As we arrived at the airport Ben and I went to the Chek-In. After checking into the terminal we went to the waiting room. (A/N you know the room where you wait before boarding the plane) I immeadiatedly saw him typing on his laptop. Ben and I went to him.  Ben sat  between him and me. When we could finally board the plane ,we sat in our business class seats. He had a one seater ,beside the window, while Ben and I sat in the middle. Ben was busying himself with the display and watched a movie. If I am not wrong then it was 'Spiderman: Homecoming'. I love the movie.

After I was comfortable my thoughts drifted to Ben and my  producer. Luckily Ben had no idea aboutwhat happened home, since he was sent to boarding school ,since elementary school. Nobody knew....

Ben actually has a good relationship with my producer and i think  he likes  him too, but when he comes home drunk, then he won't stop before anything.  That's why I was happy that he went to boarding school. It's good that he was a loud baby, beacause that was the reason why his room got sound proofed. So we didn't have to hear his screams bveside those coming from thr baby phone, and he never had to witness any of his fits. Even though Ben couldn't wait to get home for the holidays ,from the boarding school, he was mostly trvelling for work. So him being home for the holidays was mostly a rare occasion.

I still remember the first time when he came home drunk. It was shortly after the death of my mother, when I was 8 years old. The reason she died was me...

Back to the topic. The day my producer started hitting me.

FLASHBACK

Grandma and Grandpa just went to  their hotel. Today is the funeral for mommy. Eventhough everyone knows I'm the reason why mama .won't be by our sides, nobody scolded me. I don't know why but before Grandma went, she told me that I'm a strong and intelligent girl. And that I was not at fault at her death.  Since grandma and grandpa were the last ones who went back, I put Ben to bed. I took his small hands and pulled him to his room. After I finished reading a story to him, he asked where mama was, because he wanted to play with her. Hearing that made me feel even more guiltier. I told him that she would be bach soon and he fell asleep after a while. Ben is 4 years old and hasn't realised yet that our mother has died. No one from the adults had explained to them what death means, so how would he even know?

I layed in my bed and couldn't sleep. Suddenly I heard clattering noises from downstairs. So I tiptoed downstairs and saw that the lights in the living room were on.

'Ah, that must be papa, no wonder I was shocked, this is his first night home, after mama's death. That's why him being still awake surprised me even more. Since he was so hostile at the moments he was at the funeral. But why is he still awake in the middle of the night? Maybe he couldn't sleep too?'

I went in to the room and saw him sitting in his favourite armchair holding a big wodka bottle. The table was also full of glass bottles. O looked back at papa and saw him recognizing me and giving me a small smile. That was his first smile since mama's death. But this smile wasn't a real one...

'Oooh,Jasmine! Whaat aarrrree yoooooouuuuuuuuuu doooooiing heeerrreeeeee???'                                                                                                      

'Is papa drunk?  Yes probably, since e wouldn't speak so weird normally.'

But his grin which didn't reach his eyes immeadiatedly turned into an angry scowl. His eyes showed grief, detest and rage.  ' I  and your mother didn't raise you like this !' ,he screamed. And  I twitched back.

'He is angry at me.  Why? Because I killed mama? '

I got tears  in my eyes thinking about mama. Had I not been there ,she would still be alive. Because of me I can never see her smile again or eat her self made cookies. I will never feel her warmth again.'

Too deep in thought I didn't notice what was happening around me. Only  when papa called my name aggresively did I look at him.  He got up and came my way. Again he scrteamed  'You spoiled brat, look at me when I talk to you! Do I have to teach you manners first!' Overwhelmed by the situation I just ran. I was too  afraid. It was the irst time papa came home so drunk and him screaid at me with so much detest. With tears rolling my cheek down I ran and hid behiind the couch, while making me small. I tried my best to ignore the screams coming from papa. I closed my eyes and whished that mama was still here. Right in that moment I felt how my left arm was grabed andin the next moment I felt how i got slapped on my left cheek. He let go of my arm and kicked me in my stomach. Eventhough I didn't get air in my lungs for 5 seconds, it felt as if it was longer. After I didn't wheeze so sttrongly anymore, he just silently tumbled to bedroom. I was shocked. Ignoring my thoughts I crawled to the couch and leaned on it. After calming down I quietly went to my bedroom. I crawled to the bathroom and got the first aid kid. Since I had no idea how  to treat my wounds, I first tried to analize them. Looking at those I supressed the urge to let tears form in my eyes. My arm started to turn purple blue, just like my stomach. What should I do? Then it crossed my mind that I had a mobile. I quickly searched up how to treat my wounds and followed the instructions.

FLASHBACK End

Back from my flashback I turned to look at Ben. I saw him watching a new movie. He finished a little over the half of the movie  'The first Avenger:Captain America' 

'Damn, how long was I in thoughts? '

I decided  that I should catch a little sleep, since we  should arrive soon and I probably wouldn't have any time to rest there.