Almost a week had passed since my birthday.

My birthday. Hell.

It was hard to think about my birthday without getting uncomfortable. Like tight-pants-at-work kind of uncomfortable. Madie...god. Even from the other side of the phone, her heat burned through me.

And now that we'd started down the phone sex path—okay, maybe started was an understatement—I was finding it hard to stop. Back it up. Be appropriate.

I had no willpower left. The number of dirty texts I'd sent Madie this morning alone probably meant she had a permanent blush on her face today.

Too bad I couldn't see it.

There was something wrong with me. There had to be. Because even though I was apart from Madie, and I hadn't heard back from Luke, and I had no idea what to do about any of it, for once I didn't feel worthless and lost.

Things definitely weren't great on my end. But they were alright.

I was supposed to be stuffing envelopes with flyers for an upcoming auction to support the Directions club when Collins caught me with Reese again.

Immediately, I popped up from my chair when she emerged from her office, and Reese snickered behind me.

Little shit.

Collins motioned for me to join her in her office.

"Bren, what are you doing?"

I slouched into the chair by her desk. "Just talking to—"

"No, I mean, what are you doing?"

"What am I doing?"

"With your life?"

"That's a pretty hefty question for 3 o'clock on a Tuesday. You're gonna have to get a few beers in me before—"

"I'm being serious, Bren."

I sighed and leaned back in the office chair, which squeaked in protest.

"Fuck, Collins. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Would I be here if I knew what I was doing with my life?"

"Well, you were in college. What was your major?"

"I was only in college for a hot second, and I was undecided."

"Well, what were you thinking about majoring in?"

Rolling my eyes at her, I crossed my arms tight over my chest. "I didn't know. That's why I was undecided."

Why the fuck was she pressing this? It was pissing me off. Pretty positive Collins knew that, too. But she didn't back off.

"When you close your eyes, what do you imagine your future like?"

"Collins, you don't get it," I snapped, pitching myself forward so I could lean on my knees and fix her with a bit of a glare. "I never did that shit. I didn't imagine my future. I never thought I had a future."

"And now?"

"I—"

I didn't dare voice my hopes aloud. That was a sure way to make sure they didn't happen—a sure way to get ridiculed, too.

My hopes involved normalcy. Madie. A job. Friends. Hobbies. Normal shit. Who dreams about normal shit?

"Look," Collins leveled with me. "You're good with kids, Bren. And you seem happy when you hang out down here."

If I could slip out of the office easily, I would. But I was wedged between a desk and the wall. An escape seemed unlikely. "No, Collins. No. I'm not good with kids."

"Yes, you are."

To another person, her insistence might be heartwarming.

But no.

Childhood broke me. I didn't need to be around it.

"I'm good with Reese," I tried to explain. "Dude ain't just any kid. There's a difference."

Collins shook her head.

"When you get rid of that chip on your shoulder, you're good with people, Bren. It isn't exactly a lucrative field, but I think you'd be happy working in human services."

I let out a sigh. "I don't know if I'm gonna go back to college, Collins."

"Why?"

"I was shit at it."

"You were undeclared and taking classes that didn't interest you. I'm pretty sure a lot of freshmen feel like they're shit at college. You gotta stick it out until you get into your area of study and find your footing."

She had a bit of a point. But I still scowled in her direction. "Didn't realize when you asked me to work here that I was just gonna get hounded with unsolicited advice, Collins."

"Unsolicited, but free. And as much as you don't want to admit it, I'm right." There was a smugness to her attitude, and I rolled my eyes again.

"I dunno about that."

"Think about it."

"Fine. Whatever."

Whatever gets me out of here.

Leaving her office, I trudged back to my workspace. It was quiet up here, away from everyone else. But also lonely.

Annoyingly, it was hard to shake Collins' conversation. I did want more from life. But fuck if I knew what that looked like.

After finishing stuffing the remaining envelopes on my desk, I raced out of there. And just as I walked in the door at Caroline's, my phone rang.

A restricted number.

Without hesitating, I picked it up. But I didn't say anything.

I had this feeling. It was deep in my gut, crawling over my skin, everywhere. In the hazy quiet before he spoke, I just knew. I knew.

"Hi, Bren."

It was him.

"Hi, Luke."

Bren liked the birthday phone sex so much that it seemed to be the only thing on his mind.

Maybe it was simply that he was done talking about everything else. Fear and uncertainty drove so much of our lives; it was nice to push that aside. Be a normal couple for once.

Bren teased me every chance he got. Dirty texts, phone conversations saturated with murmured innuendos, taunting that got me hot.

I couldn't lie; I was hopelessly enjoying it.

Part of Bren's charm was the way he loved on me. And I'd missed that. It wasn't that I didn't feel loved. In that big picture sort of way, I knew Bren loved me. Constantly loved me.

But I was missing all those little ways that he would show it when we were together. The little touches. The teasing smile. The way his eyes would dance with me over the rim of his glass when he'd take a sip of something. The reassuring moan of closeness in the morning. The blanket over my shoulders when I was cold.

His playful mood this past week seemed to help with that.

A plastered smile lit up my face as I walked from our room to the showers one afternoon.

Me: What are you doing?
Bren: You. In my head.
Me: Wish it was real life.
Bren: Same. What are you doing?
Me: About to take a shower. I have class soon.
Bren: Fuck. You couldn't have just said you were going to study or some shit? I'm on my way to work, and I'm already worked up.

A giggle slipped though my lips. It was possible that I liked teasing him, too.

Me: Well, I wasn't going to lie. Come get wet with me.
Bren: Madeline.

Heat shot through my body. I could practically hear his low voice say my name, murmuring it in my ear. My shower might have to be a cold one.

Me: Yes?
Bren: The way you're making me ache right now.
Me: There's room for two in the shower, you know. You could slip right in. No one would notice.
Bren: Oh, I highly doubt that. I'm sure the whole floor would know.
Bren: If I was there, you'd never make it to class on time.
Bren: Correction—you'd never make it to class at all.

I was too busy smiling at Bren's rapid texts to realize that I was walking straight in someone's path.

And that someone was Brodie Thompson.

"Madie." Scratchy, deep. His voice didn't have that smug quality that it had in the past. It didn't crawl up my spine, didn't give me chills. But I still knew it was him. I jerked my head up just in time to see his square face looming before me. His hands were out as if prepared to catch me. To keep me from running into him.

I flinched. Backpedaled.

"Madie—"

"Leave me alone, Brodie."

He caught my arm when I attempted to turn around and flee to my room. His fingers dug in.

And I had one thought and one thought only.

Not today, asshole.

My fluffy, daisy-printed towel fell to the floor as I tugged my keychain out of my sweatshirt pocket. I'd practiced deploying the little taser enough times to have the movement down, and I didn't hesitate from zapping Brodie's arm.

He released me in an instant. A garbled cry flew from his mouth, followed by his scream. "What the fuck?"

Neuromuscular incapacitation.

I'd done my research. Known how it would paralyze in a brain-numbing, gut-wrenching way.

I only saw his face for a moment, but I registered the way it twisted. Tensed. Veins popping on his temples.

"I told you to leave me the fuck alone. Don't ever put your hands on me again, Thompson." My hands shook as I hissed the words at the top of his head, spewing into golden hair; he was doubled over.

Pain. He deserved it.

But I didn't take more than a minute to enjoy it. I turned on my heel, darting back toward my room.

"Wait," Brodie called, his voice hoarse.

I didn't.

Not until he spat out, "It's about Bren."

🤍

xoxo amelie