Beonnie

Oh.

And then.

Wait. Wait.

My heart started to beat frantically. Another piece of that elusive puzzle clicked into place. Fathers. Daughters. Directions. Paranoia. Mates. Death.

My head was spinning.

Twins. Brothers. Not dad. Not.. dad. Waterfalls. Bears. Rage. Death.

But this was not about me. Not about me. This was not about my family. My family was gone. This was about Hild and her family. However, as much as I was happy for her, of course, I just.. I just suddenly felt so alone. Like I had lost Hild now that she had found another existence, in which I didn't belong.

I slowly got up. Three faces looked up at me with raised eyebrows.

"I just need.. I just need some fresh air," I said and motioned for Vidar to move so I could get out, which he hesitantly did. I scooted past him. He grabbed my wrist and mumbled:

"You want me to come with you?"

I shook my head.

"I'm good, thanks."

I walked out, turned right, and walked toward the woods. A soft sound of paws made me turn around, and yes, Harry was silently following me. Watching over me. Protecting me.

The heat from the day had now subsided into a comfortable temperature, and I turned towards the spot where I had met the group of high schoolers earlier. 

I had formulated an unspoken rule to never ask Hild about anything regarding that night unless she brought it up herself. But now I knew. Tall, dark, pharmacy stranger had a name. Henry Johnson. Mhm.

I sat down where he had stood. Felt some sort of comfort in touching whatever he had touched. Felt ridiculous thinking just that. Harry stirred next to me. He prickled his ears towards the dark end of the lane, and I could almost imagine someone standing there. Two dark eyes following my movement. I could also imagine myself imagining just that and again felt ridiculous. Like, I didn't know Henry Johnson or anyone else here for that matter. I had seen his back outside a pharmacy once, and that was all. So why did I think he was lurking in the shadows around me?

I huffed, annoyed at myself. I got up and walked back to Patty's. Inside I noticed that our plates were gone, and coffee and dessert had replaced them.

They all smiled as I returned. Vidar scooted over again, and I climbed into my seat. I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, I just needed some air. I.. it has been.. just. Well," I trailed off. The last couple of weeks of my life were nothing compared to these people. I didn't want to steal the show. I just wanted things to not be so dramatic. Like, could we please talk about something normal?

Not about deaths or dangers or things lurking in the night. Not about injuries or violence or decay.

"So," Jack leaned towards me. "I am Jack, this is Hild, and this is Vidar. But who are you?"

I was tired. I fidgeted with my necklace again. All these revelations and emotions brought everything I had suppressed for the last couple of weeks up to the surface. But maybe it was good to get it all out there. I sighed and made a decision.

"My name is Beonnie. I am 17 years old, and I have been exiled from my pack," there. Take that.

A wrinkle surfaced between his eyebrows.

"Did you say Bonnie?"

Sigh.

"It is Be-onnie, but my friends call me B."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Be-onnie. Huh."

Stupid Jack and stupid name that no one ever got right.

"Yeh, well, my mom wanted me to be named Bonnie, but my father wanted it to be spelled with an 'e'. It was important to him for some reason."

He nodded; I guessed more out of politeness than anything. This was not an important story for him. But he was not finished. He narrowed his eyes.

"So you were exiled..," I could see his sudden realization. "You were exiled recently?"

"About a month ago."

"So you two..," he pointed between Hild and me. "You two have only known each other for a month?"

I looked at Hild. She beat me to it.

"We have actually only known each other for about a week," she said firmly, hinting that questions were allowed but not welcomed. "B saved me from the house."

She put her finger in the air.

"But. And this is a big but. Anyone who mentions anything about B being in that house answers to me. And I know that the both of you are like big bad wolves and that I am only the human part of a werewolf, but I swear to you, I will.. well, I don't know what, but I will figure it out. And it won't be nice."

Vidar raised his hand.

"May I remind everyone about the fact that I burnt the house down to hide evidence? I am an accomplish and thus silent as the grave."

