Chapter 9: Unforgiven

In the charming cottage on the outskirts of the Wastes, Gwenda walked in having already imagined the conversation she would have with Lona and Kenta. She spent the entire trolley ride from Porthaven to Market Chipping trying to wrap her mind around Calcifer's words, and then after hopping on a caravan headed toward the farming villages, she rehearsed how she would tell them what happened. After filling them in for the last hour or so, she expected Lona to share sincere compassion and express how everything would eventually work out on its own - that she and Calcifer would be fine.

Lona huffed. "I don't think you should go back to him."

This was not how she had pictured their conversation.

"What?" Gwenda asked. She looked over to her sister through tear-filled eyes, trying to comprehend her words. In a swift moment, that warm, inviting feeling immediately turned cold and desolate. Lona sat with crossed arms and a stern frown, and even Gwenda shivered at the sight; her sister usually bore a gentle smile with a welcoming aura around her, so to witness her change of heart after a short conversation was quite unnerving.

Lona shrugged. "You heard me. I don't think you should go back."

Gwenda sat back against the soft cushions, staring straight toward her sister on the other couch. Her voice was nasally as she threw her last tissue in the waste bin near her. "Don't you think that's a bit extreme?"

"Look at you right now," Lona said, gesturing toward her. "You're completely devastated. He should be ashamed of himself for putting you through this."

Gwenda thought about arguing, though she couldn't refute the scattered tissues or her reddened eyes. There was no denying that the trust between her and Calcifer had been severed, and Gwenda hadn't even the slightest clue how everything came tumbling down so quickly. After all the games and manipulation she'd experienced in the past, she never expected the same from him.

Even with such devastation, even with all the hurt that coursed through her body, she hadn't once thought about saying goodbye to him forever.

"I can't just leave Calcifer," Gwenda said. "I mean, that's ridiculous; I love him. We're just going through a really big fight."

Kenta slowly returned to the main room on his way out of Ryo's and Griff's bedroom as he silently whispered goodnight to the sleepy boys. Following their fun and games, the boys asked dozens of questions about why Aunt Gwenda came over two days in a row, and several more about why Uncle Calcifer wasn't with her. Kenta rushed them to bed, along with baby Sora, before they had a chance to notice her eyes streaming with tears and her face burning with heartbreak.

Gwenda gestured toward him as he entered. "I mean, imagine if I told you to walk out on Kenta right now. It's the same logic."

Kenta chuckled as he sat next to Lona. "I mean, it really wasn't that long ago when you actually said that, right?" He turned to both of them with a coy smirk, yet immediately dropped that smile the moment he saw the sisters glaring at him. Lona's piercing, scarlet red eyes stung the most and were a beautiful terror to him. He merely slumped back into the cushion, watching as his sly humor died in the midst of the serious air.

Gwenda continued. "Even after all the fights you two have probably had, you still come back to each other. Calcifer and I... we'll find a way to work things out. I just needed space, at least for one day."

Lona felt goosebumps scatter along her arms and at the base of her neck. Kenta noticed her sudden change and rubbed her neck, though that did little to ease her worry. Lona feared the familiarity of Gwenda's words, the recurrence of such passivity that turned into a permanent blister on their lives.

Her teeth chattered as she spoke. "That's what mom always said, remember?"

Gwenda sucked in a short breath. The buildup of phlegm made it that much more difficult to breathe as Lona's words shocked her to her core. It had been years since the stain of their childhood infested her mind, but she couldn't deny the agonizing truth of Lona's comment.

Gwenda relived her same words in a different voice. A vivid image of their mother appeared, her puddling tears alongside their father's short temper. She remembered how the sisters fell asleep to the crack of glass bottles shattering against the kitchen walls and shrilling screams, but neither uttered a sound. The hatred in the form of marriage infected their household day in and day out.

They would wait for a slamming door as their mother left, then for their father to blackout for the night, still unconscious late the next day clutching an empty bottle. How often she returned the next morning with their aunt by her side, reassuring her that everything would work out eventually and to hold out for the long run. Gwenda and Lona heard their mother's faint voice through hollow doors - I just needed space. Just for one day.

