“AS IF YOU WERE FIRE FROM WITHIN,
THE MOON LIVES IN THE LINING OF YOUR SKIN.”

Seokjin could not possibly imagine him doing this particular activity.

He was cooking.

It was a matter of shock unmistakably. When the idea hit him, he brushed it off several times, thinking it was just going to be a waste of time. For the past few years, he hadn’t even gone inside his kitchen to cook. When he lost his career, his hobbies and interests also got lost. They became trapped under the heavy iceberg of his chest, with no sign of coming back.

Then why did he suddenly feel like cooking today? Well, of course, it was for Yoon Min.

He remembered her saying she didn’t know how to cook and always ate outside foods. She also said she only ate twice a day so she didn’t have any problems. That was also not proper for her. She was in her 20s, she needed to keep herself fit and eat healthy. He remembered when he was her age, he was only a trainee and didn’t have access to food. So whenever he found the opportunity, he ate till he passed out, since he loved to eat.

He didn’t know what made him walk into the kitchen and check the refrigerator to see if there were enough ingredients to cook. He didn’t know how he ended up wearing an apron and started cutting vegetables. Halfway through, he wondered why he was doing this for her. Was it because he pitied her or simply wanted her to stay healthy?

Not stressing about it, he managed to cook many dishes with the help of YouTube since it's been so long and he forgot most of the recipes. When he tasted them, he was surprised by the outcome. The food tasted delicious! Almost the same taste as years ago.

After that, he dressed himself and called Yoon Min to find out her address. She was quite taken aback by his demand as she seemed very nervous and stuttered a lot. Putting the dishes inside boxes, he made preparations to go to her residence.

✦✧✧ - ✧✧✦

When Seokjin reached her neighbourhood, he found Yoon Min already waiting for him in front of the apartment. She waved at him as he walked up the stairs. Carrying three bags with boxes filled with dishes was not an easy job. He never did it before.

“Jin-ssi, why did you want to see me? And what are in those bags? Human bones?”

He finally stopped in front of her and put the bags down. Resting his hands over his waist, he gestured, “Open them.”

She sat on her toes, opened the zippers and then took out the boxes. “Food?”

“Homemade meals. For you.”

Blinking her eyes seven times in five seconds, she questioned, “But who--”

“I did. I cooked them.”

Yoon Min stared at him with broadened eyes, unable to speak a word. At least, that's how she looked. She seemed flabbergasted but also dazedly happy by the news. Without hesitating, she pulled out the boxes. He had cooked rice, soybean stew, kimchi and a few side dishes. He even packed gimbaps and tteokbeokkies.

She exclaimed in delight mouth parting in surprise. “Oh my God, you didn’t have to do this...”

It was obvious she was too happy to speak. Who wouldn’t be? He began to feel proud of himself.

“T-This...This could last me weeks!”

He wasn’t sure if he should correct her because he brought dishes that would usually last three days. Nevertheless, he didn’t bother to say something and ruin the moment.

“I don't know what to say...Thank you so much, Jin-ssi. I-I'm so grateful for your kindness. I never even dreamt you would cook for me.”

His ears were turning red. He heard millions of better compliments throughout his life but something about her words was enchanting. It made him want to hide inside a rabbit hole.

He only controlled a little smile. “I had forgotten how fun cooking is.”

She picked up the bags but they were too heavy for her. Seeing her struggling with the weight, it was a reflex action that ordered him to take two bags in his hands from her. She was startled but again bowed in gratitude.

“Why don't you come inside? My flat is on the 6th floor.”

He didn’t want to accept the invitation but he realized he had to carry the bags to her door anyway. So he agreed, mentally deciding to stay only for five minutes. What would people think if they saw a random guy entering a young woman's house?

They took the elevators and reached her floor. As he followed her, he noticed the bleached pieces of the wall dropped in a corner, revealing how old this building was. The walls were boring yellow with no plants organized. Even some of the lights weren’t working.

Reaching the second unit, she pressed her fingers on the keypad and the door opened.

