“POETS ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO CONSOLE THEMSELVES.”

Seokjin took a deep breath as soon as he stepped inside the office. He took a seat on his regular couch and tried to relax. How could he when all he wanted was an escape? He didn't like to stay in this room where he wasn't helped at all. Everyone just thought he was getting proper treatment.

"So we meet after a month, Seokjin. How are you?" Dr. Han offered him water as he sat across from his patient.

He kept tapping his watch to tell the time to move faster. A futile effort to finish this meeting quickly and be gone. The sweaty palms and shaky knees urged him to grab the glass of water and drink it halfway through.

"Fine."

The doctor nodded as he took a notebook on his lap with a pen. He had a habit of writing everything down. And it annoyed the idol.

Seokjin took charge by queering carefully. "Why am I here? I'm supposed to meet with Yoon Min now."

He had no idea why Yu Beom appointed a meeting with his doctor out of nowhere this afternoon.

"Let the young lady have a day off too. She's been spending time with you every day. I think she deserves some rest too." Dr. Han answered sweetly as if she was his daughter.

Then he lifted his head and directly looked at him, holding the notebook tightly. Fixing his glasses, he cleared his throat before asking.

"So tell me. How is the girl?"

For a minute, Seokjin was speechless. He found that question very difficult to answer. Though he had spent a month with her and got to know about her a little, he still didn't know what place she had in his life, or how she was actually. He knew she could sew broken waves of the ocean with thread of thin air; while her mind was embroidered with constellations. Her eyes hid poems of deathless sorrows but she never wanted to ask for help.

Lately, all he wanted to do was see her. Because time passed nicely with her. She didn't make him remember the incident that destroyed him instead he lured him into another world of her childhood.

He grasped for any words for a reply. "Good."

Dr. Han wrote down quickly with a hum. "Why do you find her good?"

The question seemed like an interrogation. Yet he ignored and instead collected every thought of their meetings in his mind. "She...tells me about her life. About how she spent her childhood."

"That's it? You find her good because she just tells you about her past?"

At the straight provoke, Seokjin knitted his eyebrows together and straightened his posture. With crossed arms, he questioned, "Why do you sound like you want to insult her?"

Dr. Han didn’t expect that question. He only gave a small laugh."I'm not, Seokjin. I'm just asking. You don't have to get so angry."

That being said, he exhaled and leaned against the warm couch again. Maybe there was no need to get so hyper.

In comparison, he added, "She doesn't just tell me her past. She tries to make me believe that I shouldn't be sad about what happened. She wants me to let go and that's why, she compares her life with mine. She listens to me patiently and tells me about her family. I don't know but she knows and feels my thoughts somehow."

He knew he couldn't perfectly describe Yoon Min. He just couldn't find the right words to explain her nature.

Strangely Dr. Han smiled. “I think she's great then."

The tension was high between them. They were both fond of each other and yet, never expressed it. Mostly because they just thought they should stick to being a doctor and their patient.

"I heard you've been sleeping without the pills for two weeks," The doctor closed his notebook. "So do you want to continue your meetings? Yu Beom-ssi was saying we should cancel it if you're uncomfortable."

At the suggestion, Seokjin went still for a few seconds before remarking. "No! Not now. No need to do that."

He stared at him in full surprise. "Why?"

The idol didn't think he would have to tell the reason too. After all, he did blurt that out earlier. He decided to give any thought a go. "Just...because."

Dr. Han wasn’t satisfied with the answer but he didn't ask or say anything further. He took off his glasses and put the notebook back on the desk. "Alright, Seokjin. You may go now. We are done for today."

The idol nodded, finished the glass and put it over the coffee table. Standing up, he casually lingered there for some time which was a bit strange.

Dr. Han looked up at his patient and asked gently, "Do you want to say something, Seokjin?"

It was obvious he was feeling like saying something but he was hesitant. So he just let out an embarrassing sigh and rambled quickly. "Thank you."

And he was out of the room.

Dr. Han couldn’t comprehend the idol's behaviour as he remained in his seat silently. That's when the cupboard was open with a bang and Yu Beom revealed himself from his hiding spot.

"Dr. Han! Your cupboard smells like nothing but medicine!"

The doctor only rolled his eyes at the stupid remark and ignored him. It was the manager's idea to hide somewhere and eavesdrop on their conversation. It occurred to him that Seokjin wouldn’t be himself if his manager was present in the room with him.

"So?" Yu Beom walked to the desk. "How's he?"

Dr. Han wasn’t sure till now. Confidence spread inside him as he stated, "Well, we got 4 positive things from Seokjin."

He showed his notebook to the manager. The other took it and began to read it aloud for concentration.

"#1. First time confessed he was fine. He used to remain silent or avoid this question.

#2. He answered every question today.

#3. Actually finished the water. He never ate anything before.

#4. He thanked me."

Yu Beom raised his eyebrow and looked at the therapist. "Are these good changes?"

"Oh, for a patient like Seokjin, these are great improvements." Dr. Han grinned widely in pride.