Kenta held Lona closer as she relived the same memories, though Gwenda sat alone in the thick of her sorrow - no comfort and no shelter from the nightmare that existed within her. Every moment led to where she was now. It hadn't started with Calcifer's lying - it hadn't even begun with all the affliction of former broken relationships. Lona was right; this was the tipping point of a toxicity from bygone years ago.

She looked over to Lona, staring at her uneasy eyes. "We spent years trying to get over the mess mom and dad made. You and Kenta made it, and now have an amazing family. I promise you, Calcifer and I won't make the same mistake as them."

Lona gulped her words down, but the question inside kept demanding to be spoken. "Do you think you made the right decision marrying Calcifer in the first place?"

"Lona!" Gwenda said, her voice muffled by her quivering hand. "How could you even ask me that?"

"Dad was never the perfect person. Mom had every reason to leave him. I just... I'm not saying Calcifer is as bad as him, but I don't want to see you get hurt the same way she was."

"Calcifer is not a drunk!" Gwenda shouted. "Dad was an arrogant and hateful man and nothing like Calcifer at all. And I cannot even believe you're taking mom's side right now. Yes, dad was an asshole and he deserved everything he got. But she walked out on us, too. You and me. We saw her the night she finally left with that good for nothing wiz-"

Lona ushered her to quiet her voice, fearful that their children would awaken, but Gwenda stopped herself when she noticed Kenta's fuming temper had risen. It had been so long since she thought of that night, and the only haunting image she held onto was that miserly wizard clutching their mom in his greedy hands. However, she knew all Kenta heard was her spiteful tone against the almost spoken word 'wizard.'

His eyes were narrow slits as he waited for her to continue, but even she knew when to hold her tongue - especially around him. "Mom left us as much as she left dad. I can never forgive her for that."

Lona nodded. "I know. I don't blame you for feeling that way. I just want to make sure this is what you truly want. What Calcifer did to you... this goes beyond small fights or petty disagreements. He's been lying to you for weeks."

Kenta rested a gentle hand on his wife's shoulder. "While I completely understand where you're coming from, honey, it's not like we've always been truthful with one another."

"But they've never been like this. Who knows what could be in that letter."

All eyes darted to the deep, violet envelope that rested on the coffee table between them. Gwenda had placed it on the table after Lona pressed her for more answers, and since then no one dared touch it, as if it were a ticking time bomb or laced with poison. Calcifer's name was inscribed on the backside in beautiful cursive handwriting, yet that only fueled Gwenda's irritation further.

She didn't take the secrecy of someone writing her husband mysterious letters too lightly.

Kenta braved forward and lifted the letter for examination. He turned it back and forth, carefully reading Calcifer's name and observing the seal that enclosed the letter. He narrowed his eyes, attempting to decipher the emblem. "These are definitely scorch marks. It's a very ancient and powerful form of sorcery, not one that many people use anymore."

"Do you know who wrote it?"

Kenta sighed. "No. There's no sender name, and these marks are too archaic to pinpoint exactly who wrote them. The only person I knew who cast scorch marks like these is long gone."

"Who?" Gwenda asked, leaning toward them with blatant curiosity.

Kenta looked up toward her, his eyes filled to the brim with woeful remorse. "The Witch of the Wastes, actually."

Gwenda grieved in remembrance. "Well, it's not like we can ask her to translate."

"Howl certainly had his fair share of experience with the Witch's spells and curses. I'm sure he would be able to explain some of it." Kenta examined the seal like it was a new experiment. He balanced his inquiry between the name on one side and the seal on the other, trying to connect the words and symbols together. "I bet this has something to do with Calcifer's past life."

Gwenda sat up straight. "Why do you think so?"

Kenta held up the letter so Gwenda and Lona could clearly see the scorch marks. Both sisters leaned closer with inquisitive eyes, waiting eagerly for his assessment. "This seal is in the shape of three shooting stars, and by the looks of it, they're aimed downward. It's the spitting image of The Night of Falling Stars that happens every year, and very similar to the one we just saw last night."

Gwenda rested back against the couch, rubbing her forehead with harsh fingers. "I feel way more confused than before I came here."

Kenta raised his eyebrows. "Has Calcifer not talked to you about these things before? Scorch marks are pretty rare, but he must have shown you other forms of magical spells and curses."

