"So, Arabella. You asked me why I was here. But why are you here? What brought you to Day so soon after..."
Rawer waved a hand.
Neither of them wanted to speak Beron's name. To bring him back into existence, even if only in memory.
Arabella looked down at her hands.
They had spent the last hour talking about Rawer's side of Ahmes' story.
His family, his position, the mating.
But of course, after so many centuries, he would want to know what had become of one of his best friends.
Arabella knew that and had chosen to ignore it in the moment.
So now her hands twisted in her lap and she battled in her mind to find the words to say.
Ahmes had not asked. She had only offered comfort and companionship.
But Rawer has always been a bit different.
Far more insightful.
Quiet, but observant.
And Arabella's sudden appearance was something not easily overlooked, even by the most imperceptive.
She nearly jolted when she felt his soft touch on her arm.
"Ari?"
She glanced up to see his brow furrowed slightly in concern.
"Ari, tell me what's wrong."
She smiled softly, sadly, and looked down again.
"I don't know if I can explain, Ra."
He pulled her tightly against his side, and she rested her head on his shoulder. 
His voice was quiet above her head.
"Are you no longer welcome in Autumn?  Has Eris sent you away?"
Arabella laughed softly and shook her head as well as she could.
"No.  Eris is not his father.  I will always have a place at his side.  I simply couldn't fill it right away.  Not after sitting at a High Lord's side for so many years."
But even as she spoke, she felt the guilt rising up inside her.
Had she abandoned her son to fend off the wolves of Autumn? 
To fend off his brothers that Beron had trained so well?
Rawer rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, but said nothing.
Waiting for her to continue.
Arabella sighed.
"I... I came because I couldn't stay away any longer.  I stopped dreaming of the day I could come back long ago.  And then, suddenly, it was thrust upon me and I felt compelled to come here," she explained.
Without a plan.  With more than one purpose.  
With so many secrets.
"You know how much I love him," she whispered.
"I always have. I never lost that."
Arabella felt Rawer nod, but again he remained silent.
It was strange.
There was nothing to fill the silence but her own voice.
There were no interruptions.
It had been too long since she had been given a stage, however small, to speak her mind.
Rawer knew that.
But then again, he had always known the right thing to do.
But even still her heart began to race.
The truth was looming nearer and nearer, with fewer reasons and excuses to give for being here.
"I am afraid, Ra. Afraid of losing him."
Rawer tensed beside her.
She thought he would remain silent, but after a moment he spoke.
"Ari, you have been married and caged away, bearing children for another male, suffering alone for 700 years. And still he waited. What could possibly tear the two of you apart now? Of all times?"
Arabella's breath caught as she attempted to take a deep breath.
She hesitated.
"Ra, I've changed. I am not the same as I once was."
His response was immediate.
"Of course you have. Even had you not suffered that tyrant," he spat, and there was venom in his voice.
"Even if you had been here, safe, you would be different than you were. We all are."
Arabella was stunned at the bitterness and anger in Rawer's voice.
He had always been so carefree, so calm yet jovial.
Was this anger, this pain... had it taken root because of her?
Much of Helion's fury certainly had.
She shook her head slightly.
"I know. I'm... I've done things, Ra. To protect to people I love. And I just... it might be too painful for Helion. For you. For Ahmes."
Her voice dropped into a whisper.
"I'm so terrified of losing you all after I've only just found you again."
Rawer pulled back, and Arabella instantly missed his comforting shoulder.
He turned to face her, something akin to grief on his face.
"What do you think of us, Ari? That we would turn our backs on you?"
He gripped her shoulders in earnest.
"Ari, you are a sister to me. Ahmes and I... you're our family. You know what that means to us. That you weren't there for our mating, for the birth of our children... pained us more than you can know. If you think we would miss that again, for some necessary evil, as if we haven't all done terrible things for a greater good, then you must not think highly of us."
Arabella sputtered and gaped weakly, but could find nothing to say.
In her mind, her secrets were vital but unforgivable.
How could she explain that to him if he didn't know?
Realization and dread pinged through her chest.
They would all know soon enough.
Telling Rawer now...
Would it make it easier to tell Helion?
Cauldron, she didn't know.
She sighed, resigned.
"I hope you're right, Ra."
He took her head in both his hands and pressed his brow to hers.
"I know I am, sister."
...
Arabella and Rawer sat, the latter in stunned silence, in Helion's chambers.
She had insisted that they move their conversation, which had taken a more confessional tone, to a private setting.
Arabella watched Rawer's face warily, expectantly.
He was frozen in his seat, eyes wide, lips parted.
He'd been like that since she told him her secret, and all through the explanation. The story behind and past it.
She winced when she realized that there had been so many excuses.
There had been silence between them for what felt like decades, her trying to find words to beg him to say something.
The quiet stretched taut, until she swore she could cut the tension with a dull knife.
Cauldron, what he must think of her.
This is what Arabella had been afraid of.