✦✧✧ - ✧✧✦

Seokjin shifted again on his bed. From time to time, he glanced at his phone for no specific reason. Well, there was but he was too stubborn to admit it. Since there was no meeting scheduled today, he felt bored after a long while. Changing his position, he put a pillow under his arms and went through his phone lazily.

He stared at the number on the screen.

Should he call her?

He glanced at the small time above which read 8 p.m. She must be free and home now. He could just make a quick call. As he was about to press on it, he suddenly came to his senses and dropped the phone. He slapped himself and sat upright on the bed.

"Yah, Kim Seok Jin! Are you crazy? Why would you call her? It's not like she misses you. She isn't even calling you."

He threw his phone away in case he changed his mind again. Then he laid down, pressed his face on a pillow and covered his whole head with another one. And he tried to relax. It wasn't that hard, he could just spend the rest of the time like this. He had to.

The next minute, Seokjin sat straight on the bed and pressed the number finally. He changed his decisions faster than his internet connection.

But uneasiness grew in him as the line kept going. He started to think this was a bad idea, if he should hang up. It's crazy. Why was he even calling her in the first place? There was no reason and it would just look awkward. He didn’t even know what he should say to her! Before she picked up, he had to hang up quickly.

It was too late. "Hello?"

Hearing her voice, he put the phone away from his ear and squealed in silence like a woman who was talking to her crush for the first time. Suddenly, he was happy and nervous at the same time. It was a rare feeling. Clearing his throat, he used his manly voice which was a hint of seriousness.

"Where are you?"

He heard a long silence from the other line. He actually knew she would be shocked. They exchanged numbers long ago but none of them ever called each other. Because they had no reason and didn't feel the need. At least, he didn't. So obviously she was surprised.

"Are you there?" his voice cracked slightly when the silence was present for a long time.

"Oh, yes, yes I am," she was rambling. He pressed his lips together to stop smiling. She must be really surprised.

Yoon Min answered, "I'm on the bus now."

Glancing at the clock, he asked with concern, "Why are you out late? You shouldn't roam around at night. It's dangerous."

"Aww, are you worried for me?"

Seokjin didn't know his cheeks were burning red right then. But he did feel his heart bouncing. "Don't exaggerate. I just called to check if you gave me some wrong number."

"Jin-ssi, I dreamt of having your number since forever. I cannot simply give my bias some wrong number, right?"  He knew she was smirking.

"I'm on my way home, that's why," she answered his previous question.

Seokjin shifted his position to a comfortable one as he leaned his back against the headboard of the bed. "Did you have a night shift today?"

"No, I worked extra because who knows...maybe I won't be able to work one day so it would be embarrassing to ask for leave then.”

"It was supposed to be your day off. And still, you had to work."

"I know, but I need to work more to get paid handsomely. Oh, I got some bonus tonight." he could feel her huge grin.

He chuckled a little. "Don't spend it in one go."

"I won't. Besides, I'm saving it."

"For what?"

"Everybody should save money, Jin-ssi. And I want to buy an ARMY Bomb. The latest one is so cool!”

He didn't want to but ended up chuckling. This girl was saving money to buy their lightstick whilst he used to have many of them for free.

"Are you laughing? Aish, so rude..." she was clearly pouting.

"No, I am not! I just find it cute,"

Yoon Min started to talk casually as if they'd known each other for a long time. She always conversed with him like a friend though he kept his distance from her. Not because he wanted to but because he was afraid. He was scared of the mere chance of somehow ending up hurting her badly or to be exact, being hurt by her.

But he couldn't seem to distance himself from this young bright girl. She was always calm and excited at the same time. She chose her words wisely, never showed off, and lived quietly but magically, trying not to harm anyone. That's why his heart seemed to trust her blindly.

"By the way, why did you call me anyway?”

Seokjin was at a loss of words. Not that he didn't know the answer, but he was hesitant to tell the truth. Honestly, he did nothing but think about her and their meetings all day, which was the main reason he wanted to call her up. Now that she asked a serious question of what she deserved to know the answer; he felt guilty to lie.

More importantly, he wanted to let her know he thought of her. He wanted her to know he missed her presence even for one day.

He shouldn’t lie. But he also couldn't be honest.

So he mustered up the courage to speak. “I-I was bored and I was thinking of you. That's how—”

Minutes passed in awkward silence. He expected to hear a laugh from her but she was just silent. How did she consider his answer? It scared him to think she was offended.

“It's not what you—”

"Jin-ssi, I'm gonna be home in a few minutes. So I'll see you tomorrow then," with that, the line ended without giving him a chance to say goodbye.

He stared at the screen. Did he mess anything up? Personally he thought she was the weird one this time. It was difficult to judge whether she was shy or mad by his answer.

Eventually, his eyes searched the time again and noticed something he didn't think would happen.

“I talked to her for an hour?”

☆THE FAULT IN OUR STARS☆

THANK YOU FOR READING
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