Hild

I had one of the most extraordinary evenings of my entire life. The last 3-4 months of my life had taken such a steep upward curve in all things good, and this night was crowning them all.

I didn't know anything about finding your mate, as Dhalia described it. But I knew that I liked Ben. I liked being around him, and I liked the way I felt around him. I liked him. And he smelled good. I was pretty sure it was cologne, though. He was funny and charming, and he made me feel good. And I liked him. And most importantly, I was not afraid of him.

However, with red flaming cheeks, I now realized that he would never love, I mean like, me back. Not that I loved him, of course; that would be ridiculous. I just met him. I just really, really, really liked him. But it didn't matter now, did it? I had told him, and why did I do that? about my past, and it was clear from the stiff goodnight that it was not only a stiff goodnight but also a goodbye. Good-looking, good-smelling, warm, soothing, and perfect Alpha King Prospect Ben Connors could not have a stripper for a girlfriend. Of course not. A princess was out there waiting for him to find her, or vice versa. I was ashamed that I had lured myself into thinking otherwise during this one evening.

I wished I was a teenager again so I could fling myself onto my bed and cry on my pillow. But I wasn't, so when I got back into our tent and found Vidar with eyes closed in the armchair, I climbed up into his lap and sobbed into his shoulder. His body jerked at my touch, but then a warm embrace engulfed me, and I felt his chin rest on my head. He really was lovable.

"Vidar, why is life so hard?"

He moved his head backward, his pristine features inches from mine, eyeing me curiously.

"You look smashing. You have just been to a prominent dinner and were walked home by a man who, from what I could hear, put a smile on your face. You kind of have high expectations on life if you find that hard," he said with a tired smile and a concerned look. "What is wrong?"

"I don't know," I pouted with my lips, and he hugged me tighter. "I just don't want him to walk around thinking ill of me."

He smiled in my hair.

"Did you just quote Pride and Prejudice?"

Seriously?

He stifled a yawn and stood up with me still in his arms.

"Whoever this man is, no one can think ill of you in the long run, Hild. Now, why don't you go to bed? You'll see it will all be better tomorrow."

He put me on my bed, said goodnight to the both of us and left.

I thought about getting B ready for bed, or at least getting her undressed and cleaned, but I was in a sad state of despair and couldn't deal. I knew I was ridiculous. I knew that one doesn't fall head over heels in love with someone after only meeting them a few times. More specifically, one doesn't feel heartbreak before even kissing said person that one has only met a few times, just because they said goodbye to you a little too fast.

But.

I kind of liked him.

When Dhalia talked about mates, he popped into my mind.

During dinner, he was nice, sweet, and funny.

He walked me home.

Most importantly, I had wanted to touch him.

Not because he wanted it. Not because he expected it. Just because I wanted to know how it felt.

I didn't dare take his hand when he offered. Frankly, I was afraid there would be no sparkles, leaving me without hope. Of course, I wanted to know about the sparkles, but I also didn't want to know because what if this magnificent person was not mine?

I laid down, felt cold, ignored all sense of toothbrushing, and crept under the covers, still in my silver pantsuit. Something was stuck between the sheet and the pillow, and soon, I sat with a white envelope in hand. Someone had scribbled my name on it, and I peeked inside. A note and a necklace.

I took up the note and read the handwriting of my most beloved B.

"Dear Aunt Hild,

This necklace belongs to you. I have had it for a long time but have not known when to give it to you. Now it feels right here at your first werewolf gathering. I hope it will help to complete you.

You are the best. Love you.

B."

I had heard about the necklaces. Even if quitting my pills had been one step on the road towards becoming a werewolf, the necklaces felt like a bigger one. We had brainstormed our way to understand that it had helped awaken B's wolf when she was injured and helped heal her. I only wondered if my wolf could be awoken the same way.

There was only one way to find out.

Carefully, I used the note to take out the necklace from the envelope and put it on the bed. The chain was long enough to put it over my head without opening it; I just hoped it wouldn't sting too much. Quickly, I lifted it and dropped it over my neck. A sizzling sound was heard when the amulet touched my skin, and it hurt. It stung... a lot. White flashes danced in front of my eyes. A black and then a white shadow covered my sight for a few seconds, and then...

