~Chapter 18~

"Axel this is stupid. Let's just go home," I whined a few days later, shivering my ass off in the freezing British weather, after endless coercing from my family and Axel for me to leave the house.

He rolled his eyes at me, tugging me further through town, completely ignoring my very fair request. How was he not devastatingly cold right now?

"Lighten up, Freckles. This will be so fun." He had taken to calling me that over the past few days ever since he had seen my freckles. Apparently the monumental sight was worthy enough of a nickname but I wasn't sure if I liked it yet or not.

I highly doubted that but decided to play along, plastering a small smile on my face as I matched his rather fast pace. Somehow, we managed to avoid bumping into the masses of people moving around us, all too busy with their own lives to notice us, thankfully.

"Where are we even going?" I finally asked after another five minutes of weaving in and out of people.

Axel smiled knowingly at me as we reached a building I hadn't visited since I was fourteen. Memories of birthdays parties and my old friends flooded through my mind as we stepped inside, the warm air hitting me at full force. "Laser tag?"

Axel nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "I haven't been in forever and I thought it might help take our minds off of things."

You know, that wasn't actually a half-bad idea. I could've done with a distraction and destroying Axel in a game of laser tag seemed as good as any. "Hope you're ready to lose, Knight," I grinned devilishly.

He grinned too, matching my cocky demeanour effortlessly. "You're on, King."

~*~*~

"I demand a rematch," I huffed as we left the building, on the hunt for some lunch.

Axel shook his head beside me, an amused smile on his face. "Is someone a sore loser, Freckles?" he teased.

I scoffed, choosing not to dignify him with a response. We had been at the laser tag place for hours — long enough for us to play five matches. I'd won two but unfortunately, Axel had beaten me in three games so he was the victor, for now.

"You know what I could really go for," I said, changing the subject on account of my rumbling stomach.

Axel chose to go along with the topic of food which I was internally grateful for. "What?"

"A tomato and mozzarella panini."

"Why that when you could have a chicken and pesto one?"

I gasped over dramatically. "You did not just challenge the superiority of the best panini in existence. That's it, we're having them right now to prove you wrong."

Axel rolled his eyes at me but there was still a smile on his face. "Fine. I'll have the mozzarella panini if you try the chicken one," he proposed and I nodded with a sigh.

"Suppose that's only fair but you'll see my choice is far better in no time."

"Is that another challenge, Freckles?"

I nodded with a smirk. "You bet, Knight."

~*~*~

About an hour later I was internally cheering in victory as we left the quaint cafe. Axel had conceded that mozzarella paninis were better after his first bite but I had to admit that the chicken ones weren't half bad either, who would've thought. Maybe I'd have one again in the future.

"Okay, so we're one one, Knight. What's the deciding challenge?"

"I didn't realise you were so competitive," Axel laughed as we walked side by side down a quiet street. It was a wonder we hadn't been spotted yet but I wasn't going to jinx us by questioning it anytime soon.

He scratched the back of his head, clearly thinking of an answer. After a few moments, his eyes lit up. "How about we see who can do a lap of the park fastest?"

I hesitated. Exercise, seriously? I supposed I wasn't opposed to the suggestion but it wasn't exactly my idea of a good time. "But we're both in jeans."

He shrugged, smiling devilishly. "So, we're both at the same disadvantage."

"True, but—"

"You scared, Freckles?" he taunted.

Scared? Oh he didn't just suggest that. "You're on, Knight. Prepare to lose."

"We'll just see about that."

~*~*~

Not long later, we were both sprinting around the park and I was edging ahead. I could hear Axel's determined pants from behind me but I didn't let them distract me as I pushed myself to run harder.

Sweat was sticking the denim of my jeans to my skin but I ignored it. Nothing was going to stop me. With the ending in sight, I forced my legs to move faster with Axel hot on my heels.

Come on, Harper. You're almost there.

I was breathing heavily, only a few meters away from victory when I suddenly froze, noticing something — someone —from the corner of my eye.

Shit. Shit. Shit. I couldn't let him see me. Without a second thought, I abandoned the race, leaving my delicious win behind, instead running to hide behind a nearby bush.

I tried to regain my breath as I hid, clutching my chest tightly. Seriously, Harper, you literally ran away from him. How pathetic could you get?

Pathetic. I'd been using that word a lot recently to describe myself and, in this instance, it was definitely true. Hiding from someone because you're too afraid of confrontation and the past was about as pathetic as it could get.

However, I didn't have long to wallow in self-hatred before I felt hot breath on my neck. I tensed.

"What was that all about?" Axel asked and I turned around to face him with a sheepish smile.

I ran my fingers through my auburn hair, trying to work out how best to word my answer. I couldn't tell him everything but I couldn't leave him completely in the dark either. "Sorry," I said softly, not meeting his eyes and instead eyeing the uneven ground as my shoe dug into the mud. "I saw my ex-boyfriend and panicked."

Axel didn't say anything for a long moment so I took a hesitant look at his face. Surprisingly, there was no annoyance or unhappiness at my sudden actions, only a look of confusion mixed with understanding and something else I couldn't quite place. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a few things off my chest but, then again, did I want Axel to know about that side of me? What if he ran for the hills when heard about what a mess I used to be. I didn't think I could cope with losing someone else, especially so close to Zack's death.

