~Chapter 30~

A few days had passed and I was delighted to see dad had taken my advice on board. He and mother were nowhere near perfect but I could see they were both trying. They'd even gone on a date together the night before last to celebrate New Year's Eve and had come back smiling, arm in arm — something I hadn't witnessed in almost a decade.

The warmth that blossomed through me at their happiness was second to none and I carried that joy as I walked down the bustling London streets and noticed a gym across the road that was packed with people. It was January 2nd today and since the new year had just begun, I wasn't surprised at the sight. People were trying to make good on their New Years resolutions that they would undoubtedly fail before the month was over and attempt again next year. It was an endless cycle that I too was guilty of but the thought made me chuckle

I hadn't known that gym was there before today, seeing as this wasn't a location I frequented. However, I was following a map on my phone, trying to locate the address Axel had sent me that morning with what I hoped was moderate success.

Brooklyn and Joey had become fast friends so I was taking my little sister to Axel's home so they could play together. Despite this meet-up being primarily to drop off my sister, I couldn't help the butterflies dancing in my stomach. I had never been to Axel's home before, had never met any of his family — save for Joey — and had never experienced his world.

We hadn't spoken of our kiss since it happened last week yet our texts and calls had taken up a flirtier tone. We were dangerously toeing that line and our chess match had continued. I was intrigued to see how today would play out, seeing as Axel had said I should stay over for the day as well.

After a few wrong turns and the help of a kind older lady who had curly salt and pepper hair, tan skin and was dressed in a bright pink cardigan, we finally managed to find his flat, number 17.

I rang the doorbell, Brooke holding my hand extra tightly as we waited for a response, as if she too was nervous about today, be it for a far different reason than mine.

It was Joey who answered the door with an excitable look on his face that he'd probably been donning all morning. His honey brown eyes, akin to Axel's, shone as they beheld Brooklyn. He pulled her inside, bidding me a quick greeting before the two of them were running into another room. I hadn't even had the chance to blink.

That left me awkwardly standing in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Was it rude to just step inside?

Thankfully, I was spared from making that decision by Axel walking into the room, flashing a model's grin when he spotted me lurking in the threshold, gesturing for me to come inside as he plopped onto a tattered grey sofa with a satisfied sigh.

The flat was cosy and warm, heating up my icy skin from the January chill. The room was narrow with faded, flower-patterned wallpaper lining the wall to the right where the kitchen and dining area stood and to my left was the living area where Axel sat, waiting for me to join him, his eyes shifting to the TV remote as he decided what to watch.

By the time I'd shrugged off my gabardine overcoat and sat down, I could've sworn there was a faint blush on his cheeks. "I know it's not much," he murmured, his hands gripping the remote more tightly than before. "But it's home."

I let my eyes briefly scan the rest of the flat. Yes, it wasn't big but every single inch looked like it had been lived in and loved. From the numerous scattered toys beside an ancient bookcase, filled with endless titles ranging from children's to fantasy to classics; to the figurines on the slim, wooden shelf; to the worn yet colourful rug below the four-seater dining table crammed into the far right corner.

The place felt alive and it was almost as if I could feel the love of a whole family bundled together into one space, so different from the vacant coldness of my own family home. The brightest smile took over my face. "I think it's perfect," I said and meant it.

Axel looked at me then — really looked at me — and the happiness radiating from him as he gave me that signature Axel grin was enough to render me breathless.

I stared right back, refusing to break eye contact even if my words were caught in the back of my throat and I felt far too much like mush to articulate a proper sentence. Our eyes were locked in a silent battle, neither of us willing to yield as we both leaned in, our faces mere inches apart.

I could feel his warm breath on my face. It sent comforting tingles down my spine, all the way to my toes and I was sure he felt it too by the way his hand found mine — after I'd somehow, without realising, let it rest on his knee — and gripped it tightly.

However, before I could close the distance, I saw hesitancy momentarily flash through his eyes. The rejection burned through my heart like corrosive acid but I wasn't going to force something on him that he didn't want. Immediately, I pulled away, refusing to look at him as I moved my hair in front of my shoulders to try to mask my red cheeks.

