(This chapter is completely skippable. I just need to put an end to a feud before it consumes this whole story. Prepare for weirdness! Also, read the comments in the last chapter... again)

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In the dark of the night at a small neighborhood, strange men in black armor while riding Black Death's patrol the streets.

However, inside a cozy home lives an elderly man sitting in a chair with two children sitting on the floor infront of him.

Elder: Ok, kids. It's time for bed.

Girl: Aww! Come on, grandpa!

Boy: Yeah, one more story. Pleeaase!

Elder: Hehe. Alright, one more story. So what do you want to here? The forgotten story? Or the tale of how our glorious Father conquered all of Remnant?

Boy: Come on, grandpa. Tell us something we haven't heard before!

Girl: Yeah!

Elder: Hmmm... Something you haven't heard before, huh? Ah! I have just the thing. I shall tell you about a feud between a man... and a queen! This is a story that few people know of... mostly because of how ridiculous it was. The Banana War at Grimm Castle!

Boy:...

Girl:...

Elder: Hear me out!

[Location: grimm castle]

In the outskirts of the grimm castle, the fields are littered with grimm corpses and mushed bananas. On one side of the battlefield Salem cleaves through sentient banana warriors with her father's axe, with a minion by her side named 5hoursofRegret mowing down bananas with a SPAS-12. On the other side, a man by the name of p0zi0ner is slicing down any grimm in his way with his banana sword.

However, inside the castle, a man tied to a chair with a magical chain is talking to a banana with arms and legs.

A/n: Come on! Get over here and untie me!

Banana:...

A/n:... Please?

Banana: Depoo!

The banana runs behind the chair and removes the chain from him. As the thin yet indestructible chain falls to the ground, the author stands up and stretches.

A/n: Aaahh~ Ok, time to get the fuck out of here... You wouldn't happen to know a way out, do you?

Banana: Babavu.

The banana runs out the door and down the hall. The author reaches down and picks up the chain.

A/n: Hey, wait for me!

He runs after the banana unaware of a familiar neko running into the same room to avoid a squad of killer bananas, slamming the door behind himself.

kittycat1001: That was close... Hey A/n, you in here?

Outside in the hall, the author is following his banana guide.

A/n: You know for something that's 6 inches tall, you run like hell!

The banana makes a sharp turn and comes to a stop, almost tripping the author.

A/n: Gah! Why the hell did you sto-woah...

Down the hall they are now in, they can see crushed bananas and many dead grimm. The banana walks over and points at something on the ground.

A/n: What'chu find?... What the hell is this?

Walking over to the nanner, he picks up a strange looking gun in one hand.

A/n: What the hell does this do?

As he pulls the trigger, a stream of fire launches out into the air. The author becomes momentarily surprised.

A/n:...... Oh, I'm keeping this. Let's keep goin', buddy.

Banana: Flupa.

As they continue down the halls, they come across more fighting in their paths. The author pulls out his handheld flamethrower and assists the banana troopers. Once the last grimm lay burnt to death the pair were 'thanked' and continue on their path, oblivious to the same neko following them. After a few more turns down the halls, the author was starting to get impatient.

A/n: I'm getting the distinct feeling that we are lost.

He spots a window to the side and walks over to it, the banana jumps on the window sill. They look upon what can only be nanner hell. All around, grimm and sentient bananas are fighting to the death with a man with a banana sword fighting grimm and another with a shotgun fighting bananas. A moment later, a large object falls out of the sky and lands in the middle of the battlefield. On closer inspection it was a type of ship, after another moment later the doors flew open and large men in advance armor run out to the battlefield, fighting the bananas. The voice of someone shouting over the intercom can be heard.

Warlider: Space Marines! ATTACK!!!

Back at the castle, the author just looks on in absolute bewilderment.

A/n: Okay, this may have gotten out of hand...

He grabs the banana and throws it at an on coming person's face. The action makes the stalker drop his weapon as he runs around trying to pry the banana off his face.

kittycat1001: Getitoffmegetitoffmegetitoffmegetitoffmegetitoffmegetitoffme!

The banana jumps off of him as he runs into a wall, knocking himself to the floor.

kittycat1001: Ooowww...

A/n: YOU!

The author grabs kitty by his shirt and lifts him up in the air.

kittycat1001: U-um, hey pal! How are you doing?

A/n: I oughta rip your liver out and eat it raw!

kittycat1001: Now wait a minute! I only did what I have done just to bring this bickering to an end.

A/n: And right into a full scale war in the middle of my God damn story!

kittycat1001: Actually, that was p0zi0ner's fault for bringing an army. But listen! If you just confront Salem and talk this out like adults, I'm sure that this will all end peacefully!

The author just looks at him, thinking carefully on his words. He slowly sets kitty back on his feet.

A/n: Haha. Hahahahaha!

kittycat1001: Hah? Hahaha!

They share a laugh for a brief moment before the author grabs him by the shoulder and headbutts him, knocking him out cold on the floor.

A/n: Now we're even.... ow.

He begins to walk away, but he feels a tugging at his pants. Looking down, the banana is trying to stop him.

