Chapter 57||we hate the idea of vulnerability...

"When I look at you I find it
hard to believe that the whole universe
had not conspired to bring you to life.
I can't think of a more beautiful reason
for it all to exist than for you in this day"
-Atticus

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"I can't believe it. My name is going to be first above everyone else" I squealed and Paige giggled as she pulled me into an embrace. Raw had just ended and with Paige's help I had managed to retain my title for the night. She was no Brie but she was known as Pale Bella for awhile for a reason.

I had been counting down the days for the last two weeks due to my pressing injury. I wasn't feeling myself and I knew my body so I knew I had to get myself checked out. I still hadn't done so though but Hunter had promised he would take care of everything as soon as I reached the milestone I wanted.

He was the only one who knew and it was unintentional but in all honesty I preferred him. Mostly because we hardly saw eachother and I knew he had no one to relay or discuss it with, it would stay between us. Where as anyone else would probably ask Brie about it or tell the rest of my family. I didn't want people knowing, because I didn't want to see the pride for me fade and replaced with pity. The pride that was radiating from Paige as she stared at me could so easily be stripped away if I told her. Pity due to the fact that I had accomplished something so amazing in my career only to possibly be forced to take a million steps back.

"I'm so proud of you, you deserve it! You have worked so fucking hard, babe" She shook my shoulders before pulling me into an embrace again. I hugged her in return because I was grateful that she had been with me for most of the night, being Brie for me when my sister had her own little person to take care of.

"I can't wait to hopefully feud more with you once Sunday is over cause let's face it. You and Char? That feud has been going on for sometime" She mumbled into my shoulder before releasing me. I smiled brightly at the thought and tried to hold back the part of me that feared I wouldn't be here. That I wouldn't be here long enough to start or finish any other feud.

The thought sucked so much especially with the talent increasing on the roster. Yes at my age people believed I was halfway out the door as so many of the divas usually retired and went on to do their own thing after 30. But I couldn't see anything besides the crowds, the chaos backstage and myself in the ring; fighting all kinds of women. A change was coming, I could sense it and I wanted to be apart of it whenever it happened.

"So not to jinx anything but even if Charlotte wins on Sunday you will still have the longest reign. " She winked before focusing on her make-up as we would all be heading to dinner to celebrate.

The celebration had been Colby's idea and Randy surprised me by agreeing to tag along when I knew he had matured into a man who preferred his own space. "AJ thought she would go out with the longest reign and look where we are. Not even a year after she left and they have me breaking her streak."

"Yeah but her name is still there though" She shrugged and the anxious feeling filled me at the thought of simply being replaced or forgotten if what I was feeling was serious.

"I know but it just feels like depending on how you leave, they can make you so forgettable. And the world knows Stephanie isn't my biggest fan at all." She would probably jump at the chance to make everyone forget what I have done. I honestly wouldn't put it past her to spin the story in some way to make me less than what I am. I sighed internally at my thoughts as I always seemed to make her the villain. She had a heart...

"Its not like you are leaving anytime soon so hopefully she will realize how great you are. Go find your man and I will head out to the parking lot cause AJ is here to pick us up."

"Okay, yeah I should probably find Randy before he decides to come up with an excuse to bail on tonight" I mused, briefly checking my reflection before I followed her out and we separated down the hallway.

"Nikki" I stopped and glanced to my side to see Hunter with a suitcase in hand, no doubt leaving the building.

I smiled, genuinely smiled for the first time in awhile at the sight of him. Maybe it was the fact that he had made me feel better when I was at my lowest? I wasn't about to be hooked into his game, I just didn't want the anger towards him anymore. The anger due to him bringing our two years to a single mistake that hurt. But he wanted to protect the woman he was in love with, protect us as well. How could I want Randy to make amends if I was angry at him for not stopping his wife either? Its why I chose to just accept my loss against her and not aggravate anything further.

He smiled as well and I briefly hugged him. Apart of me wanted a longer hold but we were in the hallways of work and we were still in an odd phase, "done for the night, boss?"

"Yes. Just wanted to say congratulations. You have been flawless for the last couple weeks since we spoke." He clutched the handle of his suitcase with both hands as it stood between us.

"What can I say? You still have a way of lifting my spirits, Coach Levesque" I teased and he smirked.

"Its been awhile since I heard you call me that. But I'm happy that you're doing good or sticking it out. After Sunday we can get things going again, I'll let you know about the flight details" he raised his eyebrow, I guess to make sure I was still prepared. I wasn't but there was nothing I could do, its what needed to be done.