“Jin-ssi, come inside. Don't keep standing there.”

Once he was in, his mouth almost parted by the discovery. Her unit was the opposite of the outside area. The walls were fresh, the floor was spotless, and the pieces of furniture were neatly arranged. Her unit wasn’t that large, but he immediately felt a homey vibe from there.

Removing his shoes, he appeared in the living room where there were three couches, a coffee table, a TV, a huge bookshelf and some decorative items. He walked into the dining room where the table was small for three people and he found it extra impressive to find the table neat. Next, he took a look at the kitchen which was also small and appeared as if no one used it that much, but it was very clean.

The way she organized her little space beautifully made him want to stay here a little bit more.

Yoon Min appeared out of nowhere and flashed him a smile. “Well, how do you like it? I'm sorry for the mess, I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

Where was the mess to be exact?

“You haven’t seen my bedroom yet. That's the best part! Come on!” she took a hold of his sleeve and dragged him with her.

Upon entering her bedroom, he first noticed the huge poster of BTS on the wall, a group photo from their Japanese The Best album. On the opposite was a poster of a girl group, maybe Twice. She even set up some BT21 merches around the house, mostly RJs. Her white desk was aesthetically beautiful and neat once again, with a photo frame of Seokjin himself.

He got the impression she tried her best to show her fangirling sides. It was cute.

“So what do you think?”

He was going to answer her but his eyes caught another poster, containing a handsome fellow. He seemed familiar.

“Who's that?”

She seemed disappointed by his lack of knowledge. “Song...Kang?”

Oh, he heard of him. But why was this actor's poster on her wall?

“You don't know him? You guys went to the same university.”

He didn’t know that and wasn’t even interested. She never mentioned this guy before. Did she like him a lot? He couldn’t help but feel a little hot.

Yoon Min blew the topic away and clapped her hands. “Alright! What do you wanna do?”

Honestly, he wasn’t hoping to stay here more than five minutes but the art and purity of her house totally impressed him. He admired the whole place for ten minutes actually. And suddenly, he wanted to stay here more.

Looking at her for a brief second before averting his gaze, he simply shrugged his shoulders in response.

“Wanna play games?”

She knew exactly what to offer. She knew he loved to play games. Which was why, she suggested the idea, to bring back his old hobbies.

Hesitantly, he nodded his head. This was going to be a long day.

✦✧✧ - ✧✧✦

That didn’t only take a day, but the whole evening and partially the night.

The duo played different types of games on her TV for four hours straight. The one who got tired was Yoon Min, who told him she never played for this long before. He wanted to brag that he used to play 12 hours straight but kept quiet. 4 hours were nothing to him. At first, he forgot the instructions so he was losing. But once he got a full grip, he didn’t give her a single chance to win.

Whenever he won, he cheered loudly for himself, which he hadn’t done in a long time. And she wasn’t giving up either, she tried her best to defeat him but she couldn’t beat the master and eventually accepted the defeat.

They chose board games next. She had a collection actually, and explained sometimes the next-door neighbours left their children to her to babysit. She kept these games solely for the kids. When it came to board games, he couldn’t win against her. This required skill and patience which he lacked as of now so she won this time. But it wasn’t boring. She taught him a few tricks in return.

Playing and laughing for so long made their stomachs grumble so they decided to eat. He showed her how to heat up and chuckled when she took a notepad to write his lessons down. With his guidance, she warmed the meals and served them on the table.

After eating, they sat on the couches in her living room and conversed in a healthy conversation about dreams.

“Tell me, Jin-ssi...have you ever considered ballet dance?” she suddenly jumped on her feet and tried to stand on her toes like a ballerina.

He shyly shook his head.

“Really? Oh, I love ballets. It's so gentle and beautiful and elegant--” she whined softly and tried to move her arms.

“Was that your dream? To be a ballerina?”

Yoon Min chuckled a little and sat back on the couch, keeping a safe distance.

