camera around. His pants were pulled down over his hips. Dim light and hazy shadows covered his room and bed. But I could still see how he was fisting his dick. And it was definitely hard.

Bren took over after that, telling me everything. In a quiet, low voice, he told me everything that he'd do.

I felt him everywhere.

Even when he was a few hundred miles away, I could still feel him everywhere.

🤍

thanks for reading!

hopefully Bren's birthday was redeemed lol

xoxo amelie