"You do that" I sighed and he hugged me again briefly before moving on but as he did I saw Colby in the distance. He was dressed in a suit with his shirt buttoned down which meant he was finally done for the night as well.

"Hey, AJ is here. I'm just going to get Randy and hoping Trinity and Nattie have already left so that Nattie is abit tipsy when we get there" I mused but it didn't cause the frown on his face to falter.
"What's wrong?"

He glanced towards the exit before shaking his head, "Of course the universe is a fucking pain. Randy starts actually treating me less like shit and here you are, running back to him. Fuck Nicole, I mean maybe its my fault because I just wanted you guys to not avoid eachother but I can't believe you're going back to..."

I frowned as I had known deep down he would insinuate things but hoped he wouldn't.

"Colby, seriously? Way too assume things. And are you seriously confronting me at work?" I whispered and he sighed with a small shrug.

"You guys are planning to meet up Nikki? Tell me what does that tell me" He lowered his voice but the accusation in his tone wasn't lost.

"Its tells you to trust that I wouldn't do anything to affect the relationship I have with Randy. You are so important to me and you know what? It literally sucks so much that you are constantly doubting me. No wonder you and Randy can't get along cause you are the fucking same" I groaned and walked away from him.

It hurt that whenever I was spotted with Hunter I would have Colby questioning me. Yes I knew deep down it was all done with a good heart but I liked to believe he knew me. He knew how in love I was with Randy and getting sucked into the world of the King wasn't my intention. Randy was the finish line for me...

"Hey, wait up. I'm sorry okay. Its a big night for you, I don't want to be the reason you don't enjoy it. I also don't want Hunter to be the reason you don't enjoy the rest of your life. I have been speaking to him and I want you guys to have the normal relationship that doesn't cross any lines. I guess I shouldn't have freaked out when I heard flight because I should trust you. I just want what's best for you, Nicole. That's always how I will feel and I'm sorry if the way I show it seems like I am doubting you but I promise its not." He shrugged and I nodded.

"I know. Hunter and I are strictly dealing with business right now, its not like I can go to Stephanie and you know Vince is available to an extent." I explained hating that I wasn't telling him the whole truth but in the end my injury had everything to do with the business and he chuckled.

"Well in that case I'm happy to see you two being civil. I might have one more freakout while I'm getting used to the idea but I'm happy" he sighed, "Let me get to April, and you track down your Viper"

Maybe it was wrong of me for not telling anyone the pain I felt or the fear that crept creeping in. But I didn't want my potential last few weeks at WWE to be filled with people feeling sorry for me. I wanted to enjoy my time being the Nikki Bella, the fearless one, even though its not what I felt.

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"If I were up for tanning I would do it so we could do the whole Bella Twin thing. But been there done that and its a very odd look, feels like it just doesn't wanna stick to my skin" Paige shrugged which caused most of the people at the table to laugh as I took my seat beside Nikki again having gone to the rest room.

"I'll be sure to give Brie a call. Let her know someone wants to replace her" I teased which caused Nikki to briefly glance at me with a smile.

"I'm sure she would love the idea so please do" Paige smirked before downing her drink.

I wasn't really sociable but it was a big night for Nicole and I knew while I was her favourite person she would probably want to do what she used to do in the past after a good night on the show. That included her friends and a night on the town so I was being the supportive boyfriend. I was proud of her, no doubt, her ambition would always be one of the things that drew me to her. And I of course knew that's definitely why Hunter was probably attracted to her.

"Yeah we definitely can't wait to visit to meet the adorable little Cena." Nattie smiled and I realized conversation had drifted to the newborn and shook away negative thoughts involving Hunter.

"I can't wait to fly down to see her later this week either. She's so precious and its honestly insane seeing my sister with her cause its a reality. I mean the bump was shoved in our faces but just seeing their connection. I love it." She smiled brightly and I traced circles over her shoulder as I was happy to see her excited about it.

"Mmm so I'm guessing baby fever is in effect" April smiled and I took my eyes off Nicole to see the entire table focused on us. So instead of saying what I had continuously told her sister and John I didn't say anything. I just sat back and focused on my beautiful girlfriend like the rest of them.

"I mean yes I wouldn't really mind but not anytime soon. I just made history you know? Hopefully when John knocks my sister up again. If I got pregnant now I wouldn't be much help to Brie now would I?" She smiled and I chuckled and kissed the side of her head.



I frowned slightly as I saw Nicole rolling her shoulders as she stood at the bar ordering a drink. But before I could get up to see her I heard a voice beside me and saw April.

"Hey is everything okay with Nikki?" She questioned as if reading my thoughts.