Jack eyed me with an almost annoyed expression.

"Why did you kill the man?"

My jaw dropped.

"I didn't kill anyone. I was running. I was being chased, and I heard someone cry for help. I couldn't.. I had to help, right? She was being... I was... I couldn't..," I sighed and calmed down. "I smelled the blood and werewolf. I just became so.. angry. So incredibly angry, I just couldn't control myself."

I sighed again. "My father, I think I inherited it from him. He could also get this uncontrollable rage, like a mental illness. That is why I was exiled. Someone touched me, and my father just went.." berserk. "..crazy and killed him."

I looked down in my lap again.

"So, I think maybe I also have what he had. I can feel this anger, and it is like it is always so close by, and when I saw Hild in that house, I just saw... well, I know the saying is that I saw red, but I didn't, of course. It was like I saw white, and then I just don't really remember anything."

Everyone was silent. Hild looked at me and smiled empathically; Jack furrowed his brows, drew his hand through his beard, and gave me a begrudging look while Vidar stared down into his coffee cup.

"There were three men, but I swear I didn't kill them. At least... I hope I didn't. And afterward, I guess I was so exhausted that I just collapsed. And I woke up in the motel room with Hild."

"Three men.. impressive," Jack nodded in appreciation.

I gave him a surprised look. It was not the usual attitude towards violence at a young age and not towards me being possibly mentally ill either. He grinned even wider.

"You will find we are a little less.. traditional than others."

I smiled back and leaned back, a sudden pride flowing through me. I felt the need to be included and loved.

"I haven't even shifted yet."

It had not the effect I expected. Instead, Jack leaned over the table again, frowning.

"You did it unshifted?"

I suddenly became nervous. My fingers started to fidget with the silvery chain around my neck again; gone was my pride, and back was the feeling of being a freak. A freak werewolf with no pack. I swallowed and averted my eyes.

"I.."

Hild interrupted me.

"Why is that so important? She was a badass, and thanks to her, we got out of there alive. There is no need for such an accusatory tone."

Jack raised his hands in apology and leaned back again. Vidar sighed.

"Werewolves are strong. But normal unshifted werewolves are not that strong in human form."

My eyes welled up. I tried to keep calm, but the implication, coming from Vidar too, was a little more than I could hold a steady voice about.

"You think I'm a freak, don't you?" I almost squealed it out. Why lead me to believe that what I had done was ok, when in the following sentence calling me out as not normal?

It was annoying. I could feel the anger building up inside. My heart started to beat faster, and I took heavy breaths to try to gain control again. White flashes danced in front of my eyes, and I lost focus on my surroundings. I grabbed the table to assert some leverage on the whirlwind of rage in my head and tried to find something to focus on to get back into reality again. My thoughts landed on Harry, as he was the only thing in the last couple of weeks that hadn't judged me in some way. Ah, oh, and Zac. Perhaps Hild hadn't done it either. This Jack figure maybe not so much either. But Vidar.

"No one thinks you are a freak, love," Jack sighed. "We just don't know who you are."

I gritted my teeth and felt like a stubborn child when I replied.

"I told you who I am."

It was evident that he also considered me a stubborn child.

"You told us your name, not who you are."

I shook my head.

"I am no one. Literally no one. I have no family. No friends, really. No place to go. No pack. No one misses me. I am, as much as anyone possibly can be... I am no one."

"Oh, sweetheart. You are not no one," Hild stretched herself over the table and grabbed my hand. "You are my family. And who cares if you went berserk in that house, you saved me," she smiled.

I gave her a weak smile back, happy to have some reassurance of my value for anything.  

"Berserk.. that's not a word you hear every day," Jack laughed dryly. He eyed me thoughtfully but didn't continue.