A/n: What is it?

The banana points at the unconscious boy. He looks at the boy, thinking about just leaving him. However, he thinks against it and lifts kittycat1001 onto his shoulders.

Banana: Tekiv.

A/n: Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this because I'm worried about his well being. I just don't want some poor grimm choking on it's food. Now, lead on!

With body on his shoulder, the author follows the banana a little longer before they finally make it to the front gate.

A/n: Alright. Out of the frying pan...

All around him, the fight rages on. Off in the corner, a lone space marine becomes overwhelmed with a swarm of bananas. They rip his helmet off and start gouging his eyes out with forks.

A/n: And into the hottest fires of hell.

Banana: Zeroog! Hehehe.

A/n: Ok. Because I'm an asshole to even myself, I can't cross dimensions at will. So I have some options. I can wait for pussy-boy to wake up, find 5 o'gret, get help from the nanner God.

He looks up to see a giant ship in the sky.

A/n: Sneak on board that ship and confront Cpt. Iron Pants, or...

Off in the distance he sees Salem swing her axe down, causing a shockwave that sends everyting too close to her flying.

A/n:.......... I have four options. Two of them don't seem very helpful for me, so it's either kitty or p0zi0ner.

S.M.: You there!

A/n: Oh what now?

The author turns around and sees one of those space marines walking towards him with a rifle at hand.

S.M.: State your business here.

A/n: I was kidnapped, that's my business here!

S.M.: Get to an extraction point for evacuation. What is the condition of the one your.....

A/n:..... What?

The space marine points his rifle at him.

S.M.: Drop what you are holding and step away from it!

A/n: Huh? Drop what?

S.M. That xeno! Drop it or die with it!

The author looks over at the unconscious kittycat1001 and sees his tale and ears. Hesitantly, he sets him on the floor and steps away. The marine walks over and points his weapon at the unconscious neko, ready to kill him. The author reaches into his pocket and pulls out Gleipnir, he extends the chain and whips it around the marines neck. Caught by surprise the marine drops his rifle and claws at the chain, gasping for breath. With a mighty tug, the author rips the space marine's head off. The body falls over next to kitty, the banana jumps on the body and raises it's hands in the air.

A/n: Yeah, go team. Let's get back inside before something coincidentally bad hap-

*BANG*

At that moment, the trusty banana was shot off of the dead marine and lay motionless on the ground.

A/n: NOOOO!

Spinning around on the spot, the author saw more space marines. One of their rifles is smoking.

S.M.2: By the Emperor! He killed Kenneth!

S.M.3: You heretic!

kittycat1001: "groan"

He looks over to the semi conscious neko before pulling out the handheld flamethrower and points it at the marines.

*FWOOSH*

Using the flamethrower, a wall of flame is made to keep them at bay. The author ignored the fact that that would not hold off space marines at all.

A/n: Matt!

kittycat1001: Huh? What happened?

A/n: No time to explain! You need to get out of here, now!

kittycat1001: To where?!

A/n: ANYWHERE!

He opens a portal on the ground and jumps right in, closing the portal and leaving the author where he is.

A/n:............... TAKE ME WITH YOU, ASSHOLE!!!

S.M.2: Chaaaarrrge!!

The space marines run through the fire right at him. The author holsters the flamethrower and wraps Gleipnir around one of his hands.

S.M.3: A chain? HA! Do you honestly think you can take all of us on with that?

S.M.2: It's not even a thick chain! It looks like something you would wear as a necklace.

A/n: Let me educate y'all on Norse mythology. This is the Gleipnir. A chain made by dwarves to tie down Fenrir, basically a wolf god. So if that hairy beast can't be able to snap this spindly chain, what chances do your steroid filled flesh and bones have?

Without waiting for an answer, the author charges at the space marines.

[Location: Warlider's dreadnaught]

Standing on the ship's deck, a man wearing t-45 power armor with red highlights was looking upon the raging battle from the safety of his ship.

Warlider: Damn it, this getting us nowhere! I will not be defeated by a bunch of fucking bananas!

He looks over at a very big red button at the side.

Warlider: I could either nuke the hell out of everything-

A/n:.....

Warlider: Or.....

[Location: center of the battlefield]

p0zi0ner: Suck on this banana!

He embeds his banana sword into an Ursa's head, rips it out and decapitates three oncoming beowolves. He was ready to charge into another fight until...

p0zi0ner: I sense a super hero landing.

*CRASH*

Spinning around, p0zi0ner is face to face with Warlider.

Warlider: Mr. p0zi0ner. I propose a truce. Let's focus on the REAL enemy here.

After dragging 5hoursofRegret into the conversation and arguing (and threatening) with each other, the three finally come to a truce. All that's left is to convince Salem and the author into a meeting.

Warlider: So who will go fetch Salem?

They look over at the grimm goddess just in time to watch her cleave a space marine in half for calling her a 'filthy xeno'.

p0zi0ner: Not it.

Warlider: Ugh... So I have to go?

p0zi0ner: Go get the author, Warlider.

5hoursofRegret: I'll get Salem.

p0zi0ner: I'll prepare the room for the meeting.

