Chapter 6

Summoning the Emotional Support

I was stomping in the halls of the castle, like a Stormtrooper with a mission that will potentially get shot in the next five minutes when I turned a corner and almost bumped into someone.

"Oh fuck, sorry," I automatically said, and looked at the person only to find her looking at me in a weird kind of awe.

"Oksana..." she said, a little breathlessly, her eyes filling with tears.

"How do you..." I didn't finish that sentence. I didn't ask her how she knew my name.

Same height. Same nose. Same hair colour.

Well damn it. Of course.

She knew my name because she had been the one to give it to me.

The first thing I had to say to my mother was "oh fuck, sorry". That was right on character.

"Oksana," she repeated, taking a step forward, her arms slightly reaching forward towards me. Was she...? Was she fucking trying to go and hug me now?

Did the evil queen that abandoned her child on a doorstep suddenly want to play mother of the year?

Yeah. Fuck and no.

I took a step back away from, raising my arms in front of me to protect myself.

"Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen. I don't like to be touched, especially by strangers," I snapped at her.

Her eyes widened in surprise at my words. And my glare.

It felt good inside.

I was an awful person.

I probably got that from my mother too.

"Oksana... I'm... I'm your mother," she said softly, struggling to say the words out loud.

I scoffed. Now that she was in front of me, my hate for her became exponential. "Yeah, I kind of figured it out. Just because you gave birth to me though doesn't make you my mother. As far as I'm concerned abandoning me to get abused throughout my whole life actually gives you a badge of honour at the table of evil mothers. Honestly? Maybe you should have just aborted me if you were just going to throw me away like trash."

She looked like I had just slapped her. In other circumstances I might have felt bad. In this one though? I was fucking beaming.

"What?" she asked.

"Did you really not understood what I just said, or you need me to repeat it for you more slowly," I told her with a sneer.

She took a step forward again, her eyes still filled with tears. "I didn't abandon you Oksana. I sent you away. To your father. To protect you. When I heard that you two had arrived here, I was so elated, even if it's a very dangerous and potentially bad idea. I would have preferred for him to keep you hidden for a little while longer."

What kind of bullshit was she trying to sell me?

She had no doing in my finding my father. I did it all on my own. I rummaged every last bit of money I could find to get a private detective to hunt him down.

"Yeah, I have no clue what you're saying. I found my father just a few weeks ago. All my life, I've either lived with abusive people or in the street. I've been starving, and abused and violated and everything awful you can think of really. And all of it? All of it is your fault," I told her, feeling all the furry I had built over for her building up and bleeding into my voice, "I was just a baby and you left me to die on doorsteps. Honestly? I almost froze to death. And that probably would have been a kindness with the life I've had. And all of it is your fault."

She shook her head, apparently keeping with the charade of saying she had nothing to do with abandoning me. "What are you inventing? I sent you with one of my trusted guards to get you to Matvei so he could raise you in secret, protected from this life."

I snorted at her. "That's fucking grand really. If you're not lying, it's really hilarious."

"Didn't you grow up with your father and his family?" she asked, almost sounding a little bit desperate.

"Absolutely not."

"How is this even possible? I didn't abandon you," she repeated.

"Maybe you could have... of I don't know, checked up on me?" I told her with sneer. If you were going to sent off your precious child maybe the right thing to do was check to see if everything was okay.

"We should stop talking about this here, because none of it makes sense and it's not safe to talk in these halls," she said, looking around us a little worriedly.

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Please, we need to talk about this," she pressed.

"We don't need to talk about anything else. You abandoned me. You're claiming you didn't. I have no reason to talk with you now. I guess whatever I thought I could accomplish by talking to you was just wishful thinking."

I had thought... I had thought I would have this sudden breakthrough when I would meet my mother for the first time. Clearly, I was wrong.

I shouldn't be surprised. When did anything go my way?

"Oksana, what can I do here?" she pleaded, looking a little desperate.

Good.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," I said, and started to walk away, feeling like my whole body was shaking for the anger and the shock. But then I thought about something. I turned around. "Wait. If you want to do something don't marry Kostyantyn Brahe. How about you start by doing that?"

Her face blanched immediately. "You know him?"

I burst into laughter. Wow. Of fucking course. "Fucking fabulous. You know what? Bye. As the French would say, adieu. Let's see each other again when we're dead."

"Oksana," she called after me.

I sprinted all the way to the bathroom and then hid in one of the stalls, not looking behind me to see if she was following me.

I sat on the toilet, feeling like I was going to hyperventilate. I bended, pressing my face to my knees, covering my head with my arms, trying to breath calmly but failing miserably.

I was fighting off the tears, but heaving like I was sobbing, and suddenly I was thinking about Kostya and how much I wanted him here right now because he'd slain the monsters with me before and I wanted him to do it again.

I hated all of this and I wanted him to be here.

I had no idea where this visceral need for him was coming from, but one second I was thinking this, and the next I was gasping, suddenly feeling like I was transported on a beach.

Like, if astral projection was a thing, it probably kind of felt like this.

Kostyantyn was standing a few feet from me.

It felt like a great weight was coming off my shoulders now that I was seeing him in front of me, though I had now idea how real all of this was.

He looked at me with a smile, as if, unlike me, he wasn't surprised at all by this encounter.

"Missed me already?" His smile turned to a frown. "Wait, you're not... did you..." Kostya looked around him, like he was lost. "Did you summon me here?"

I blinked. I could still feel myself sitting on the toilet, but at the same time, I could feel myself standing on a beach with Kos-tiara. "What?"

"This is not one of my dreams," he explained.

"It isn't?" I asked. It would make more sense, but then again, being in his dreams had never felt like this.

"Holy shiiiiit," he said and burst into incredulous laughter. "Did you just seer me into your subconscious?"

I blinked slowly. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He just looked at me, shaking his head with a grin. "We're going to have to explore the possibilities next time we train."

I frowned. "Next time we train?"

Kostya pressed his lips together and then gave me a sheepish grin. "Shit, sorry, this is weird."

I frowned, studying him. "Have you been in my dreams Kostya?"

"You know I have," he replied automatically.

"I mean recently. Have you been going into my dreams lately? Since Yoan died."

He ignored the question, studying me. "What happened to you Oksana? What just happened that was so traumatic that you managed to tap into a skill of yours neither of us knew you possessed?"

"I just met my mother."

He looked at me with softer eyes. I was pretty sure that if he had come forward to hug me, I would have let him. "That obviously went well," he said in a gentle voice.

"I'm presently sobbing in a bathroom stall."

"You're aware of your surroundings while speaking to me?"

"It's like a can compartmentalize it. I have no idea how though," I explained and shrugged.

Kostya just shook his head. "When I think you've surprised me as much as you could, you pull a stunt like this."

There was a knock on the door. "Oksana, please let's talk." My mother's voice.

She had followed me apparently.

"Shit. I have to go. She's here," I said to Kostya.

"Be careful."

"Thanks," I replied, giving him a small smile and then for no reason that made sense added, "I think I miss you."

"I know you do." He smiled at me kindly. "Now go. Give her hell."

I blinked. I was back in the stall. I felt like I had been holding on to my breath and suddenly I was able to breath.

This was... really weird, even for me.