Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment I'd love to hear your reactions :)

HE'S GOING AS fast as he can. I know he is and I know there's a level of concern on my behalf, but I'm afraid to know the actual percentage. With everything that's happened last night surely getting me back to school in time for my exams is a priority, I just don't think it's a top one.

I could feel his restraint when driving out of the hospital parking lot. His mind and body are with Sam and I'm sure he'd much rather stay with her than make the hours-long journey back to Pennwood.

Me on the other hand, well, I'm freaking out of course. I'd like nothing more than to be instantly transported back to that giant campus so I can sprint my way to the STEM building for my pharmacology exam. Unfortunately that's not humanly possible, so instead, I've been forced to spend the last two hours a shaking nervous wreck.

My fingernails have been bitten down to stumps, my heart is beating so loudly that it feels like it could jump out of my chest at any second, and I'm sweating so profusely that Carter rolls down the windows and then rolls it back up to turn the AC on high.

We were doing great the first two and a half hours. We were making good time in the nearly empty streets and highways of the early morning, then six o'clock came with the start of rush hour and we've gradually had to slow down more and more to accommodate the traffic.

"How far away are we?" I ask Carter for what feels like the hundredth time. I know he's probably annoyed at the question, but I don't care, I have to know.

He says nothing, staring aimlessly at the full highway, going at a painstaking speed of 20 MPH due to the traffic ahead.

I have to ask him two more times before he finally answers. "An hour. It'll probably be more because of traffic," he says, devoid of all emotion and care.

It ticks at me. He knows what that means for me, for my goals. I dropped everything to help him, to comfort him in his time of need and he can't conjure anything to comfort me when he knows I'm in trouble because of him. No suggestion to take any backroads, to find any shortcuts, nothing. Just continuing down the crowded highway moving an inch a mile knowing I'll be doomed from it.

I'm tempted to email professor Kane. To explain myself early in the hopes that she'll take pity on me and excuse my possibly tardiness, but I decide against it. Professor Kane stays true to her rules and the one she always stresses above all else is lateness during exams. She doesn't tolerate it. She offers a five minute grace period but that's it. If you're not in class by 8:05, you're shit out of luck. She thinks it's an unfair distraction to the kids that actually make the effort to wake up and get there on time, plus with the level of difficulty of her tests, you need every last second of the allotted time if you're gonna have any chance of passing anyways.

By the time we get to our campus exit it's 7:50. I've got fifteen minutes to rush to my room, grab my final pharmacology paper, and get to the STEM building.

Carter pulls up to Brandywine hall but doesn't attempt to park or kill the engine.

"Listen, I'm gonna drive back to the hospital to be with Sam and Jake," he says.

I snap my head back to him, shocked. "What? You just left, why would you drive all the way back? John said he'll update you."

"I need to be there, I don't want to be updated through the phone, plus I don't trust John."

"You need some rest at least, some food too. You've been up all night and driving for hours, Carter." Despite all my turmoil, it still kills me to see how broken he is. He's running on empty and I'm afraid it won't be long before he crashes and burns.

I check the time again. 7:55. While I'm standing here worried about him, he hasn't said a word about me and my exam. I need to refocus on myself, time is running out.

"I'm fine, I know how to take care of myself." There's a snappiness to his tone.

"I'm sure you do." I turn away and start heading to my room before another fight inevitably starts that I absolutely have no time for.

I get to my room and grab my bookbag and paper, rushing right back out in seconds. I hope I've been quick enough to still find Carter waiting so I could ask for a ride to the STEM building, but one look around and I see he's nowhere in sight. He's already raced off to save someone else, while I've been drowning right in front of him.

Hot searing anger courses through me and it gives me the energy I need to sprint to class. I don't care that I look crazy, I don't care that my fellow students gawk and whisper amongst each other as I rush past them. All I care about is making it to my class.

I don't check my phone for the time, I only focus on running as fast as I can. Despite how fast I'm running, the STEM building still feels ages away, like it's been hauled up and moved another few miles just for my own personal torture.

I slow down when I finally get to the building and check my phone. 8:04. Crap, I'm so close yet so far. The first floor is crowded with students and I need to get to the fourth floor in less than 60 seconds.

I'm being a dick bumping and squeezing past people without a word of remorse. I'll ask for forgiveness after my world stops falling apart.

The steps I take two at a time, frustratingly cutting past other students who move at the speed of a snail on Ambien. I make it to the fourth floor and run up to my classroom just in time to see professor Kane's hand on the door knob, pulling it closed.

It shuts before my face the second I get there. I check the time again. 8:06.

I knock anyway. I knock and knock on the door, staring at her through its glass window, begging to be let in. It's only a minute, I'm only 60 seconds late for goodness sake. She can make a sixty second exception.

