"I was never afraid of heights
until I found myself standing
on the edge of love"
-Shefali. D

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"How did you not know there was something wrong with him, Nicole?" Brie's judgey tone was the last thing I needed, but in my defense I had assumed I would be facetiming Aria, not my sister.

"Doesn't Aria need to be fed?" I sighed as I knew John would probably tell Brie about me questioning him about Randy's whereabouts.

"No, she is sound asleep which is why instead of taking a nap I figured I would call my sister who has been hiding out at mom's for the last month."
Technically I wasn't there the entire month as I had spent some time in Vegas with Renee for her birthday weekend and Orlando with Paige whenever they had time off.

"How did you know I was at mom's?" I half groaned as I had made my mom promise not to tell anyone. Mostly because I hadn't wanted them to know Randy and I were at odds yet again.

"John spoke to Johnny who mentioned it to him. And how come you haven't wrestled in a month and then you don't get back the title at Hell in a Cell? What am I missing here?" She questioned and when I had stated vaguely telling my family what I meant was I had simply mentioned it to my mom since I knew Johnny would be finding out. John I knew for the most part wouldn't relay anything of that note if he knew because he tried his best to not be the middle man.

"Nothing, Brianna" I groaned as I didn't want to argue with my sister or stress her out because she was breastfeeding Aria. Yet that's exactly what I was doing thanks to John's big mouth concerning Randy.

"I can sense something is wrong. What's going on between you and Randy?" She sighed and as I said I did not want to stress her out and also didn't need anymore advice added on when I had a clear idea of how things would go down once I saw him.

"Its just the usual things. Point is, I'm on my way to him as we speak." I shrugged, leaning back in my seat as I glanced out of the window as we reached the neighbourhood.

"I can't wait for the day when your issues don't cause such an easy distance between you two" her tone was less judgemental but more hopeful as I knew she knew even with both our stubborn natures it took its toll.

With us having had our own homes and me running away to my mom or Colby every time, we got too comfortable having distance between us. Or maybe it was me, actually it was me, I was the one always running away and I knew it but yet I continued to do it. Even when he continued to show me his vulnerable side, something both of us hated doing. I really wasn't sure why I was self-sabotaging my relationship with Randy.

"Me too. But honestly there is nothing for you to be concerned about. My time as champion is over which we both knew would happen once I reached the milestone. Just get some rest and squeeze my little angel for me." I made sure my voice contained the essence of excitement needed to convey my message. She was my twin so I knew she wouldn't believe it but she did let it go.

"Will do." I heard her as I opened the car door and thanked the driver before heading towards the house I felt like I hadn't seen in ages.

I opened the door and entered the pass code which luckily hadn't changed and was immediately met with my little Joseph. I smiled brightly as I scooped him into my arms and squeezed him to my body as he had clearly missed me as much as I missed him too. Another upside about time off meant I could spend more time with my little boy.

"Where's daddy?" I questioned him, fully knowing I would get no response. I hadn't seen my little guy in so long but he had kept Randy company which made me happy.

I headed to Alanna's room but with everything in place I knew it had probably been over a week since he had seen her.

I eventually made it up to the bedroom and managed to locate Randy who was sleeping. I was sort of happy he was sleeping peacefully and not ready to attack. I hadn't slept properly in so long so even though I knew there were things to sort out I kicked off my shoes and laid beside him. I placed my hand on his abs as I slowly traced over it with my thumb feeling his steady breathing as his chest rose beneath my face.

"Mmm a handjob as an apology" I heard him muse and rolled my eyes as I met his eyes that slowly opened. My eyes briefly fell to the patches placed on his shoulder area to help relieve the pain that was there.

I buried my face into his neck as I held onto him knowing he couldn't hold me back due to his shoulder or that's what I told myself. The kiss on my forehead made me smile as I closed my eyes. This is why I was with him, Randy could make me smile without much effort and he brought a sense of home to my heart.

"I love you, Garcia" he whispered and I felt the love as he said it, his warm body against mine and the sincerity in his voice even though we had left things on a bad note.

I placed a brief kiss into his neck before closing my eyes and further snuggling up to my snake, "I love you too"

◆◆◆

"So I suppose we should be talking soon" I spoke as I saw him enter the kitchen as I fed Joseph.

I felt his eyes on me as I cleared everything before I turned to face him as he stood against the counter.

"I just don't know what more there is to say, for either of us. You chose to confide in Hunter and Colby instead of me and I'm used to being third in line and if not third then second. I thought if I tried with the two of them then at least you wouldn't feel like they were your parachutes when things go wrong between us. But you're hurt and you decide that you're more comfortable letting them know."

