~Chapter 17~

Whoever said that time healed all wounds must have been on crack or something.

It had been a whole week since the funeral and I didn't feel any better than before. Okay, maybe I was expecting this whole 'healing process' to take effect far too quickly but I just couldn't bear the pain anymore.

Zack was dead. My brother was gone and by association a part of me was missing too.

Everywhere I had read online said that it took time and acceptance to start feeling better but how much time could it take? I was already a bit of an emotional wreck before all of this and now my emotions didn't even know which way to turn.

It was all just too much.

Like every day since I had arrived, I was in Zack's room, trying to feel closer to him. It was comforting at first but now it just reminded me that he was gone.

Zack wasn't going to tell me stupid jokes or steal my phone for the millionth time or try and pretend he had a say in my love life or go to wild parties with me or let me win when we played video games so I wouldn't give up or build pillow forts with me anymore.

We wouldn't have any more memories together. I had lost my brother and he was never coming back.

That piece of information had been a hard pill to swallow and it was still getting stuck on its way down my throat.

Besides, even if I could 'accept' his death, it didn't make it any easier and it didn't lessen the pain. So, naturally, I had decided it was best to cut off all human contact so I couldn't get hurt again by becoming a hermit who lived out the rest of her days in Zack's room.

Although it may have seemed like a rather drastic choice I was enjoying the peace quite a lot.

I hadn't checked my phone since I'd gotten here and without social media wearing me down I was feeling so much lighter. I couldn't see anyone calling me harsh names on my latest post and no one was dragging me in five directions to do endless jobs; I was free.

I had built up a rather tough exterior over the years and honestly the harsh comments and endless work didn't bother me as much anymore but it was still nice to have a break to let my mind recharge. In fact, it was so nice, I was actually considering taking my aforementioned decision seriously by staying in Zack's room forever and never leaving.

I knew that was a stupid idea but at that moment I just didn't care. I didn't have much left to live for so there really was no harm in cooping myself up in here for the rest of my days.

However, my serenity finally came to an abrupt end that morning when I heard a pestering tapping on the bedroom door. I had assumed it was Nathan, Wyatt or dad coming to try and cheer me up like they had tried every day so I had ignored the noise and went back to sleep.

What I didn't consider, however, was that it could've been someone else trying to talk to me. So, five minutes later, when the door was unlocked with the key from the outside and Axel was standing there I was shocked to say the least.

"Finally, Harper," he said, stepping into the room, not wasting a second.

I gaped at him for a moment, unsure of what to say or how to act. It took me a few seconds to realise that this was Axel I was talking to so there was no need to put up fronts or facades. There was no need to pretend I was fine.

With this knowledge in mind, I sat upright, hugging the bedsheets around me as I moved over to make space for him to sit next to me. "I like your freckles," he said suddenly as he moved towards me, giving me a gentle smile.

I blushed. I was a redhead so, naturally, I had freckles but not that many, just a few scattered across my nose and cheeks. However, no one ever saw them because I'd always covered them with foundation.

I wasn't too sure why but ever since I was a child mother had gotten me into the habit of doing so. She said it'd be much better for my modelling career if they were out of sight. They made me look 'too different' and 'took away from the classic natural beauty' I needed to have if I wanted jobs.

I had listened to her because she'd been in the business for donkey's years and, above all, she was my mother. I guess the habit just stuck and as a result, it was rare to see my freckles anymore but, of course, I had been neglecting to leave Zack's room and so hadn't really bothered with makeup, letting my true face show for once.

"What brings you here?" I asked quietly, pretending his comment didn't make my heart flutter a little.

He slumped down next to me, looking utterly exhausted as he pulled the duvet over his legs. "I thought you might want someone to talk to."

Someone to talk to.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, taking in his appearance. He didn't look so good if I was honest. The last time I saw him was at the funeral but even then I was too upset to actually look at him.

The Axel I remembered was bright and joyous however the one sitting next to me looked tired and sad. The bags under his eyes were protruding and dark; his hair was dishevelled and flat; and his usually clean-shaven face was adorned with light stubble.

To put it simply, Axel looked a bit worse for wear. To be honest, I doubted I looked much better considering I'd barely left this room since I'd gotten here.

I knew Zack's death must have hit him quite hard but it'd taken me seeing him to realise just how much this actually affected him as well. I mean, Zack was his best friend after all.

All in all, it didn't take a genius to work out that he needed to talk to someone just as much as I did.

"You know, I'd actually love that," I said softly, giving him a small smile.

So that's what we did; we talked about anything and everything. It was nice to forget about the real world for a bit and all that was going on. To just take a well-needed breather and talk about something other than Zack and my underlying sadness.

Axel always seemed to be able to brighten a situation. Something about him always calmed and grounded me. I couldn't quite place my finger on it but just by talking to him about random things I felt lighter. He seemed to radiate happiness and calm, to me at least.

However, I didn't think it was just me who benefited from our conversations because he too appeared slightly better after our talk. There weren't any major changes but in times like these, even the smallest things made all the difference.

After a while of pleasant conversation, I felt something nagging at my chest; the need to say something I hadn't voiced in the longest time. I wanted to say something I didn't share with many people but felt inclined to this time. I had a feeling it was because of that kind and caring look on Axel's face just seemed to make me blurt out how I was feeling without thinking it through fully. "Axel, do you ever think that you're the cause of everyone around you getting hurt?"

I slapped my had over my mouth but it was too late, the words had already tumbled out. Shit. His brows creased together as he regarded my out-of-the-blue question. "What'd you mean?"

I wanted to back away into a corner and hide. Or, better yet, cease to exist. I couldn't believe I'd just said that but I couldn't exactly deviate away from the topic now. Crap, what should I say?

My voice was small as I tried to formulate some sort of a coherent sentence. "Ummm... well... it's just that people around me always seem to get hurt, especially those closest to me."

For a long moment, he just stared into my eyes, almost like he was assessing me. I gulped, unsure of how to save myself from the hole I'd dug. Why did I bring this up? You're such an idiot Harper. Now he's going to want to stay far away from you. "Forget I said anythi—"

I was abruptly cut off by Axel wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a hug. "Don't ever think like that," he murmured into my ear, holding me tighter when I didn't respond. "What happened to Zack wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for it. You know he wouldn't have wanted that."

Zack's death might have not been my fault but hers was...

I tried my best to ignore the endless thoughts flooding into my mind, instead concentrating on Axel's comforting words. "You really think so?" I felt a bit pathetic asking that question. I never usually showed such weaknesses in front of people because I knew how most worked. Once they found dirt on you, that was it; they'd exploit you to no end.

It was a sad truth I'd come to understand was reality, especially in my field of work but in my gut I knew Axel wasn't like that. He wouldn't exploit my vulnerabilities in such a way, at least I hoped he wouldn't.

He pulled back slightly so my eyes met his. "I know so," he said with such conviction, the rich brown pools of his eyes looking so sincere and loving.

I couldn't help but smile at him, somehow feeling so much better from his words. How could so few words hold so much power? "You really know how to make someone feel better, you know that?"

He grinned a Cheshire grin at me, showcasing his pearly white teeth. "I could say the exact same thing about you."

My heart skipped a beat, heat blossoming on the back of my neck as I processed his words. This boy was just too charming and I had a sneaking feeling that he'd be the death of me.

~*~*~

So that's another chapter finished. Let me know what you guys think so far and be sure to vote and comment if you're enjoying the story :)

Until next time my amazing readers, bye xx