But Axel wouldn't do that, would he? He didn't seem like the type to abandon someone and leave them high and dry. I'd come to know him well over the past months since we had first met on my birthday — damn, that felt like forever ago. I knew all the little things about him that no one noticed like how he hated hats of all kinds and refused to be seen dead in one or how he always smiled at people when they walked past him even if they weren't looking or even how he would lie to his agent by going against his 'model diet' by skipping gym every other Friday to have fast food instead.

Apparently I was the only one he'd ever told that last tidbit of information a while back when we both snuck away to gorge on McDonald's without anyone else's knowledge. Something about having it in secret made the food taste even better if you could believe it.

But despite all that, I realised I didn't know the big things about Axel. Specifically, things to do with his past and home life. In fairness, he didn't know about my past either but I brought my family up every now and then. The most Axel had ever revealed was that his mum worked as a nurse. That was literally all I knew on the matter and that had only come up because I mentioned that it was a career I was considering at one point.

Even if didn't know those things about Axel, did it matter? Just because he was a little mysterious that didn't mean he was going to run away at the first sign of trouble when it came to me — at least, I hoped that was the case.

Sighing, I decided it was best to tell him something, even if it wasn't much. He deserved that much. "Yes."

~*~*~

After ordering mint-choc-chip ice cream and sliding Axel his strawberry one, I sighed, slumping into my seat.

Axel waited patiently for me to speak, his chocolate eyes looking at me kindly.

"It all started at the end of year 11 when I was at a party," I started, deciding it was best not to beat around the bush; it wouldn't be helping anyone if I did that.

"I met a guy there called River Daniels. He was charming and cute and after a few drinks, I agreed to go on a date with him the following week. One thing led to another and a few dates later he asked me to be his girlfriend. From there, things were great; he was the perfect guy and the perfect boyfriend. What made it even better was that my best friend approved of him too. I couldn't have asked for more.

"But of course, nothing can go smoothly forever. River was joining my school for sixth form and from there everything went to shit. He started... changing? I suppose that's the best way to describe it. He got more possessive and jealous but I didn't think much of it. He was my first serious boyfriend so I didn't really know much better.

"But things only got worse from there. River was tied up in some pretty sketchy stuff. He said it was because his family needed the money and for some reason I believed him. Then he somehow convinced me to help him and me being naive and blinded by love I agreed. I would've done almost anything from him. I'm not sure exactly how he did it but that boy was a master with words. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it; in the end, I didn't stand a chance against him.

"From there, I got involved in some bad stuff. I won't lie or sugar coat it to you when I say I should've probably served some jail time or, at the very least, have gotten into a lot more trouble than I did. I'd rather not go into specifics but let's just say it was a dark time in my life which I regret wholeheartedly," I paused, looking up at Axel through my lashes as I shoved a spoon of ice cream in my mouth.

His face was blank as he waited patiently for me to continue, also shovelling the creamy deliciousness into his mouth.

"Anyway, my best friend tried to snap me out of my trance but I wouldn't listen to her. River had told me she was trying to get between us and I stupidly listened to him. I listened to everything that boy said. God, I was such a fool.

"Fast forward a few months and a lot of bad choices and I was finally starting to realise that he was manipulating me. It took a lot but eventually I managed to break up with him but it was too late to piece my life back together, in London anyway. I'd lost all my friends but mainly I'd lost my best friend and I... I couldn't get her back no matter how much I wished it. I... I..." I trailed off, my words knotting together on my tongue.

A rogue tear slipped down my cheek, the hot salty drop burning my skin. More started to pool in my eyes but I didn't let them escape, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Axel noticed, giving my other hand a comforting squeeze but he didn't let go like I thought he would. Instead, he kept it in his as if he was offering me support, support I didn't know I needed so much.

I smiled sadly at him, finally meeting his eyes. I was met with one of the warmest smiles I had ever seen and the sight alone calmed me slightly, giving me the courage to finish my story.

"I knew from then that I couldn't stay in England anymore. I had to get away. I had to start afresh. Luckily, I had my modelling career to focus on so I was able to leave and escape to New York. I guess that's why I love the city so much; it's my safe haven I suppose, my new world far away from my past."

There was slightly more to the story than I was telling him — oh who was I kidding? There was a lot more — but this would have to suffice for now. I wasn't ready to go that far and deep down memory lane just yet.

"So yeah, I saw River and I panicked. I haven't spoken to him in ages and I'm not ready to face him, not yet."

I breathed in deeply, taking in Axel's expression. Many emotions flickered across his face: sadness, sympathy (my least favourite), anger but most prominently understanding.

It wasn't the emotion I was expecting but it was the emotion I definitely needed. I needed so much for him to understand what had happened and for him not to judge me for it, for him to see past my past.

But he doesn't know the worst part. A voice in my head quipped but I shoved it to the side. That didn't matter, surely. He didn't need to know that part.

When Axel gave my hand another tight squeeze I was snapped awake from my thoughts. He grinned at me so brightly it almost seemed like my troubles melted away from the sheer intensity of it.

I wished they could've actually melted away.

Axel didn't let go of my hand the entire walk home, our fingers intertwined as our closed hands swung back and forth. When we were at my door and it was time to say goodbye, he wrapped his arms around me in an embrace and I welcomed the warm feeling spreading through my body like wildfire.

"Oh Harper," he said so softly as he let go I almost didn't catch it. "You're so strong."

~*~*~

So, what do you think Harper is hiding from Axel?

Hope you liked the chapter; it's a bit longer so hopefully that'll help you get through these really tough times. Please stay safe and I hope you're all doing well.

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