~Chapter 24~

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks. That's how long it had been and she still hadn't woken up.

I sat by Maddie's side, clutching her hand tightly as I prayed for her to talk, move, stir, anything. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. Not after Zack. Not Maddie too. I refused to believe it.

Maddie had had an alcohol relapse after being sober for months and the aftermath was bad; scratch that, terrible. She'd drunk so much that her body just collapsed and started convulsing violently. I wasn't there to see it myself but Winter had gone to visit her and found her next to a shattered glass coffee table in her living room and immediately called an ambulance.

We were lucky. If she hadn't gone round for their monthly movie marathon, Maddie definitely wouldn't be here now.

I was frightened by the whole situation but what scared me even more was the thought of what could've possibly triggered Maddie into a relapse when she was doing so well. What could've made her go back there? Back to her darkest place?

I shuddered, not wanting to entertain the thoughts threatening to enter my mind.

December clearly hadn't been off to a great start.

Furthermore, it felt so inappropriate to me that joyous Christmas songs were playing, singing about spending time with loved ones when my brother had died and my best friend was in the hospital fighting for her life.

But I knew I was just being petty. Just because I'd been having a shit year, it didn't mean that everyone else had to as well but this was going to be hard for me. Zack and Maddie were the two people in my life who loved Christmas more than anything and if I didn't get to spend it with either of them this year... I wasn't sure how I'd cope.

Relax, Harper. It was only the beginning of the month. She'd wake up. Maddie always pulled through. She was a trooper and a tough one at that. She'd be fine.

She'd be fine.

I wanted to believe that. I wanted to trust the encouraging voice in my head but I couldn't and that thought terrified me to no end.

~*~*~

"Ah, look at you, Livy. You've grown so much," I cooed into my laptop whilst video calling with Nathan and Olivia.

She grinned at me, that cheeky smile definitely inherited from her father. "Yeah, she has," Nathan sighed, hugging her closer. She started fussing so he let her go and she went out of shot, probably playing with a toy or something.

"Nathan!" A voice shouted from off screen. Definitely Aria, my little sister and Hunter's twin. "Have you seen my blue backpack anywhere? I can't find— oh, hey Harps," she grinned, finally in range for us to both see each other on our screens.

"Hey, sis. How's it been going?"

She shrugged, before sighing, sitting down on the seat Nathan had vacated, probably to go and tend to Olivia. "Not great. A-levels are too hard." Hunter and Aria were sixteen and had started lower-sixth this year. To say I felt her pain was an understatement — the jump from gcse to a-level was massive and definitely not a fun adjustment but she was smart and hardworking so I was sure she'd manage.

"Try not to stress about it too much, Ri. Honestly, I promise it does get better you just gotta give it time."

She ran a hand through her thick, wavy hair. "I know. It's just... urgh. Way worse than I was expecting but I'll manage it somehow. I always do."

I grinned, nodding encouragingly at her. "That's the attitude. Also, no fair. Your tan looks so good. How come you bronze so well and I just burn like a shrivelled tomato?" I whined over-exaggeratedly, purposefully changing the subject to brighten her mood.

She laughed. "Better genetics," she said with a wink, pausing when we both heard someone shouting from a different room. "Anyways I gotta run. Hunter and I will be late otherwise and I need to find this stupid backpack."

I waved, watching with a fond smile as she scrambled out of the room and away from my screen, almost tripping over her own two feet in the process.

"So, how's everything on your end, Harps?" Nathan asked once the door had shut behind her, reclaiming his seat.

I dulled at the question, leaning back into my comforter. "Not great. No sign of improvement with Maddie. Feels like I'm not allowed to stay happy for very long."

"What'd you mean?" Nathan frowned, shifting on my screen slightly as he adjusted his laptop.

"Whenever I'm feeling happy everything has to go to shit. I'm going from high to low like a fucking yo-yo and it's exhausting," I complained.

