~Chapter 16~

Do you know those days where nothing seems to come into focus? When everything around you feels like it's happening in slow motion and you're at the centre of it all feeling cold, emotionless and empty. Those days where you just can't seem to respond to anything around you and the whole words feels like it's going to collapse in on itself at any given moment but there's nothing you can do. Your brain and body appear to be moving out of sync and absolutely nothing makes any sense to you.

Those days where you just feel detached.

I think that was the best way to describe how I felt.

There was no pain, no grief, just emptiness my entire journey home.

People's voices slurred around me as I walked through the airport, taunting me, provoking me to feel something, anything.

The flashing lights of the few paparazzi who had caught onto my sudden unplanned trip home blinded me, sending my mind further down the rabbit hole and away from reality. I didn't bother trying to hide from them; there was no point — to anything.

The only thing I could feel was a dull ache in my chest that throbbed and pulsed, reminding me of why I was here. That there was still one purpose left for me: to see my brother one last time.

The drive through London was slow and tedious. It was a dreary day and the rain pattered on the car window in a rhythmic fashion, trying, unsuccessfully, to soothe me. I sighed as I tapped the glass in time with the pitter-patter of the rain — just let this all be a dream, please.

When I finally stepped inside my family home the air felt stiff and cold.

The triplets weren't running around causing havoc so Anna, our nanny, would have to chase after them; Olivia's wailing wasn't pulsating through the thick plaster; and even my younger brother, Daniel, wasn't blasting his utterly terrible music through the walls at full volume. Everything was silent in an eerie way.

My footsteps echoed as I walked across the sleek, white tiles, my suitcase making clunking noises behind me.

The obnoxiously large staircase didn't have toys scattered across it that I'd have to dodge as I made my way upstairs and to my room.

The house felt vacant and empty. Like I was all alone, trapped in my own personal form of hell with no escape.

I dumped my things in my room quickly, not bothering to take much of a look at it. This place held too many bad memories, my room especially so and I wanted nothing more than to be far away from it, from this whole house, from this bloody country.

Instead, I chose to make a beeline for Zack's room, the place that had oddly always been the most comforting to me.

A wave of nostalgia hit me as I opened the heavy oak door and stepped inside. Everything looked exactly the same as it had three years ago except his trophy shelf looked slightly crooked — probably because of the triplets causing havoc; they just loved to annoy him.

His room was still a pale blue; he still had racing posters adhered to his walls; his dirty laundry, like always, was piling in the corner; and his bed was an unmade mess.

Not caring about the mess for once, I lay down on his bed, wrapping his sheets around me.

My mind flashed back to when we were kids and I used to get terrible nightmares. I'd always sneak into Zack's room and he'd comfort me until I calmed down. He'd hug me and tell me a stupid story that always made me laugh and then he'd let me sleep in his room with him because he knew it made me feel safe.

He'd always been there for me.

I turned onto my side and felt tears prick my eyes when I spotted the photo frames on his bedside table. There was one of him and all his friends making stupid faces at the camera as well as one of our parents and all of our siblings from Christmas five years ago, sitting by the tree. Then finally, placed at the front, was a photo of Zack and me from his latest visit to New York. We both shared goofy expressions as I laughed at a joke he had told me. It was taken the day he'd left to go back home; the last time I'd ever see him.

I grabbed the photo and pulled it to my chest, hugging it tightly as I let the tears fall freely.

As I lay there, trying to cry myself to sleep, reality started to dawn on me.

Zack was really gone.

He was...

Well, he was dead.

My brother, my best friend and my protector, even if he was a bit daft I wouldn't have had him any other way. He was the one who was always there for me, the one who was always by my side.

There wasn't a bad bone in his body so why him? Why did it have to be Zack?

The world really was such a harsh and unfair place. I just couldn't understand it. A car crash — that's all it took. That's all that was needed to end something so special.

Zack had so much to live for, so much to give.

Why did it have to be him?

Why?

Why couldn't it have been me instead?

~*~*~

The funeral service was held five days later and I'd spent those days crying my eyes out until I was empty and there was nothing left in me to cry.

The entire time I'd just stared at his closed casket, trying to find the words I needed for my speech.