I hadn't expected such a length response but with the amount of time apart I guess he had really thought things through. "Randy. I told you, Hunter is my..."

"Let me finish, Nicole. I haven't seen you in a month. A month of me thinking, thinking and thinking and just like the last time you were absent from my life my feelings for you haven't changed. I love you as much as I did when I pictured everything even more once you were holding your sister's kid. But I am not sure you realize it or believe it the way you say you do because I feel like you are still afraid to tell me things, hiding from me. You confronted me, accused me once cause I wouldn't let you see Samantha but maybe its because you were putting up a defense so I wouldn't realize just how much you didn't rely on me for anything. I love how independent you are and I get it, you wanted to handle it all on your own but for fuck's sake Nikki. I am your boyfriend, I would like to feel needed just as much as you feel that way. You throw words at me saying I make you better and you love me but when you're freaked out you run , you always run when you fucking know how much I hate it." He shook his head and glanced away.

I was surprised by his words, the vulnerability within them and I knew he had stopped himself for a reason as the emotion filled him. It hurt me seeing him hurt, not just physically but emotionally. Randy was a strong figure and yes he said things but the look on his face weakened me.

"I'm sorry okay? I didn't intend to tell Hunter, why would I tell the boss about my injury?" The strength left my voice as all I wanted to do was reach for him but I didn't.

"So he really just was conveniently there?"

I nodded, "Yes. I went to see Chris Amann in the training room and he walked in on me."

He shook his head before nodding letting me know he believed me, "And I asked you if you were okay after you made history and you told me yes. But Hunter probably questions you and he just gets the whole truth. "

"He caught me at a weak moment, what am I suppose to say Randy?" I didn't know what more to say to defend myself because that was exactly how it happened. It sounded like a fucking weak excuse and I guess it was but..

"Is that all it takes? A moment of weakness and he can get to you. You tell me you're over him but yet he has enough influence to get the truth out of you when I am your fucking boyfriend. I don't care more about my beef with him than your career because I am honestly not at a crossroads with Hunter anymore. Its just the fucking situation that gets to me even though I know its all over and will be over"

"He doesn't influence me. Its just..."

He sighed and glanced down at Joseph walking between us but I knew he was avoiding my eyes mostly, "You still love him and I know that. I don't hold it against you but all I ever wanted to know is that I have a higher rank above him but I don't know if I do. And tell me, if I don't am I really the one that's chosen or am I just a consolation prize like I always suspected I was?"

I wiped my eyes as I always wanted vulnerability from Randy but hearing his calm words hurt. It hurt because I could feel the pain as he spoke, hear how hard it was for him. There was no anger or jealousy just the lingering curiosity at what he truly meant to me when he had never failed to be honest about my place in his life. It hurt me knowing that while I was just going crazy thinking about everything involving me it all had an impact on him. Randy was good at being the hard wall of protection for me and I knew that's the way he liked it but as Paige had told me bottling up was never good.

"Randy, you could never be a consolation prize and that's the truth. You're right I like being independent because when I thought I had someone that I could need he wasn't always there to catch me."

"Nick?" He frowned and I nodded knowing I didn't want to go there but its the last thing that needed to be fully confronted to explain my bond with Colby and Hunter.

"You know he was more of a disappearing act, you were in that locker room before you even realized who I was. You heard the stories, it was humiliating hearing whispers knowing his friends knew of his escapades. I was the fucking fool in love when all he wanted was someone fixed on the road. All I wanted was him to need me the way I needed him, to give me the commitment that I already knew was there from my side. I'm always the one that wants more and you know that about me so not having it retained left me in this ultimate needy phase." I loved Randy but if I wasn't honest I wasn't as clingy as I wanted to be or as crazy in my affection. I felt like I had a guard up and analysing everything helped me realize that.

"The more he pushed the more I pulled, the more he fucked up the more I forgave because I needed him. Same with Hunter and both times ultimately I wasn't fully given it in return. I'm complicated and stubborn I know so I get how frustrating I am but that's all because I have needed men in my life before and they just tore me apart. And I'm sure you know that but it has scarred me so much Randy." I shrugged and roughly wiped my tears and his jaw clenched but I smiled slightly so he wouldn't move towards me.

"I don't know, maybe Hunter still has an influence on me. I have tried to cut him out, not just end it all but cut him out so seeing us together wouldn't hurt you. So that you two could be in a good place again. But I can't help missing him and I'm not saying that to hurt you or make you feel like you got second place cause you didn't. My heart belongs to you and yes I have love for him but I am in love with you. He was the only man in my life and was like a hero after Nick so even with all the shit its hard to just close that door. Especially when going into the WWE I admired him so much and then the second time around we were friends and he mentored me" I sighed as I never wanted to admit to Randy or myself that I missed the man he loathed but I needed to be honest with the both of us.