Nathan tried to keep his face neutral but I could still see the concern creasing at his forehead. "Sis, I'm gonna tell you something. It sounds shit but I'd rather be blunt. That's just life. It's full of curveballs and holes and there's not much we can do about it. We've just gotta pick ourselves up and carry on even when the going gets tough cause that's all we can do."

Nathan was only a few years older than me but he made it sound like he was decades ahead experience wise — maybe having a kid did that to a person. "Way to add the magic."

He shrugged, sighing through his nose. "I know, not very glamorous. I'm sure you were expecting more motivational and inspiring advice from your big bro but this is all I got. Life is shit but we just gotta deal with it because sometimes it can lead to the greatest things when we least expect it," he said, looking away from the camera and smiling. "Isn't that right Olivia."

I heard her giggle on the other end before crawling back onto her father's lap, her thick dark curls bouncing as she fidgeted, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Nathan certainly wasn't expecting Olivia, none of us were, but she was the best thing to ever happen to him. Maybe he was right; maybe if I held on, I'd get my own Olivia someday, not necessarily in child form — I definitely wasn't ready for that — but maybe the world would start looking up, it definitely had for him.

~*~*~

A few nights later, there was still no improvement from Maddie and as much as that was bothering me I was doing my best to not let it show. Instead, I was cuddled up on my sofa in a warm fuzzy blanket, eating hot ramen and watching 'How I Met Your Mother' for the millionth time through on Netflix, trying to busy my mind.

I was just watching Ted make another one of his extremely long expositional speeches when I heard a knock on my door.

Strange. Who showed up at half-past ten at night unannounced?

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I slowly got up to look through the peephole. Relax, Harper, it wasn't going to be a murderer. I overthought things way too much sometimes.

When I did take a quick glance, I sighed in relief at the sight of Winter. However, after opening the door I couldn't help but gasp.

Before me stood one of my best friends but she didn't look calm and collected like usual; she looked tired and broken. There were tears streaming down her porcelain skin; her usually icy blue eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot; her platinum blonde hair was messy and knotted; her nose was tinted a slight pink; but most prominently she looked absolutely heartbroken as she sobbed gut-wrenching cries on my porch, so much so that I could feel my own heart crumbling in two at the sight of her.

"Winter?" I asked in surprise, pulling her inside towards one of my sofas to sit down.

She complied, shaking like a leaf as I sat her down and wrapped my previously-discarded-blanket around her. "Hey, Harps," she sniffed.

After getting her a coffee, she started to calm down slightly but she still looked like a wreck and I couldn't help but ask what was wrong.

"Oh right. Guess we couldn't avoid the elephant in the room for very long, eh?" she tried to joke but it was much too forced. "It's... it's Liam."

My heart sank.

Winter seemed to realise where my mind was spiralling to before I could even articulate it and she was quick to rush out her next words. "He's fine, Harps, don't worry. He's completely fine," she reassured me and I sighed in relief.

"Then what's wrong?" I asked softly.

She sniffed, new tears springing from her eyes as she hugged the blanket closer. "We... we broke up."

Silence.

Utter silence.

What?

There was no way. Surely this was all just some big prank and Liam was going to pop out of my supply cupboard any second, claiming this was all some big joke but the seconds passed and he didn't.

I waited but as the moments ticked on I started to realise that there was no punchline coming.

Winter and Liam had broken up. The only couple I'd ever believed in was over.

Was love even real anymore? I doubted it. Not after this, it just couldn't be.

For the first time in my life, I truly doubted one of the only hopes I had left. If love was a lie then what else was? What other cruel jokes was the world hiding from me?

My mind was starting to wonder but the sound of Winter whimpering quietly brought me back to reality. I was being selfish. This was about her, not me. It wasn't the time to worry about my own problems. Right now, I just needed to be there for my best friend.

So I scooted closer to her and held her tight in my arms. I held her as she cried, cooing soft words of comfort into her ear, not caring about the mascara staining my top. All that mattered in that moment was making sure Winter was fine — well, as fine as she could be.

"Harps, can I tell you something?" Winter piped up a few minutes later.