Originally, I wasn't going to say anything but Zack deserved more than that. He definitely deserved for his sister to at least give him one final parting speech so after Wyatt had left the stage with teary eyes, slumping down in his seat next to Aurora, his girlfriend, and burying his face in her neck, it was finally my turn.

I stood up and walked to the podium with shaky legs, trying to formulate the words in my mind. You can do this, Harper. Just breathe. Breathe, in and out.

Everyone stared at me, looking positively heartbroken, waiting for me to speak. I couldn't concentrate on any of their faces though as they'd just make me want to cry even more. Instead, I focused on the clock at the back of the large hall as I finally opened my mouth and spoke for the first time in days.

"Thank you for being here everyone," I said, taking a deep calming breath to try and somewhat ease my trembling body. "Zack was beloved to all of us. He was that ray of sunshine we all needed in our lives and, for me in particular, he was sometimes the only light in my life. Ever since we were kids, Zack had always been there for me through everything.

"We were a bit of a troublesome pair if I'm honest. Always doing stupid and crazy things that'd probably scare dad shitless if he knew the half of it." That got a small laugh from everyone and somehow eased the tension in my shoulders slightly.

"Growing up, we did basically everything together but somehow didn't get sick of each other, mostly. And even when I was annoyed with him I couldn't stay mad for long because of his stupid jokes and corny smiles. I'm not sure how but he always managed to wiggle his way out of any situation. I think we can all agree that he was someone hard to stay mad at.

"But it wasn't just his endless humour and positivity that made Zack such a wonderful person. He's always been so considerate as well. I know a lot of people would dispute me on this point because it's well known my brother was a bit of a diva... but his heart was always in the right place and when it mattered he was there, always.

"Anyways, since there's a lot of us King kids I know you've already heard so many stories so I'll try and keep mine brief. One of my favourite memories of Zack was when we were about seven or eight. Dad had been trying to teach me how to ride a bike but it wasn't going very well. I was getting really upset that I couldn't ride and I wanted to prove to dad I could so Zack suggested that he give me secret night lessons until I could.

"We snuck out every night for a whole week and somehow managed to dodge Anna as well. By the end, I was even managing to do a couple of tricks.

"Dad's face when he saw me was priceless. I had actually stunned him into silence and those of you who know my dad know he's not an easy man to shock." That got murmurs of agreement and a few laughs.

I breathed out heavily before I carried on talking. "That's just one of the countless memories I share with my brother and each and every one of them is invaluable to me but we'd be here forever if I tried to share them all. I... I... I..." I cut myself off with a small sob, memories of Zack hitting me at full force.

Stay strong, Harper. For him.

I wiped the tears brimming in my eyes on my sleeve, composing myself as best as possible.

"Sorry. What I was trying to say is that Zack is the best person I've ever met in my whole life. He was the best brother I could've ever asked for and, although I would've never admitted it to him, that statement couldn't be more true. He was so kind, so compassionate," I paused, a rouge tear slipping down my cheek. Traitor.

"All I have left to say is that I love you, Zack, so much. I'll love you forever and I hope you'll still somehow stay by my side and help me through all my rough times and stupid decisions because I need someone like you to watch over me. I need you Zack, more than I'll ever care to admit. You're going to remain in my heart, forever."

I couldn't control the streams of tears flowing down my cheeks as I stepped away from the podium and back to my seat. In fact, I was so caught up in my emotions that I didn't even realise who had occupied the space next to me this whole time until they put their arm around me, pulling me close to their side.

I leaned my head on Axel's shoulder, feeling comforted by the small gesture.

I hadn't even thought he'd be here. In all the chaos It'd completely slipped my mind that Zack and him were best friends. This must've been absolute torture for him as well.

I looked up and could see the unshed tears pooling in his eyes. One escaped and landed on my cheek but I didn't mind.

I leaned in closer to Axel and he held me tighter in his arms as dad got up to speak. I couldn't hear the words he was saying, my mind much too far away.

The only thing I was aware of was Axel's comforting hold and in that moment I couldn't have been more relieved that he was here.

No words were needed as we sat there and tried to process what had happened. Each other's presences were enough.

~*~*~

Kinda sad chapter but I hope you liked it regardless.

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