Warlider: Ok... Where'd that scrawny motherfucker go?.......... Probably a good idea to follow the trail of burning bodies....... Now that I think about it, who the hell started this war?

[Location: Salem]

5hoursofRegret makes his way over to Salem, trying to get his senpai to notice him.

5hoursofRegret: Hey Sale-

She swings her axe around to his head, stopping an inch away from cutting his head off.

5hoursofRegret:........... Shoot, I blinked!

Salem: Oh, it's you... What do you want?

5hoursofRegret: Everyone wants to have a truce back at the castle.

Salem: Everyone?

5hoursofRegret: Yeah! You, me, p0zi0ner, Warlider, and the author!

Salem: I am going to kill him!

5hoursofRegret: That's..... That's kind of the reason why we're having the meet.

Salem: To kill him?

5hoursofRegret: NO!

[Location: the author]

As Warlider follows the trail of bodies, he sees the author beating a space marine to death with his own helmet.

Warlider: Hey!

A/n: Oh hi! What's up?

Warlider: You're coming with me.

A/n: To where?

Warlider: To the meeting.

A/n: With who?

Warlider: With Salem.

A/n:....................

The author slowly gets up and drops the blood soaked helmet.

A/n: And what will happen if I don't co-

Warlider: I'll  drag your ass to the meeting.

A/m: Mm-hmm, interesting..........

He pulls out Gleipnir and whips it at Warlider. He sees this coming and raises his arm. The chain wraps around his arm and takes a firm grasp of it, yanking it hard and sending the author flying towards him.

A/n: YOU YANKIN' MY CHAI-

*BAM*

The author's head is met with Warlider's fist, knocking him out cold. He picks up the unconscious author and heads towards the castle.

[Location: grimm castle]

As everyone makes their way to the 'meeting room', p0zi0ner has already taken a seat. Warlider makes his way inside and throws the author in, falling to the floor.

A/n: Ow.

Warlider: Got him! Sorry for the rough ride.

p0zi0ner: Ah welcome! Sit down, now we just have to wait for Salem and Regret. Hopefully he didn't do something wierd.

Not two seconds later, the doors slam open as Salem walks in with Regret close behind. She takes a seat next to the author while embedding the ace in the table between them.

p0zi0ner: Alright, let's be as civil as a god, an alien, a General, a witch, and an author can.

A/n: Fuck you-

Salem reaches over and smacks him over the head.

Salem: Silence, mortal! The other mortals have something to say.

5hoursofRegret: So, not very civil.

p0zi0ner: Now, where did this all start again? And will you pay the damage cost?

Salem: This all started when this low common denominator of a mortal over here-

A/n: Yo.

Salem:-sent a letter that I was not too fond of. Then the banana mortal came here with an army over something I had no control of. Then the rest of you just came here just for shits and giggles.

5hoursofRegret: Oi! I did not come for shits and giggles! I came for yo-y'know what, sure shits and giggles.

Warlider: I did come for shits and giggles... Blood too.

p0zi0ner: I am a God, but continue.

Salem: Continue with what? You know the rest.

p0zi0ner: And Moderate, did you send the letter?

A/n: I will not deny nor confirm that.

Salem: You literally told me an hour ago!

p0zi0ner: Well I'm trying to figure out who is going to pay me the 1245 lien so that I may be on my way.

Salem: If I pay you the money, will you get out of my house?

p0zi0ner: Yes.

Salem reaches in her pocket and throws a wad of cash at him.

Salem: Awesome. You get out. You, Iron Man, go back to whatever planet you came from. You-

5hoursofRegret: Wait! I got another gift for ye.

Salem: Give me the gift, then get out. And YOU!

A/n: ME?

Salem: We will continue this conversation later.

p0zi0ner grabs the lien, opens two separate portals for 5hoursofRegret and himself. Before he closed them, he looks over at Warlider.

p0zi0ner: Hey, call me if you need my help.

5hoursofRegret hands Salem a chibi plush of herself then walks to the portal.

Warlider looks over at Salem and the author before taking his leave.

Warlider: Just don't beat him up too badly. We still need some form of entertainment.

And just like that, there are only two left in the room. Salem rips the axe out of the table and places it on the author's neck.

Salem: Well then. Thanks to you not only does the castle smell of burnt wood, but now it smells of bananas! As for your punishment, you will clean this entire ca-

A/n: How about I clean the kitchen, replace everything in it, and not tell your father.

Salem: Deal.

Salem takes her father's axe, and her plush, with her to the study while the author heads to the kitchen.

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Elder: And that kids, is how one of the most secretive wars came to be!

Boy:............. What-

Girl: the fuck?

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A/n: I don't know why I even wrote this. But anyway, I just want to say thank you to whoever has made it this far in this madness! Don't worry, I'll get back to writing the actual story. But first, show these people some love just for the hell of it!

@kitt

@p0zi

@Warli

5hoursofRegret

@Tillerton

A/n: These guys were pretty crazy to rp with in the comments of the last chapter!(even though I didn't do much) And it was because of all that, I made this chapter. So if you don't like this, go blame them! Until next time!