AFTER LEAVING SAM'S apartment, we head to Summer's room so she can pack for the trip. It's a quiet journey that isn't even all on me. Summer seems like she has a lot on her mind as well.

That's another thing about us, we both live so much in our heads.

I carry her bag for her and throw it in the back of my truck next to mines. We just need to make a quick stop to my dorm so I can grab the gift I got for Mila before we leave.

I'm still trying to process what happened between me and Sam. I can't believe she thinks our relationship is toxic. When I think of toxic I think of destruction, anger, hate, yelling. Two miserable people who won't admit they're ruining each other's lives. Our experience has been the polar opposite.

Back at the camp when our so called "counselors" used to starve us, humiliate us, and force us to perform back breaking labor day in and day out, we helped each other through it. We helped each other through our addictions and intrusive thoughts. I don't find anything toxic about that.

Something is just off about her. This is the most she's ever been challenged as a mother and I can tell she doesn't know how to process it. I think the best thing I can do right now is give her space and silently support from afar.

She'll be back to normal in a few weeks when the case is resolved and she retains custody, I'm sure of it. She's the perfect mom, no way will she go from a full-time mom to losing custody just because of a deadbeat ex with false claims and a vendetta.

I know Sam, she'll be alright, and I'll be alright because she's alright. It's how things have always been and that's what I'll continue to hold onto no matter what.

"I'll just wait out here." Summer takes a seat on the lounge area couch and focuses her attention on whatever program is playing on the TV.

"Okay, I'll be right back," I say, rushing back to my room.

When I grab a hold of Mila's wrapped dollhouse in my closet, I decide to lay back on my bed for a moment and get myself together before I meet back up with Summer. Just a minute to breath on my own.

I think back to high school me; my hard shell, my confusion about the world and my place in it, my anxiety and terrors— it all used to build up so much and the only way to ease my mind was to get drunk or high. Right now, I wouldn't dream of being either, but I do miss the calm of a buzz. If I could just handle one drink.

I sit back up from the thought and rang my hand through my hair, tugging and pulling to get myself straight, to punish myself for that inkling of a thought.

A drink? A buzz? It's been ages since I had any urge that extreme. My heart starts to speed up and I have to verbally remind myself to breath, to let it go. I have to remember Sam's words, everybody has urges and no matter what you do as an addict, they're going to rise back up from time to time. Having the urge to use is not a defeat, but having the willpower to refrain yourself from those urges is definitely a triumph.

You're on your final shot, Carter. You're on your final shot.

I need to think about good things, my career, my team, Sam, Mila, Summer.

Summer. I've breathed enough on my own, I should get back to her.

I lock my door and head down to the main hall. Right when I reach the corner of the lounge area, I catch a glimpse of Summer's smiling face and it melts the remainder of my darkness away.

Just before I turn the corner and get to her, I catch the sound of a familiar voice and pull myself back against the wall to peek.

"Let me take you out to dinner," Cory Bush says, hooking his hands around my girlfriend's waist

Are you fucking kidding me? My heart has surpassed beating fast, it's now reached the point of pounding through my chest.

I'm not a violent person, but I swear it's taking everything in me not to charge up to him and knock him out right now.

I want to watch for a little, view more of his and Summer's dynamic. Let's see how she reacts, what she allows while in a relationship. I trust her, so let's see.

Her laugh is low and she sounds uncomfortable. To my relief, she immediately removes his hands and takes a step to create distance between them.

"I can't," she replies. "I'm leaving for spring break."

He smiles like he's unphased by her move.

"Really? I thought you'd be staying on campus like you usually do. Tell mama Sanders I said hi."

"I'm not going to Philly, I'm going to Chester," she says.

"Kay, that's weird, but before you go let me see where you're at right now." He takes her hand and lifts it up, straining his neck to survey her from top to bottom in an exaggerated way.

What a dick.

"I'm fine." Her laugh comes out nervous again. "I did okay on my midterms, work is fine, I greet my parents every once in a while. I'm fine."

"Are you fine enough to start back our arrangement? I miss you." He leans into her to whisper something in her ear that causes her eyes to widen.

Alright, that's it. Looks like I'm beating someone's ass today.

She swerves from him and distances herself again. "Cory, we can't."

"Why not, darling?"

I've seen enough, it's time for me to make my presence known. "Because she has a boyfriend." I step up, crossing my arms over my chest.

I don't hold back the scowl I send his way.

Summer gets close to me and rests her head on my chest. "He's my boyfriend."

I kiss the top of her head and watch Cory's mouth drop open in surprise. It's funny seeing him like this, it's like for once he doesn't have control of everything.

"Really?" He spits out his laugh. "I thought she said you were asexual."

I catch Summer's eyes, watching hers meet mine with a look of horror.  "You told him I'm asexual?"

I'm not angry or anything, I'm just confused.

"What? No." She looks back to Cory. "I told you I didn't know much about him at the time and I didn't know what his deal was."

Cory is liking this interaction. Always one to steer the boat with his smugness. This is why I try to avoid him like the plague, but with his personality and the fact that he lives a few doors down from me, it's almost impossible to do so.

Now that Summer and I are together and she has such a rich history with him, it feels like I'll never escape this douchebag.

"I respect your new fling. It's a little weird because Summer always say she doesn't have time for anything, but I respect it," he says. "You'll always be my girl, though." 

He, of course can't stop himself from further disrespecting me and I, of course have to stop myself from doing or saying anything that could get me kicked out of school. 

"Cory, I'm not your girl anymore and that's not appropriate. Carter and I have built a strong connection. It's the real thing, not some fling like we were," Summer says, getting a hold on the conversation before I let my intrusive thoughts do real damage.

Cory has this sly look like he's unconvinced. Like he still has Summer in the palm of his hands and can snatch her back up whenever he wants. The only reason why I'm keeping my cool is because Summer is handling this well. She's setting boundaries, reassuring me.

"Alright, well I'm heading to Miami with some people so I'll let you go down to Chester."

He checks his phone and heads to the entrance to let a group of students in who carry various bags and luggage. Some guys I recognize from the football team, some girls I recognize who follow around guys from the football team.

Summer and I are pushed to the side as they fill the hall with loud conversations about whose yacht they're gonna be on and what parties they were invited to.

It doesn't take long for me to grow tired of it and tug Summer along to get out of here.

Cory watches us move like a hawk and doesn't hold back from one last dig. He's deliberate with it, speaking at just the right volume when I pass him so I'll hear but Summer wont. "You'll always be my girl. No one can change that."

I have to ignore it and keep moving. I don't want to fight right now, but will I be able to refrain myself if he comes with this energy again? We'll see.