Chapter 4

Iniisip ko kung ano ba ang nagawa kong mali?

My eyes welled up, and a lone tear rolled down my cheek, revealing my heartache. Dali-dali ko itong pinunasan pero sinundan pa ito ng isa hanggang sa tuloy-tuloy na itong umagos.

Yes, I might not be the perfect girlfriend a man would have. I've had my share of weaknesses; I've been drawn to others. Though, I knew my limitations. Afterall, it was just a simple crush and my love for Xander was far greater than those feelings.

Oo, alam kong hindi ako kagandahan. Walang wala ako kung ikukumpara mo sa mga babaeng nakakasalamuha at nali-link noon kay Xander. Sa mga sosyalin at mayayamang babae na nagkakagusto sa kan'ya.

Alam kong marami akong imperfections.

Kaya ba . . .

Nagawa niya akong lokohin?

Am I not enough? Am I boring? Ugly?

Oh, dahil ba pakipot ako?

"Tangina mong lalaki ka!" The sound of Alliah's shout snapped me back to the cruel reality of our relationship's tragic end, leaving me the only casualty with scars that would never heal.

Nanlaki ang aking mga mata nang may dinampot siya at binato si Xander ng may katamtamang laki na air pump.

Before he could react, I immediately pressed the ground button. Pero bago pa tuluyang sumara ang pinto narinig ko ang pagmumura ni Xander at ang tili ng walang hiyang kabit niya.

That girl might be a college student like him.

Saglit ko lamang nakita ang babae pero alam kong mas maganda ang katawan niya sa akin. Mas mature. Mas kaakit-akit. Mas maganda.

Dala nang matinding sakit at gulat, napaupo ako sa elevator. I wept uncontrollably on the ground, struggling to process the betrayal by the one I trusted the most. He promised to cherish me—love me. He swore to never hurt me.

But what happened to his promise?

His promise of forever eneded in heartbreak. And I gave him my all—my heart, but he handed it back bruised.

Naramdaman ko na umupo rin si Alliah sa aking tabi, umiiyak din gaya ko. She caressed my back, trying to calm me down.

"Tahan na, Renae, that asshole doesn't deserve you," her gentle whispers couldn't calm the storm within me. The pain ran too deep that my tears flowed unstoppable.

I knew she was not used to this, comforting me. Pero sobrang laki talaga ng pagpapasalamat ko at nandito siya. And she's doing her best, even she's crying and broken as well.

"Everything's gonna be alright. You'll forget him soon," she added.

I didn't reply and just cried. I'm too shattered to respond, and my tears the only language I knew. But my heart hopes so too, Alliah.

Sana madali lang ibaon sa limot ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

***

Hindi ko alam kung tanga ba ako o tanga talaga.

Ilang beses na akong pinigilan ni Alliah at sinabihan na huwag ko na siyang puntahan pa ulit. But I just needed answers.

Nandito ako ngayon sa tapat ng unit ni Xander. I knew he was here. Maaga raw kasi siyang umalis sa practice nila.

I stood frozen, gulping for what felt like an eternity before taking a deep breath and ringing the doorbell. I crossed my fingers, hoping that Xander, not some  unknown girl, would greet me on the other side of the door.

But as fate would have it, no matter how hard we wish, things don't go as planned.

Bumukas ang pintuan ang bumungad ang pamilyar na pigura. 'Yong babae kahapon.

Before me stood a tall, morena, and dark-haired girl. Now that she's in front of me, I couldn't help but to observe her. Her attractive features and sensual curves is a cruel reminder of my heartache. Her brunette tousled hair, sultry gaze, and full lips still painted with smuged red lipstick fueled my anger, each detail a harsh reminer of Xander's betrayal.

Nakasuot lang siya ng isang pamilyar na oversized t-shirt. Sobrang pamilyar dahil ako ang nagregalo no'n kay Xander noong second monthsary namin. Tangina. Ilang araw din akong nagtipid no'n para lang makaipon ng pambili sa punyetang t-shirt na 'yan!

Lalong nag-init ang ulo ko.

"Uh, who are you?" she asked. You could hear the irritation in her voice.

Hindi ako sumagot. Ito na ba ang ipinalit sa akin ni Xander? Isang babaeng mukhang kaladkarin?

"Are you a housemaid?"

My lips parted on what she'd asked. Me? A housemaid? Kumulo lalo ang dugo ko. Her words struck a nerve, triggering my outburst.

Akmang sasabunutan ko na sana siya nang marinig ko ang boses niya.

The voice I'd been longing for.

"What's wrong—"

Naputol ang tanong niya nang dumako sa akin ang paningin niya.

I froze and so he did. We were just staring at each other. Ang hirap na namang lumunok. Kaagad na nangilid ang mga luha ko na siyang nagpabalik sa kan'ya sa wisyo.

He cleared his throat, "Wait for me inside, Tanya."

The girl didn't protest and just followed Xander's order.

I blinked twice, dahilan kung bakit tuluyang bumagsak ang aking luha. My lips were quivering. Gusto kong magsalita pero parang tinakasan ako ng boses ko.

"Why are you here?" the coldness in his voice made me gaped at him. How could he?

"Xander, bakit?" iyon lamang ang lumabas sa aking bibig. Hangga't maaari pinipigilan ko ang aking sarili na huwag mag-break down. Wala si Alliah, walang magliligtas sa akin.

"Why I cheated on you?" he asked, sligthy smirking. There was no traced of guilt in his voice. My chest tightened.

He scoffed as he leaned on the doorframe, "Simple lang. It's because you're plain. Plain boring. Downright boring."

Muling nanikip ang aking dibdib dahil sa mga salitang binitiwan niya, para akong sinaksak ng paulit-ulit, "Masyado kang pa-demure. Hard to get. Obviously I got bored, I want a girl like Tanya. A wild one," dagdag pa niya.

Umiling-iling ako sa mga salitang binitiwan niya para sa akin. My lips twisted into a bitter line and my clenched my fists; chaining my anger and hurt, refusing to let them consume me. Ang sakit. Ang sakit sakit marinig mismo sa bibig niya.

Dahil sa ilang beses akong tumanggi sa kan'ya? Kaya naghanap siya ng iba?

"We're done, Nausicaa. You already heard my explanation. Leave me alone and don't bother me anymore," his parting words stung, and then we was gone, slamming the door shut.