“I actually had dozens of dreams when I was a teenager. I wanted to be a ballerina some days. Then I would get intrigued by the sound of the piano and it became my obsession. I wanted to play the piano in front of the whole world. While other days, astronomy felt like the only perfect thing for me so I looked up at the sky and decided to be an astronaut.”

Seokjin was stunned by her different choices. He never had any particular dream in his childhood. He just followed the flow of his life and ended up becoming a famous idol.

“But on top of every little dream, I wanted to write.” she smiled when she mentioned that. “I found peace and comfort in writing, I could let out my emotions, and didn’t have to hide myself. I could be who I wanted to be in my stories. I realized the world could hear my silent voice through my writings and I had the whole power to create my own world. I really loved to write.”

He asked, “You wanted to be a writer?”

“Still do. I just don't have what it takes to be one.”

She didn’t need to explain. Maybe she doubted herself, maybe she had talent but she didn’t acknowledge it. She was always insecure and unstable about herself. So he guessed she underestimated her talent again.

He sighed. “I suppose your mother never allowed you...”

With pressed lips, she nodded her head. “Yeah, my mother never asked me once in my whole life what I wanted to be. It felt like she didn’t even care. All she knew I had to be a doctor no matter what. So just screw everything else, according to her.”

How many children out there are facing the same thing?

“So if I ever told her I liked writing, God knows what she would've done to me." she chuckled bitterly.

He couldn’t imagine this girl being abused for a trivial thing. What's so wrong with a child expressing her dream to her parent? Why does she have to get abused for it?

All his life, he had done whatever he wanted to. He rose to be a worldwide superstar, earned people's love and respect and started to love singing and dancing for his fans. He could do whatever he wanted in his free time. He could try out new things and find different passions.

He couldn’t imagine being forced to choose another path. It was like choosing hell over heaven.

“But it was alright at one point. Jimin once said your job doesn't have to be your dream. When I heard that, I told myself I could continue writing as a side thing. Like a hobby. It was easier for me to accept that.”

He started to realize BTS helped her in every phase of her life in some way. She never failed to mention it. She was proud of that and he was glad too. He was glad his team helped her in the past.

To lighten the atmosphere, he leaned a little closer to her. “You never wanted to sing?”

Yoon Min ended up laughing. “I really have a bad voice, Jin-ssi. When I sing, I sound like an old monkey dancing for some banana. So don't you dare ask me to sing!”

“Come on, just a little bit--”

“No, no, no, nope. I'mma zip my lips now,” she pulled an imaginary zipper over her lips and closed her eyes.

Seokjin acted smart by scooting closer and pulling open the imaginary zipper, surprising her.

“Sing.”

“Are you out of your mind--”

“Nope. I want to hear your monkey voice.”

“Oh my God, stop, Jin-ssi,” she laughed in embarrassment.

He was adamant about this unexpectedly. “Can't you just sing a line from any song?”

She rubbed her forehead and spat back. “What about you? Aren't you gonna sing again?”

Silence, an anxious silence surrounded them in a matter of seconds. Seokjin gulped down the lump in his throat and blinked his eyes. He looked away, suddenly all the excitement and joy to hear her singing vanished and his very same dull mood reappeared.

Yoon Min immediately apologized, “I-I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

He shook his head, didn’t want to hear her apology. The thought of him singing again kind of struck him like a thunderous bolt. He didn’t even remember the sound of his voice.

“It's just...I don't know if I can ever sing again, Yoon Min.”

She stared at him quietly. “You don't have to be scared. I know you want to be realistic that things may go wrong. But even though it's true, you should make a good plan and try your best. It's so much better than dwelling on the worst-case scenarios.”

Seokjin wondered if he could ever sing again. He wanted to, from the bottom of his heart. He's been wanting to do so many things since he met her and he still couldn’t believe he progressed a lot. So singing shouldn’t be a tough thing, not when she's with him.

And if he ever decided to sing again, he would do that in front of Yoon Min.

☆THE FAULT IN OUR STARS☆

THANK YOU FOR READING
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