The class is full except for one seat, mine. All my classmates look up from their exam, staring at me through the window. Professor Kane has one response that shatters my existence, she shakes her head and takes a seat at her desk.

I fall back against the wall, sliding down it in despair. Twenty more minutes I stay like this before I know for good there's no way she's letting me in.

I hate her in this moment, hate her more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. Then the tides turn and I begin to hate myself, because at the end of the day, it was my responsibility to show up on time. She didn't make me late.

Picking myself up and walking back to the first floor is hard. My muscles feel heavy and I have no physical or emotional desire to lift them, but I have to because I'm no longer able to catch my breath, my mind feels like it's spinning, and I know a full breakdown is imminent.

I don't want a repeat of the library incident last semester. This time, I want to cry and shake in private.

I'm done, everything is done. My scholarship, my schooling, my career is over. Penn medicine will rescind the internship offer as soon as they hear I'm on academic suspension. Everything I've worked hard for is all gone because of 60 seconds.

Not because of sixty seconds, but because I've been careless. Once again my biggest downfall is putting other people before myself and it's happened despite how hard I've tried to focus on me this semester. Theo was right. 

Even in light of that, I still wish Carter was here with me in this moment. More than anything. I wish I had his big arms wrapped around me, slowing down my breathing, kissing my forehead, telling me we'll figure things out. But he's not here. He's off comforting another girl who he feels his attention is better put towards.

I did it all for him, and I've now lost everything because of him. My worst nightmare, my biggest fear has come true and I just don't know how to handle it.

"Summer!" I hear a deep voice calling my name as I reach the front entrance but it feels like my mind playing a trick on me. I hear my name again and turn around to see a smiling Cory before me. His smile drops as soon as he sees my face and that's when I notice the tears running down my face, the snot creeping down my nose, and the uncontrollable shaking of my body.

He says nothing, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and guiding me out of the building and back to my room. I'm thankful for it because I don't think I could've survived the journey on my own.

He takes my key out of my pocket and unlocks the door, helping me lay softly on my bed.

I clutch my pillow and bury my face in it, letting out the scream I've been holding in for half an hour now. This pain is worse than anything. At least with physical pain you know recovery is at the end of the healing process, but with mental pain, it feels like it'll never go away. There's no wound to treat and heal, no bleeding to stop. It's entirely in your head and the fact that I can't get to it and physically stop it drives me crazy.

I'm crying and crying, gasping for the air Cory guides me to take, feeling like my head weighs a thousand pounds as he makes me sit up so he can wipe my face, knowing my muscles are tied in a knot despite him rubbing my back.

It goes on for hours and hours until my tear ducts start to dry up. Cory never leaves my side, he never questions, and he never judges. He's here for me just like he said he'd always be and I couldn't be more thankful for it.

***

I bought a drink. It was an impulsive decision to take a stop in the shopping center off the highway. It was a little more calculated to park right outside of the alcohol store and stare as customers walked in and came out with hands full of my worst vice.

Soon I found myself stepping out of my truck and heading towards the door, and sooner, I found myself walking out with a bottle of tequila. Don Julio. It's funny the damaged Mr. Julio has done this year.

I've just come back from the hospital. Sam was awake and already had John by her side when I went in. It was weird to see the care he showed for her. Constantly asking the nurses and doctor questions about her health and recovery process, holding her hand, making sure she was comfortable in her bed and not hurting in any way. It's the complete opposite of what I knew of him before.

He cares about her and loves Jake, there's no questioning that anymore.

Sam was uncomfortable the whole time. Filled with shame at her recklessness, struggling to confirm she'd taken her son and half sister while pills and alcohol were in her blood and could've easily had something fatal happen to them and her.

Despite that reluctance, she was thankfully on board with going back to rehab. Agreeing instantly after John assured her he'd never take Jake out of her life and they'd settle the custody situation only after she completed her full stint.

There was nothing left for me to do after that. John was handling her rehab arrangement and Sam and Jake were safe and conscious.

I wish it brought on the relief I thought it would. Instead, I walked out of the hospital feeling just as empty as I had hours before. That's what brought me off of the highway near Pennwood, that's what's led me to the alcohol I hold carefully in my hand.

I shift the small bottle back and forth in my hand, knowing I could down the whole thing like it was nothing just like I did back at the height of my partying days. This is the closest I've been to breaking my sobriety in years and it finally brings a sense of my feelings back. I'm terrified but excited at the same time.

Am I gonna do it? Even as I pull open the cap, I still don't know. I inhale the scent, feeling more lonely than I've been all semester. I neglected her and her feelings as soon as I saw Sam sprawled on the ground, but god, I wish I had my girlfriend with me at this moment.

It's not her that's led me to the bottle like I always secretly feared she would, it's all me.

