Isaac calls my mobile the next morning.

"Hazel," he says when I pick up. My head is still clouded with sleep as I try to focus on his voice.

"Hey."

"Are you gonna go for Support Group today? We didn't make it for the one last week."

"You miss your Hannah, don't you?" I can't help smiling although I know Isaac can't see it. Either way; on or off-phone.

"Well... yeah," he admits with a nervous laugh. "And you too. As in, you're great company."

"Yeah sure, I'll be there with Dad," I tell him.

I wash up and change into a t-shirt and white jeans. Most of the times when I remove my top, the oxygen tubes will get tangled in the fabric and it's rather annoying and kind of forces me to remember everyday that I have cancer and yeah, that I need oxygen tubes to help me breathe. Not that I can forget, obviously, but I wish that one day I will be able to just forget that I ever had cancer and live like a normal person can. But that's clearly not going to happen.

-

Dad and I are twenty minutes early but there are already some kids in the basement, including Isaac, Hannah and Jerome. Isaac and Hannah are chatting away again with Isaac gesturing wildly and Jerome is texting. Again.

Feeling slightly annoyed at Isaac for asking me to come while he's busy by himself, I walk over to take a seat beside Jerome. Jerome and I are kind of acquaintances now I guess? Not friends, but we talk a bit for like one minute every Wednesday, mostly when Isaac and Hannah are flirting.

"Hi," I say, my voice coming out all awkward for some reason.

Jerome tilts his head up and smiles for once. "Hey."

I suddenly remember our conversation two weeks before. He had mentioned something about having a phobia of driving but when I asked for the reason, Jerome stood up quickly, saying that his mother finally decided to pick him up today and that she was waiting outside so he had to hurry off. And I let him go, my question still lingering and unanswered.

Now, I ask,"So. What's it with you and like... driving?"

A shadow creeps over his eyes and he shrugs lightly. I think of Augustus Waters' horrific driving on the day we met. I loved it though. The memories hurt of course, but they're the only things that I can hang on to and they make me smile.

"Did you have problems with parking and everyone will be honking like crazy?" I bite back a smile.

"No," he sighs wearily. "It's not that... It's something a lot more complicated."

"I um..." He dips his head down and looks as if he is choking the words out.

"Its-it's all right if you don't want to talk about it," I say quietly but he shakes his head.

Jerome stays in that position for a while, fumbling with his phone. Then, he takes a deep breath and looks at me in the eye.

"I killed my girlfriend in a car crash."

God, I did not see that coming.

My lungs contract painfully as his words sink in. I grip onto my seat to keep from falling, knuckles turning white at an alarming rate. It takes me a few moments to realize that I am only exhaling the shit out of my lungs, not taking in any oxygen, and my body feels drained, frozen. Dizziness surges into my head and my vision is going black at the edges. I force my heartbeat to slow and concentrate on inhaling, exhaling because I do not want to die, not here, not now.

Jerome's eyes slide past mine, obviously not wanting me to see that the brim of his eyes are bright with tears because everybody says that men can't cry. But it's stupid because everyone has feelings they want to let out and bottling it up is much too overwhelming.

My heartbeat calms down a little and my vision shifts slowly into focus. I might awkwardly put an arm around him, but I am still unable to move. His voice, those few words, are weighing down on me, and hard.

I think there are some kids walking in, but I'm currently not in the right state of mind to be sure. Everything is so faraway and distant, somewhere between a dream and reality.

A few silent minutes pass before I manage to say softly,"Um, what happened?"

"It was just last year...before my diagnosis," he whispers. Jerome shuts his eyes, as if the memories are flooding back, haunting him, shaking him to the core. When he opens them again, he continues, his voice cracking,"Her name was Isabel. We had been dating for two years, then we discovered she was two weeks pregnant."

My breath hitches in my throat and I almost do not want to listen to this but I stay put and nod.

"We were hella shocked, obviously. And it happened a few days later, a couple hours after midnight." Jerome swallows hard and a tear slips from his eye before he is able to blink it back. "I was driving with Isabel in the passenger seat. And we were shouting loudly. She wanted to abort the baby but I was against the idea and insisted that we keep it. My foot was on the pedal and I raced right past a red light. A bright yellow car suddenly appeared in front of me and I heard Isabel scream and I spun my wheel to the right but obviously it was too late. Her shriek ended abruptly and she just...died, right there. And me? My head was bleeding and I had a concussion but that was it. Before I was diagnosed with stomach cancer two weeks after the accident."

He buries his head in his hands, repeating,"Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid me."

I know and understand loss, because it's something I'm going through right now, and it will be something I will go through until I die. I want to say that it isn't his fault and that he shouldn't keep blaming himself for it, but it is pretty much his fault and I'm sure he knows it himself.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly but he just continues shaking his head.

"Stupid, stupid."

When he finally lifts his head, his face is wet with tears, drips of perspiration sliding down his dark hair.

"Sorry," Jerome croaks. "I'm not normally like this."

Seeing people cry makes me emotional myself but no, I don't cry.

"It's alright. You should probably... wash up a bit. Support Group is starting in a few minutes."

"Right." Jerome rakes a hand through his hair and grips onto the back of the seat, slowly standing.

"I'll go with you," I offer, reaching for my oxygen cart.

"You can't go into the boys' washroom, can you?" Jerome laughs lightly. "I'll be fine."

I watch as he walks towards the doorway, stops at the door for a couple seconds, then disappears out of the room.

He looks a lot better when he sits beside me but there is still a haunting look in his pupils.

Hannah leads Isaac to the other seat beside mine. Finally.

"Hello Hazel," he smiles as he sits down carefully.

"Hey Isaac."

Support Group starts, with yet another round of damned introductions.

"I've got something to tell you," Isaac whispers in my ear as some new girl called Karen introduces herself rather enthusiastically although there isn't really anything to be enthusiastic about.

"About Hannah?" I ask quietly.

"Kind of." His breath tickles my ear as he edges closer towards me. "Do you know what she asked me just now?"

"How am I supposed to know without you telling me?" I groan.

Isaac laughs softly, and says, his mouth still at my ear,"Okay, well, she asked me if you and I were dating and I was like 'Jesus, noooo we are not dating' and she was like 'really' and I said 'yeah' and she said 'really' again and I told her 'yes, really'. Gosh."

I snort, louder than I intended.

Just then, Hannah turns to face us and cocks her head, saying,"What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing," Isaac replies smoothly.

Hannah is about to say something when Dad calls on her to introduce herself. I listen as she talks but my mind is on Jerome whose gaze is still locked on the floor, unwavering.

-