This is what had haunted her for so many years, and plagued her nightmares in Beron's place since his death.
Her tears, which had already dried on her cheeks, rose up again, pricking her eyes with heat.
Finally working up her courage to speak, she choked on the first word.
"I... Rawer?" She whispered.
Panic made her limbs weak and her breath shallow, but she kept the episode at bay.
Her voice seemed to connect something inside him, because he blinked and shook his head.
Now, when he looked at her, there was still shock in his face, but something else as well.
Concern.
Confusion.
Hope.

Pity.

Arabella gritted her teeth and looked away.
She didn't want his pity.
She didn't know what she wanted from him, but it was not pity.
"Ari..."
Arabella kept her gaze down, ignoring the hand he placed on her arm.
Instead, she studied the scattered light on the pale bedspread, admiring the broken pattern that resembled her lost greenhouse.
"Arabella, look at me, please."
Her chin trembled.
Light that rivaled every jewel in every crown.
Light that she hadn't seen in centuries.
Rawer sighed, and she could see him run a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Fine. Don't look. But at least listen, alright?"
She gave no response, but her eyes shifted towards him, still downcast, and he continued.
"You want to know the truth? I'm furious."
Arabella's heart sank.
Of course.
A tear dropped off of her lashes and down to her lips.
"I'm livid. I'm raging inside. And do you know why?"
She could feel herself curling in, cringing and cowering.
"Because this means that Beron took so much more than you from us. He took so much more than the female who should've been the Lady of Day. And I'm furious that he had the power to do that. That Day court couldn't have our revenge."
Arabella glanced up.
There were tears running down Rawer's face.
"I wish..." his voice caught.
"I wish there had been a way. A way for Helion to know. But the reality of it, is that you did what you had to to survive. To protect."
His voice was thick now with grief and he had to look away and pause.
It was Arabella's turn to be stunned, and in her shock her heart shattered again and again.
She wept silently alongside her brother.
When he finally turned back to her, the grief was still there.
But something new as well.
"Ari, I would turn back the clock to change this. But... this is our hope. In a storm of uncertainty after Hybern... you have come to us with hope."
He pulled her roughly into his arms and she let out a loud sob, shaking against him, not holding back her tears any longer.
Cauldron, she could only hope Helion would be so forgiving.
...
Helion had asked every servant, every official, lord and lady residing in the palace where she was.
All of them had a different answer.
In the kitchens, my lord.
In the west wing with the children, Lord Helion.
I believe she was visiting the Lady Ahmes, my lord.
In the East library.
He had checked all these places and more.
He had looked in his chambers more than once.
He had even looked through the greenhouse he knew she loved so well.
Still, nothing.
His mood had steadily worsened as the hours passed and the sun began to set.
What she must think of him, unable to find her in his own home.
Or worse, that he had abandoned her.
The thought that she might have left the palace in his absence had crossed his mind more than once, and threatened to stop him in his tracks.
But he wouldn't jump to conclusions before he had searched the palace twice over.
Now, he walked heavily back to his chambers, both to check for Arabella once more and to rest. 
No doubt she would come back anyway once the night settled in.
Helion stopped before the doors and sighed, pressing a hand to the dark wood.
Voices from within stayed his hand, and he froze, straining his ears to hear what they said.
"He'll be angry, Ra."
Arabella's voice.
Helion's chest tightened when a male voice responded.
A voice he had been in meeting with all morning and afternoon.
"You must tell him.  How long do you hope to keep it from him?  From the world?"
After almost a millennium of life, Helion knew better than to jump to conclusions of any sort.
Such behaviour bred bad blood.
So he continued to listen, though his hands began to shake.
"I can't bear to break his heart.  What will it do to the court?  They need him to be strong.  Focused."
Helion's stomach turned.
"You cannot decide for him.  You can only decide for you.  If he reacts the way you fear, then he is not the high lord we thought he was."
Bile coated Helion's tongue as he fought nausea, hearing Rawer, his Master of Coin and close friend, speak of him so. 
Speak to Arabella so.
Had Arabella's heart been moved so quickly? 
Was this worth betraying Rawer's mate and Arabella's best friend?
Helion knew better than to jump to conclusions.
But what other conclusion could he draw?
He had little strength left to hold himself back, outside of his own chambers.
He gritted his teeth. 
Cuckolded by his long lost love and one of his chief advisors.
"However he reacts, this is on me, Ra.  No one else is responsible for what I have done.  It is my burden."
Even through the thick doors, Helion could hear her voice shaking, as though she had been crying.
Was she remorseful?  For betraying him like this?  For betraying Ahmes?
"It is not your burden alone.  I carry it with you now.  Know that you are never alone in this.  But you must tell him.  And soon, before it is revealed to him by another."
Helion's hands curled into fists.
Enough of this. 
Before they could continue, he dropped the mask over his face.
He would not make himself vulnerable or readable until they revealed their hand.
