The afternoon after I woke up in the middle of the night from my injury, I had enough energy for some light fighting. I could finally get up by myself and slowly but surely move my arms to shoot Dracs and Scarecrows during fights. But I couldn't yet trust myself enough to go off alone on one side of the battlefield to fight solo.
          Today, we split up into two different groups for missions. Jet, Ghoul, and Kid went their own way to raid BLI for food and water, while Kobra, Poison, and I went to pick up Rainbow and have her join us for a day of fighting. She sat in the back seat of the car with me, and we caught up since it had been some time since we last spent time together.
          "So you injured yourself... by willingly taking a bullet... to save Kobra Kid's life... from your own parents!?" asked a shocked Rainbow after I told the story.
          "I sure did," I nodded as a matter of fact. "I'm pretty healed physically but still have to mentally heal a whole lot."
          "I get it. That was honestly pretty heroic."
          "And I don't regret it."
          "That's right," Kobra jumped in, "She saved my life there."
          "It is," agreed Poison. "That was so brave too."
          I chuckled, with sarcasm, "Oooh, you guys are too amazing. Just stop it."
          "No," Kobra answered as he looked back at me with a smile.

A few days later, I was fully healed and ready to fight to the fullest capacity again. Getting back out there and fighting the best I could felt damn good, but I still had many things nagging in the back of my mind.
          Guilt that I was resting so much the past few days while the others were out working hard to fight the battle. Exhaustion from working extra hard to make up for the days lost. Pressure to be a perfect Killjoy or else I would be the reason that another Killjoy would die or get hurt. Sadness that any of us ever have to fight this war in the first place and about our people being so oppressed. The urge to just burn out and break down in front of the others about how I feel. But also the fear of what they might say or do to me if I confessed it.

Those were the thoughts that kept me up all night, so I eventually gave up on trying to get some sleep. I got out of bed and headed outside to walk by myself so I can have some peace. Not long after, I noticed that Kobra must have had the same idea. Because I was turning to go back home when I saw that he was a few feet behind me. "Fireball?" he addressed me.
          "Hey," I said with a smile as I turned back. "One of those nights again?"
          "Yup," he nodded his head. "It's funny how we happen to have those nights at the same time."
          I laughed with him. "It sure is. There's gotta be something to it."
          "Definitely. I thought at first that it was just a silly coincidence... but I think not now that it's happened this often."
          "Yeah. Wanna walk together then?"
          "Sure! It's always better to have someone with you when outside at this hour."

So, we did. We started in the direction of the convenience store and radio station, planning on going that far then coming back home after. Our conversation started out happy with laughs and planning out the days ahead, then it turned into one of those deep, honest conversations that only the best of friends have only at these late hours of the night.
          "I wish I didn't have so much trouble sleeping. It sucks that we have to do this to cope," Kobra brought up.
          "Me too, Kobes, me too," I agreed. "And I wish I knew what to do to fix it. But it is nice knowing that I'm not alone in it."
          "Definitely. Y'know, as much as I love the guys and Kid, it seems like I don't connect with them on the level that I do with you. Not even Poison. I love them to pieces, but it seems like I connect and relate so much more to you for some reason."
          I looked up at him and grinned, feeling that same connection. "I feel the same way. Coming to join this team as a fan of you guys and looking up to you as idols, I never expected to connect with just one of you in such a way. But here we are. Despite your intimidating appearance to the others and anyone else outside our team, you're actually the kindest and most patient, honest, and welcoming of the group. I admire that about you."
          He looked at me the same way, so lovingly. He gently grabbed my hand, and we continued to hold hands. "You're the first person to say that to me. Thank you."
          "Thank you... for just about everything."

Just when I thought things couldn't get better than they are now, we stopped in the middle of the road to simply look at each other. Looking into each other's eyes to see and admire a beauty in one another that no one else seemed to see. I put my hands on his shoulders, and he put his on my waist. Our bodies were close together, turning our "friendship" into something more.
          In a world that's so ugly right now and a love like this being illegal, the beauty was in how we were able to express it anyway. It's only illegal if you get caught. After the moment, we decided to walk back with our arms around one another and my head on his shoulder. We stopped at home and climbed up to the roof. Our eyes met again, and we continued the conversation.

I put my trust in him to listen to me and those nagging thoughts in my head of the guilt, exhaustion, pressure, sadness, urge, and fear. He didn't let me down; in fact, he gave some input and reassurance a bit in between. "Honestly, I feel the same way," he replied after the whole thing, rubbing my back. "See? There's the connection again."
          "I know, right? But anyway, I don't want to have to feel those things."
          "It's okay to have those feelings. But thank you for telling me about them. That's what matters; facing them head-on and talking to someone about it instead of ignoring them. I've been in the same boat. But the thing about the exhaustion and pressure is this: messing up doesn't make you any less of a good person or good fighter. We all do it. Even I still do, and I've been on this job for years."
          I hugged him on the side, almost crying happy tears. "Finally someone who understands."
          We turned to one another and hugged tightly, then kept our arms around each other. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, then he responded with a kiss on the lips. "You're beautiful, did you know that?" he asked.
          "Now I do," I gushed. "So are you."
          "I love you, Fireball."
          "I love you too, Kobra Kid."

We then walked back inside and fell asleep in our own beds; it was about four a.m. We each fell asleep easier this time knowing that we had each other to depend on.