I frowned as Nicole had been laughing with them all evening and while I spoke here and there I ultimately enjoyed watching her. It took me back to when I hadn't had her as mine, when I had just observed her. I had noted all her facial features and it always made me smile when she did. Maybe the fact that she knew I had an obssession with her made me feel less crazy for continuosly watching her. But in reality I'm sure it was anything but normal.

"I watched her match and it was weird. I mean I know how she fights and she seemed to be struggling abit when she did the Rack Attack that's all." She explained to clear up my confusion due to her question.

I had noticed it as well but figured it was just part of the show so I didn't bother mentioning it when I had met her at the gorilla to congratulate her. "I'm sure it was just part of the match."

She glanced over at the position where I had spotted Nicole before, "Okay, I was just checking. I mean being the second longest reigning champ means I get the toll it takes on your body. I'll be honest, I could feel my body wasn't having it anymore. The endless nights, fatigue I made the decision before anything serious happened again because I made it to the history books and accomplished everything I felt I could."

It seemed she was telling me things she should have been telling Nicole. I knew Nicole well but when it came to the ring she was known as Fearless Nikki and that was what she showed. Its why I hardly saw her backstage and when I did I appreciated it. We had spent more time together backstage before we were official, before she became paranoid about just being known for her association with me. "While I understand that situation I'm not sure why you didn't ask Nicole herself."

She adjusted her specs before shrugging, "Because I never told anyone the reason I abruptly decided to hand over the championship before it was planned. You're meant to be invincible when you're on top so admitting you're flawed makes you feel weak. I'm not saying we're the same but you know her. I feel like as wrestlers we hate the idea of vulnerability so much that we only truly give into it when someone is direct. Asking us"

I nodded as while April could annoy me, she only annoyed me because she tended to have pretty good points everytime.


"Hey, here's your whiskey" Nicole smiled as she set the glass in front of me.

"Thank you, Garcia." I took her hand in mine and placed a kiss on it and she took her seat beside me.

"I really appreciate you coming, Randy." She whispered and I took my eyes off my refill and focused it on the brown eyes I was addicted to staring into.

Having finished dinner everyone seemed to have dispersed and I liked it as we could have some alone time.

"Well the way I see it, as your future husband I will be forced to attend wherever you go so I'm just getting my practice in" I shrugged nonchalantly but chuckled as she pinched my thigh. "I'm kidding, I'm trying Nicole."

"I like that you are, it makes me happy but just don't force yourself into situations okay? You're my snake." She tugged on my chin before kissing my cheek.

"Yeah but maybe I don't just want to be the Viper. I know I can still be the immature kid who seriously annoyed you back in the day. I'm trying to be the man and it takes a lot of work." I didn't want to send her out with her friends on her own everytime. Apart of me suspected my antisocialness with them was the reason she was hesitant to reveal our relationship to the world. So I hoped if she saw they simply wanted her happy and saw that she was with me the world would be let in and there would be less annoyance on my part caused by her many admirers.

"You do know I love you for just being that annoying guy right?" She narrowed her eyes at me but I rolled mine instead.

"Says every woman who is hopelessly in love with a guy until its ten years later and I'm still that annoying guy annoying the crap out of you with my issues and you decide you had enough and divorce my ass" I scoffed but closed my eyes regretting that I had said it, she wasn't Samantha who had outgrown me.

"You think I would divorce you cause you're annoying?" She smiled slightly to probably make me feel better about revealing my concerns. "We aren't even married yet and you're thinking of our divorce? You don't have much faith in my love for you, Randy"

"Sometimes love isn't enough" I admitted honestly as I remembered the times I proclaimed my love for Sammy, begged her for us to just try again but she was done.

"Its enough for me. Its enough because if we don't have love then there isn't a reason to fight for what we want. If there is no love or passion it makes it easier to just sit back, give up and watched the things you need in your life get taken from you. I have done enough of that to last me a lifetime but just know Randy that you are stuck with me" She nudged her nose over mine and I smiled before kissing her. Her hand tightened on my cheek and I leaned closer as I pushed my tongue past her lips.

She leaned back way too soon for my liking but I let her as we were in public. I rest my forehead against hers before asking the question that worried me, "you're okay right? I mean physically, I know you have been tired a lot because of this long reign."

She kissed me briefly before nodding, "yeah exhausted but I'm good, Orton. I have you and almost everyone I love here and I couldn't be more on cloud nine."

I tried to search her eyes but everyone had soon made their way back and she focused on them as her head was rested on my shoulder. I hoped she was truly okay because I wasn't ready to be separated from her again, the distance always killed me.

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