Kaming dalawa na lamang ang naiwang nakaupo sa harapan ng mesang puno ng red cups, mga pulutang gaya na lamang ng barbeque at isaw, at mga bote ng alak na hindi namin sigurado kung mauubos nga ba namin sa loob lamang ng isang gabi. Ang mga kasama naming mag-inuman kanina ay knocked out na't mahimbing na natutulog sa loob ng mga kwarto. It was understandable since it was already three in the morning. 

In fact, I already thought of going to bed at this point. I already could feel the alcohol kicking in. Medyo nahihilo na ako't natutulala. Maaga pa naman kaming gigising mamaya para bumyahe. 

But something inside me was telling me not to go yet. Paulit-ulit na sinasabi ng puso kong manatili kahit na pinagagalitan na ako ng utak ko. Something was telling me to stay put... even just for once. 

I held my cup and finished my drink in one go. I licked my lips, feeling the alcohol burn my throat ever so slightly; I was already used to it, though. Hindi na bago sa akin ang itsura, amoy, lasa, at pakiramdam ng alak sa katawan lalo pa't madalas naman akong nasa bars or clubs kasama ang mga tropa ko kung wala naman masyadong ginagawa sa program ko. Malapit na akong maging suki sa BGC, oo, alam ko.

I put down the empty cup and looked up, feeling his eyes on me. To my surprise, he was indeed staring at me intently. This wasn't the first time I caught him today.

I tilted my head slightly and raised my eyebrows, silently asking, "Why are you looking at me like that?" My body felt warm all of a sudden; perhaps it was just the alcohol's effect. 

Instead of answering, all I got was a non-committal shrug from him. Umiwas na siya ng tingin saka tinungga rin ang basong hawak. I watched his hand reach out to a half-empty bottle of Alfonso and poured himself some again.

But I knew him. Oh, yes, I knew him all too well. I understood exactly what that response meant. 

"Are you gonn' talk to me or what? C'mon, spill the beans on what's going on in that pretty head of yours. Or are you just gonn' get wasted till dawn?" My curiosity couldn't help but ask. 

He took a long sip from his drink before looking back at me. "Anong balak mo?" he blurted out while subtly gesturing between us.

When I didn't answer, he scoffed slightly and smirked. Leaning forward against the table, he propped himself up with one hand while gently holding his cup in the other. Napaangat naman ako ng tingin sa kaniya at direktang tumingin sa kaniyang mga mata. "Oh wait, let me rephrase that... may balak ka ba?"

His question caught me off guard, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he asked. Binuksan ko ang bibig ko pero walang lumabas na anumang salita o tunog mula rito. I closed it again and looked down at my empty cup. Hindi na ako nag-angat pa ng tingin pero naramdaman ko naman ang pag-usog niya papalapit sa akin.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko pero alam kong hindi na siya nakatingin sa akin. He also didn't touch me. "I don't know if you're just drunk or what. But one thing's for sure... You're stubborn as hell."

His comment brought a small smile on my lips. Yes, I knew how stubborn I could be, especially when it came to him. Hindi ko mapigilan. He brought out the childish side of me.

"I know you're drunk as fuck and you might not remember this tomorrow..." Inayos niya ang upo niya't hinarap ako. "...but listen, I'm just going to be honest with you."

Nang marinig ang mga sinabi niya ay kaagad ko siyang nilingon. Bumilis naman ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kabang hindi ko alam kung saan naman nagmula. My stomach was churning with dread, like a bunch of butterflies gone wild. I held my breath, waiting for the worst.

"If you are going to make me yours for the rest of our lives, I am going to require more than just your physical presence; I'll require your time, words of affirmation, and efforts. I need you to reciprocate all the things I do to and for you. I know my worth, and it's more than what you currently give me." He suddenly stopped and scoffed.

I looked into his eyes but he looked away before speaking again. His tone was laced with sarcasm. "E 'tangina, kahit nga physical presence mo man lang, pahirapan pa."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. I knew what he was telling me was right. Those were facts that I must acknowledge. Aware ako sa sitwasyon, relasyon, at koneksyong kinasasangkutan naming dalawa. Hinding-hindi ko 'yon magagawang itanggi.

"So if you want to keep this going, show me you're serious about it... about us." He leaned in, his voice low and soft, like he wanted to make sure I got every word. And I did.

Believe me, I did.

His breath tickled my cheek, minty with a hint of lemon—his signature scent. My black eyes gazed back into his light brown orbs, and I could feel myself getting lost in them for a moment. They felt like they were pulling me in...

...but I knew I'd end up drowning if I let myself. I knew better than to let myself get sucked in.

"Otherwise, I won't hesitate to leave."

Natulala na lamang ako nang marinig 'yon. Para bang huminto ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko. I already knew this was coming. I should've been prepared, but nobody could ever prepare themselves for this, could they? 

"So, please..." His voice cracked slightly and he looked down. "Iparamdam mo naman sa'king may patutunguhan tayo."

I held my hand out, wanting to put mine on top of his, which lay perfectly still on the table. But then I stopped midway, letting it hover above his. Nagdalawang-isip ako kung itutuloy ko ba. 

In the end, I just bit my lower lip and let my hand fall down beside me. I couldn't help but feel as though something inside me shattered when I heard his tone being laced with finality. 

Nakatitig lamang siya sa mga mata ko na para bang pinapanood niya ang reaksyon ko sa mga sinabi niya. His look and expression were intense, sending a shiver down my spine and causing my breath to hitch slightly. Ngayon pa lang, naramdaman ko na ang namumuong distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa.

I knew he was waiting for a response...

...but I was just frozen, like a deer caught in headlights.