Gwenda shrugged her shoulders. "I mean, maybe he has. It's not like I would remember. I honestly just tune him out when he talks about magic. It's way too over my head to understand."

"It's not hard if you listen to him."

"Kenta." Lona pressed a firm hand on his knee, urging him to stop talking. Thankfully, Gwenda hadn't seemed to pick up on his harsh tone, but Lona knew her husband more than anyone. She felt the fire rising in his eyes, and while she could never understand the soul of magic, Lona still sympathized with him when people refused to acknowledge his culture. It was better for him to let it go rather than start another fight about magic.

Kenta narrowed his eyes at Gwenda, watching the naivety encompass her. It was obvious that she was hurting; no one doubted the heartbreak in her solemn gaze. However, his new concern was now with Calcifer's wellbeing. He wondered how the former fire demon coped with her blatant disregard for his own essence. It would definitely be a reason to shelter her from his current situation, knowing how little she cared to recognize him.

Lona quickly returned to the main focus of their conversation. "Do you have any idea who it's from or why he was hiding it from you?"

Gwenda threw her arms into the air. "You know just as much as I do. I can't even open it."

"That's part of the seal," Kenta said. "Only the person whose name is inscribed on the letter can open it."

"Well, isn't that just great." Gwenda huffed, though a faint smile rested on her face as well. As furious as she still was that Calcifer hid such a mystery from her, it brightened her spirit slightly to know that even he hadn't read it yet. She almost believed him for a moment, thinking back to what he said about protecting her. Maybe he already knew the consequences of this letter.

Yet that didn't simmer her own curiosity. She was going to find out what it meant, whether Calcifer wanted her to or not.

Kenta replayed their family dinner last night in his mind. Even then, he sensed something was wrong with his brother-in-law. The consistent evidence of his exhaustion was too obvious not to notice, and while Calcifer attempted to hide his deficiencies, Kenta's keen eye was too focused to ignore him.

The wizard stroked his beard and choked on his words as he said, "Gwenda, there's something else you might want to know about Calcifer."

She seethed through her teeth. "I swear, if he's hiding anything else from me-"

"His magic is failing."

The sisters stared at him with mouths agape. Losing magic was unheard of after the fall of Madame Suliman. She was the only sorceress with the capability to dictate and control another magician's power. No one had seen such terror since her time.

Gwenda feared this new uncertainty in his life.

"What?" Lona said in disbelief. "H-How is that even possible?"

"I noticed it last night at dinner," Kenta explained. "He refused to use a simple place setting spell, and when I asked him if his magic was compromised, he deflected. It's the only thing I could think of related to his sleep issues."

Gwenda shook her head. "Why doesn't he tell me these things?" She felt her heartbeat pulsating quicker and running at full speed throughout her body. Lately, she felt like she was walking through a dark tunnel, finding new discoveries without a guiding light - more mysteries, more lies, and more unanswered questions. She pushed her hands over her aching eyes, though that did little to ease her worry.

"Maybe he thinks you don't care."

It took her a moment to process his words, but then she dropped her hands and glared at Kenta with malice. The wizard sat emotionless - not even a prideful smirk on his face. She had hoped that expressing her concerns with them wouldn't result in an argument between her and Kenta - as many occasions in the past had ultimately insinuated - but he wasn't holding back his true feelings anymore.

Gwenda raised her palms forward in confusion. "Why wouldn't I care if my husband loses his magic? That's just... I mean, magic is literally everything to him."

"Well, now knowing that you don't listen any other time he talks about magic - I wouldn't trust you if I was losing mine, either."

Lona darted between the rage in Gwenda and the dismal spirit in Kenta. Now that the rising tension broke the seal in the quaint space, there was no plugging the hole now. She had previously been a mediator between the two, but every so often, there were some fights that even she couldn't diffuse.

Kenta inhaled a rough breath, clasping his hands together. "You apparently still have a lot to learn, so let me start with the most basic. Calcifer is not like us. There are things we can never understand about his very nature. You have to remember that the majority of his life was spent as a star looking down at humans and magicians in the sky."

"And what does that have to do with him now?"

"It has everything to do with him now. He's had centuries of lifetimes before we were even born into existence. He's had maybe thirty years in this world and in two different lifeforms."