I must've been reading the signs wrong. Idiot, Harper. Idiot. The kernel of hope in my chest diminished as the seconds ticked by and it took everything within me to not bolt for the door and run as far away as possible but I wasn't a coward and I wouldn't start now. Zack would never have let me hear the end of it.

Thankfully, I was spared any further embarrassment by the sound of footsteps, followed by the front door opening, the hinges squeaking in protest. "Alexander! Joseph! Je suis á la maison!"

A tall woman — maybe 5'11 — with slightly damp, pin-straight, inky black hair, chestnut brown eyes and light brown skin stood in the doorway, shrugging off a massive wool overcoat. Her features were sharp and eye-catching and the way she carried herself, it was as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. I would have guessed she was in her late twenties but the look in her eyes coupled with that weight told her real age. It was as if she had already experienced eight lifetimes and troubles I couldn't even begin to imagine; all that knowledge hidden within. She seemed exhausted as she hung up her beige coat on the coat rack yet somehow also focused as if each move was solely to complete the task at hand.

Axel was quick to get up from my side, striding over to her to grab the shopping bags she carried. "Bonjour maman," he greeted warmly, hugging her before he started speaking to her in rapid French and moving to put groceries away in the kitchen.

My French was good but even I was struggling to keep up with the pace at which they were conversing, especially when they threw in — what I thought were — colloquialisms that I was unfamiliar with. The gist of it was mainly about her day and what she'd been up to but I was more focused on the fact that this was Axel's mother rather than their conversation. The two looked so alike except for the fact that Axel's skin was a shade lighter and his eyes were much darker despite their partially golden hue. They had the same plump lips, the same straight nose, the same high cheekbones. The eye and brow shapes were slightly off and the jaws were different yet they were both still striking. It was obvious where Axel had gotten his good looks from. This woman was stunning.

As if she could feel me gawking at her, she turned and finally noticed where I was sitting, feeling so out of place in her home. She gave me a curious look, it wasn't rude or judgemental but it felt like she was staring into my soul as she quirked a thick, shaped brow at me. "And who might you be?" she asked, her French accent only mild when speaking English.

I was quick to stand and walk over to where she was perched on the edge of the kitchen counter. "I'm Harper King, Axel's friend," I told her, my voice slightly higher pitched than normal. "It's nice to meet you."

She murmured my name under her breath, familiarising herself with the sound. "King... King. I know that name and you look familiar... the same nose, same smile. Were you Zack's sister?" She looked sad asking the question as though she was fond of him.

Taken aback, I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "You knew my brother?"

She twisted the aged wedding band on her fourth finger, finding it difficult to meet my eyes. "He was like a son to me," she murmured so softly I almost didn't catch it. Then there was a pause, so long and painful, no one knowing what to say.

Zack had known her.

I didn't.

Zack had known almost everything about Axel. He had let Zack in, had opened up to him.

It made sense. Axel and Zack were best friends but why was I only just learning this now? Why had Axel kept so much hidden from me when I had told him all the horrors of my life? I'd bared my soul to him — something I'd never even considered doing for anyone before I met him — and yet I didn't know anything about him. Hell, I didn't even know his mother's name.

The more I thought, the more it stung. A sharp pang in my heart. A painful twist in my gut. A throbbing ache in my bones.

I meant nothing to him.

Just minutes ago, he'd rejected my advances and maybe this was why. Maybe he didn't want me in his life. Maybe I'd made up signs that didn't exist because I'd turned back into that pathetic and naive sixteen-year-old girl who knew nothing of the world and was so desperate to be loved. So desperate to find love in the gaping emptiness of her home life. So desperate to feel needed. To feel wanted.

Tears were close to springing from my eyes. No. I was stronger than this.

If he didn't feel the same, that was fine. I wasn't going to try and force anything. I'd pick up the pieces and put myself back together like I always did even if I didn't have Zack here to help me this time. I'd manage.