"He mentored me too so when it comes to that aspect I understand why its hard to let go. And right now I am confident enough in him not trying to lure you into anything that I can say I wouldn't be concerned with you being with him. I just want to know that I am first, first with everything. Can you just put into perspective how I felt hearing from Colby that Charlotte shouldn't be reckless because you are injured. Anything could have gone wrong and I wouldn't have believed it, I might have said things that shouldn't have been said then. But I was angry, angry because I was concerned about you, angry because I felt like I was shut out of your life when I am meant to be your number one."

"I was just afraid of being weak in your eyes or you getting distracted because of me. But I get it because I had to hear from Jon about this.." I wavered to his shoulder. "And I understand how you felt, not knowing the full story having such a bomb thrown on you. Because you are my number one, I felt like shit because I hadn't been there, that I didn't know. So I get it. We are in a relationship and will be together for a very long time. Its something I need to work on..."
Communication is key is what Colby constantly told me yet here we were yet again after so many times. But I wouldn't change it because the constant clashing meant that in a way we both cared. Cared enough to get upset and yet find our way again. In the past I had always been the one arguing my point to deaf ears who didn't see the error in their ways or didn't care.

"Something we both need to work on. Garcia, I love you so much and I just want to be first.." He whispered as he moved towards me.

"I know and you are first. Colby is my best friend so maybe it seems weird but he is like my John. He is the only guy who has never let me down and yes he has hurt me but he could never hurt me like you because I don't love him like I love you. So I get mad or overreact so I don't have to feel hurt or anything, I push and you pull. But don't ever stop pulling please?"

He smiled slightly as he wrapped his arms gently around me, "I won't as long as you want me to. But we are too fucking old to be running like this. I'm sucking up my pride and trusting in you enough that if I see you with Hunter or Colby I'm not saying it won't annoy me but I won't go causing a scene."

"I mean a little scene would be okay, like when you went all Viper on me after I disappeared the last time" I mumbled, to which he smirked probably recalling that night in my locker room and kissed my forehead.

"You're a sucker for rough fuckery" he chuckled and kissed into my neck before lifting me onto the counter. "I love you so much, fuck it hurts a lot sometimes"

"I know the feeling but we just need to work on us as individuals with our issues and as a couple" I smiled as I held onto him, I had honestly missed his tattooed arms around me and feeling his love with each kiss trailed on my body or just the look in his eyes. Whether he was angry or being annoying, his loving self, the love in his eyes for me was so powerful. His love scared me and I knew it scared him too...

"Mmmm we do." He inhaled deeply before kissing me. I gently traced my fingers over his shoulders as I returned the kiss.

"So I sold my apartment last week." I blurted out as I broke the kiss.

"Oh." He raised his eyebrow.

I cleared my throat, "maybe its a bit too soon or forward of me but I sold it because I figured I'm here most of the time..."

He chuckled, "You want to move in with me?"

"Well officially."

"Here I thought you were already moved in officially, Garcia" he smirked and kissed me once more before nodding. "Yeah our place..."

"Our place" I bit my lip to hold back the bright smile that wanted to surface. I was probably the most needy person and I found someone who loved that side yet I was always one step back. Sometimes I confused myself but after our vulnerable moment together I felt hopeful that there was truly nothing that could bring us down.

He sighed and pulled me into a hug, "Fuck, no wonder I got divorced cause if love is like this I have never had it."

"Love is not this crazy, we are. I think we should just stop thinking we can have a peaceful life cause the moment we do all hell breaks loose." I giggled and frowned slightly at his hair having grown a bit in my absence.

"I couldn't agree more, so any other rash decisions made in my absence?"

"Well sort of. I blamed tequila but I kind of like it."

"What?" He frowned and I raised my middle finger to which he narrowed his eyes until I turned it so he could see the side of my finger.

"You tattooed my name on your finger" he grasped it and traced over the ink.

"Yup. I guess since you weren't there, like you were for the second one, my brain just thought let's put his name there" I explained hoping he would like it even though a drunk stroll on the strip in Vegas led to it. "Do you like it?"

"Of course I do. Now I don't have to leave marks all over your skin cause when you tell someone to fuck off they'll know who you belong to" he smirked confidently to which I narrowed my eyes. "Do you not belong to me?"

I sighed with a smile, "Yes I do. And you belong to me and I will even announce it to the world"

"Woah she really loves me" his eyes widened playfully and I poked his chest but he took my hand and kissed it. "Which is good because I really love her"