"As if I didn't know that already." Gwenda rolled her eyes. It wasn't the first time she'd been lectured by Kenta about the ways of magic, and she knew it wouldn't be the last. The pride he felt for being a magician was usually the root of their arguments, and nothing would change that.

Kenta grumbled and groaned. "Of course I know you're aware of that, but I don't think you understand the impossibility of his existence. Stars fall and stars die every year. He is an exception - an extremely rare one at that. It's an anomaly that Calcifer is even still alive. The only ones who can even fathom his reality are other fallen stars who somehow survived. All I'm saying is that we need to recognize that he's not the same as us. He needs us to understand that he's not fully human and to accept that of him."

Gwenda dropped her jaw. "I may not be an expert on magic or magicians, but he's no different from anyone else. Just because he lived as a star and a fire demon doesn't make him less of a person."

Kenta stood up, his eyes fuming with anger. "Do you realize how ignorant that sounds? Of course he's different from us! Yes, he's obviously a person, but he is far more complex than a magician in human form. He probably doesn't even feel comfortable in his own body. Have you ever thought of that?"
     "Why wouldn't he feel comfortable as a human?" Gwenda asked. "He changed because of how much he wanted to be like us. But of course, you were there night after night listening to his dreams of becoming a human and getting out of that godforsaken fireplace. You may understand the magical side of him better than me, but you will never truly know him the way I do."

"If you know him so well, why do you act like you know nothing of magic?" Kenta raised his voice louder. "I tell you his power is probably at its end and the only thing you ask is why he didn't tell you? I ask if you know anything about spells and curses and you say you don't even listen when he talks about it? You've been married to a magician for five years and you are still the same, shallow girl playing dumb."

"Kenta, please-"

"No, Lona. I'm sick of her pretending like she still doesn't have a prejudice against magicians. She's always hated people with magic, and even Calcifer hasn't changed that."

Gwenda stood up, her height towering over Kenta's. "You just love throwing that in my face, don't you? I'm not the same as I was back then! It's not like I risked my life all those years ago fighting a battle I had no business taking part in. I stepped up and fought for people I used to despise. How can you think I haven't accepted and even embraced magic at this point?"

Kenta scoffed at her words. "Because this goes back much further than you falling in love with Calcifer and hating me for loving your sister. This goes back to your family. You're not mad that your mother left you and Lona; you're mad she chose a magician. And you will never let that go."

"She did not choose him; he manipulated her."

"Because all magicians are just horrible creatures, aren't we?'

"I never said that."

"Oh, but you definitely implied it."

"Enough!" Lona stood up and held her sister's arm before she could slap Kenta's cheek. Their breaths were arduous and harsh against the frigid air, and their eyes burned with a hateful scorn that was equally matched. She stood her ground between her husband and sister as her voice was a whisper of blistering wrath. "We have children who do not need to hear us fighting through the walls. I understand that you're both angry and heated right now, but I will not let you drag those kids into the thick of this mess. Now sit down and talk like adults."

Kenta sat down abruptly, but Gwenda stayed standing. While her sister had some sense for a decent conversation, she knew anything more that she had to say would only be patronized by Kenta. He was the only reason she debated coming here in the first place - she wished she had taken that thought more into consideration.

Gwenda raised her hands in the air, shaking her head in an agitated discomfort. "You know what? It's probably best if I go now. Thank you for the enlightening conversation, but I think I should handle this on my own."

Kenta rolled his eyes, sitting back in relaxation as Gwenda rushed to her coat and fumbled to thrust her arms through the sleeves. Lona simply stared at the two of them, her eyes filled with blatant disappointment.

She crossed the room and pleaded with her. "Where are you going? At least stay the night. It's getting late."

Gwenda glared down toward her sister, and though she wished no ill-will against her, she couldn't bear another moment in Kenta's presence. "Well, since I'm obviously unaware of the very nature of my husband, I guess I better go learn for myself."

Kenta narrowed his eyes. "What does that mean?"

"You said the only other person who could understand Calcifer is another fallen star." Gwenda replied. "I'm going to find one. I'm going to find someone else who was saved during a Night of Falling Stars. Maybe then I'll get some real answers."

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