I forced the best smile I could muster onto my face — it was more of a grimace than anything — and finally broke the torturous silence. "It was lovely to meet you, Mrs Knight," I said as sweetly as I could but my fragile resolve was beginning to fade. She frowned, a distant look taking ahold of her beautiful features and Axel winced. Was it something I had said? It didn't matter. I had to get out. Now. "But I've got to get going."

Neither of them had a chance to reply. I was practically sprinting for the door — even if it was only a few meters away — and was out of their flat without another word, the door slamming shut behind me.

As soon as I was outside, the tears started to fall. I was such an idiot. A stupid fool.

Pathetic.

A shiver ran down my spine as the January air bit at my bare arms but I barely felt the chill. I barely felt anything at all.

I had never relied on many people in my life — they'd always left in some form or another — and had learned to not get attached yet the idea of parting ways with Axel felt so painful, so unbelievably painful. Somehow he'd managed to worm his way past my defences. Before, I'd thought that a blessing but right now, I hated it. I hated it more than anything. It made every emotion that much more agonising and unbearable.

Why did I care? Why was I hurting?

Axel didn't owe me anything. Yes, we were friends but I was acting as though there was something more between us. Why had I fabricated such an intricate illusion for myself?

I stepped into a puddle, water splashing onto my heeled boots. I'd been so distracted by my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed the rain or the steady rhythm it made with each pelt onto the concrete. The sky was a murky grey as it cried with me, looking almost as miserable as I felt.

I was a few roads away from Axel's home now and the freezing temperatures were starting to catch up with me and so were my aching muscles from the intense work out I'd done the day prior. Thankfully, I spotted a bench just ahead — maybe there was still some luck on my side. I strode over to the semi-wet bench situated on a small patch of grass a few metres away, shielded by a few narrow birch trees.

I'd call for a taxi and go home. Wyatt could come to pick Brooke up later. I was done.

I was done.

My numb fingers were having a hard time typing on my touchscreen but I made myself carry on.

I was done.

I looked up the taxi number, ready to dial and get away. I needed to get away, so badly. I needed space to breathe. To think.

Think.

Was I being irrational? Was I overthinking? Was I overanalysing the situation?

I had never been the type to get so in my head and let emotions cloud my judgement. I was logical and rational yet this time felt different. My heart wanted to take charge, a role it had rarely asked for since I'd broken up with River.

Why did it matter that I knew nothing about Axel? You know the little things, a voice in my head tried to say. But was that enough?

Why did his rejection hurt so much?

I had been hurt, dumped and abandoned by people I cared for my entire life. River, mother, Moira, Belle, Zack. So why was this time any different? Why did it cut deep in such an alien way? What made Axel so special? A stupid question. Everything about Axel was special. His long rants about nothing in particular, his signature grin that always left me weak at the knees, his charm, his kindness, his empathy, his compassion, his joy, and — most importantly — he saw me for me. Not as Harper Anastasia King but as Harper, just Harper. When I felt so alone and invisible behind my facade, he was there and he saw right through it and into the depths of my very soul. He saw me in all of my entirety.

I hadn't realised how much that meant to me, to be understood, to be accepted, to be loved.

Loved.

Perhaps, my feelings for Axel ran even deeper than I thought. It explained the excruciating pain. The sting of rejection. The unexplainable care I had towards him. The—

The sound of footsteps close by brought me back to attention, my head snapping upwards. A large figure was jogging towards me. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I reached for my coat pocket, ready to grab my pepper spray. Where was it? Why couldn't I find it?

I'd left my coat at Axel's flat. Fuck.

The male figure got closer and although it was only the afternoon, the gloomy day coupled with it being January meant it was already almost dark outside. My throat bobbed.

Breathe, Harper. Maybe they were simply going to pass you. Breathe.

My body went rigid as I pretended to type casually on my phone. I was about to lift it to my ear and act as though I was taking a call when the person was close enough for me to actually recognise.

Standing in the rain, his inky hair sopping wet and holding my coat, was none other than Axel Knight.

~*~*~

Second to last chapter done guys! What did you think of it all and any idea about how this is about to go down?

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Until next time my lovely readers, stay safe xx