Donny. The world started spinning as she dropped Lou's hand. A whirlwind of emotions flooded over her—all of the pain and anguish she'd felt from the moment he broke her heart on the cold kitchen floor, to the day she'd had the baby—her screams echoing off the stone walls of the home.

Look away, her mind told her body, but she was frozen. Frozen in the middle of the rink, skaters whizzing by.

"Uh—Izzy? What's going on?" Lou stood, his hands at his side, a puzzled look on his face.

Skates grated the ice, braking behind her. Maria pulled up, her head turning to follow Izzy's gaze. "Oh, no. It's Donny."

"Donny who?" Lou asked.

Maria glanced at Izzy. "Izzy's awful ex boyfriend. He's a big fat jerk. I hate him."

In front of them, Donny turned away, throwing his arm around a blonde-haired girl. They headed towards the rink arm in arm.

"Ah—so that's the guy that's got you so heartbroken," said Lou. "I think I'll teach him a lesson."

Izzy's heart slammed into her chest. "No! No, please—I don't need your help. It's—it's over. It's fine."

He took her hand once again. "Look, my dear. I've been around the block a couple of times when it comes to love. I know men. The best way to get revenge is to show him you've happily found another—and I'll gladly play the part."

"I—I don't want revenge." Izzy's voice trembled as she tried to pull her hand away.

Janet and Fred skated up beside them.

"What's wrong, Izzy?" said Janet. "Oh—." Her eyes settled on Donny and his girlfriend as they entered the rink. "Gosh—do you want to leave, Izzy? It's okay, we could go somewhere else."

"I just need to sit down," said Izzy, feeling sick. But, to her horror, Donny and his girlfriend were skating towards them.

She considered skating off the rink. But, her legs felt like jelly already, and she was sure she would fall, only adding to the horror of the situation. Perhaps he would pass them by.

Please don't stop, she prayed under her breath.

"Hi Janet," said Donny, deliberately ignoring Izzy as they skated up. "Long time, no see."

"Oh, hi there Donny, this is my fiancé Fred," said Janet, ever polite. She paused, unsure how to introduce the rest of them.

Lou wrapped his arm around Izzy's waist. No, no, no! she wanted to scream. Her stomach knotted. She tried desperately to avoid looking at Donny, for fear she would either collapse on the ground, or slap him across the face.

"Donny?" said Lou, reaching out his hand to Donny, the other one tightly wrapped around Izzy. "I think Izzy mentioned you once. In passing—as an afterthought, really. I'm Lou, her boyfriend."

"Izzy," said Janet quickly. "Let's go get some hot chocolate or—."

Donny cut her off. "I take it Izzy didn't tell you a lot about herself. I wouldn't either, if I were her."

Izzy thought she would faint. It was only sheer hatred that kept her standing.

Before she could stop her, Maria roared forward, chest puffed out, her face red as a beet. She pushed a finger towards Donny's face. "Now see here Donny Barrett. You have a lot of nerve coming over here after everything you did to Izzy. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Izzy felt as if she might vomit. Her knees grew weak underneath her and she struggled to breath.

Donny smirked at Maria. "Settle down, little firecracker. Joyce and I just came over to say hello. That's all." He glanced at Lou. "But, I do feel sorry for you, buddy. You should ask her where she really was when she went away for all those months this summer—before she tries to pin something on you next."

Something inside of Izzy snapped. All of the long, miserable nights she'd spent after the baby was born, she'd hated him. But, nothing had prepared her for him to rub her despair in her face.

"You!" she spat, ripping herself out of Lou's grip. Her hand slammed across Donny's face, knocking him backwards. His skates slipped out from under him and he fell to the ground, a look of shock on his face. "I died inside. All because of you! For months I carried our baby. I felt her kick. I delivered her alone with no one but a nurse to hold my hand." Her voice cracked and she hunched over in pain. "They took her away—and I couldn't live anymore. I couldn't think or feel. How dare you! How dare you come over here and act like you did nothing wrong! You're a coward. A heartless, deceiving coward!"

She didn't care that Janet's hand was to her mouth in shock. Or that Lou was backing away, obviously having second thoughts.

In front of her, Donny pulled himself to his feet. His girlfriend grasped his arm, eyeing her with a look of disgust.

"Don't blame your mistakes on me," he said, brushing off his pants. "We all know it wasn't mine."

He grabbed Joyce's hand and skated away.

"Izzy—," Janet called, but Izzy was already skating towards the entrance, Maria following close behind.

"Izzy! Izzy, wait," Maria called behind her, but Izzy couldn't stop. Not until she was as far away from that horrible monster as possible.

Maybe she'd never stop. Clambering out of the rink, she reached down and pulled at the laces of her skates, wrenching them off.

"Izzy," Maria cried next to her. "Izzy, it's okay. He's gone. He's not coming back."

"It's not okay, Maria," Izzy said, her voice harsh, making the little girl cringe. "Nothing's okay. Nothing was ever okay."

She walked blindly towards the street, her heart racing wildly.

"Where are you going?" Maria called, a hint of desperation in her voice.

Izzy couldn't think clearly. In fact, she couldn't think at all. Her feet kept moving forward with no direction.

Maria grabbed her arm. "Izzy," she said, tears streaming down her face. "Don't run away. Please don't run away."

The look on Maria's face halted Izzy in her tracks. Hot tears swelled in Izzy's eyes and her hand covered her mouth, as she sunk down to her knees on the snow covered grass. "I don't know what to do now, Maria. I tried. I really did. But it's no use, nothing will ever be the same."

"Just come back home," the little girl said, kneeling down to wrap her arms around her.

They held each other for a few moments, sitting on a bed of cold snow, sharing hot tears.