I nodded encouragingly, giving her a warm smile.

"Well, there's a reason we broke up and I've not had the courage to tell anyone yet but I... I just need to get it off my chest."

I gripped her hand tightly, looking at her reassuringly. "If you want, you can tell me, Win. I'm always here for you."

She nodded, breathing in heavily but she wouldn't meet my eyes. "Well, it's because I was pregnant," she blurted out.

Wait, what? Pregnant?

"What?" I gasped. "You... pregnant?"

She nodded meekly, still not meeting my gaze. "Yeah about three and a half months."

I couldn't help but look at her stomach but when I did I frowned. It was flat, completely flat. There was no way she could be hiding a baby in there.

When I looked up, I realised Winter was staring at me, looking devastatingly sad. My cheeks heated up. I shouldn't have looked. Stupid, Harper. Stupid.

Her hands moved to her stomach and I could see the tears filling her eyes, giving them a heartbreaking shine. "He's not in there anymore. I..." she paused, gulping. "I had a miscarriage."

What?

It took far too long for my brain to register those words but when I did all I could think to do was pull her in for an even tighter hug than before. "I'm so so so sorry, Win," I murmured into her ear, taking my time before letting go.

How was she coping at all right now?

"It's not your fault," she said softly. "What's funny is that he was the reason Liam and I have been arguing a lot over the last few months."

"He?"

She blushed. "Yeah, I just had a feeling," she shrugged, the miserable look on her face amplifying tenfold, making me internally wince.

Would I ever learn to shut my mouth and think before I spoke?

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked softly, shifting the topic slightly for both our benefits.

She nodded, breathing in deeply yet again. "Anyway, I didn't want to keep him and Liam did. My career was just starting to take off and we both had so much going on. There was nowhere for a baby in the plan.

"He knew that but couldn't justify getting rid of him so we'd been fighting for months over it. But he finally started to understand my decision a few weeks back and we were doing better again.

"Then it's funny how things worked out 'cause over the months I started growing attached to the little guy and I wanted to keep him but then, just as Liam and I were getting back into the swing of things and were talking about maybe keeping him, I... I had the miscarriage and everything went to shit.

"We've been at each other's throats all week, to the point where it's just not healthy. This has shown us that we're at different places in our lives and just not suited for each other and now I don't know what to do, Harps," she confessed, leaning to cry on my shoulder.

I held her close as I rubbed soothing circles on her back. "You'll work it out, Win. You always come up with a solution to everything."

"But this is different. I still love Liam with everything in me but I know we're not meant to be and it hurts, Harps. It hurts so fucking much."

"I know, Win, I know," I said gently, rubbing her head softly. "But we both know it'll all work out in the end. For now, we just gotta get through it. It's gonna be shit but it'll all get better soon and if anyone is strong enough to get through it it's you."

Winter didn't say anything but I saw her nod subtly before burying her head back in my neck and sobbing softly. I just held my friend, letting her cry. It was all I could do and I felt so useless for it but at least I was there for her. That was something, I supposed.

It took around twenty minutes for her breathing to even and for us to pull apart. She looked at me with her glassy ice blue eyes, still looking completely broken as she spoke, wiping a rogue tear away in the process. "Thanks, Harps. I just didn't know who to turn to. I didn't want to bother you with this — what, with everything going on with Maddie and all — but I just couldn't cope so thank you."

"No need for the formalities, Win. That's what best friends are for," I said, smiling, as we hugged again.

She chuckled softly. "Yeah you're right. It's just I know this is a lot for you, especially right now."

I shrugged, giving her a weak smile. "Like you, I just gotta stay strong and get through it," I said, remembering what Nathan had said to me a few days ago. Maybe my big brother did know what he was on about — I'd have to find out for myself.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "At least we have each other, Harps."

I grinned and she smiled back. She was right, at least we weren't alone. We had each other and, right now, that was the greatest blessing I could've asked for amongst all the mess going on in my life.

~*~*~

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