Silence ensued. Those who drank coffee did so, and I finished my chocolate mousse dessert with joy. The sweet chocolate taste was just the thing to make things go back to normal again, and for a little while, I could imagine we were just a regular, uhm, family having dinner. Admittedly even in this imaginary dinner of mine, I couldn't figure out who was who in the imaginary family constellation.

I decided to try for a little bit of everyday conversation and looked at Jack.

"Where did you say you came from again? Somewhere up north?"

He finished his cake and dried his mouth on a napkin before he began.

"Oh, well, not the North as much as the Nordics. Scandinavia. From that general region."

Heh. I smiled.

"My dad is also from there. Was. He was from there."

"Your father is dead?"

I nodded.

"Both my father and my mother are dead. My mother died a long time ago, and.. my father was given a death sentence when he.. I.. he begged me to leave before his execution and so I ran.. and that was a month ago give or take."

Vidar stirred. He furrowed his brows and lifted his hand to silence us.

"I.. I can't shake a thought here... I know it is farfetched, but still, some things are not adding up," he turned to me.

"First of all.. B," he flashed me a smile as if he wanted to say something else than B. "First of all. I don't think you are a freak. When I said "normal" werewolves, I meant the common ones, the ones around here. I know several werewolves that can do what you did, but we are not normal compared to.. Henry Johnson. A normal werewolf."

I opened my mouth to talk, but he raised his finger again.

"No, hang on. Let me finish," he looked at the three of us.

"Second of all, you can cloak. So, you can fight like.. some werewolves I know, but you can also cloak like them. You get a white rage, and your father is from our part of the world. You have blonde hair and blue eyes, and I bet..," he leaned over, put his hand on my throat, and slipped his fingers under my top.

I gasped. Hild opened her mouth to protest, but he continued.

"..and I bet your necklace is not an ordinary one," he pulled out my necklace and triumphantly held the silvery amulet up into the light. "Yup. I was right."

Jack leaned over and snatched the amulet from his hand, breaking the chain around my neck. He ignored my annoyed cry over destroying it and examined the amulet. He held it first towards the light and then flipped it over to check both sides. Then he sighed, rested his elbows against the table, clasped his hands together, and leaned his forehead against them, still holding the amulet. Then he looked at me with watery eyes, and when he spoke, it was only a whisper.

"Please tell me you found or stole this."

"I.. I.." I didn't know how to describe how I got it. What if it wasn't even mine? I sighed. Better to tell the truth, not the whole truth but nothing but it. "It was in an envelope inside another envelope that my father told me to take before... well before I left. It said 'To B and S on their 18th and 0th birthday,' so I assumed it was to my wolf and me."

Jack gave the amulet back to me.

"Do you still have the envelope?"

I nodded.

"Mhm. I have it upstairs. Should I go get it?"

Hild stood up and gestured for them to follow.

"Maybe we can continue this discussion upstairs? I, for one, certainly feel like emotions are flying all over the place, and perhaps this is a discussion where a private setting is more suitable."

They nodded, and Vidar went to pay Patty while the rest of us went upstairs. As we entered our apartment Jack flung himself on the couch, Hild went to make some more coffee, and I went into my room to retrieve the envelope from my desk. Vidar entered, and we all sat down in the two sofas. I gave Jack the envelope.

He opened it and retrieved the smaller envelope that had contained my necklace and two photographs. He looked at them for a while before he nodded and showed them to the rest of us.

"This is Beorn, your older brother with you and your twin brother," he explained to Hild.

"And this is Beorn with.. you, I guess?" he pointed at the picture that was more recently taken than the other one.

Then he held up the smaller envelope that had contained the necklace.

"This is my handwriting," he looked at me and pointed at the amulet that I still had in my hand. "I made that for.. Beorn's son. I brought it the last time I saw him, all those five years ago. Only.. he never had a son, did he? Beodor never existed, but Beonnie did instead."

He smiled sadly.

"I never had a grandson."

He turned to me and tucked a piece of hair that had gone astray behind my ear.

"But I have a granddaughter," he grinned. "A badass one nonetheless."