DISCLAIMER: THIS CHAPTER IS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE, NOT A REAL CHAPTER. THE REAL CHAPTER WILL COME SOON.

"More hostiles!" Reaper warned, firing a revenant mortar towards the three skirmishers

Carter: Noble Six, there's a mining facility near your location. The Covenant are using it as a command outpost. Troopers on-site have already engaged.

"We should get to those troopers." Vinnie told, running down a skirmisher before braking and swinging the ghost around to fire at the other two, killing them

"Agreed. Scar, Vinnie, you two move ahead, me and Kat will hang back and provide fire support." Reaper ordered, boosting into the next area where a turret is pinning down a group of troopers

"Ashley, you deal with the turret, I'll deal with the pushing infantry!" Reaper ordered, launching a revenant mortar onto the covenant side of the bridge

"Need some back up, troopers?" Vinnie asked, firing at the infantry with her ghost

"Thanks, we weren't entirely sure if we should push with that turret on us." A green-tinted trooper told

As the trooper finished the sentence, Ashley sent a third volley of rockets towards the turret, this time landing them and destroying it, with scattered covenant infantry on the bridge and around the stairs, the team moved up

"Scar, Vinnie, push those barriers out of the way, we're pushing through!" Reaper told, boosting towards their ghosts with the 'hog behind them

"Sir, I don't think you're gonna get that revenant through." Scar spoke up

"We'll see about that. We're bringing all four vehicles with us." Reaper told, pushing through the barriers on the bridge himself

"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm not gonna try it." Kat told, parking the 'hog in front of the barriers blocking the stairs, while Six got out and ran forward

"I'm willing to try. This 'hog is amazing, I rather not leave it so soon!" Ashley said, jumping out of the turret and climbing into the driver seat

"There we go! All right, I'll go first, you follow behind!" Reaper told, pushing the barriers out of the way

"Catwalk clear. Good work, Six." Kat praised, kicking a dead jackal off a ledge

Dot: New intelligence: friendly forces near the Covenant outpost have spotted a high-value target. An Elite Zealot in fact.

Kat: A Zealot? We're onto something big, Commander.

Carter: Eyes on the prize, Noble. Take out that Zealot if you get the chance, but keep moving towards the spires.

"We're not gonna get these ghosts through, so we're ditching them. Good luck." Vinnie told, jumping out of her ghost and following the rest of the team and troopers while Scar and Rix tailed behind

"I've almost got it! Just a little further!~" Ashley spoke in a jokingly erotic manner

"What, is it too small for you?" Reaper asked, chuckling, wedging his revenant through the third set of stairs

Kat: High Value Target has been neutralized. Impressive, Six.

"Nicely done, Six. Now wait up for us, we're almost through!" Ashley told

"I've got it, I've got it!" Reaper said, squeezing through the top of the balcony

"Come on, is it too tight?" Ashley asked rhetorically, poking her head out of the driver seat

"Fuuuuuuck! I'm almost there!" Reaper said, avoiding the troopers and dropping down the destroyed catwalk

"I made it! Shit, that's a bit of a tight turn." Ashley huffed, steering the 'hog at the best of her abilities

"Can y'all hurry up? We don't have all day." Kat told, sounding a bit irritated

"We're almost done! Wait, where are you?" Reaper asked

"At the exit of the facility. Waiting with a Revenant and three ghosts." Vinnie told, laughing at her Commander's plight

"..... Well I've come this far, I'm not giving up now!" Reaper said, dropping down a hole and off a ledge, before flipping over "Oh shit-" He said, before hitting his head on the ground

"Don't forget about me!" Ashley said, landing her 'hog on top of Reaper's revenant

"OW!" Reaper exclaimed, crawling out from the mess

"Whoops, sorry." Ashley apologized, before driving forward and over her Commander's foot

"OW AGAIN!" Reaper exclaimed, before flipping his revenant

"The fuck is going on back there?" Scar asked, peering around the corner before moving out of the way of the vehicles

"Well you made it. Took you long enough. Let's go." Kat said, getting into a ghost

Rix climbed back into the passenger seat while Ashley jumped back in the turret, Six followed suit with Kat and got into a ghost parked next to her's, while Vinnie climbed into the driver seat and Scar took the second revenant

Carter: Update, Six: scans show another Covenant AA gun ahead of your location. I want you to neutralize that gun, by any means necessary.

"Path is clear, move up." Kat told, before she dropped down a ledge with Six taking point

Reaper, Vinnie, and Scar drove through before reaching the edge of the destroyed bridge

"Scar, me and you will stay here and bombard that gun, Vinnie, Ashley, I see plasma turret fire on the right and wraith mortars on the left, move up and clear out those tanks." Reaper ordered, before positioning his vehicle in a way where he has a clear shot

"There's a 'hog here, Lieutenant. Take it." Kat told, parking a few feet away from the stranded 'hog, while Six clambered his way up and took it, bringing it down and let Kat into the gunner seat

"AA destroyed!" Scar told

"Still got a wraith here! Woah! Hunters! Kat, Six, take 'em out for us!" Vinnie told

"On it." Kat said, while Six floored it down the path and behind the hunters, Kat laying into them with the turret

"We're gonna flank!" Reaper told, dropping down and take the other route with Scar, mowing down infantry and dodging incoming wraith mortars

Carter: Well done, Six. ONI needs up-close recon on those Spires, we're gonna fly you the rest of the way.

"Pelican inbound!" Vinnie told, before noticing a phantom "Enemy reinforcements!" She warned

Ashley finished destroying the wraith and focused on the incoming phantom when the hunters were killed

Kat: Jorge has a Falcon inbound to your position, Lieutenant. Highlighting the LZ now. Commander, I'm going to set up a forward observation post here.

Carter: Copy that, I'm waiting on new intel. See what you can see, Carter out.

The pelican unloaded it's troops who ran towards the carnage, but before they could do anything, it was over

"Damnit, I was hoping to kill something." Ivory told, with Dak, David, Seric, and Rosek following behind her

"Maybe next time, then." David said, patting Ivory's back

Six parked a few feet away from the LZ with Reaper close behind

As the Falcon landed, a second Falcon hovered around to provide air support for the ground units staying out

Jorge: Need a lift, Spartans?

"The big man himself! Good to see you, old friend!" Reaper said, hopping out of his revenant and shook Jorge's hand

"Likewise, kid. Nice armor." Jorge told, as Six sat on the right gunner seat and Reaper moved to enter the left

"I'm coming to provide support. Team, hold here." Reaper ordered

Joke chapter complete! The real chapter will arrive at some point.