I try to call her, but the phone rings until I'm sent to voicemail. Right as I drop it to pick up the bottle again, I hear my phone right but it's not Summer calling it's my stepmom.

"Jennifer?" I answer.

"Cathy!" Mila screams my name with the hyper enthusiasm she always holds.

A smile breaks out on my face and everything suddenly doesn't feel so dark. "Mila, did you steal mommy's phone again?"

"Yes, I miss you, Cathy. Do you miss me?"

"Of course I miss you." I chuckle. "And good news, I'm gonna see you very soon."

"How soon is soon?" She demands.

"Two days, sweetie."

"Yay, that's actually soon." She screeches and I have to lower my volume for my ears sake.

"Mommy is taking me to the park, I have to go now Cathy. I love you so much." She makes a big smooching sound, blowing me a virtual kiss before she hangs up.

The call disconnects and I'm back on my homepage, my wallpaper, the photo of Summer helping me tie my tie during charity night staring back at me. My eyes lock on the photo like it's going to escape me and the longer I stare, the more feeling is brought back into me.

I think back to this morning and new emotions fill me. Shame.

Summer had her last exam this morning. She was freaking out, scared out of her mind that she wouldn't make it on time and I was nowhere to ease her mind, already way out of mine to help her out.

Did she make it? I have to believe she did cause if she didn't then I'd be the biggest piece of shit in the world because it would've all been my fault and I didn't show an ounce of care as I dropped her off.

I need to get back to school. I start my engine and swerve out of the shopping center, absently throwing the bottle of alcohol out of the window as I speed back.

***

Aleena and Darren are sitting on a bench outside of Brandywine when I park my car. They pull apart from a kiss and Aleena's eyes shift to meet mine.

"Hey, How's Summer?" I ask her with urgency.

"You tell us." Darren speaks before she does. "We haven't seen the two of you since you apparently walked out on our play last night. Like damn, did we stink that bad?"

He's playful until he begins to take in my disheveled look. My greasy hair, the dark circles under my eyes, the clothes I've had on for well over a day now.

"Everything okay, man?" He asks.

"What happened with Summer?" Aleena stands up, meeting me with an accusatory glance.

"Listen, it's a long story. Is she in her room?" I ask.

"I don't know," Aleena says. "We just got back from Darren's room, I haven't gone in yet."

"Can you let me in?" I request.

Aleena lets me in and thankfully agrees to give me some privacy as I attempt to talk to Summer.

I have to keep reminding myself that everything will be fine. That she's finished her test and is relaxing in her room, possibly taking a nap after such a long night and morning. She'll open her door and let me take her into my arms and cuddle her back to sleep. I'll feel a million times better knowing there's someone else looking after Sam, knowing I was so close to breaking my sobriety but didn't cave, knowing I still have my love for Summer and looking forward to spending this three month vacation with her.

Unfortunately I lean my ear against her door before I knock, and it proves that I in fact know nothing.

"Summer, darling. I've got some Instagram endorsement money stashed away. This is what we're gonna do." The voice raises the hairs on the back of my neck. Cory fucking Bush. "You'll take the academic suspension next fall and you'll re-enroll next spring. You can take out some loans for room and boarding but I'll cover your tuition."

"I can't accept that. That's too much of you. I don't know how long it'll take me to pay you back, especially with the loans." Summer says.

"Don't I always say you're my girl?" He asks.

"Yes." She confirms, sending daggers to my chest.

"Well I take care of my girl, especially now that I'll be training with the Eagles this summer. I'm good for it, I swear."

"Cory, still. I-I don't know how to accept help. I feel like crap. God, I wish I didn't miss that exam." She weeps.

She was late for her exam. Wasn't able to take it and now everything she's worked hard for is gone. It's all my fault. I begged her to join me and kept her out at all hours knowing she had her own business to take care of. I clench my fists so overcome with anger at myself that I have to take a moment to settle down.

When I lean back against the door, what I hear is the final blow.

"Listen Summer, I know you still have that thing with homeboy, what's his name? Carter right?" Cory asks.

"You know his name, stop playing," Summer says.

"Whatever. Well, I think you should drop him. Give us another try."

"Cory, I'm not going back to being your late night booty call. Ever," Summer says, giving me some relief.

"I'm not looking for a booty call anymore, Summer. I want a girlfriend .Singular. One. The real deal and I want one that I could see as my wife in the future, the mother of my children. That's you, it's always been you and with my NFL career starting, my agent thinks it's good to establish myself as a family man. A committed one. You're the best family I've got, darling."

That's as much as I can take. I can't listen any longer so I back away and rush out of the building.

I guess we won't have the summer after all. 

***

A/N: Yikes. This chapter was a little heavy. Let me know what you think of it. 

I think I only have about 2 chapters left, guys. We're almost at the finish line!