Janet was making her way over to meet them when they stood. "Oh, Izzy," she said. "I'm so sorry. I—I don't know what to say. I never knew. It makes sense now. Let's get you home."

Lou and Fred were leaning against the car. They both looked down, avoiding Izzy as she neared. Lou opened the door for her, his movements awkward and distant. The ride home was encompassed by deafening silence.

When they pulled up to the curb beside her house, Lou dutifully opened the car door for her and Maria. This time, he didn't make a move to walk her to her front porch. He cast her a weak smile. "Sorry—I," He rubbed the back of his neck, his shoulders slumping. "If I'd only known—I wouldn't have—sorry."

Izzy swallowed the painful lump in her throat. "It's not your fault."

Using the last of her strength and composure, she wished them all a good night. With a wave, Lou was off and Izzy knew whatever might have been would never be.

"Maria," she said in a steady voice as they climbed the porch stairs. "Don't say anything about this to mother or father."

***

Days passed. Not a word was spoken about what happened at the skating rink. It was just another secret, added to Izzy's growing collection. Another painful memory to be ignored.

As Izzy predicted, Lou never called. Janet kept in touch, but their conversations were formal—most often a run down of the latest plans for her wedding.

She could sense her parents' anxiety growing the longer she spent time on her own. They asked about Lou, but she brushed it off. She told them she was too busy working at the diner to go out, which made her father frown.

"A woman finds her purpose in life by creating a family of her own, not a career," he'd told her. Beside him, her mother nodded in agreement.

Determined, her father exhausted all efforts to bring the two of them together. He even went so far as to call Lou's parents to invite them over for a neighborhood holiday party. They'd quickly declined, claiming they had other obligations. Deep down, Izzy was certain that she was the reason they declined.

Life carried on, dragging Izzy with it. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday as a child. Every year, she and her mother would dig the decorations out of the attic and spread them around the house. Each little trinket had a memory attached to it.

A few days before Christmas, she convinced herself to decorate the freshly cut Christmas tree with Maria and Sammy.

She sat on the davenport, untangling the lights and watching them laugh and giggle as they hung the ornaments on the tree. In the kitchen her mother frosted Christmas cookies and hummed, Oh Holy Night. There was a magical feeling in the air that lay just out of her reach, but she remembered the feeling well.

How she longed to feel the excitement of a child again! One of her favorite books as a child was Peter Pan. As she sat, envious of her siblings' joy, she knew first hand why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up. Once she'd left her childhood behind, there was no turning back. She'd never again relish in the carefree, magical days that were gifted to her as a child. How ironic it was that only a few short years ago, all she'd wished for was to become an adult.

"Izzy," said Maria, breaking her thoughts. "Why don't you hang some of the ornaments up high where we can't reach."

The phone rang in the kitchen and her mother's heels clicked against the tile as she rushed to answer it.

"Sure." Izzy stood, straightening her skirt.

She fished through the ornaments and pulled out a small pink star that she'd stitched when she was Maria's age. Reaching up, she hung it on high on the tree. She pulled another ornament from the box, an elf that they'd bought from a store downtown at Christmas time, years ago. She'd always been excited to shop at that store because there was a little train during Christmas time that children could ride.

"Izzy." Her mother's voice held a hint of annoyance, causing her to spin around.

"Yes, mother?"

"Come in the kitchen, please." She made no move to mask her irritation as she stood in the doorway.

Izzy set the elf down on the coffee table and met her mother in the kitchen.

"That was Mrs. O'Brien on the phone just now." Her mother paused, her voice low enough so her sister and brother couldn't overhear. Her eyes seared into Izzy. "She was kind enough to let me know about the commotion you caused at the ice skating rink. Apparently she heard from someone who was there and witnessed it all."

Izzy blinked, her stomach tightening. "What commotion?"

"Don't give me that blank stare, Izzy. You know very well what commotion."

"But—I didn't cause it—," she started, cut off when her mother's hand crossed her face, leaving a stinging burn.

"I don't know what we're going to do with you, Izzy," her mother said, her eyes red with tears. "It's as if you're set on ruining your life. In the meantime, you're also ruining ours! She called to tell me she thinks it would be better if you weren't the maid of honor at Janet's wedding. She said she doesn't want any trouble. She heard what you said—a lot of people heard what you said." She ran her hands through her hair, exasperated. "All this time we worked so hard to keep this close—to prevent the nasty rumors. We did it for you, Izzy! Why don't you understand that?"

"It wasn't her fault." Maria said, charging into the kitchen. "Donny came up to her. He was so mean to her in front of Lou and everybody. He blamed everything on Izzy and said the baby wasn't his—."

"Maria! That's enough, go back into the living room," her mother snapped, turning to Izzy. "And all this happened in front of your little sister? How dare you!"

"I'm sorry," said Izzy, feeling nothing but numb inside.

Her mother turned to the kitchen sink, and began to cry. "I did everything I could to raise you as a respectful, decent young lady," she said, clutching her stomach.

The way she clutched her stomach triggered a vivid memory of Rita, the day she'd lost her baby. It flooded Izzy's mind, the paleness of her face—the blood on the floor. She was suddenly overcome with fear.

"Mother," Izzy stepped towards her. "Don't cry. Calm down—you'll hurt yourself and the baby."

Her mother turned, her eyes resting on her in hollow silence. The smell of burning cookies drifted from the stove. Her mother grabbed her oven mitts off of the counter and hurried to pull them out.

After a few more moments of tense quietness, Izzy slipped out of the kitchen. The sparkling Christmas tree shown happily through her tears as she mounted the stairs, fleeing to the refuge of her room.