He was ice and stone.
He pushed the doors open and walked inside. 
Helion was grateful for his mask, for he might have choked or sneered at the scene before him.
Rawer and Arabella were sitting, knee to knee, on the edge of his bed.
Hands clasped together, shoulders pressed.
Helion schooled his expression into cool disinterest.
He nodded at Rawer, who was now standing, disentangling his hands from Arabella's, and bowed to his high lord.
"Excuse me, my lord."
He glanced back at Arabella.
"I understand the two of you have much to discuss."
Helion's eyes followed Rawer out the door.
The third of the doors shutting brought his gaze back to Arabella, who was unnaturally pale in the face.
There was a word for the expression on her blatantly emotional face.
Terror.
She was terrified.
Of him?
Cauldron, he was angry and hurt, but it was far more painful to see her look at him the same way she looked when spoke about Beron.
He cleared his throat, but the mask remained down.
"Good evening, my dear."
Her smile was wan.
"Good evening, Helion."
He padded across the room, to the large wardrobe, and opened it smoothly.
"I looked for you after my meetings. For the life of me, I couldn't find you anywhere."
He paused in his meaningless rifling through his clothes.
"I do hope you can forgive me for leaving you to your... devices."
She was silent behind him. 
She hadn't moved from her seat on the bed. 
Helion continued to blindly and uncaringly scrutinize random articles of clothing. 
If she had something to tell him, she would tell him. 
Long minutes stretched into an uncomfortable silence.
Arabella broke the silence with a sharp curse.
When she spoke again, it was hardly the same as her expletive outburst.
"How much did you hear," she murmured.
Helion tensed so abruptly and fiercely that his muscles creaked and his bones protested.
He turned to face her.
"Hear?  Hear about what, my dear?"
His body was drawn taut like a bowstring, ready to snap. 
She looked at him and let out a tired breath.
"We are not children, Helion.  The time for games is behind us."
Her voice was weary.   Aged.
Surprise bolted through him. 
Arabella had been less than assertive since her arrival, and now suddenly she demanded answers from him?
He cocked his head and stalked forward, the mask slipping.
"Quite right, Arabella.  No more games."
He refused to be angry. 
He refused to be like him.
So he sat down, and all that was left was pain.
"No more games.  Why did you come here, Ari?"
He looked into her face, so thin and pale.
So beautiful despite her suffering.
She started to answer, mouth falling open, but he stopped her before she could.
"You came, and you were so reluctant to stay with me, to stay by my side.  Is it because you no longer desire me?"
Helion forced himself to continue without a hitch in his words.
"Arabella, if you must choose another then you are certainly free to do so.  But Rawer is a mated male and-"
A sharp laugh from her cut him off.
So different from her soft spoken words only moments ago.
Arabella raised her eyebrows and snorted.
"Rawer?  Is that what you think?"
It was his turn to sit in stunned silence as she wrapped her arms about her stomach and laughed until she couldn't breath.
Her face grew red and tears built up in the corners of her eyes, and still she laughed and cackled.
Helion didn't know whether to be concerned, offended or relieved that she was so tickled by his accusation.
His brow furrowed as she struggled to take a deep breath, fighting her fit of laughter until it at last died back and she wiped at the tears beneath her eyes.
Was she drunk?
Arabella closed her eyes and exhaled shakily, still visibly fighting a smile. 
When she opened them again, she reached for Helion's hands.
Her hands were cool against his skin that radiated warmth. 
A part of him shied away, wanting to be petty. 
She still had not explained herself, and he was inclined to be guarded.
But her touch made him feel alive, even when he was confused and hurt. 
Her thumb stroked the back of his hands.
"Helion, I can promise you this.  There is no other.  I have loved you since the masque, all those years ago, when you were a son of a High Lord, and I was a naive little girl in search of a husband."
Helion was instantly back at the masque, remembering how she had first appeared to him, all rosy cheeks and wildness. 
Before he could respond, Arabella stood and faced him head on, leaning forward to press her brow to his.
Helion's breath caught in his chest painfully. 
She still loved him. 
She had said it herself. 
"There is nothing more than friendship between me and Rawer.  Have no fear of that."
There was still laughter lacing her words. 
Helion grimaced.
"I'm a jealous fool, Ari," he murmured. 
"Forgive me?"
The only grief in Helion's heart now was borne of regret and embarrassment.
How quick he had been to assume. 
Was he so insecure in the feelings they shared for each other that her friendship with Rawer would threaten him so?
He begged her forgiveness for that offense.
Arabella bowed her head until it rested on his shoulder, and took a deep shuddering breath.
Her words were muffled against his skin.
"There is nothing to forgive."
Helion pulled her into his lap, bring her legs around him, and kissed her hair. 
"So then, my dear,"
He murmured. 
They had yet to address what he had heard, what she had spoken to Rawer about. 
Their fear of his wrath. 
"What have you been concealing?"