I felt her.

"Freja."

Something spread in my body. A bliss. Happiness. A proudness. Power rushed through my veins together with this.. feeling.

All I had ever felt about myself earlier was gone. I had clawed my way through life, used my body to get somewhere, and if I had ever felt ashamed by it, I didn't now. My body had been used and abused, but somehow, it was an awesome body. It had taken all those beatings but was still here. It had taken all those beatings but prevailed. It had taken all those beatings but healed. And now, this kick-ass body was even more kick-ass. I was kick-ass. Freja and I were.

Who cared about stupid Alpha King Prospect Ben Connors at a time like this?

Well, it seemed Freja did.

I could feel her anger at his presumed resentment of us, and she huffed inside me like a dragon.

"We will show him what he is missing."

Because, of course, we would take B's place in the next fight. This kick-ass woman would replace the kick-ass woman still passed out in the bed next to mine. This body would show the world just how great it was and just how much it was owned by no one else than me.

If it could give pleasure, it certainly also could provide pain.

I wanted to tell someone. Vidar was out, B was out. Jack, well.. he would cry, and my emotional capacity was already stretched.

Zac.

I snuck out, mind-linking Vile and Trevor, who I could hear talking outside, asking them to look after B. I ran along the back where Ben and I had just walked to the Prospect camp area and walked inside the main hall. I was disoriented before I remembered where his room was and started towards its door. I was going to knock on it, I really was, but a... lovely? Too cute. Awesome? Too teenagery. Incredible? Yes. An incredible scent radiated from the door, the doorknob, and the whatnot in the room next to Zac's. I got an epiphany. Cruel? Yes. Very. Or not. I was new to this; I couldn't judge the cruelty of my actions at this point. But I quietly tip-toed to the door and listened. Breaths and heartbeats in a slow but steady rhythm told me someone was in there and probably sleeping. What could go wrong? Probably a lot of things. However, nothing couldn't be explained away with an "oops, wrong door" and then leaving the country forever.

If he was my mate, who was to say that I couldn't affect him the way he did me?

I opened the door slowly, quietly, and carefully, ready to flee at any second. I tried to emanate sleepiness and calmness, not that I had the faintest idea of how to. But I tried; I did. I didn't know if it worked, but no one woke as I entered the room. Even if Freja wasn't fully connected to me, I could feel her beaming happiness inside me. Joy. We slowly walked to the side of the bed because it was as much her, if not more, as I was doing it.

Summer rain, cedar, beachy forests, all the scents I loved in an intoxicating mix radiated towards me with every breath Ben took. He had no shirt on, and the muscled chest slowly raised up and down with every beat and breath. Freja stirred. I stirred, fascinated by the life in front of me. Freja wanted, we wanted, nothing more than to touch, to feel, and I stretched out my hand to caress the inked torso, the soft lips, or even that stubborn strand of hair falling into his face. Inches away, I composed myself. If this was not violating anyone's privacy, I didn't know what. I was ashamed now. This was selfish and wrong, and I slowly turned to leave when I spotted a grey hoodie on the chair next to the bed. I could only guess it was mine.

So he knew.

But did nothing.

If I hadn't known before, I knew now. I was not good enough. We were not good enough for him. We were perfectly good enough for us. Freja huffed again. Anger flew where joy had radiated just now. Vicious, because apparently, my wolf was just that, thoughts passed through my head. I couldn't stop them. I took the hoodie, uncloaked, and drew it along my body, over my hair, and behind my ears, where I knew sensitive scent spots would cover the hoodie with my fabulous scent. Take that, you... you... you beautiful beast. I carefully put the hoodie back. I stood up, tears welling up as I took one last look at what would never be mine—decided that once, just once, I would be allowed to touch and carefully move the strand of hair that I... loved... so much away from his face.

He stirred, and fast as lightning, I was out of there.

I had given myself too much. I did not know if this was a werewolf thing, sneaking into other people's bedrooms to rearrange their hair, but I did not deserve to touch it. I felt ashamed, and with these conflicting feelings, I went directly to bed when I got back.